A/N: gather around, children, and I shall tell you a story… You see, your auntie Aikino and I spend many hours (too many and too few at the same time) hunting dinosaurs (look up The Hunter Primal) and while doing so we, at length, discuss sladin. Today (the 23'rd of December) we had a stupid little idea. So Marry Christmas Purple Scorpio, from Green Scorpio.

Warning: this is crack. *insert butt crack joke here*

But Curse Butt Curses

"A curse! A curse on your buttocks!"

"Ow!" Robin jumped and grabbed his ass. Something had stung it. He turned around to see the police trying to drag away that crazy old sorceress the Titans had just brought to justice. "What?" Robin then said as her words sunk in.

"That pretty bottom of yours is now cursed! Whoever pinches it shall have you!"

"What?" Robin repeated, because really; what could you say in that situation?

"That was a real curse!" Raven hissed. "No Beast Boy, don't you dare!" she added and slapped the green boy's hand away from his leader's ass.

"I just wanted to see what would happen!" he defended himself.

"No one touch my ass!" Robin ordered, trying to protect it with his own hands. "Back to the tower!"

"It's definitely cursed," Raven confirmed later, back in safety at their headquarters.

"And what would occur, should someone do the pinching?" Starfire asked worriedly.

"That I don't know," her hooded friend sighed.

"She said 'shall have me'," Robin pondered.

"Brain control?" Cyborg suggested.

"Love spell?" Beast Boy, the romantic, added.

"Could it be to simply do the sex with you?" the redheaded princess asked innocently. They all stared at her for a moment in silence. "It could be the sex, could it not?" she asked.

"Um… yes, I… guess…" Robin admitted.

"I'd go with brain control," Raven said. "That woman was like seventy! Her mind wouldn't be going in that direction, would it?"

"She did check out my butt," the Boy Wonder pointed out.

"Every person does the checking out of your backside," Starfire almost snorted.

It was true, Robin had to admit. It had won prizes. He had never accepted those prizes, of course, but still.

"Yes well… Star no!" Robin had to jump to the side as he saw the hand of his teammate closing in.

"I was merely curious if it was the sex thing," Star said. "Apologies."

"You know I only want to do the sex thing- I mean… you know I like guys," Robin almost growled.

"This is serious, no one pinches his butt," Raven said sternly. "For what we know it can mean that he dies!"

That made the others, including Robin, pale.

"Can you break it?" he asked.

"Breaking someone else's curse, especially without knowing much about their magic, is tricky. It would be much simpler if she broke it herself. Maybe you could barter with her?"

"With a criminal? Never!" Robin snorted.

"Okay, so until further notice: protect Robin's butt," Cyborg decided. "Who knows about this? Besides us, the old woman and the police officers?"

"I didn't see anyone else around," Beast Boy shrugged. "It was such a sudden thing and it was over quickly, in the middle of the night too… not even the press had the time to get there."

"Good. Then, unless people pinch your ass a lot, you should be safe for now." Cy nodded to his friend.

"Yeah… " Robin sighed and then shrugged. "Lucky there wasn't a crowd, huh?"

And there hadn't been a crowd. But someone had heard. Slade was still smirking to himself, very much looking forward to having the leader of the Teen Titans as his willing apprentice. They would do great things together. Well. Bad things. Very bad things. Which would be great. And the means of getting it, grabbing one of those firm, tantalizing globes, was just the icing on the cake. Icing he wouldn't normally permit himself, of course, but as it was demanded of him at this time… well.

For the first two weeks Robin was well protected by his team, never going anywhere alone. Slade patiently watched, though, knowing the teens would slack off as the threat seemed to lessen, and so they did. Slade still waited until one night, almost a month later, when he saw the teen leaving the tower alone, heading for the Titan's usual pizza place to, he presumed, pick up dinner.

He corned him on the way, actually slamming into him so the boy rolled half across the roof before shooting to his feet.

"Slade!"

"The one and only," the man replied, grinning under his mask.

Robin withdrew his bo-staff and, obviously disregarding any danger, flew at the man with a snarl on his face. To his utter surprise the fight was short and ended with him trapped in the man's embrace. For a second he wondered if the villain had gone mad, and then he felt Slade's hand sliding down towards his ass.

"Wha-" Robin started.

"I wonder if this thing hasn't been waiting for something?" the man purred, and now there was no denying it: Slade knew his secret.

Robin turned pale.

"Slade, no! Please d-OW!" The man obviously felt that a light pinch wouldn't do the job. Robin was sure it would bruise. He looked up into that hated masked face and… didn't care much.

"Feeling strange, Robin?" the man asked.

"Hmm? I... maybe… uh… Hi?"

The boy was obviously confused but by the way he was pressing against him Slade didn't quite feel that things were going in the brain-control direction. Even less so when he felt a hand on his own behind.

