Author's Note: This story follows.directly after my last story Depth Hoar - Lost Episode 13 x 10.5 (which was a follow up to Mountain Air). You do not have to read either to understand and enjoy this one...although it probably would be more satisfying to read them in order. The last one was written as a tv script...but I'm back to writing just a regular prose for this one.
A couple important things first:
1. This story will have emotional detailed sex scenes - so don't read if you don't like that sort of thing. I will let you know when a chapter will have smut though...so you can skip (either to or away - no judgement!) if you like. (This chapter does not have sex.)
2. I am trying to fit my story into canon - so sadly this will end as promised with them as friends not lovers - it won't be all sadness... and it will set us up for them becoming gloriously canon in the last episode. (Yay!)
The sweaty anguished late night gym kiss finally ends. Luke feels his grasp on Penelope is the only thing keeping him standing. Their breaths are rasping. They hold on tight - their foreheads sweetly touching - as the pain and love and resolve flows between them.
Finally Luke breaks the silence.
"This is a coloured pen situation, isn't it?"
Penelope laughs semi-hopelessly and nods.
"Yes. Probably we need to make some sort of colour coded calendar to get us from here to New Year's.with a semblance of sanity. Roxy coming home tonight?"
"Yeah. She was dropped off a couple hours ago."
"Well let's go get her and then all head back to mine for at least tonight, ok? We're promised at least four days off after the two back-to-back cases and I don't want to spend one moment of that time away from you - even if we spend the first 24 hours asleep. I don't know about you - but I am severely sleep deprived. Do you need anything from upstairs?"
"No. My bag and stuff is here. You?"
"I've got everything I need right here."
Penelope gives him a smile - heart in her eyes - making it clear that she's talking more about him than anything she might have brought down from the office
Luke really and truly can't breath all of a sudden. Despair threatens to clamp down on him again and his impulse is to jump back on the treadmill - or head to the dark streets - and run and run and run - until all thought and feeling are obliterated from his mind and body.
It was what he had been doing when she found him a few minutes ago. He had fled to the gym like a hunted animal moments after they got back to the office from the case - the case that had proved to him irrefutably that they could not be on the same team and be couple at the same time.
Luke was no coward - but even though he was a man who had time and again unflinchingly faced the worst danger and despair the world could throw - this - this barrage of feelings - was threatening to shatter him.
How were they ever going to get from here - being what feels like star-destined lovers and partners - to being...he mentally makes himself not say "just"...good friends and good colleagues? Maybe he should leave the team - then they could be together - but the last case...the last case... fuck fuck fuckity fuck...
That's it! He needs to run... run... run...
Penelope takes his hand then and somehow the touch settles his panic and despair and even leaves him almost convinced it will be alright in the end.
The strength of her touch grounds him and he can fill his lungs. It won't be easy but they are a team and they are going to do this and somehow he doesn't think anything can beat them if they face it together.
"Well then - shall we take my truck?"
"Thought you'd never ask. Let's go home, Luke."
In the car, Penelope rests her hand on Luke's thigh. She marvels at the calm and strength she's showing while this man she loves is clearly falling apart.
She peeks at him under her lashes. She knows that this won't last, it will be her turn soon, but she is confident that when she is inevitably struck and overwhelmed by the emotions that are sure to hit - he will be there to dig her out and carry her home.
They have a mission and they will work together to ensure its success.
Of course...this doesn't change the fact that she is so angry at fate that she could spit.
Maybe that's why she's holding it together - righteous anger has a way of making one square one's shoulders and march on up and over the mountain.
As Penelope's thoughts tumble down this path - her hands inadvertently clench - and Luke tenses as he feels her hand talon on his knee.
"You alright there, Chica?"
"Yeah. Sorry - I just was internally cursing fate and the unfairness of life. I'm ok. Did I hurt you?"
"No. And it's alright - you're not the only one who is unimpressed with fate right now."
"I got that impression. But I shouldn't be wasting today on anger - look - we don't have much time left to be together - so maybe we should just shelve it for a couple days and just you know - enjoy what we currently are - make our calendar - figure out what the heck Christmas looks like - and then we can be angry and sad a little later."
"Yeah - but let's not beat ourselves up either if we do have hard moments - we may just have to let them happen when they happen. Right?"
"You're a pretty smart guy, Luke Alvez."
"I do what I can to keep up with you, Penelope Garcia."
When they arrive at Luke's place - he's tempted to drag her into the house with him. He's dying to close the space between them - but he remembers what happened last time (basically they got distracted by the pull between them and ended up ordering pizza way past the time they were ravenous and hangriness was a severe possibility) so he suggests that Penny stay in the car and order something to be delivered to her place while he gathers Roxy and the things they need for a few days away. Penelope agrees - although the soft kiss he presses to her lips after he unbuckles deepens rapidly - threatening to scupper their plans before they have even started to execute them...but then Penelope somehow finds the strength to push him away - her eyes wide but laughing.
