Originally published November 29, 2020. Reposted as a separate chapter on August 15, 2022.

"History"

He who curses his father or his mother,
His lamp will go out in time of darkness.

~ Proverbs 20:20, New American Standard Bible

Ben might have preferred to stay in the fresher, where he could be alone in his misery, rather than return to the cockpit and face his well-meaning but exasperating family. But Han and Luke knocked on the door and said they wanted to debrief, to make sure they had all the information they needed to know about the mysterious enemy they were going to face.

Ben splashed water on his face and took deep breaths to collect himself. He could not lose his nerve now. Part of him wished he could have a drink, but another part of him was glad that he had not consumed much at the party; he needed all his wits now.

When he finally he came out, he found his family sitting together in the lounge. They had been conversing quietly, but they fell silent when he entered the room.

"Are you okay?" Han asked.

Ben glared at him in contempt. "No, I'm not 'okay.' I've never been less 'okay.'"

"Right, sorry; stupid question."

Ben sat down at the hologram board. "I promised Rey I would help her break the curse. Instead I may have just made it permanent."

"It's not your fault," Luke said.

"Yes, it is," Ben insisted.

"You were tricked—"

"Then I shouldn't have let myself be! I shouldn't have even gotten to that point." He folded his arms on the table. "I wanted her to stay with us, instead of going back there. I should have made her."

Han smiled sadly. "You can't make a girl do anything."

Luke added, "Even if you can, you shouldn't."

Ben rounded on him. "What do you know about girls?" he asked scornfully.

Luke actually had the nerve to chuckle at this. "Are you kidding? Your mother is my sister."

"You can't make her do anything," Han added.

"Is this a joke to you?" Ben shouted, standing up once more. "Snoke may already have taken Rey prisoner, and you're ready to laugh at—"

Chewbacca cut him off with a cry, standing up for his longtime friends. They joke to hide that they are also afraid.

"Call it a coping mechanism," Han offered apologetically.

As Chewie and Ben retook their seats, Luke changed the subject to one more pertinent and practical. "Ben, can you tell us everything you know about this—Snoke?"

Ben took a deep breath. Then he told, as succinctly as he could, the whole story: Rey's account of her predicament, how he met her and trained her, their shared dream, their faceoff with Snoke. He even admitted that Snoke had seemed familiar, and had been watching him all his life. Ben did not need to look at his father and uncle to know how disturbed they were by this information. Finally, he told them of the mental conversation that had taken place just moments ago.

"I could feel Rey's emotions, the moment I said—what I said back there. I don't know how, but I knew—I felt—she was in a lot of pain. Like her heart was breaking. And a few minutes ago—we could hear each other's thoughts, as if we were talking in the same room."

Luke understood. "You have a Force bond."

Ben was surprised, and then disturbed. "I thought you had to be related for that." The only ones he knew of were those between himself, his mother, and his uncle. Did that mean …

"Not necessarily," Luke said, much to Ben's relief. "That's been the case in my own experience, but forming close ties with someone who's not a blood relative can create one."

Ben supposed that made sense. Rey was his first and only true friend. He had not known how much he longed for friendship until he met her. Perhaps the Force was at work in their relationship. He was not sure whether that thought was much comfort. The Force was not always kind to individuals.

He was startled when a hand grasped his shoulder, gentle but strong. "We'll get her back, Ben," his father promised.

Ben's throat felt tight. This was part of the reason he had not wanted his family to come with him. They would make him emotional when he needed to be focused, sentimental when he needed to be hardened.

"You've got three veterans fighting for you, Ben," Luke reminded him. "We've all faced big odds before, and we're ready to do it for you. For her."

Chewbacca interjected, This might be her initiation to your family. When the three members of that family turned to look at him questioningly, he elaborated, You people form bonds by rescuing each other from enemies.

Han and Luke exchanged grins that were both nostalgic and mischievous. "Guess that's true," Han acknowledged. "The Death Star, Hoth, Cloud City, Tatooine … should I go on?"

Ben had heard his elders recount their adventures in those places, but they were only stories to him. Until he met Rey, he had never faced real danger before, had never had a loved one's life or liberty threatened. It was too new, and the stakes were too high, for him to be nonchalant about it; and even if everything turned out fine—what were the odds of that?—he doubted that he could ever be nostalgic about it. Besides, his parents had been the lucky ones in each of those adventures; there had been many casualties along the way.

Ben spoke slowly. "If Rey and I are bonded … I would feel it if she died, wouldn't I?"

The question startled Luke, but he nodded. "Yes, that's probable."

"She is still alive, then … but I don't understand why. Why is he toying with her like this?"

The question was met with an unsettling silence. Ben had not really expected an answer from any of them. But Luke mulled the question over, and then seemed to deliberate with himself. Finally he said, "I think Rey is only half of the equation."

