Published December 27, 2020
Dear readers: I was hoping to wrap up this story yesterday, exactly two years from when I began posting it; but I need more time to write the climax. Despite this, I wanted to give an update before the New Year. So here is what might be the most emotionally intense chapter of this story. I hope you enjoy it and don't hate me for where it leaves off! Thank you for your patience!
"The Choice"
Do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather, be afraid of the One who can destroy both soul and body in hell. ~ Matthew 10:28, New International Version
Snoke's last words kept echoing in Ben's head. "If you have something to offer …"
Ben felt willing to offer anything—which was exactly what Luke had warned against. But what did an old monk know about love of this kind?
Snoke had already turned down offers of political and commercial power—which made sense, now that they knew he was the leader of the First Order. He wanted something more personal, more grave … more sacrificial.
In the midst of this crisis, Ben had almost forgotten the other half of Luke's revelation. "The curse can be broken through a sacrifice made by either Rey or the person she loves."
Rey should not have to make a sacrifice after everything she had been through. She had suffered enough. So if the curse was to be broken, Ben would have to sacrifice something for her sake.
Ben would have willingly given his ship, his saber, his service, his freedom, his humanity … even his life, he reflected. What would be the point of living if Rey was not with him, especially if she was suffering because of his actions?
Han, Luke, and Chewbacca entered the cockpit to find Ben hunched over, his head in his hands and his elbows resting on his knees.
"I radioed Maz," Han informed him. "She'll meet us outside the castle."
Ben lifted his head, frowning. "Is Rey with her?"
"No." Han sat down heavily in the seat next to Ben's. "She said … it seems the Knights took Rey into the forest, about an hour ago. She hasn't been seen since. Now they're patrolling the forest perimeter. They haven't bothered Maz, but that'll change when we get there."
Ben nodded wordlessly. Then he sat up straight and braced his hands against his knees. "Listen … I've been thinking through the worst-case scenarios." He immediately had the others' attention. He looked between the three of them, but found that he could not meet his father's eyes for long. "If it comes down to saving Rey or saving any of us—you or me—I'm going to save her. I'll expect you to do the same. And if something happens to me, I'm counting on you to make sure she's alright."
"You know your mom will kill us if we come home without you," Luke interjected.
"She told me to bring Rey home. She'll understand. And no one is to blame Rey. If I'm not there for her, you need to be. She's been alone for so long. She had just started to put her hope in me, and if I—" Ben looked up to the ceiling, almost shuddering as he drew breath. When he had gathered himself, he looked back at them, his jaw set. "I don't care whether I live or die. But I can't leave her alone."
Han nodded. "Don't worry, Ben. We won't leave without her."
Takodana looked the same as it had every other night that Ben had been there. When they made planetfall, they landed in the same spot Ben had used throughout the last week. The only thing that seemed different was the lake: its surface seemed as agitated as that of an ocean, as though a storm or some undersea creature were stirring the water. The Force keened to Luke and Ben, and even Han and Chewbacca could feel something ominous in the air, as though all of nature was restless. Ben could not see the porgs from this distance through the darkness.
Maz was waiting with BB-8 outside the castle. When they saw her, Chewie cried out, Are you alright?
"Just fine," Maz assured him.
"Where's Rey?" Ben demanded.
"She hasn't come back. Only the so-called knights." Maz nodded in the direction of the forest.
Ben looked, but the figures dressed in black were barely visible against the trees—except for one. His mask was white, and his torso was bare, contrasting with his dark cloak and pants. Ben was pretty sure he recognized the man from their encounter years before.
"I told my clients to either evacuate or be ready to defend the castle," Maz said. "About half of them left. They rest will fight for themselves, though I wouldn't count on them to fight for others."
"So what's the plan?" Han asked, looking between Ben and Luke.
"We need to find Rey," Ben said.
Chewbacca asked, with no trace of humor, Are we looking for a human or a porg?
That was a fair question. "I think she's still human, but I'm not sure."
