III:

"I'm going to have to find a way to compensate you that doesn't involve picking up dry cleaning and take out and your bodega stuff," Liv commented dryly.

Nancy chuckled and said, "Her homework is done – nothing too earth-shattering today, just a couple of math sheets, vocabulary, spelling, and research for her history thing. We went online for that." She shrugged. "I don't mind, really – I'm home working most of the time anyway and it's nice to take a break in the afternoon and talk to a person, even if it is a little person."

Liv nodded at her neighbor. "Ree?" she called out. "Get your stuff, kidlet – it's time to get out of Miss Nancy's hair so she can work." She leaned in and said, "That being said, if you could bring yourself to not tell my daughter that you write and edit romance novels for a living, that would be fantastic. It's too many questions I'm not ready to answer."

A bundle of energy bounced out of the apartment's living room, backpack and jacket in hand. "Miss Nancy and me made nutella and banana crackers for snacktime," she announced. "It was good – weird but good."

"You'll have to show me sometime, kidlet," Olivia said with a small smile. "Ready to go home and make supper?"

"Guess so."

"Say goodnight to Nancy, sweetheart – she'll pick you up at school tomorrow like usual," Olivia promised gently.

"Night, Miss Nancy – thanks for the snacks and helping me with my homework!"

They headed across the hall, Olivia taking the brief trip to really look at her daughter for a moment. She'd blinked and Serenity had gone from a tiny baby with a red face and righteous fury in her scream to a tall, thin, gangly child with huge brown eyes and a dusting of freckles over her nose, hair so brown it was almost black, and the softness of Rafael's face looking back at her. The little girl's smiles were rare, but when she did smile, she looked like her mother.

"What are we having for dinner, momma?"

"I was thinking we have some mac and cheese sitting around," Liv replied, "or I can make some spaghetti."

Ree wrinkled her nose. "Can I have a peanut butter sandwich?" she asked.

"Sure, baby," Liv agreed.

"You look tired, momma," she explained, throwing her backpack onto the couch and kicking off her shoes willy-nilly. "I don't want you to work hard."

Liv smiled: her little sunshine, trying to bring light to an otherwise tiring, sad day. "Well, baby, momma's got to eat something a little bit more substantial than a peanut butter sandwich," she said softly. "Let's see what's in the freezer."

A few minutes into scrounging around the kitchen and her phone rang. "Benson," she answered.

"Detective, it's Barba – Rafael Barba."

Her hackles were immediately up. "How did you get this number?" she asked sharply.

"Detective Rollins –"

"I'll kill her," Benson spat. "She had no right."

He exhaled. "You didn't have to answer the phone."

She looked at Ree, who was watching her with wide eyes, a butter knife covered in peanut butter poised over a piece of bread. Liv sighed and muttered into the phone, "I need you to hold on just a minute." She covered the mic and said to Ree, "Baby, it's work. Let me help you finish your sandwich and then you can go watch TV and eat supper, okay?"

"Do you have to go to work again?" Ree asked, concerned.

"No, honey. But I do need to be on the phone, so I need you to be quiet, okay?"

"Yep, momma," Ree agreed, knowing the drill.

Liv set the phone aside and finished the sandwich with a few deft swipes of the knife, added some jam to the other piece of bread, smashed the halves together, and cut them into kid-friendly portions. Luckily, Serenity wasn't picky and liked crust on her bread, so there was one less step to deal with than most mothers had, and Liv sent her off with her plate to the living room, turning on the TV and letting her seven-year-old pick the cartoon she wanted to watch off the DVR.

"Sorry," Liv said, grabbing the phone again.

"No, I'm sorry I interrupted. Dinnertime?"

"Yeah, just a sandwich," she said.

"That's… not very healthy."

"Well, what are you eating?"

There was a pause, then a grunt. "I don't know – something out of the snack drawer."

"Then maybe you shouldn't be lecturing me on my eating habits, Barba," she countered.

He chuckled, the sound low and inviting. "Touché, Benson," he replied. "So, I was reading the files regarding the case and I had a few questions –"

"You should have asked Rollins," Liv said.

"Oh, I did, and she gave me vague answers that didn't satisfy me at all," he said. "Said that you're much more in tune with what's going on and gave me your number – said you wouldn't mind."

Liv gritted her teeth: of course she did. "Well, then, ask away."

She hopefully answered his questions to his satisfaction, all the while getting a frozen diet meal out of the freezer and throwing it into the microwave. "What was that?" he asked when the microwave went off.

"The rest of my dinner," Liv said. "Woman cannot live on peanut butter and bread alone, Counsellor."

He laughed and said, "Well, if we win this thing, I'll take you out for a steak dinner."

