VI:

He stayed away on Wednesday and Thursday, only coming around to the precinct on Friday because they'd caught a case and needed him for warrants. Amaro had come back from DC on Wednesday, and Olivia was glad to see him settled back in at his desk across from her, wielding homemade snacks from his mother's stash and normal chit-chat. And it was in the middle of just that when Barba arrived to shout at Fin.

"You cannot just –"

"Look, man, we were within our legal –"

"Anyone want some popcorn?" Rollins said. "We could sell tickets, earn a little dough for the –"

"Not helping, Amanda," Munch interjected.

"Is that the new ADA?" Amaro asked, raising an eyebrow in Olivia's direction.

"Yeah," she said, looking down at her folder, pretending to be disinterested. "Rafael Barba: he's actually pretty good at what he does in a courtroom. He just needs to work on how he handles people outside of the courtroom."

"I heard that, Benson," Rafael snapped.

"I'm sorry," she replied automatically. "Fin and Rollins followed procedure to the letter. The fact that they came to you for follow-up warrants for further evidence searches proves it. So if you'd get off your high horse for a second and listen to what they're telling you instead of assuming –"

"Are you –"

Amaro, for all his cleverness, had immediately clocked onto Barba's heritage immediately and snapped, "¿Por qué no retrocedes y vas a hacer tu trabajo? Está destinado a perseguir la justicia, no a pervertir el curso de la misma, abogado."

Liv paused, hesitated, held back a smile when Rafael deflated just a little. "¿La Habana?" he asked, his voice shaking a little.

"Sí, mi padre es de La Habana. Mi madre es de Mariel."

Rafael nodded and exhaled. "La familia de mi madre es de Batea. La familia de mi padre era de Baracoa. Tuvimos... no tanta suerte como algunos."

"Dice el abogado del hombre blanco," shot back Amaro.

"¡Basta!" Olivia interjected roughly. "Do not make me send you both to separate corners. Barba – just get the warrants. Nick, chill the hell out. He's not here to one-up you. Jesus: it's like working with toddlers."

"I didn't know that you spoke Spanish," Rafael said.

"You didn't ask," she said.

"She also speaks French, Italian, and Hungarian," Fin said dismissively. "Just try getting into an argument with that."

"I can see where that would be a problem," Rafael said with a frown. "I guess I'll be going to try to get the warrants – but don't be surprised if I can't secure even one."

He'd been gone a few minutes when Liv got a text. Why didn't you tell me you spoke Spanish? It would have made our argument more interesting.

She bit her lip and texted back. I don't want to argue with you.

"So that's the new ADA?" Amaro said, making a face. "I hope he's good – we need it after what happened last year. But, still… I'm not impressed."

"You wouldn't be impressed if he won every case," Liv pointed out gently. "You think he sold out to the establishment."

"What, don't you? He wears suits that cost as much as your rent, Olivia."

"I think that he feels that he has to look and act the part to fit in, but that isn't who he is," she said.

Amaro laughed. "Right. And you've gotten to know him so well –"

She shrugged. "You know me; I read people." Liv rubbed her temples; she'd had a headache all day.

"Manda said Langan's been sniffing around, speaking of reading people…"

"Rollins has a big mouth," Olivia sighed. "We had coffee yesterday."

"That's a bad idea waiting to happen," Amaro warned. "Taking back your ex because he's having a midlife crisis –"

She grunted. "I'm not taking him back."

"Isn't that what having coffee with your ex is?"

"No. No, it definitely is not," she said very quietly. "Trevor will be acting as my attorney in a few matters because I still trust him in a legal capacity, but other than that… we're done. He understands. It's fine." She sighed and said, "I just… my life isn't a display, Nick."

"I never said it was."

"Barba's mother has been watching Ree while Nancy's out of town," Liv admitted. "So… I feel a little like an animal at the zoo."

Amaro cringed. "Did he make any comments about your place? I'll –"

"You'll what?" she countered. "It's not like anything he's thinking isn't untrue."

Her phone chimed again. She glanced down at the text. Can I still come over and spend time with you two tomorrow? I'll cook.

"He has no right to judge you for doing the best you can," Amaro snapped. "It's not as if Serenity's father stuck around –"

She sighed heavily. "Nick, it's fine. He's been very good about not –"

"If he gives you too much trouble, I'll put him in his place."

"Please don't."

He was wearing tan pants and a pale green polo when she opened the door. "Hey," Liv said. "We're just finishing breakfast – do you want anything? There's coffee and I can get you some cereal or make some toast."

"Coffee would be good," he said. "Hello, Serenity," Rafael greeted.

Ree waved and said, "Hi, Mr. Rafi."

"I told her you're going shopping with us," Liv explained.

"Ah," he said.

"Why are you coming?" Ree asked. "It's just groceries. It's super boring. Momma doesn't even let me get cool stuff like marshmallows and Nutella and Cinnamon Toast Crunch."

"That's because you don't need that much sugar," Liv said with a heavy sigh. "You need fresh fruit and veggies, little one. And yet, we end up with more mac and cheese and chicken nuggets than anything else."