BB-8 spoke up. Maybe the porgs can help.
"The porgs?" Han said incredulously.
"The porgs?" Luke repeated quizzically.
"The porgs!" Ben echoed thoughtfully. "Hm … Beebee-Ate might be on to something. They know Rey, and they like her. But I don't think they trust me. And we don't have a way to communicate with them without her."
I can try, BB-8 offered. The organic beings turned to it in surprise.
"You can speak porg?" Ben said in disbelief.
Han leaned over to speak to Chewie. "That's gotta be a language even Threepio doesn't know,"
Don't tell him, Chewie warned.
"Alright," Ben said, "Beebee-Ate and I will go into the forest to look for Rey and the porgs."
"I never thought we'd have weirder allies than the ewoks," Han murmured to Chewie under his breath.
Chewie grinned and replied, Yet here we are.
"The rest of you will have to hold off the knights, and keep watch by the lake and the castle," Ben finished.
"What about Snoke?" Luke asked pointedly.
Ben's tone was firm. "If he comes—or if he's already here, hiding—I need to be the one to face him."
"Ben, no—"
"Do not argue with me about this!" Taking great care to keep his tone civil, Ben turned to his companions and said, "I appreciate you helping me. But I can't go in with you there, like I can just hide behind you while you fight for me or make excuses for me. If Rey is here, I need to make amends with her; and if Snoke comes, I need to face him alone."
Luke nodded slowly, his expression unhappy but understanding. "Just remember, Ben—you're not alone. Not really."
Ben nodded curtly. Then they set off toward the forest.
The knights became more discernible as they approached, and matched their movement by gathering near the forest's edge closest to the castle. The two parties stopped about ten yards apart, but one of the knights came forward. Sure enough, Ben recognized that stark mask and burned upper body. The only difference was that he no longer seemed so intimidating; Ben was now almost the same height and build as him.
"Hey, kid!" Ren greeted him, sounding friendly. "Long time no see."
Ben mirrored his movement, stepping out from the party behind him. "I didn't think I'd see you again."
"I was kind of hoping we would." His mask bobbed as he looked Ben up and down. "You grew up."
"You know why I'm here. Where is Rey?"
Ren jerked his finger at the forest behind him. "Somewhere in there. Don't know exactly where at this point."
"Is she … human?"
"Last I checked."
That was some relief. "Will you let us pass, or do we have to force our way?"
Ren gestured to the knights behind him, who parted as though to make room for someone to pass by. "You can go. Snoke will be expecting you."
Ben was surprised and suspicious, but he sensed no deceit. Wary, he started walking as though to pass Ren and go through the line of knights behind him.
"You know, I'm glad I got to meet Rey earlier," Ren said as Ben passed him. "She's a good fighter. Pretty, too. If she stays human, she could join us. And if you're not part of the picture … maybe I'll date her."
Ben's lightsaber was in his hand and ignited before he could stop himself. Ren was ready for him, his red lightsaber coming up, but even he was surprised by Ben's ferocity. All the violence he had held back over the past hour came out in a burst as he attacked, screaming, "OVER MY DEAD BODY!"
They exchanged blows, their lightsabers clashing, until Ben sensed the other knights coming up behind him.
"Ben, get down!" That was Han's voice. Ben dropped to the ground, and then the air was full of blaster bolts. A moment later, the knights were knocked to the side as Luke pushed them with the Force.
"Ben, you're wasting time!" Maz scolded, helping Ben to his feet. "Rey needs you now. Go and find her. We'll hold them off."
Reluctant, but understanding the sense of her words, Ben turned and ran into the forest, with BB-8 following close behind, leaving the chaos behind. His lightsaber became his only illumination as the trees' branches blocked the moonlight.
He slowed as he realized that he did not know exactly where to go. As they went on, he began to shout Rey's name, and he tried to sense her through the Force, but he could not find her; she had shut him out.
Soon, though, he did sense someone—a dark, familiar presence. Snoke was nearby. Perhaps Rey was with him. With no other leads, Ben moved in the direction in which he sensed the sorcerer.
