V:

"We should do a DNA test," he finally said. "I mean… I don't have any reason to believe that you'd lie about this. But just to be certain, for legal purposes."

Her hands were shaking, and she couldn't be sure that her voice wouldn't be as well, so her assent was merely a nod.

"Olivia," Rafael said softly, "what do you need from me? As her father – what…"

She suddenly felt sick to her stomach; every ugly fear she'd ever had was rising to the surface and she had to get away from him. "Excuse me," she whispered, sliding off her stool and all but running to the ladies' room. The meager contents of her stomach came up with alarming speed, leaving her dizzy and panting for breath, unsure that she would be steady on her feet when she got off of her knees and got her head out of the toilet. "Shit," she breathed. "Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit."

He was waiting for her in the corridor, concern in his eyes and that softness on his face that she could love if she gave herself the chance. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Fine," she dismissed. "I need to get home."

"Yes," he said softly. "But –" He sighed. "What can I do? To help. While we wait for the DNA results." He paused. "It's crass to talk about money and things, I know, but – do you need money to move to a better place? Do you need help getting her into a better school? Olivia – just… please." He radiated self-conscious worry and frustration.

"She's in private school," she said. "Hence the little apartment: it's rent-controlled. I'm not giving up that apartment until I have to. We're fine: she has the bed and I sleep on the sofa."

He exhaled a deep sigh. "Grocery money? Something for the bills?"

"Rafael –"

"Look, if she is my kid, I should have been doing this all along," he said, reaching out to touch her shoulder. "And if she isn't… it doesn't matter. I'm your friend and I want to help. I want to love you both, but you're holding me back like what I want, what we could be doesn't matter –"

"I'm – it's –"

"If you say 'it's complicated' one more time," he warned. "It isn't."

His hand moved to her face, his fingertips moving delicately over her cheek. She leaned into his touch, closed her eyes for just a moment. "I've lived every day terrified that you'll find out about her and try to take her away from me," she admitted on a whisper, unable to look at him as she said it. "She's all I have, Rafael."

"A few days ago, I didn't know she existed," he said. "It's all new to me, Olivia – this is all new. I don't want to take her from you: hell, we don't even know that I'm her father." He took a deep breath, then let it out. "But I want to try if you'll let me."

"I wasn't going to tell you," she said, "but then you just asked and I couldn't lie – lying never works out well for me."

"Whoa, slow down," he said softly. "Do you think I'm angry? Olivia – I'm not pissed off. I'm just trying to wrap my head around this. I've never wanted kids, and I just found out that I might have one –"

"If you don't want kids, it's fine," she said, trying to push away from him, but he held her close, much to her annoyance. "We can just stay like we are – two Bensons on a big adventure, just the two of us. We don't need anyone else."

His face twisted in pain, then went coldly neutral. "I didn't want kids because I thought I would fuck it up – that I would be like my father. But just spending a few minutes with your daughter disabused me of that notion – so don't paint me with the same brush you'd use to tar and feather Langan, Olivia. I'm going to make mistakes and I'm going to fuck it up, but I'm not going anywhere – "

She inhaled shakily. "You're making a commitment and you don't even know –"

"I'm your friend."

"You've known me a week and we slept together once," she said very quietly.

"So have dinner with me," he said.

"I have to get home and take care of –"

"Mami is watching her," he reminded her. "We can go get some takeaway and go to my place."

She hesitated and hated to admit how good adult company sounded – and not in the dirty way that that implied, either. Even though she was finding it very difficult not to slide directly back into bad habits and propositioning him straight into bed – something about the suspenders and waistcoat combination made her a little weak in the knees, and knowing that both were hiding beneath his blazer had already made her mind wander a couple of times.

"Only if your mother doesn't mind."

"She'll be thrilled that I'm not eating in the office again," he commented dryly.

"But not so thrilled that she has to keep watching Ree," Liv said with a small, sad smile.

"You kidding?" he asked, laughing. "She asked me point-blank yesterday why I couldn't just man up and find a nice girl like you and have a few grandbabies. Then she asked why I didn't just ask you out so we could get the ball rolling. Apparently, I look at you with 'puppy eyes', whatever that means."

She blushed. "Oh."