She hesitated. "I don't – "

"Or at least a drink," he said.

Her mouth went dry, the palms of her hands clammy and damp. "Is that a good idea?" Olivia said very quietly.

"Are you married?"

Eight years was a long time. "Are you?" she countered.

"No."

"I'm not."

"Seeing anyone?"

"No."

"Me either. So what's the problem?"

She glanced over at the back of the sofa where her daughter's curly hair just barely peeked out. "It's complicated, Rafael." She wasn't going to put Ree in a position to get hurt, least of all by the only person who had any right to take her away.

"Not that complicated." He exhaled lowly, then added, "You wore the sexy lingerie today: I could tell."

She inhaled sharply. "It wasn't for you."

"I know. That's what makes men notice." His voice was laced with arousal and soft amusement. "I always wondered what happened to you – but now I know I never had to worry. Detective Benson."

And then there was dead air, and she was left staring at the phone. The motherfucker had hung up on her. He had all but asked her out, skirted the line of propriety, and then had the gall to just – just – hang up on her.

What an asshole.

She didn't want to think about the fact that even his arrogance turned her on.

"Momma, are you done?" Ree asked.

"Yeah, baby."

"You want to watch a movie with me before bed?"

"Always," Liv replied, grabbing her lukewarm vegetable dinner and joining her kid on the sofa as Ree put on Shrek for the thousandth time. At least it was good for a laugh.

She and Barba were arguing; they always seemed to be arguing. Even if the words weren't harsh, the debate rolled back and forth between them as if they enjoyed one-upping one another. It wasn't until she was at her desk that she noticed that her seat was filled.

Ree looked up at her with a little smile. "Hi, momma," she said.

It knocked the wind out of her – the one thing that she had insisted on since her daughter was born, and that Cragen and the squad agreed on, was that Serenity wasn't supposed to be at the station. The lines of Liv's job and home life were clearly defined and the squad had her back, guarding their mama bear at every turn.

"Baby, what are you doing here?" Liv asked, reaching down to touch her daughter's hair, smoothing it gently.

"Uncle Munch got me at school," Serenity said.

Munch looked over at Olivia and added, "Nancy's mom had an accident – she had to catch a flight to LA at lunchtime. She left a message on your phone and said she'd call back when she had more details."

Liv exhaled and struggled not to swear – and struggled not to meet Rafael's curious expression. "Okay, okay – of all the times for my phone to be in the shop for repairs," she muttered, biting her lip. "Fuck," she finally spat. "Son of a bitch. I have to take leave."

"We're in the middle of a high profile case," Rafael said sharply. "You can't take leave."

She whirled to glare at him. "My childcare has an emergency, I don't just get to find someone else," she snapped. "That woman has been vetted within an inch of her goddamn life before she can watch my kid, Barba – you think I just let anyone take care of Ree?"

"Momma, you're yelling," Ree said, tugging on Liv's arm. "I'm hungry – can I get a snack?"

Rafael immediately scrounged in his pocket for some bills and change. "Here, kid, knock yourself out – vending machines are over there," he said, pointing, as he gave Ree the money.

"Thank you, sir," she said, smiling a little.

"You can call me Rafi," he said.

"Don't try to be cute with my kid," Liv growled.

"Is that the 'it's complicated'?" he asked.

"She's my daughter," she snapped. "And she has a name."

"I'm sorry – what's her name?"

"Serenity."

He paused for a moment, then said, "Odd choice of a name, considering she's yours."

"Are you mocking me, Rafael?" Liv countered, hands flying onto her hips.

"Maybe just a tiny bit," Rafael said, holding up his fingers, smashed together. "Seriously, it's not that big of a deal – she's a kid. People have kids."

"Momma, I got you some fruit snacks," Ree said, bringing the spoils of her snack raid with her to her mother's desk. "You want 'em?"

"Ree, baby," Liv said, trying to keep the shakiness out of her voice, "why don't you go share your snacks with Uncle Munch? I'm talking to Mr. Barba."

Ree sighed and said, "But, Momma –"

Fin piped up, "Hey, kid, c'mere. Your mom's busy."

Ree sighed again and pouted but complied with Fin's order.

Olivia frowned and bit her thumbnail. "I don't know what I'm going to do," she admitted. "I can't just find a babysitter. This isn't a joke, Barba. She isn't supposed to be here – not ever."

He held his hands up in submissive surrender. "Okay," he said softly, calmly. "Then let me help. Please, Olivia." When she nodded, Rafael said, "What about her father?"

"It's just the two of us," Liv said quickly, unable to keep the defensive sharpness out of her tone.

"Okay," he said. "Your neighbor watches her after school and when you're at work if you get called in during the evenings?"