Rafael chuckled and said, "At least she's eating."

"I like carrots with ranch dip," Ree proclaimed.

"You and every other heathen child on the planet," he groused.

"At least she's eating," Liv repeated him mockingly.

His arm came around her waist, his hand casually resting on her hip. "I am going to teach her to eat real food," he promised softly. "And I plan on teaching you how to cook for her."

"Or you could just come over and cook for us," she murmured, leaning into his embrace, accepting the gentle familiarity, the easiness of it all.

"I'm… I'm so sorry about yesterday."

"It was work," she dismissed.

"That new detective –"

"Amaro? My partner?" she quizzed. "What about him?"

"Do you trust him?"

"I trust my squad – I have to," she said quietly. "Is this about what he said about you, Rafael? Because you shouldn't let what other people think dictate how you feel –"

He sighed heavily. "I come from nothing, Olivia. I got very lucky by being smart and knowing how to use that to my advantage – and that isn't ego speaking."

"No, I know," she said, squeezing him gently around the ribs. "You've shown that to me. You don't have to prove anything."

"But I do." He took a deep breath. "Don't I?"

"No, you just need to do your best," she whispered. "That's all any of us can do: our best."

He kissed her temple and leaned their heads together. "Olivia?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think that we can go on a proper date sometime?"

She paused, took a deep breath, then said, "I'm not sure I'm ready for that, Rafael." When he stiffened, she dug her fingers into his side, and added, "I just… I'm used to being home with Ree. I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be going out."

"Momma, are we going?" Ree whined.

"As soon as Rafael finishes his coffee," Liv said.

"Why are you hugging?" Ree said with a sigh, her hands on her hips.

Because I can't crawl into bed with him… Liv sighed and pulled herself from his embrace and went to tend to her child. "Okay, kidlet, did you make your list?" she asked.

"Yes," Ree replied.

"Let me see," Liv instructed, wiggling her fingers for the paper. She looked over the childish print and raised a brow. "You want raisins?"

"The gold kind," Ree said. "Miss Carter made me try them and they were good. And I want some pis…sasios."

"Pistachios," Rafael corrected with a chuckle.

"Yeah, those. I couldn't spell them," Ree muttered with a pout.

"Those are reasonable," Liv replied. "Some of the rest of this is not. We'll see what happens when we get to the store, okay?"

The little girl sighed. "Okay. What if I ask Mr. Rafi?"

"It's up to your mami," he replied automatically. "The only exception is the things I need to make pastelitos."

"What's those?" Ree asked.

"Never you mind," Rafael said, "but you can help me make them later. My abuelita taught me how to make them when I was your age. She would love you – maybe you and your mami can come meet her sometime soon." He glanced at Olivia with naked hope in his eyes, and she held her breath.

"Maybe," Liv agreed, not missing the triumphant hint of a grin on his lips. "Hey, get your jacket, little miss – it's time to go."

The grocery run was longer than expected – who knew that Rafael had to read labels? – and there had been a squabble at the checkout over who was paying – Rafael had ended up silencing her with a glare and a low, tense, "we'll talk about this later" – but they had made it back to the apartment without incident and the groceries had been put away without fuss.

"I'm making lunch," he announced, "so you two go watch TV or something."

"Okay," Liv said doubtfully. "Try not to burn down my kitchen."

"Wouldn't dream of it, mi vida," he said softly.

She left Serenity in front of the TV watching some cartoon or another – My Little Pony, maybe? – and joined Rafael in the kitchen. He was busy assembling some kind of complicated-looking sandwiches, which she immediately said, "I hope you have an alternative for the kidlet because she'll humor you for one bite and ask for peanut butter instead."

"These are for us," he replied. "I was going to do peanut butter and jelly for her. If that's okay – she's not allergic, is she?"

"Nope." Liv smiled. "She's only allergic to grass and pollen, which sucks in the spring and summer when she wants to roll around in the park."

He cracked a grin. "Sounds familiar. I used to sneeze a lot in the spring and no one could figure out why till I was at Harvard and participated in an allergy study."

She hesitated a moment and murmured, "Melinda gave me the results of the DNA test yesterday."

He stared at her. "That was fast."

She shrugged. "She knew it was important."

"More important than the rape kit backlog?"

"No; but both our DNA sequences are on file, so it wasn't a complicated procedure," Liv said softly. "Do you want to see the file?"

He nodded and slid the sandwiches into a hot skillet; they sizzled. "So a confirmation, then."

"I always knew," she said. "This was for you." She exhaled shakily. "I already talked to my attorney, before Melinda confirmed it, and discussed how complicated it would be to make some changes to things, and depending on what you want to do –"

"Things like what?"

"Like what happens to Serenity if something happens to me," she said, leaning against the counter. "Right now… right now, if I die, or am incapacitated, Fin Tutuola is her legal guardian."

He physically recoiled. "What the fuck? Why him?"