"What's the other half?"

"You, Ben. Snoke is using Rey to get to you."

Ben stared at him. He intuitively felt that it was true, and yet he did not know how. "Rey was worried he would use me to get to her."

"Rey is strong in the Force, but so are you. And …" Luke trailed off, glancing at Han, who suddenly looked strangely fearful.

"And what?" Ben asked.

Han seemed not to hear him, and instead said to Luke, "You want to tell him now, of all times?"

"Tell me what?" Ben demanded.

"If we don't, Snoke might," Luke said. "He can't afford to be shocked at a crucial moment. Believe me, I know." He turned to Ben, who looked at him with open suspicion, his anger growing as it became clear they were keeping something from him. "There's something you need to know about our family. Your parents were going to tell you—I can't answer for why they haven't yet—"

"It never seemed like the right time," Han said, looking distinctly uncomfortable. He sighed, running a hand over his hair. "But I guess there's never really a right time for something like this."

"Just get on with it," Ben said tersely. "Whatever it is, I can handle it."

Luke grimaced. "I'm honestly not sure how to start."

"If you're going to say it, you can just say it outright," Han said with a shrug. "There's really no nice way of putting it."

Luke nodded and tried to begin. "Ben … your grandfather—your mother's and my biological father—Anakin Skywalker … he didn't die during the Clone Wars. And he wasn't killed in the Jedi purge. He … took a different name. Really, he became someone else. Someone who is now famous for very different reasons than Anakin."

"Who?" Ben asked.

Luke looked at him calmly and spoke clearly: "Darth Vader."

Ben stared. The notion was so ridiculous, it seemed as though it must be a joke, or part of a dream. But Luke and Han were the last people who would make such a joke, and not even in his wildest dreams would he ever have imagined this.

He knew the name, of course. Everyone who knew anything about the Empire or the Rebellion knew of Darth Vader, Emperor Palpatine's right-hand man. He had played a role in many of the adventures of Ben's parents and their old war friends. Ben knew that Darth Vader had witnessed the destruction of Alderaan, tortured Leia on two different occasions, frozen Han in carbonite, and cut off Luke's hand in a duel.

That man was … Ben's grandfather?

Chewbacca let out a string of Shyriiwook expletives. Apparently this revelation was news to him as well; that made Ben feel a little less alone in his shock and revulsion.

"Sorry, buddy," Han said to his old copilot. "It's not something we really share."

"I know it's a lot to take in," Luke said gently, still looking at his nephew. "I'm sure you must have a lot of questions."

Ben hardly knew where to start. He went for something immediate and practical, which would also aid his understanding. "Does Mom know?"

Luke nodded. "She's known since the night before the battle of Endor."

"She told me the day after," Han said. "We're the only people living who know."

How long have you known? Chewie asked Luke.

"Since I fought him on Cloud City. That's how I lost my lightsaber and my hand." Luke held up his gloved robotic prosthesis.

They had known since before Ben was born. "You've known all this time, and didn't tell me?" he exclaimed.

"We were going to," Han insisted, "we just never could agree on when was the right time. When the three of us were together, if we were getting along, we didn't want to ruin our good time, and if things weren't so good, we didn't want to make them worse. Your mom didn't want you to feel the burden of knowing. She has it harder than anyone, since she hears Vader and his history mentioned every now and then at work."

"That history is what we need to talk about," Luke said, looking at Ben. "You need to know how it happened, why he made the choices that led him down that path, so you can avoid making the mistakes he made."

Ben felt more lost and betrayed than ever, and was not sure how he could trust his parents or uncle again after learning this; but if Luke was willing to explain, he did not know what he could do besides listen.

"Anakin did something Jedi weren't supposed to do. He fell in love and married my mother, Padmé, in secret. A few years later, as the Clone Wars were ending, she became pregnant with your mother and me. At that time, my father started to have nightmares that he thought were visions of the future. He feared that Padmé would die in childbirth. He had already lost his mother, and he didn't think he could live without his wife. Palpatine, who had mentored Anakin when he was growing up, preyed on his fear and hinted that the Sith had the power to preserve people from death."

"Is that true?" Ben asked, curious in spite of himself. The looks that Luke, Han, and Chewbacca gave him had varying degrees of apprehension, incredulity, and reproach, all of which increased his indignation. "What? Obviously I'm not—just finish the story," he growled.

Luke sighed and continued. "My father agreed to serve Palpatine, who revealed himself to be the Sith Lord Darth Sidious. That was when Anakin Skywalker took the name Darth Vader. The primary task Sidious gave him was to hunt down and kill all Jedi. To begin, he sent Vader to kill all the Jedi in the temple on Coruscant. He led the Republic's clone troopers there, and killed many younglings himself.