He pulled out his phone and dialed his mother. "Mami? Olivia and I are going to grab some dinner before we head back to hers. Yeah. Yeah – put it on your card and I'll give you cash later. Yeah, it's fine. Te amo." He hung up and looked at Liv. "She's going to order something in – and before you say anything, I'm paying for that and our dinner."

They ended up on his sofa with takeaway from an Italian place on his block. She was in love with the bruschetta and ate far more than she knew she was supposed to, then indulged in some baked mussels and watched her dining companion pack away his ciuppin and bread.

"This is amazing," Liv commented.

"It's great, isn't it?" Rafael agreed with a lop-sided grin. "I've got Italian, Indian, Moroccan, Chinese, Japanese, Iranian, German, and Irish all within five minutes' walk. Mami complains that I don't eat enough Cuban, but for that, I have to head back to the barrio."

"There's a place by me," Liv replied.

"It's shit," he dismissed with a wave of his hand. "It's like if you got someone who can't really cook to try to make a gourmet meal, but it's Cubano. It's just not good. I'll cook for you and Ree sometime." He paused. "I mean, if you want me to."

"Of course I want you to," she said, looking over at him. "I want you to have a relationship with our daughter, Rafael."

"But you don't want to have a relationship with me," he said.

She put the remnants of her food onto the coffee table and sighed heavily. "I don't know what I want, Barba. All I know is that I have to do what's best for Serenity."

He set aside his food containers and said, "Where did that name come from, anyway? No child of mine could ever be mistaken for serene –"

Liv stifled a laugh. "My mom," she said softly. "She was Serena… I wanted something similar, but not the same. And I said the Serenity Prayer so many times when I was pregnant that Fin hid my gun so I wouldn't accidentally on purpose shoot a bitch." She laughed at the look on his face. "Her full name is Serenity Rafaelle Benson."

His fingertips dug into his thighs. "Olivia," he said, his voice low and full of sad earnest.

"I made a choice to keep her and I knew the consequences," she said. "There were no guarantees I would ever see you again. I knew what I was getting into, Rafael."

"You have your big girl panties all pulled up and everything," he teased lightly.

She paused. "You can't say things like that in front of people."

"I know."

"We have to disclose anyway, what with Ree –"

"Olivia –"

"They're pink," she said.

"What?"

"My panties. They're pink with black polka dots and black lace. And I'm wearing the bra to match," she admitted quietly, letting the moment stretch into a charged silence between them.

When he kissed her, it was a surprise; his stubble was rough against her skin, his lips hot and desperately needy, begging for an answer to every unasked question. Each kiss was hungrier, more insistent, and she was unprepared for the onslaught of his gentle touch in addition to the passionate desire of his lips and tongue. Every breathy growl from him was a question asking for her affirmation, her assent, which she gave willingly, glad to be dragged back into this perfect hellstorm of their own making.

Making out on the sofa became so much more and they didn't even try to stop it; the runaway train had long since left the station. He sobbed his release into the front of her shoulder as she rode his lap, her fingernails dug deep into his pectoral muscles as she chased her high. He drew her down for another deep, hungry kiss, whispered a hoarse, "Come for me, mi amor," and reached between their bodies to help her along. The orgasm was brutally intense when it slammed into her, and she wondered, briefly, if he felt such strong pleasure with her – or if she was just a repressed freak.

"I guess I should be practical and head to the pharmacy for Plan B," he said with a sigh, rubbing her back.

"It's fine," Liv said quietly.

"It isn't. We haven't discussed –"

"Rafael… I'm a big girl, I can get my own shit," she said. "Besides… we didn't exactly plan this, did we? I'm just as complicit." She pressed their foreheads together and gave him a light kiss. "It's fine." She flashed back to his words from earlier about never wanting kids, and felt a pang deep in her gut for having trapped him into a responsibility that he wasn't ready for, for having made a decision without him that had affected them both –

"Hey," he said, tipping her chin up so she was looking at him, "I'm not going anywhere. If something happens, it's my fault as much as yours. You aren't alone anymore, Olivia."

"But you don't want this," she whispered, keenly aware that she was still on his lap, as joined to him as she could be. "You don't want kids – a family –"

"I didn't," he said. "Because I was stupid." He swallowed hard, dipped his head to rest on her collarbone. "I got up this morning, thinking that all I wanted was to win the case in court today and ask you out for a drink after – and make you smile once. And… and I ended the day having sex with the most exquisite woman I've ever known – and finding out that her daughter is probably mine."