Snoke stood waiting for him on a small plateau, smiling when he came into view. "Young Solo. Welcome."
Ben clenched his fists, one at his side and the other around the hilt of his light saber. "You know what I've come for."
Snoke nodded. "The girl."
"She's not a girl," Ben said fiercely. Snoke gave him a mocking quizzical look. "She's a woman."
Snoke sniffed derisively, his lips forming a smirk. "She's more trouble than she's worth."
Ben could only shake his head, barely containing his emotion. "Not to me."
"I'm glad you think so." Snoke started to pace in a circle, but Ben countered his movement, staying directly opposite him. "Have you come here to fight, or to negotiate?"
"That depends," Ben said ambivalently. "I'm open to either—whichever one helps Rey more."
"You have much of your father's heart in you," Snoke remarked. "When words fail, violence speaks."
"I'm not asking for a miracle," Ben insisted. "I'm not even asking for a favor. Everything you've taken from Rey was rightfully hers—her freedom, her humanity. All I ask is that you give it back."
"You want more than that," Snoke said knowingly. "You want justice. You want vengeance. And you want Rey for yourself. Yes—you want her most of all."
Ben did not bother trying to deny it.
"She will make you more powerful than you can imagine," Snoke swore.
"I don't care about her power. I care about her."
"And what of your own power?"
"I don't care about that, either. I've never wanted it."
"Yet what if you were to lose it now?"
Ben frowned, not liking this change of subject.
"You crave control—what your life has always lacked, what your saintly mother's New Republic lacks."
"Don't bring my mother into this!" Ben stormed. "I don't give a kriff about your politics."
"But I do. And you have the power to help me. I have soldiers. But I need an apprentice. I had thought Rey might serve that purpose … but instead, she brought you to me. The Skywalker heir, with all the potential of your bloodline. A new … Vader."
"I'm nothing like Vader," Ben spat.
"What do you know of him? Can you believe anything your family has told you?"
Ben hated hearing his own thoughts voiced by his enemy. Snoke's smile broadened. "He was a Jedi, full of ideals. And like you, his masters would not trust him—not because of anything he had done, but because his power was greater than their own. They would have made him keep it to himself. But he seized his destiny, and surpassed what they could ever have imagined."
"Yes. And he lost everything in the process. Including what he set out to save."
"And you fear the same fate if you follow in his footsteps. But Rey is no Padme Amidala. Your grandmother was admirable in many ways, but she had no understanding of the Force. Your grandparents were never equals—not like you and Rey. You understand each other, just as I do. And, different though you and Rey are, your greatest fear is the same: insignificance. Unwantedness. There is a place for both of you with me." Snoke stopped pacing and held out a hand. "Join me, and you can be together. I'll show you how to break the curse, and so much more. Rey will be yours, forever."
Ben hated to hear Rey discussed in this way. "She's not yours to give or withhold."
"Is she not?" Snoke turned his face up toward the sky. "There is only an hour until dawn. Then … she will cease to be human. Forever. Thanks to me … and you."
Luke had been right about one thing: Ben was trapped in a situation very similar, if not identical, to Anakin Skywalker's.
He thought about Padme and her reaction to Anakin's conversion to the Dark Side. Would Rey be the same? She already felt betrayed by him, but that had been unintentional, and he could explain it to her. This, however, would be voluntary, deliberate. And it also depended on her choice, whether or not she agreed to be with him. How could he expect her to serve the man who had tormented her?
"Would you let me take her place—as a porg, or as your apprentice?"
"I have no need for a porg, and no wish to make you one. But I would gladly take you on as my apprentice."
"And you would let her go free?"
"If you and she wished it. With my power, her fate would be entirely in your hands."
As if Ben would force her to do anything she did not want to do. But he had to play along, at least for now.
"I'm willing to consider your offer," Ben said, speaking more formally than usual. "But I'm not agreeing to anything until I talk to Rey."
