Chapter Five: Heart Shaped Tears

"Say goodnight and go,
why's it always always
goodnight and go
Darling not again
Goodnight and go"

PART ONE

The rain fell onto the roof, channeling the sound of small raindrops all the way to Peter's room. His dark blue curtains swayed from the gusts of wind, as a cold breeze swept across his bare chest. He slowly opened his eyelids, revealing brilliant blue eyes. His sheets were shoved near the bottom of his bed, leaving him vulnerable to the wind. Peter slowly flicked on the lamp next to his bed, and rubbed his eyes. It had been two weeks since Susan came into Peter's bed, and nothing had improved with Susan. At times he would look into her eyes and it was as if she was calling for him; but he politely smiled at her male escort, and turned his glance away.

Peter ran his hand through his hair as he stood sat up on his bed .He hazily walked over to his wooden dresser, and pulled out a simple, blue polo shirt. As soon as the collar slipped over his head, Peter heard the sound of a car driving off from the driveway. He ignored it and turned to his door as he heard the front door close.

Instead of heading downstairs, Peter walked down the long desolate hallway. He pulled down the overhead ladder to the attic, and carefully stepped up into the small, hot space. He didn't look around, he continued straight until he got to a small gold box. He unclasped the handle, and carefully opened the box. His fingers trailed along the smooth fabric as he pulled it up. The long silky dark green fabric almost fell through his fingers. He brought the light scarf up to his face. He took in one deep breath, and closed his eyes. Every once in a while, Peter would come up to the attic and breathe in what used to be his. He liked it because it almost made him forget that everyday, she was slowly falling further away from him. He never stayed too long though, because he was afraid that if he did…he would never leave, and her scent would become much too familiar and nothing special. Peter folded her scarf into even sections, and delicately placed it back into its box. He walked down the ladder to the second floor, and folded it back up again above him.

As Peter walked down the main stairs, he saw Lucy and Edmund walking from the front door, Edmund's arm around Lucy. Peter looked around. He saw Susan's room was empty, but he couldn't see her where he was. He turned to Edmund and Lucy.

"Ed, where's Susan?" Peter asked quietly. Edmund looked at him puzzled. He then looked at Lucy.

"Didn't Susan tell you?" Edmund replied. Peter gave them blank glances.

"Well, she went off to live with the Andrew in the city." As soon as those words came out of Lucy's mouth, Peter's whole body felt stiff and cold. "We…thought she told you, because she didn't make an effort to say goodbye." Lucy said, not knowing that those very words almost destroyed Peter. He rested his hand on the banister. He played it off well, but if he hadn't been supporting himself, he would've collapsed. As Lucy and Edmund walked back into the kitchen to finish their breakfasts, something in Peter snapped. He began running at full speed out the door. He ran down the steep steps, and rushed past all the trees. He was trying to catch up with her, but he knew it was too late. Every time he reminded himself of that fact, he began running harder and harder until his lungs were burning with pain. He finally stopped after three minutes of none stop sprinting. His thoughts began to spill out. What had he done? Had he really lost her forever? No, no… he couldn't have…could he? Peter fell to the ground, and clutched the dirt with his fingers. He dug his fingernails into the deep muddy soil, and then ripped them out in fury.

He solemnly walked back to the house, and as the rain continued to pour onto his head, he didn't know what to do. He was confused, upset, and hurt. He didn't know what he wanted to do other than just … be alone. He sat in the gazebo on a swing, and rested his head on his hand. He wanted to believe that Susan didn't actually leave, that she was actually just playing a joke on their whole family; but, he knew deep inside that Susan really was gone. He tried thinking of all the times they had been together, all the times they were perfect for one another.

The sound of horses galloping echoed through the field. High King Peter and Queen Susan were out for a ride, when they decided to go further. Peter led the way with his stallion and Susan followed closely behind. They wove between trees, and jumped over logs, until Peter stopped.

It was a stream, surrounded by trees. Susan gracefully demounted her horse and walked over to the stream. She cupped water in her hands, and playfully splashed Peter. Peter smiled, and began walking towards Susan.

"Ha!" He yelled as Susan continued splashing him. Peter was chasing her around and around, but finally caught a hold of her, as they moved to the ground. "You thought you could escape punishment. Silly, silly girl." He added playfully. Susan was panting from running, but Peter was smiling. He tenderly kissed Susan, and Susan returned the favor. Susan slipped off her cape, and slowly started unbuttoning her dress. Peter laughed, and pulled her back down for a kiss.

But as soon as the trumpets and horns sounded, Peter and Susan quickly got dressed, and had a parting kiss. They knew that they had to love in private, act like brother and sister in public, and save making love for secret occasions, because this would be greatly frowned upon if anyone had found out.

The next day, Peter was ordered to battle. Every time that he was going to be shipped out to another fight, Susan began to worry. She wouldn't make it obvious, but obvious enough that Peter could tell. She would smile, then frown, then try to bring back her smile. She would fidget with her dress, and she couldn't look Peter in the eyes. Peter always comforted her, and would graze his hand across her rosy cheek, telling her he was going to be fine. She always doubted him, but in the end, she always trusted Peter. She would try not to worry after, and they would always spend one magical night together before he left.

Then, there were the times when all of the Kings and Queens would gather in the extravagant ballroom to have their weekly dance lessons. King Edmund would dance with Queen Lucy, and High King Peter would dance with Queen Susan. They would follow the dance moves, and Peter would playfully slide his hand further down Susan's waist. Then when anyone would look, he would discreetly pull it back up. In-between rehearsals, they would sneak behind the curtains, and kiss each other. It was amazing how secretive their relationship was because of the fact that they couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Peter opened his eyes, and he knew what he had to do. He had to let go of the one thing that was holding him back. He couldn't stand the everlasting pain he felt in his chest. The ever growing ball of heaviness that he felt everyday was becoming too much for him to balance…especially when Susan had left. He had to get rid of it, he knew he had to. He just didn't know how.