She stiffened, her face falling; it sounded so Machiavellian when he put it that way. She didn't want to be his beautiful but evil mistress, luring him into temptation and delivering him straight into the hands of evil. If he needed to be away from them in order to be happy, so be it.

"Mi amor?"

"Rafael, I need to go home," she said, pulling out of his embrace and looking for her scattered clothing on the floor. He was so close in a heartbeat, all warmth and strength and gentleness – and she had the fleeting thought that no one would ever believe her that the ADA was anything less than Satan's handmaiden. "Stop, please, I can't think," she begged, swatting him away.

He looked hurt. "I'm sorry, I –"

"I'll get with Melinda Warner tomorrow about the DNA test," she said quietly. "She's pretty good at being discreet."

"Olivia –"

"You want all the Is dotted and the Ts crossed," she said, buttoning her blouse and closing her eyes. "I'm just trying to do what you need."

He sighed, his hands falling to his sides in frustration. "Why are you shutting me out?"

"This was a mistake," she said, gesturing between them.

"No." His tone was harsh, furious. It was a tone she had only heard used in interrogation from him and it startled her into submissive compliance immediately. "Reckless, yes, impulsive, yes, irresponsible – the jury's out. A mistake? No. You aren't hearing me, Olivia. I have been in love with you for eight years, since the night you picked me up in a bar and turned me inside out – and I don't want to put the pieces back together without you. Do you fucking get it? Do you understand why I want to wipe the smile off Trevor Langan's face? Because I want to be the one to take care of you and Serenity. I want to love you, Olivia. Walking away that night was a mistake. This? This was not a mistake." The anger radiating off of him was enough to make her cringe; had she really miscalculated so much?

She took a breath, it shuddered in her lungs, became a broken sound much like a sob, but she did her best to keep it in. "Rafael –"

"Oh god, don't cry," he said, his voice softening as his hands flew up to cup her face. "Olivia, please, don't cry – I didn't mean to –"

"I need to go," she whispered.

He exhaled weakly and nodded; she felt badly as he dropped his hands away. "Too much – it's too much, too soon. Fuck, I'm… I'm so sorry, Olivia."

"It wasn't a mistake," she conceded very softly, her heart fluttering in her chest at the look of tired, dejected hope he gave her. "But I have to get Ree down for bed on time or she'll be cranky in the morning and –"

"Can I see you tomorrow?" he asked her.

"I don't know that that's a good idea," Liv murmured. "But we'll talk about doing something on Saturday – you can come with Ree and me shopping."

He nodded, clearly still worried that he had crossed every line between them. "Olivia –"

"I could love you, too," she said, "and it terrifies me."

Lucia was still there when she had put Ree down for the night and closed the door behind her. Liv was a little startled to find her on the sofa with a mug of cocoa in hand and a knowing look on her face. "What?" she asked.

"You came in here like all the fires of hell were on your heels," Lucia said with a sigh. "What did my Rafi do?"

Olivia went around the living room, picking up toys and dropping them into the toyboxes. "He's a good man," she said. "He didn't do anything."

"He must have done something." Lucia pursed her lips together. "Did he have too much to drink and come on to you inappropriately?"

Liv stifled a laugh. "No," she said. "He behaved like a perfect gentleman. I'm afraid that the problem lies with me, Mrs. Barba."

"How so? You seem like a perfectly nice girl – "

"He's wasting his time on me when he could do so much better," she said, sitting down on the arm of the chair and rubbing her eyes tiredly. "I just – I don't want him to wake up and realize he's made the biggest mistake of his life and…"

"He's a good boy," Lucia said. "Rash and impulsive, thinks with his heart and not his head. He's been in love with two women in his life and the first one hurt him so badly he never told me about the second. But I know he fell because he stopped dating and threw himself into work." She paused for a moment, then cleared her throat. "Then you came into his life and suddenly, he's like a livewire."

"Mrs. Barba –"

"I don't pretend to know what's going on in his head, but I do know that he looks at you with big cartoon hearts in his eyes," Lucia said. "That boy loves you. Don't you dare hurt him or I'll poison your coffee."

Olivia knew without a doubt that she would.

TBC...