"She works from home," Liv explained. "I do her errands for her sometimes, and she watches Ree – helps kidlet with her homework, things like that." She took a shaky breath. "The last time my baby was in the squadroom, she was a baby. I hadn't left in 96 hours; we were in the middle of a kidnapping case. She was teething, wouldn't stop screaming for me – and my fiancé brought her in while I was in interrogation with my partner and our prime suspect, and dropped her off with Munch and left." She swallowed hard and shook her head. "So… it's just us, Barba. And I try to keep her away from all of this. She knows Uncle Munch and Uncle Fin because they bring me work at home sometimes, and Grandpa Don – Captain Cragen – because he drops in to see how much she's grown. But this? This is no world for a kid."

"You're right: it's not," he agreed. "Do you want me to call my mom?"

She hesitated. "What is she going to do?"

"She had surgery a couple weeks ago and she's on leave for at least another three," Rafael explained. "Mami is the assistant principal at St. Mary of Our Sorrows in the Bronx. She knows CPR and how to wrangle 400 kids – I'd think one wouldn't be a problem for a few days."

"I couldn't ask that," Liv said.

"Uh, yeah, you could," Rollins interjected. "Not that I'm eavesdropping or anything –"

"Let me call her at least and see if she's willing to do it," he said, reaching out to touch Olivia's arm to calm her. "This shouldn't be a worry for you."

He didn't understand – and how could he? Ever since they had parted ways, since she had gotten that startling positive pregnancy test and had decided that life was a fragile bubble likely to be popped at any time so she had best embrace it with all due haste, since she had held her daughter in her arms and taken sole responsibility for that little person with her wide eyes and her enormous personality, she had worried. The pregnancy had had minor complications – gestational diabetes and kidney issues – that were starting to show signs of recurrence and she worried about that. She worried about Rafael finding out that he was Serenity's biological father and suing her for custody of his child, citing that she wasn't fit to be raising her alone. She worried that she wasn't doing enough, that she wasn't enough.

She was trying so hard not to break down in the middle of the squadroom; Rafael had stepped away to speak to his mother softly on the phone in Spanish, Ree was eating animal crackers and playing out a tableau with Munch and giggling: the two were thick as thieves and really adored one another, and Liv felt Fin's arm snake around her waist.

"Just breathe," Fin said. "It's gonna be okay. You're lucky Harris has been at 1PP all day: he'd shit gold bricks about kiddo being in the room."

"It's just a house of cards – one false move and…" She made a frantic gesture. "It was okay when Elliot was here because Kathy would take her and – but then – fuck, Fin. She still doesn't understand why she can't go see Uncle El and Auntie K anymore. I don't understand, either. She doesn't remember Trevor – thank god. So I keep her circle small and try to keep her from getting hurt and… and now this."

"It's gonna be okay," Fin assured her. "I mean, hell, we can rotate afternoons and watch her – Munch and Manda and me. It'll be fine. Just breathe. We've got this."

Rafael hung up the phone and came back over. "You have an extra set of keys?" he asked. "And I'll need your address so I can give it to Mami – she'll head over to meet us there as soon as I tell her where she's going."

Olivia's jaw went slack. "What?"

"She's bored," he explained casually, but the tension in his shoulders belied something else. "She'll do it as long as you need her to – you can work out the details between you."

She rattled off her address and he called his mother back, giving her the information before ringing off again. "I guess we're heading home, then," Liv said. "Ree – get your stuff."

Ree sighed heavily and left Munch's desk, but not before she'd given her honorary uncle a hug and kiss. She packed up her homework and got into her jacket. "Momma, can we get Chinese for supper?" she asked.

"It's too early to worry about supper, baby – you just had a snack," Liv sighed. "But I'll think about it."

Rafael smirked. "No wonder you're picking at salads," he teased lightly. "Kid's a bottomless pit."

She bristled; how very much fucking dare he? "Mr. I'll Snack All Day Long, I don't want to hear it," she snapped. She shrugged into her jacket, surprised to feel his hands gently on her back, helping to guide the leather into place.

"You gonna make sure they get home okay?" Fin asked Rafael grimly.

"Yeah – of course," Rafael replied.

"Because there ain't nuthin' we wouldn't do to protect Mama Bear and Baby Bear," Fin warned.

"And we know where to hide the bodies," Munch added cheerfully.

Rollins laughed. "I'm just here for the free donuts," she quipped.

Liv smiled tearfully and reached down to smooth her daughter's unruly hair. "Ready to go home, baby?"

"Do I have to, Momma?"

"Yeah."

Serenity heaved a sigh. "I guess so," she said quietly.

TBC...