Snoke drew his hand back, slowly clenching his clawlike fingers. "Very well. See if you can find her … and whether she will listen."
Ben did not take his eyes off his enemy until he was far enough away that Snoke blended into the shadows.
BB-8 had stayed hidden throughout the encounter, but now he rolled back up to Ben. Once they were some distance away, he turned to it. "Alright, Beebee-Ate, do your thing."
The astromech began playing an audio recording of a porg birdcall. Ben stayed quiet and still, waiting for a response. When none came, BB-8 moved a few yards forward and played the sound again.
Finally, they heard another sound like it, and then the rustle and swoosh of wings in flight. Ben held his lightsaber up horizontally and saw a few porgs in the tree branches. BB-8 chirped again, and they cautiously descended to the ground. The droid and the birds exchanged a series of noises. Ben could not help being mildly impressed: he had never heard a machine sound so much like an animal.
Then the porgs began to jump and fly away. BB-8 turned to Ben and said, We must follow them to the flock.
They must have looked a sight, Ben thought: a man following a droid following birds. But a few minutes later, about fifteen porgs were assembled before them, looking expectantly at BB-8 and at least tolerating Ben's presence.
Now that they had their audience, Ben gave the droid the words to say. "Tell them I'm looking for Rey. Ask if they've seen her."
As BB-8 translated, the porgs reacted loudly, as though they were agitated. BB-8 turned its eye back to Ben and translated, They have seen her. They are worried about her.
"Tell them to bring us to her."
At this, the porgs began to look at Ben and screech in dismay, or protest. BB-8 explained to a bemused Ben, They do not trust you. They remember you hunted them. They think you hunt Rey like the others here tonight.
Ben felt a renewed sense of shame, now accompanied by annoyance. He huffed, then knelt down so he was closer to their level. "Okay, Beebee-Ate. Please translate this." Ben looked at the porgs and spoke as gently as he could. "I'm sorry I hunted you, but now I need your help. Rey is in trouble. She's like my mate. I want to protect her, but I can't do that until I find her. Will you help me do that?"
BB-8 translated, and then the porgs seemed to speak among themselves. Ben could not believe his hope now hinged on the help of these creatures. But then about half of them began to fly, while the others jumped or waddled, all in the same direction. BB-8 followed them, and Ben came after, letting his lightsaber illuminate his way forward.
The porgs stopped when the land before them sloped downward into an open clearing, where the moon's light was unobstructed by tree branches.
They say she is here, BB-8 said.
"Thank you," Ben murmured. "Will you all stay close by and keep watch? We may need your help later."
BB-8 chirped in agreement and relayed this to the porgs, who began to spread out and hide in the shadows.
Ben moved slowly around the perimeter of the clearing, his eyes scanning all around.
"Rey?" he called out. "I know you're close by. Can you please come out?"
His request was answered only with silence.
Suddenly he felt a tug at his belt, and Leia's lightsaber flew upwards. Ben looked up into the branches overhead, but his eyes barely adjusted before someone cried out and jumped down, igniting the stolen lightsaber as she fell.
Ben barely managed to jump aside before Rey landed right where he had been, swinging the saber out in a wide arc. Instinct saved Ben's life—he managed to block her saber with his own, despite feeling equal parts shocked by her attack and relieved at seeing her alive and human.
"Whoa! Rey!" Ben could barely get a word in as he defended against her repeated attacks. She finally paused with their sabers crossed, pushing against each other with equal strength, looking at each other in the bluish light. She looked furious.
"What are you doing?" Ben exclaimed, wide-eyed.
"What I should have done the day we met!" Rey retorted; then she stopped straining, and swung her saber the opposite direction, trying to disarm him. Ben barely managed to keep hold of his lightsaber, and retreated several steps to put some distance between them.
"Rey, we don't have time for this!"
"You're right! I only have an hour or so left to be human; I should make the most of it!" With that she attacked again.