"Get in there and get that sweet furry girl of yours and get back here toute suite, Monsieur! I'm ordering deliciousness to be delivered to my place - so you need to hurry so that we are there to take the delivery! Quick quick! I'm starving!"
Again he is struck by the double entendre of her words and almost leans back in for another kiss - but then forces himself out of the car instead, grabbing his bag and bounding up the front steps - suddenly he is overjoyed to hear that Roxy is already barking a greeting on the other side of the door.
They race their dinner back to Penelope's apartment - arriving right as Sutida arrives with two giant bags of food.
"Penelope! And your friend: The Cat Tree Man!"
"I'm Luke - although The Cat Tree Man does have a certain ring to it. Great to see you again! "
"I am so glad we made it in time to meet you, Sutida! How have you been? Are you done your exams?"
"All the theory ones are done thank goodness. I just have a practical weld test tomorrow left. Here's your food. Are you guys having a party?"
"Nope." answers Luke as he hands Penelope Roxy's leash and tries to take both bags while juggling the giant overnight bag he was carrying "We just wanted a bit of everything and who doesn't like left overs? I hope your exam goes well - I'm sure you'll ace it!"
As soon as the delivery woman's hands are free, Penelope hands over Sutida's extra big holiday tip and takes the larger of the two bags of food before it hits the lobby floor.
"Oh give me one of those you doofus - you can't carry two bags of food and that duffle and your backpack. Yes good luck oh glorious gal - weld like a champion!"
"Will do! Alrighty you two enjoy your feast and Penelope don't call men who come bearing cat trees doofuses no matter how stubbornly chivalrous they are insisting on being - I am sure it's bad luck!"
"Now there's some truth of I ever heard it! See Sutida says you should be nice to me and she knows how to use a blowtorch - so you should heed her wisdom, Chica."
"Hey you carry a gun - does that mean I should heed your wisdom, Newbie?"
"Always!"
"Sorry Pen - don't be mad - but when a guy is right...he's right. Happy Holidays! I'll see you soon I hope."
"Traitor. Ok Night Gorgeous Happy Holidays!"
"Happy Holidays new favourite person and defender of my good sense!"
The dinner has been eaten - Roxy and Sergio's too. Penelope is putting away the left overs while Luke takes Roxy for walk - promising to be back in 45 minutes to an hour so that Roxy's legs are stretched enough so that they can sleep in a bit. Penelope is a bit anxious about him - since either from the exertions of the case or the after case running - or more likely both - he's suppressing a wince with every step.
Just then Penelope's phone rings and she looks down and sees it's Derek. She lets it go to voicemail. She's not up to talking to her best friend just yet - she'll either cry or lie or both. Besides he won't leave a message unless it's urgent and he doesn't have time to call back - he'll text instead in a minute - or if it's truly urgent and he has the time he'll call back right away and she'll answer. It's not a sophisticated code - but it's theirs.
Penelope is just stepping out of the shower and putting on a long red fuzzy robe when her phone rings again. This time the caller display shows that it's JJ calling - and since JJ knows more of what's going on - Penelope answers but she's too tired for her usual effervescence.
"Hi JJ. Everything ok?"
"Oh Pen - that's what I was calling to ask you. Everything is good here - I am so happy to be home with Will and the boys. But I wanted to check in with you...are you ok?"
"Yeah. Well no...but there isn't much to do about it and I don't think I'll be ready to talk about details until after New Year's. But at that point, I may borrow your shoulder to cry on."
"Anytime - you know that - but what's going to be different after New Year's?"
"It's too hard to explain."
"Penelope - just... does it have to do with you and Luke."
Penelope's breath catches but she doesn't answer.
"It's just - when you first arrived in Washington - you were wearing a ring that matched the one Luke's been wearing this week...and then all that stuff with the unsubs...and Luke wouldn't talk to anyone on the jet...and Em just called and said he went straight to the gym instead of his desk the way he usually does after we get home..."
"Profilers. I really hope noone else noticed my ring...I wasn't thinking and forgot to put one of my big sparkly ones over it...yeah JJ - it is about Luke...we had just..." Penelope feels the tears sting -.but she will not cry...so she takes a fierce breath and looks up and forces her brain to think holiday season worthy thoughts "...we had just agreed to be a couple the night before this last horrible case - but we've changed our minds because...because this case made it far too apparent that we can't be together and be on the team"
"But..."
"No JJ - it's too hard - and we both feel strongly that the team needs both of us at least for now ...and so we've given ourselves two weeks to transition from being...this totally in love thing...to really good friends and colleagues."
"Pen.."
"We're both a little shaken but we'll work it out - we care too much about each other not too. J.J. it's...it's...I don't know... stupid magical and so so damn adult - in a pay your bills kind of way - not a Bow Chicka Wow Wow way - although that part is pretty magical too... Anyway - he's out walking Roxy - but he's staying at my place for a couple of nights at least. The first few days should be pretty nice - a lot like Banff I guess?"
"Oh Penelope. I'm so sorry. We never should have encouraged him to invite you..maybe..."
"JJ you didn't - I...look it started before that...before the snake case even...I'll tell you everything after New Year's ok? I just ..need to be here now - for him...for me...just don't tell anyone ok? Please?"