"Her godparents aren't in the picture anymore," Liv said with a heavy sigh, running her fingers through her hair, "so… I mean, Uncle Fin is the next best thing. He's raised a grown son who turned out just fine, Rafael. And he loves her. It's enough. Or it was."

"And now?"

She paused as he flipped the sandwiches. "Eres su papá."

"Siento que le he fallado." His words were so quiet, she almost didn't hear them. "Te he fallado."

She got two slices of bread and the peanut butter and jam from the cupboard, ready to show him how to make the sandwich for Ree just like she liked it. "Nunca," she denied gently as he plated up the medianoches. "Did you tell your mom –"

He laughed and shook his head. "Do you think for one second that my mother – no, no, I didn't tell her anything except that we work together from time to time."

"She isn't stupid," Liv said softly. "She's going to figure it out sooner rather than later. You have to tell her."

"I know."

"Hey, so – you need to know this," she said, opening the peanut butter and gesturing. It took all of a minute to put together the sandwich and cut it into quarters, and she looked over at him, surprised to see tears shining in his eyes. "Rafael?"

"Mami made my sandwiches like that when I was little," he said quietly.

She smiled and offered him a hug, which he returned fiercely. "It's just a sandwich," Liv murmured.

"No, it's… it's more than that," he whispered. "Thank you for taking such good care of her. Our girl. Our daughter. I have a daughter. It didn't feel real until just then when you were – when you were cutting the sandwich like mami used to do for me, and I realized just how much you've sacrificed for her because I wasn't there."

She shook her head and murmured, "She's all I have, Rafael."

"Not anymore," he promised.

Liv was relieved when Nancy came back a couple of days later; Lucia hadn't mentioned anything, so she assumed that Rafael hadn't had the courage to tell her yet. Not that she could really blame him. The woman, while sweet, was a little intimidating. And Cragen was back at work – finally – so things were sliding back into what seemed like a normal routine.

Olivia hesitated outside her Captain's office, then knocked on the door. "Come in," Cragen said, getting off the phone and waving her in. "Damn brass," he muttered. "Wants me to jump through hoops. What can I help you with, Olivia?"

She inhaled deeply, then said, "What would I need to do if I wanted to move forward in my career? Say… take a more bureaucratic role than –"

"You finally want to promote? After all this time?" Cragen asked, raising a brow. "What –"

"Some things happened while you were gone," she said. "And I have to reassess my priorities where Serenity is concerned."

He gestured to the chair on the other side of his desk. "Sit down."

"I'm not here to spill my guts," she sighed.

"Olivia, I know that the NYPD and your daughter are your world," he began as she dropped into the chair and crossed her arms over her chest defensively.

"I had to rely on the kindness of our new ADA's mother for childcare while you were away because Nancy had an emergency," she admitted. "I didn't… I felt powerless and scared because I didn't know her and yet –" She hesitated, unable to let the words, And yet she's Ree's abuela, leave her lips. "But Barba made some points about if I was riding a desk – money, hours, responsibility, that kind of a thing."

"All the points I've been trying to make since you came back from maternity leave and you didn't want to hear," Cragen said. "I have yet to meet our new ADA. Sounds like he's good for the squad."

"We won the Paley case with him," Liv said.

"So I saw."

"And we're taking the McMasters case to trial next week."

"Yes. Which is why I'm surprised he hasn't shown his face yet today."

"He has court till 11," Liv said too quickly.

"You know his schedule?" Cragen raised a brow.

"He mentioned it in passing on Friday," she lied – hopefully convincingly.

"Right," Cragen said doubtfully. "Anyway –"

So when Barba showed up with two trays of coffee and a bag of pastries at 11:37, literally no one was surprised that he made a beeline to Olivia's desk and offered her first pick of the food and let her distribute the coffee. And no one was surprised, either, that he had a smile for her and a pleasant greeting. In fact, Amaro rolled his eyes and gagged in response.

"Oye, Barba, mantenlo en tus pantalones, ¿por qué no?" Nick sniped.

"Don't listen to him," Rollins said with a smirk, accepting her cup of coffee and Danish. "I think it's nice that you're sweet on Benson."

"I am not sweet on Benson," Rafael denied. "Common courtesy is so grossly misrepresented these days by –"

"Whatever," Amanda replied, waving him off.

"Wow, there's a lot of sugar in this stuff," Fin said.

Liv held back, just taking her coffee. "Yeah, my salad's on the way from the deli," she said. "Thanks, Barba, but I'm going to pass."

"I, on the other hand, will take that cherry knish," Munch said, "with much gratitude."

"I hear I have a meeting with Captain Cragen now that he's back," Rafael said. "So I'd better get in there." He smiled at Liv and headed into the Captain's office.

Fin looked at Liv and said, "You can tell Manda all day long that ain't nuthin' goin' on – but that was somethin', Liv. Fess up, girl."

She sipped her coffee and shook her head. "He's just… not the asshole that everyone thinks he is," she said softly. "Ree thinks he's great, but that might just be because he made pastelitos with her and his mom is a great baby-sitter."

Fin regarded her dubiously. "Yeah," he said. "You keep tellin' yourself that."

TBC...