It was the first time the two of them truly fought, instead of just sparring. Ben recognized movements and techniques that he had taught Rey, but she put her own twist on them, surprising him when she did not do what was expected.
He had never seen Rey so feral. It was no wonder why Snoke had made her a relatively harmless bird; she would have been fearsome as a carnivorous creature.
Something was off about her, though. She was fighting with all her strength, yet she did not have much of it; she was pushing herself, relying on her anger and hatred to drive her. Ben had never felt such emotions and intentions from Rey. Fear, anger, and hate—the ingredients and forerunners of suffering—simmered in her just as violently as they did in him. So she did have a potential for darkness.
"You have every right to be mad at me," Ben grit out when they both paused to catch their breath. "But not for the reason you think."
"Oh, so there's more I don't know about?" Rey guessed.
"No! It was a mis—AGH!" While he had been talking, Rey had taken the opportunity to strike his shoulder, singeing his clothes and skin. He swore at her, feeling angry with her for the first time. "Will you stop and listen?"
"I have been listening to you!" she shouted. "That was my mistake—believing everything you said!" She swung at him again, and Ben found himself being pushed back, again and again; he was not fighting with everything he had, the way she was.
Finally, Rey kicked one leg out in front of her, pushing Ben back with the Force and knocking him down completely. He fell backwards on the ground, knocking the wind out of his lungs. Rey stood over him, her teeth bared, breathing hard. When Ben tried to push himself up with his elbows, she pointed her saber at him. Seeing the end of the laser so close to him, fear coursed through him for the first time since he laid eyes on her that night.
Kill him.
The voice startled them both. They locked eyes, mirroring each other's shock.
Kill him and free yourself.
Rey looked from her lightsaber to Ben, who stared at her, unmoving, with wide eyes.
He betrayed you. Kill him, and the spell will break.
Ben moved slowly, pushing himself up enough to kneel before her. "Do you want to kill me?" he asked quietly.
Rey did not answer; she was still panting slightly, her expression hard but unnerved.
Ben held her gaze; then he turned off his lightsaber and threw it aside. "I came here to do whatever it took to set you free. I'm willing to die for you." His eyes flickered to the lightsaber she held, then back to her face. "Even if it's by your hand."
That hand trembled, but then Rey clenched her fist around the lightsaber and held it out so the blade hovered a few inches from his neck.
"I just want to know one thing," she said, her voice low and hard. When she spoke again, it almost broke. "Why? Why did you betray me?"
His gaze was full of regret, but he maintained his innocence. "I wasn't trying to."
"Then what were you trying to do?"
"I was trying to tell you—and everyone else—what you mean to me." Before Rey could respond in confusion, he forged ahead: "Snoke sent a changeling who looked like you. Then I declared in front of everyone that I loved her, thinking that she was you."
Rey's expression shifted to surprise, and something he could not quite identify. "What?"
"Two Knights of Ren came to the party, pretending to be you and my uncle. They tricked me. Rey … I was a fool, and an idiot, but I wasn't unfaithful. Every word I said was for you."
Something—hope?—entered Rey's eyes and softened her face, but she also looked afraid. "Why should I believe anything you say?"
Ben gestured to his head. "Look into my mind. See for yourself."
Rey looked at him for a few seconds, unsure whether to trust him. Finally, she extended her left arm, opening her hand toward him.
Ben deliberately tried to open his mind and not fight the sensation that someone was entering it. He called to his mind's eye the events of the past few hours, trying not to be bothered that Rey would be privy to every shallow, lustful, and embarrassing thought that he had harbored that night.
Rey sifted through his memories, noting the pretty women on his mother's staff and the high-ranking people he had danced with. But then came his memory of the changeling: her grand entrance, her sophisticated dancing, Luke's revelation, and the standoff. Rey watched up until the memory of Leia entrusting her lightsaber to Ben—the same lightsaber Rey was now holding up to his neck.
She withdrew her hand sharply, and Ben felt her leave his mind. For a moment she stood still, breathing heavily, trying to process what she had seen. Then she looked down at the lightsaber, and again at Ben, her shock morphing into horror.