"You can imagine how his wife and master felt when they found out. Apparently, Padmé sought him out and tried to convince him to stop what he was doing, but he had been seduced by the power of the Dark Side. I found out from Artoo's memory bank that he …" Luke stopped and drew a deep breath, as though bracing himself against pain. "When he thought she had turned against him, he choked her with the Force. His master, Obi-Wan Kenobi, fought him and took his lightsaber—that's how Obi-Wan was able to pass it on to me. He left Vader to die. I suppose he didn't have the strength to kill his own student in the end. He took Padmé to a medical facility, but after that kind of heartbreak, and the possible damage of being choked … she lived just long enough to give birth and name her children. Obi-Wan and Master Yoda arranged for Leia and me to be adopted by different families, which is why we didn't meet until we were almost adults. Neither of us knew who our biological parents were—and I don't think he knew about the birth, until, somehow, he learned that I was his son. Yoda confirmed this, and Obi-Wan appeared to me to tell me that Leia and I were siblings."

A long, somber silence followed this sad story. Finally, though, Ben's thoughts returned to the present, and he asked, "How will knowing about all this help me save Rey?"

"First, because it seems probable that Snoke knows about your lineage, and now he can't surprise you by revealing it. Vader had just cut off my hand and cornered me on Cloud City when he told me he was my father. It was too much to process in the heat of battle. Second, knowing the truth about your grandfather's mistakes can help you avoid making similar ones."

"How do you mean?"

Luke regarded him for a long moment. "I've seen darkness in you. I've glimpsed it in moments during your training. But just now, when you realized that woman was an impostor and Rey was in danger, I felt your fear, your anger, your hatred. This is an extremely dangerous time for you. You're going to be tempted. Snoke will probably use Rey as leverage to turn you to the Dark Side. But you mustn't give in."

Ben clenched his fists at his sides. "I am not going to leave Rey to her fate."

"Of course not. I wouldn't expect you to. In fact, I wouldn't think very highly of you if you did. It's right and good for you to want to defend the one you love, but you can't let that desire cloud your moral judgment. That almost happened to me, on the second Death Star. At that point, Vader didn't know Leia was his daughter. I refused to fight him, but I couldn't hide my thoughts from him, and when he realized I cared so much for her, and that she was his daughter, he said he might turn her to the Dark Side. That was enough to provoke me to attack him. It was a dangerous moment for me—my darkest moment, the one time I truly gave in to my anger and hatred. When I realized what was happening to me, I knew I had to stop myself."

"How?"

"I laid down my weapon and refused to fight my father or his master."

Ben stared. "Even as they were trying to kill you?"

"Yes."

"That … is insane."

"I realize that now," Luke said humbly. "But I don't regret it. I preserved my own soul, and saved my father's soul. When Sidious was about to kill me, my father turned on him and threw him down a reactor shaft. That cost him his own life, but it meant that at the end, he was truly himself, Anakin Skywalker, for the first time in a quarter of a century."

It was clear that Luke had his own long-held interpretation of these events, while Ben was still processing the new information and had barely had a chance to reconcile it with his previous understanding.

"Do you understand why fear is the path to the Dark Side?" Luke asked him, as though they were holding an ordinary lesson at the training temple.

Ben rolled his eyes. "How could I forget? You drilled it into us."

"But did you understand what those words mean? Why each one leads to the other?"

Ben was silent, unsure now. Luke explained, "Selfishness makes you afraid of losing what you have. Then you become angry at the forces that threaten what you have. Then you come to hate those forces. And hatred causes suffering, not only for the object of hatred, but also for the one who hates."

"Are you going somewhere with this?"

Luke nodded curtly. "You say that Snoke has known you a long time, and already tempted you."

"He tried," Ben acknowledged grudgingly.

"Then Snoke is doing the same thing with you that Darth Sidious did with my father. And my father's efforts to save my mother ended up killing her. He was so desperate to protect his love, he ended up destroying her, and himself, and their relationship."

Ben could hardly believe what he was hearing. "So I shouldn't do whatever it takes to save Rey?"

"I'm not saying that."

Han spoke up for the first time in a while. "No disrespect, Luke, but it does kind of come across that way. If I'm hearing you right, you're saying there are limits to what we should do, even if our motives are good. Is that right?"

"… Yes. To use an example from my father's life—I would draw the line at killing innocents, especially children. Even if it was to save someone you love. Would you agree, Ben?"

"I—yes, of course." Ben had never considered such a wild, barbaric possibility. He had had his first taste of bloodlust this very night, but that had been toward his manipulative enemy; the thought of killing innocent children sickened him. But then again, when he weighed that against the possibility of losing Rey … he was not sure which burden would be the more difficult to bear.

"Ben, we'll do everything we can to save Rey," Luke vowed. "I promise you that. But if something goes wrong, and, for whatever reason, she ends up unable to be with you the way you want her to be, you can't give in to the darkness."

