It's snowing again - huge flakes tumbling and spiraling from the sky.
Penelope and Luke wake up around dinner time - Penelope surfacing first and then Luke - although it happens close enough that if there was a bet each it would be hard to call who won.
Each stretch and roll - surprised they slept so well in such an uncomfortably clothed state - Penelope is still wearing her skirt and sweater and bra - with her breasts popped out - and Luke still has his shirt on and his pants and underwear around his ankles. They feel a bit like the people who fell asleep were strangers who took over their bodies for erotic fun - leaving these rumpled slightly frowsy bodies behind.
Luke rolls off of Penelope and the bed standing a bit akwardly as he pulls up his pants and underwear so he doesn't face plant.
Smooth Alvez - you're still wearing your socks.
But then he sees her twinkling lazy smile and he can't help but smile back - suddenly they both know to their core that it was them that did all that this afternoon - and that they are deeply glad it was.
"Shower together and then leftovers for dinner and maybe tv or a movie? There's probably a game-thing on."
"A game-thing? Chica - what are you talking about?"
"You know one of those things with random guys randomly running about - usually chasing some sort of ball or whatever and trying to get it through some sort of small space for points?"
Luke grins.
"Ah a game-thing. I didn't think you liked sports and, Hotshot, clearly based on your description - you don't."
"I have watched the occasional event - but that's not the point - I like you and you like sports, right?"
"Got me there." he swings her out of bed and starts helping her undress properly "So shower first? Then maybe a walk with Roxy, and then dinner and a snuggle infront of a game-thing?"
"I couldn't have put it better myself - lead the way, Good Looking! P.S. Have you noticed that the last case robbed us of me being able to comfortably call you Handsome. I swear our job is murder on more than just vacation planning...and you know the victims. ohh that was bad...I'm sorry."
They ended up watching the end of a basketball game-thing where - much to Luke's dismay - Washington lost to Cleveland. In the end - despite the loss - both of them found the experience of watching the game together way more fun than expected - and Penelope peppered Luke with questions about not only the rules and stuff about basketball - but during the commercial breaks about his feelings about baseball, football, boxing and hockey.
Once the game was over - Luke wanted to go for another walk with Roxy since he still wasn't up to going for a run yet.
Penelope decides to stay back and put away dinner things and catch up on a few electronic chores.
As usual Penelope had a few text conversations on the go and was not surprised to see it was her "turn" on almost all of them.
Phil had sent her a new picture of Lou - so she sent a few appropriate emoticons back.
Emily had sent a note asking if Penelope wanted to meet for brunch with J.J. and Tara on Thursday - their last day off. Penelope's first impulse was to say "No." since that was supposed to be a couple day... but maybe it would be good? So she let Emily know she was a "maybe" and made a mental not to ask Luke about it.
J.J. had checked in too - so Penelope sent a reassuring text.
The last she answered was from Derek. They had been chatting since last night mostly about Hank and Savannah - but he'd finally sent her a text this morning that flatly asked her what was up and was she ok.
So she took a deep breath and started to type.
P.G.: Hey. Sorry I'm not going to be my usual flamboyant self. As you've deducted not all is well and perfect in Penelope-ville - but Derek...I can't really tell you the whole story right now - mostly because I'm in the middle of it. But anyways...remember how you told me to be nicer to Alvez...well I have been...and we kind of have realized we have BIG feelings for each other - but - and I need you to trust me on this - we've also decided we can't be together and be on the team...and right now the team needs both of us. So we've decided we're going to hang out until New Years and figure out how to be friends instead of lovers...he and Roxy are actually staying with me for the next few days... and I know it's stupid but that's what it is. Anyways...I may be in and out over the holidays as a result but I'm ok...but as I said to J.J. (who is also worried)...I may need you both as shoulders to cry on in the New Year. Please know that Luke is being a total rockstar and you have no need to be mad at him or me or anything. XOXO
Should she send it? Derek is not going to be calm about this text...is it enough?
Oh what the hell she thinks and taps the send button. She can only handle figuring out one man at a time and Luke is keeping her on her toes.
Moments later, Penelope's phone rang. Shit she thought...it's probably Derek...can't that man take a hint?
But it isn't Derek...it's Luke...she punches the answer icon as decisively and as quickly as she can - her heart in her throat.
"Luke? Are you ok? Is Roxy ok? What's wrong?"
"Whoa Pen - sorry - no everything is ok - fine. I'm sorry I scared you. I just... ..."
"Luke?"
"I just..."
"Hon - what is it? It's ok. I'm sorry I overreacted...phones and me that's all...what's up."
"I just...oh man...you're going to shoot me..."
"No I am not Luke Alvez..need I remind you...you're the one with the gun? Although I might have to borrow it if you don't tell me why you are calling."
Luke's voice rushes through his answer
"IjustcalledtosayIloveyouandmissyouandcan'twaittobehome."
"Sweetheart...can you say that one more time a bit more slowly? I just want to make sure I heard you right "
Penelope hears him drag in a breath.
"I just...called to say...I love you ..and miss you...and can't wait to be home."
"Luke?"
"Yeah?"
"Me too. Come home soon?"
"Yeah. Maybe...I am up to a run...uh...Roxy will be thrilled."
"Luke Alvez! Do not hurt yourself...but yes...a brisk walk would be understandable...it's uh cold out there."
"Yeah. Penny?"
"Mmmhmm?"
"I really mean it."