She turned off the lightsaber and let it fall to the ground. Then she sank to her knees, her face crumpling. "Oh, Ben," she sobbed.
"Rey." Ben opened his arms, but instead of coming to him, she scooted back, as though afraid to touch him. He waited patiently, his arms outstretched, and she saw that he was sincere, that he was not angry, that he still loved her. Then all at once she threw herself forward, clinging to him and weeping as he enveloped her in his embrace.
Ben's relief at being alive was completely eclipsed by the fact that she was with him. He had been so worried that he would be too late, that he would find her hurt, or permanently transformed, or dead. Yet here she was, fully alive, fully human, and, for the moment, safe in his arms, her heart racing against his once more. She could not say more than his name; he shushed her and whispered hers in return, stroking her hair and her back, nuzzling and kissing her head.
When she had calmed down, she tried to apologize. "I'm so sorry—"
"Shh. There's no need."
"I should have known—part of me did know—I knew it didn't make sense, that you couldn't have—but I still—"
"It's alright, sweetheart. I'm here." He had not called her that before—it was his parents' term of endearment, sometimes used teasingly or sarcastically—but it felt natural on his tongue. He pressed a kiss to the side of her head, and another to her cheek, before pulling back enough to see her face.
Rey looked a mess from crying, but that was nothing compared to the shame that darkened her features. "I'm so sorry I doubted you," she whispered.
"I'm sorry I betrayed you," Ben returned.
She shook her head. "I almost killed you. I would have."
"I'm not so sure. At any rate …" Ben smiled slightly. "… I almost killed you the day we met. So I'd say this makes us even."
Rey's exhale sounded like laughter, and Ben's heart almost melted at the sight of her smile. He stroked her face, wiping away her tears. She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, then looked up at him sadly. "I don't know what to say—I hardly know what to think, now—I don't have much time—"
"I know," Ben said, settling his hands on her shoulders. "I'm here to set things right."
"How?"
"I talked to Snoke—"
She pulled away from him in dismay. "Again? Ben—"
"Hear me out!" Ben held out his hands in supplication. "He can undo the curse—we can cut a deal with him—"
"You really are a Solo," Rey scoffed, "if you want to strike a deal with the likes of him."
"Just listen, Rey. There's a way that you can stay human. There's even a chance that we can be together."
Rey immediately knew what he meant. "You're thinking of joining him." She made a sound of disgust. "After everything I've been through—all the times I refused him—you would give up just like that?"
"Wait—he's asked you before?"
"Yes. Tonight, and many times before." She was glaring at him now. "Do you know how hard it was to say no?"
Ben was stunned. "So … you could have broken the curse all along?"
"If I joined him! That wasn't a choice, it was blackmail."
"Did you never consider it?"
She paused, bowing her head. "Only once. When I thought you …"
"Oh. Oh, Rey." That must have been her lowest, darkest point, when she had been most vulnerable to the Dark Side. That only added to Ben's amazement that she had held out against the temptation.
"You can't give in to him," Rey said adamantly.
Her refusal to even consider what Ben had to say irked him. "It's not for me, Rey. It's for you. He'll let you go if I take your place."
Fear entered her eyes then. "No!"
"Rey, it's my fault that this is happening to you."
"He tricked you! You don't have to make up for what happened. You don't have to prove that you love me."
"It's not about that," Ben insisted. "I'm trying to give you a chance at something better than living as an animal. You deserve better."
"If you join him, I'll never forgive you or speak to you again," Rey threatened.
At that, Ben faltered. But then he considered the alternative, and decided that he could stand it. "If that's the price for your freedom …"
"Oh, you are—incorrigible!"
"I haven't actually decided," Ben corrected her. "I just think we should look at every option. I can join him while you go free; or we can both join him, and be together."