"Ok. But Pen - please let me know if I can help?"
"I will. Just keep our not-secret-secret - if not for me then for Luke?-
"For both of you. Pen you know I love you right? Both of you? We all do."
"Thank you J.J. I promise it will all work out Love you too. I gotta go ok? Sweet dreams?"
"I think you stole my line. I should be the one reassuring you. Sweet ,Dreams...to both of you."
J.J. and Matt did not coordinate calls - but as happenstance would have it - Luke was on the phone Matt at the same time.
"Hey Man...Kirsty and I are just about to curl up for a long winter's nap...but I just wanted to check in and find out if you got home alright? Rossi called to check in on me and said that you'd looked a bit ragged but had headed down to the gym?. Didn't you get enough of a workout on the mountain rescuing my sorry hide?"
"Yeah - I made it home and the gym was a stupid impulse - I am not going to be able to move tomorrow...but..Matt..I just...had to run...I...I didn't even change.into my gym clothes...I just had to..."
"run from or to something...yeah I've been there..."
"Penny found me down there. I...this is..."
Luke can't finish the thought and the silence stretches until Matt prompts his friend gently.
"Want to talk about it, man? Anything I can do?"
"No. No. Just...just... hug Kristy and the kids a little extra tight tonight for me.ok?"
"Ok. And you...
"Don't say it Matt. I will...I'm...I'm at her place for the next few days...but don't say it out loud...it's...I just can't talk about it now and it is what it will be...we're going to be friends...good friends."
"Man - I'm so...look...just...remember Kristy and I are here if you need us."
"Thanks Matt. Really. Now you two get some ah snuggles and some sleep ok? I'm just heading home - I mean back - from a walk with Roxy and then I am done with this day. I need sleep."
"The best medicine. Ok night bro. Take care of you and ah...that girl of yours. Give our love to...Roxy."
"Bye Man. And yeah - I will. Thanks ok?..It's going to be alright."
"Hey - I'm back."
"Hey sweetheart. You should have a nice warm shower and then come straight to bed. You and I need sleep, my love."
"Ok. Penny...can I...oh I am pathetic...can I have a hug first?"
Penelope opens her arms
Luke steps into the hug. It is home and comfort and all things good. He sinks into her shoulder and she rubbed his back.
"Tomorrow I'll be strong for you, ok Pen?
"You're already strong for me. Let's take tomorrow as it comes. Now go have a shower and come to bed. Your body and brain needs rest. I got the brand of bodywash shampoo conditioner you like - a couple weeks ago on a whim - even though I think combining those products is sacrilege - so I put them out for you on the shower shelf - so use as much as you want ok? I'll see you in a few minutes?"
"You're way too amazing."
"I am just amazing enough."
Luke angles his head to kiss her - but she leans back and pushes him gently away again.
"Nope - if we start that we might not stop - and sleep is what we need. Now go."
Luke stands under the beating hot water - numb and heavy. He is so tired and beaten.
He blindly reaches out and grabs the bottle of shampoo / conditioner / body wash that Penelope got him - squeezing a blob right onto the top of his head and then when he sets back down the bottle on the shelf he misses and it clatters to the shower floor.
Luke just leaves it where it lies - not up to worrying about it for now. Instead, he focuses on rubbing the spicy blue gel into his hair and over his beard and then down and over his chest and sore limbs.
Once soapy all over he just stands letting the water rid his hair and skin of the suds - thankful that some of the tension he is feeling is leaving him too.
Luke gives himself a shake and runs his hands over his hair and chest and nooks and crannies one last time - checking to make sure that he's free of bubbles and then turns off the shower and stumbles out into the cold bathroom air. He blinks at the woman who has slipped into the room as the water stopped - holding wide a giant fluffy bright pink and green towel for him.
Penelope steps forward and wraps him up - drying him off like he's a child. She then silently takes his hand and pulls him to the bedroom - indicating that he should lie down on his tummy on the bed.
"Luke, I have some ginger clove massage oil which is good for sore muscles - is it ok if I use some on your legs and back and shoulders? It will feel warm and a bit tingly. Tell me if it's too much?"
"Ok."
Penelope's lips curl in pleasure at his sleepy voice - glad to hear the hint of happiness in his short answer.
She coats her hands in the oil and then starts to massage his sore muscles - working slowly up and down his legs - deeply over his back and shoulders - down his arms - sweeping again up to his neck and back - kneading and rubbing out the last of his tension.
It feels incredible...Penelope is unsurprisingly extra good at this...Luke is drifting towards sleep when she finishes by pressing a kiss to his shoulder. Penelope then slips out of her robe and under the covers. Luke sleepily rolls onto his side, spooning her warm nakedness against his chest, taking his turn to press a kiss to her shoulder.
"Love you Penelope. Sweet Dreams"
"Sweet Dreams. Love you Luke."
For now, all is right in their world and all pains are forgotten. Together they drift to sleep - gently - deeply - peacefully - like snow falling in the moonlight.