"So… you doing anything tonight?" Robin asked him with a purr.

"I was going to kidnap you and start a plan to take over the world," Slade told him bluntly.

"How 'bout you do that another night and just focus on taking me? Over and over?" the teen grinned.

Slade quickly weighed the pros and cons in his head. There weren't many cons.

"As you wish," he therefore said.

It turned out not to be quite that simple, though.

Half an hour later they were in Slade's bedroom at once of his bases. He had taken Robin to one of the more presentable ones, as he was a gentleman at heart. A gentleman who now fought the urge to slap his would-be lover. To slap him back, that was.

"Get your hands off me!" the teen screeched, only to stop and stare. "Those, big, strong hands…" he then whispered to himself.

The curse had turned out to be fickle or maybe it wasn't permanent and was wearing off, whatever the case was it had left Robin in a very frustrating hot/cold state.

"I think you'd better leave," Slade told him. They were both naked down to their waists, masks on the floor, and he hated to see the boy go, but he also refused to force him. True, having the boy while he was under the influence of a spell was no better in the eyes of the law, but Slade didn't quite share that vision.

"I'm not going to leave, we're gonna fuck!" Robin growled. "Don't get any closer!" he then barked although Slade hadn't moved.

The man could see the bewilderment in the blue eyes and almost felt sorry for the boy as he sank down on the bed, his head in his hands.

"What is happening to me?" Robin mumbled. "I'm so… confused!"

"It's the spell, remember?" Slade answered, deciding to help.

"Yeah, I… that old woman. Yes. Heh, Starfire was right," he then chuckled dryly, although Slade didn't know what that meant. He could guess, however.

"You'd better go home. Let that demon spawn of yours fix this," Slade told him.

"You'd… let me go?" Robin blinked up at him.

"Yes."

"But you pinched me! You activated the curse!"

"Let's just say that I had wished for a different outcome."

"So that's why you're half naked and hard?" Robin drawled. "Don't claim you don't want me, Slade. Lying is bad, you know."

"Is it now?" the man snorted. "Very well, I won't deny it… but not like this. This is… wrong."

"When the hell did you get morals?" Robin snorted. He hadn't made a single move to get up from the bed, but now he slowly stood and sauntered up to the man. "I want you to kiss me. I won't slap you again, I promise. Kiss me, Slade. Please."

With the boy adding the magic word and everything, the man couldn't refuse him. Their lips met and stayed locked together and their bodies seemed to melt against each other. Unable to stop himself Slade felt his hands wandered downwards towards their prize and squeeze Robin's ass. The boy just sighed happily into the kiss and wound his own arms tighter around the man. As the kiss ended, Robin grinned up at him.

"I think the curse disappeared."

"Are you sure?"

"You're a bastard," the Boy Wonder proclaimed calmly.

"That is probably proof enough, yes," the man chuckled.

"I still want you, though," the teen admitted. "As much as you want me," he added and pressed himself against the man's groin.

"How is that? With med being a 'bastard' and all," Slade leered.

Robin shrugged. "You're a hot bastard."

"Granted." Humbleness had never been one of Slade's strong suits. "You're not too bad yourself. I'll love to take you to bed if you're sure."

"I'm sure," Robin grinned and then blushed. "Just… take it slow, ok?"

"You'll barely feel a thing," Slade lied.

Robin was ready to forgive that lie an hour or so later, however. He was panting as the last waves of pleasure rippled through him.

"That… was… fantastic…" his proclaimed.

"Couldn't agree more," Slade said next to him. "Now, why haven't your friends been calling you nonstop? Shouldn't they be on their way to rescue you by now?"

"Forgot my communicator on the counter," Robin answered, still having trouble catching his breath. "But if you want me to leave I can take a hint."

"Nothing could be further from the truth. Your team will be out there looking for you, though. For you and the expected pizza."

"Pizza? Oh, no, I was just heading there to settle out monthly bill. Something went wrong with the transaction;" the teen explained. "The others are watching a movie marathon. They probably have no idea I'm gone, especially as I said I'd turn in when I got back. I had a headache. Which you cured, by the way. Thanks."

"Oh, I might have given you an ache in another place," Slade chuckled. "So would you like to be my guest for another hour or two?"

"I'd love that, but if you're thinking of more sex, think again, I'm worn ou- OW! Why did you pinch my ass again?"

"I just wanted to check if the spell was really gone," Slade claimed innocently.

"You know what?" Robin said slowly. "I don't think it is." Then he pounced.

The End

A/N: again, Merry Christmas! I wrote this in just an hour or so, so forgive me for its un-epicness, I just thought it would be fun… ;) It's now half past ten in the evening and I need to go to bed… night!
Oh, and PS: I'm updating "The General's New Bride" as well, at the same time as this...