Rey looked at him with something like pity, as though he were a child who had been deceived through ignorance, or a student who had misunderstood a fundamental truth. "Ben, I've had hours to think about this. Even if we both joined him, I know—and I think, deep down, you know—that it wouldn't be worth it." She took his hand and pressed his palm against her temple. "Look."
Ben hesitated, knowing how much pain she had experienced when Snoke entered her mind; but he looked as gently as he could. He saw, in her mind's eye, a clear vision—almost a hallucination, affecting all the senses—of the future Snoke proposed for them. Rey had imagined it at length: Snoke abusing each of them in turn, coercing each one's obedience by threatening the other. Hurting them. Degrading them. Controlling them. Forcing them to act against their conscience, again and again, each misdeed greater than the last. Sowing distrust between them. Corrupting their disinterested affection for each other until it was no more than carnal, animalistic desire. Making them fight until they wounded each other, then perversely urging them to forgive each other so they could cooperate enough to serve him. And if they ever had children—how powerful they would be, coming from such parents!—Snoke would demand their service, too.
Snoke would never let them be truly united. He would keep them divided in order to keep them weak, to prevent them from overpowering him.
Unable to bear any more, Ben withdrew his hand from her grasp. Rey looked at him sorrowfully. "Do you see, Ben?"
He took a breath. "Yes. I see. And I don't want that for you."
She narrowed her eyes at him. "And you?"
He swallowed thickly. Right now he was not sure what was more frightening: the prospect of joining Snoke, or her reaction to that choice.
"I could have broken the curse from the start," Rey said. "And after I met you, I wanted to, more than ever. But I knew it wouldn't be right. If you join him now, all of that self-denial will have been for nothing. Please, don't do that to me."
"Why are you making this so difficult?" Ben groaned.
"I'm not making it difficult," she retorted. "It's already difficult. Believe me, I know. Choosing the light isn't a decision you make just once, it's a decision you make every day, almost every second. It might feel like you're dying inside, but if you're doing the right thing, and doing it out of love, you'll get through it, because you'll know it will be worth it."
"But … I promised to save you," Ben said helplessly.
Rey spoke with solemn resolution. "I'm releasing you from your promise." Ben looked away from her, anguished. She put a hand on his shoulder. "I know you're afraid, but I know you can be brave. Even …" She gulped. "Even brave enough to let go of me."
Ben shook his head. "I'm not a strong man, Rey. I don't know if I'm strong enough to live without you, knowing that you're suffering, or—" He could not finish the thought.
"That's Snoke talking, not you," Rey scolded. "He wants you to doubt yourself. But I believe in you—your strength, your goodness, your love. And I know you can love more than just me."
Ben looked at her tenderly. "I didn't know what love was until I met you."
Rey frowned at this, disapproval in her eyes. "You said something like that at the party. Ben … that must have hurt your parents."
He blinked, incredulous. "You have barely an hour left to be human, and that's on your mind?"
"Yes, because I'm not the only one who loves you, Ben Solo. You have a family that loves you, that gives a damn about you. How do you think they would feel if they lost you—especially if they lost you to the Dark Side, after everything they fought for?"
Ben winced at that. Having learned the truth about his lineage, he knew that they would be devastated—perhaps even more so than if he had died for some noble cause.
"You can't do that to them," Rey said. "You have more to live for than just me. Please, don't throw away your life for me."
"What about your life? Am I supposed to let you become a porg?"
Her words were vehement: "I'd rather stay a porg forever than have you sell your soul."
Ben gaped. It seemed that there was no end to her selflessness. It made him love her all the more, and feel even more resistant to letting her suffer anymore.
She reached up and touched his cheek. "If you love me, do this for me," she pleaded. "Do the right thing. Let me go."
Tears flowed freely from Ben's eyes, and he did not bother trying to stanch them. It was too much, the extremes of his fearful selfishness and her brave selflessness. "I can't," he choked.
"I believe you can. I believe in you."
"You're the only one who does." That was one of the many things that made her so special to him.
"I have good reason to." She took his hand and pressed it to her head once more. "Look."