Ben looked hard at his uncle. He had always thought of Luke as wise and confident, but now he seemed old, uncertain, and fallible.

"You're afraid," Ben realized. "You've built up this new Jedi order, and you're afraid that the Dark Side is rising again, and that someone—Snoke, or me, or the Knights of Ren—will ruin it."

Luke pressed his lips into a thin line. "The Jedi of old fell because they failed to see the darkness rising in their midst. I don't want to make the same mistake."

Ben stood. "This explains so much—why you've always been afraid of my power! Do I remind you of Darth Vader? Are you afraid I'll turn out like him?" he cried indignantly.

"Ben, I could have turned out like him," Luke interjected. "The last time I fought him, when he and Sidious were trying to turn me to the Dark Side. In my anger, I even cut off my father's hand, just as he had mine. I saw the wires in his arm, and thought of my own prosthetic. I realized I was becoming like him, letting my rage fuel my actions. It was making me less human."

"Well, Rey might not be human at all if I don't fix my own mistake!" Ben paced across the lounge, facing away from them for a moment; then, remembering something, he turned back to them. "Snoke said something about darkness and light rising together. He was referring to Rey and me. If I have darkness in me—if I'm descended from someone as powerful in the Dark Side as Vader—then I think Rey must be my counterpart in the light. Which means I need her, if I'm to have any chance of turning away from the Dark Side."

Luke frowned. "Ben, that's—twisting what I was trying to say."

"How? It's the truth."

"From your point of view," Luke countered.

Han, who had been silent throughout this history lesson, now cleared his throat. "I have something to say." The others turned to look at him, but he had eyes only for his son. "Ben … son. I only ever knew Darth Vader, but from what I've heard, Anakin Skywalker was the best of the best. A good soldier, a good pilot, a good Jedi. By all accounts, he was brave, honorable—everything a good person should be. But even he had darkness in him, and even he could give in to it. That's why we were afraid—not of you, but for you. Can you understand the difference? Your grandfather ended up destroying his own life, along with a lot of other people's. We didn't want you to suffer."

Ben looked him in the eye. "Is that why you sent me away?" he challenged.

Han hesitated, then admitted, "Yes. We thought Luke could help you manage the darkness better than we could."

Ben sank back in his seat. Finally, the truth was out. He felt as though all his suspicions were justified: his parents had believed there was something wrong with him, that he was unnatural, a monster.

Apparently Han was not finished. "But I'll also say this. Your grandpa Anakin kept all his problems to himself. He didn't tell his master or anyone else about his marriage or the pregnancy. He let Palpatine in because he felt alone. But you're not alone, Ben. You've got us, and we'll help you find a way."

"The optimism of your generation never ceases to amaze me," Ben said dryly.

Han's smile was crooked. "Our generation did the impossible. If we could, so can you."

Ben stood once more. "You realize people have been telling me kriff like that my whole life? 'Your family's great, so you'll be great too.' And now you're telling me the opposite extreme is just as possible—'Old Grandpa Vader went dark, so you can too!' The fact that you kept that a secret from me—that just proves how much you don't trust me. Everyone expects me to do great things, but no one actually believes I can. No matter how good I am, it'll never be enough. I'll always be guilty until proven innocent."

A long, stunned silence followed this outburst. Luke was the one who broke it, sounding just as defiant, though quieter and steadier. "If you really believe we think that, prove us wrong."

Ben passed the rest of the journey in the cockpit, where he could watch the blurred stars of hyperspace, a familiar, usually soothing sight. Despite the silence, Ben's mind continued to race with wild, rebellious, resentful thoughts.

Is this what it means to be a Skywalker? Are we cursed to be torn between light and darkness, and forced to watch the people we love suffer because of us? Or is it like that for everyone, but worse for us because we're so strong in the Force?

He had never given much thought to Anakin Skywalker, or even to his own namesake, Obi-Wan Kenobi, except to either exalt or bemoan their legacy. But now, he wondered what either of them might have done if they were in his situation.

Luke claimed that he had communed with deceased Jedi, and that they could be called upon for guidance and aid. Ben supposed now was as good a time as any to try.

Master Obi-Wan? He hesitated, and then also ventured: Grandfather Anakin? … I don't know if you can hear me, or if you even care about me … but if you do … I could really use your help now.

He heard no answer from the Jedi. But another voice—low, sinister, and gloating—sounded in his mind, chilling him: If you hurry, little prince, I'll let you see her again. If you challenge me, it will be the last time. But if you have something to offer … perhaps we can find an alternative that will benefit all of us.

Disclaimer: What Luke says about selfishness is paraphrasing George Lucas' words from a 2010 interview about the Force. Snoke's last lines are inspired by Rothbart's words to Derek in The Swan Princess.