Ben did, reaching out with his feelings, and saw a jarring contrast of memories.
He saw the way Rey had first perceived him, when she was a porg and he was on the hunt. Her impression of him was tall, intimidating, someone to be careful around, firm but surprisingly empathetic. Then he saw himself through her eyes as he taught, trained, and tested her. Rey had seen him for the complicated person he was, full of conflict and contradiction. She respected that, even if she did not understand it.
Rey had treasured the time they spent together. She loved how Ben looked at her with interest, spoke to her with patience, and touched her with gentleness. No one had ever brought her that kind of peace and joy. No one had ever loved her, or inspired her to love, as much as he did.
She saw so much potential for good in him. But having seen him on the hunt, and sensed him in her nightmares, she was also aware of his potential for evil.
Rey's voice broke through, conveying her thoughts to him, though she did not push him out of her mind. "Don't be the hunter. Be the protector, the teacher, the friend. That's the man I love. That's who I want you to be—even if it's not to me."
What came next was a blend of memories and fantasies: Ben's resentful behavior toward his family, contrasted against displays of affection between them. Rey had noticed things that Ben did not: the proud way his parents smiled at him, the similarity between his laughter and Han's, the endearing contrast of heights when he danced with Leia. Rey wanted him to recognize and reciprocate their love for him. She imagined him helping his family to help other people in different ways: standing by Leia's side in a legislative chamber, sitting next to Han and Chewbacca in a ship's cockpit, training Jedi padawans with Luke.
Rey lowered his hand and clasped it tightly between both of her hands, looking at him more earnestly than ever. "I can't be the only one you love. If you love me, then love others for my sake."
Ben looked at her for a long moment, still awed, trying to reconcile his self-doubt with her faithful confidence. The way she looked at him, her eyes glowing with a quiet intensity that seemed to reach his very soul, made him want to be the person she believed he could be. He wanted to prove her right.
He sighed, but he tried to smile, cupping his free hand behind her head. "You're a better person than I am," he murmured.
Rey smiled. "You're a better person than you think you are. Or at least, you can be." She brought their joined hands against her chest, close to her heart. "Please, promise me you'll try?"
It took all of Ben's willpower to answer, his voice thick: "I promise."
Relief, hope, and gratitude flooded Rey's soul and brightened her sorrowful features. "Thank you," she whispered. She touched his cheek, kissed his forehead, and hugged him tightly; Ben clung to her, wetting her hair with his tears.
They held each other for several minutes, savoring the feeling, knowing they did not have much time left to enjoy it. They both shuddered, trying not to cry, willing themselves to be strong for the other's sake.
I love you. The thought passed back and forth between them; they were far past the point of needing to speak it out loud.
"Where is your family?" Rey asked at long last.
"Probably still at the lake."
Rey sounded reluctant even as she spoke. "You should go before Snoke comes back."
Ben reacted by tightening his arms around her. "I'm not leaving you," he said flatly. "And neither will they. We'll fight for you if it comes to that, but we won't leave you alone at the end—if this is the end."
He felt her relief in the way her body relaxed and heard it in her voice. "Thank you. That—that means a lot to me."
"It's the least we can do."
They finally loosened their hold on each other, and wiped each other's tears away. It was hard to say which of them leaned in first, but then they were kissing, still caressing each other's face and hair, pulling each other closer. They could not lose themselves in it as much as they sometimes had, but it was a moment of bittersweet joy to help them endure any coming sorrow.
When they broke apart, their foreheads resting against each other's, Rey suggested, "Let's go back to the lake. I'd like to see it with you one more time, and see your family again. And we can watch the sunrise from there."
"Okay." Ben was not going to question her requests regarding what might be her last minutes as a human being.
They stood up together and called their lightsabers to their hands. Then they walked through the forest, his arm over her shoulders and her arm around his waist. BB-8 joined them as they left the clearing, and for a moment it was almost like their first evening together, just the three of them winding their way to Nymeve Lake.