"Me too. See you when you get here...but enjoy your walk...Roxy deserves a good one - but don't hurt yourself. I love you."
"Love you too."
Luke looks down at his phone and then at his dog who is currently joyfully bounding around the off-leash park. She jogs up to him and cocks her head in a question and he can't help but ask.
"What? Yes I know I am completely smitten and pathetic - but as per our schedule that is ok. Are you ready to go home yet?"
Roxy looks at him like he's got a screw loose and bounds away.
No she is not ready. This park is awesome and she has important dog stuff to do. Humans are annoying when they are in love. They can wait...haven't they heard of the expression "Absence makes the heart grow fonder?" Seriously. What would they do without her?
Luke is now thinking about the schedule... according to the plan tomorrow is his day to smother Penny in tender loving care...
so what is he going to do? He looks down at his ring - he feels like he needs to somehow put like five years of love and care into one day...and that's when it hits him... he's still assuming that ultimately they will end up together for good... that once one of them leaves the team they will find a way to be together...
Fuck
That is probably not a good attitude to have...in their jobs - leaving the team might mean death... and didn't he tell her in Banff that if they didn't decide to be a couple he would probably still want to find someone?
Double Fuck.
He knows that is still true... and it probably wouldn't be honest or fair to date someone if he had no intention of giving the relationship a real chance to develop and last... plus... he knows he doesn't want something that's just casual...
Triple Fuck.
Unfairly... he knows he would be really unhappy if Penelope dated someone else.
Luke stomach clenches.
What if she wanted to marry someone else?
Fuck fuckity fuckity fuck fuck.
Roxy who is rolling in the snow catches a new scent in air.
It is the smell of upset Luke.
She goes to him immediately.
Jumping up and putting her paws up on his chest trying to lick his face. Instead of a laugh though he is brusque and annoyed.
"No. Down Roxy."
She sits in front of him then and gives him her best submissive puppy-eyes.
He doesn't soften though. Just wordlessly and without affection clicks the leash onto her dope collar - the one Penelope gave Roxy...
He has got to pull himself together.
Roxy whimpers.
He looks down at her and feels like a bug.
None of this is Roxy's fault.
He leans down and gives her a good ear ruffle.
"Sorry girl. I'm just...this is hard. I haven't told you yet what's going on have I? Here - let's go home and I'll try to explain... although I am not always sure I understand it myself..."
So dog and man walk back to Penelope's apartment - man trying to explain why his heart is breaking and why he and Penelope cannot be together...
Roxy is a very good listener. Although she is of the opinion the whole thing is dumb. Luke and her love each other and work together...why can't he and Penelope do the same? Just cus they are mating? Weird.
Humans.
Luke eventually moves on to discussing ideas for tomorrow which at least seems more productive to Roxy.
She barks encouragingly.
When Luke arrives his mood is quieter and more reserved than Penelope expects - considering the fond farewell of their phone call.
When he opens his arms asking for a hug - she nods and steps into his arms.
Roxy streaks in past her and goes automatically to Sergio's tree - looks up at the blinking cat and barks once.
Sergio hisses for form and then gives a quick howling meow of ascent.
So Roxy heads to her water dish and pads over to the bedroom - where she jumps on the bed.
Sergio waits a moment.
Then he stands - stretches and casually slinks into the bedroom after his doggy pal.
Apparently Roxy has information to share.
The humans don't notice a thing.
They are too lost in a helpless hug.
Luke disengages from the hug first - taking Penelope's hands - he leads her over to the couch and looks at her as though he's furious at - maybe her - maybe just the situation in general.
His hands are holding hers without pressure but stiffly. The silence between them stretches.
Suddenly Penelope is furious and pulls her hands away.
What is he playing at?
She stands and stomps to the kitchen - grabbing her phone on the way.
Penelope looks down at her phone screen and sees that Derek has replied to her text.
While totally sure Derek's response is just going to annoy her more - she still can't resist checking it.
D.M.: You what??? I said be nice to him not fall in love with the guy. Call me. Now.
Yup. Definately more annoyed.
She angrily types back a response:
P.G: No. Can't you read? I will call you after New Year's. Good Night!
She stabs the send button - turns off her notifications and slams down her phone slightly harder than she usually permits herself treat her tech.
She glances over at the couch. Luke is sitting there on the couch - leaning back - still glaring at her.
Because that was what she needed.
Two bossy annoying infuriating gorgeous heroic men in her life...both as friends.
Gah. Derek and her were never anything but platonic...but...but...
She has finally found someone kind and attentive and into her and trustworthy and who loves animals and is so attractive and with whom she can actually relax around and would never think it would be a good idea for them to move to a farm...and it can't happen!
Not unless one of them changes jobs...and not right now...Spencer is still having to take thirty day sabbaticals and...and...
And he is the one who gets to be grumpy and moody and mad?
He will probably find another amazing woman like a second after they... jeeze he's like walking perfection...unlike...unlike...
No.
She is not going to think those thoughts.
She is not.
Penelope lets out a frustrated scream-cry-roar of pure rage - banging her elbows down on the counter and burying her head in her hands so she can yank handfuls of hair - not out - just enough to hurt - as she screws her eyes shut - blocking out the world.
The pain prickles - distracting her - letting her physically pull herself out of the spiral that was threatening to happen.
She takes a deep shuddering breath.
That's when she hears him.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry"
His voice is strained and he really does sound sorry.
She can hear/sense that Luke is now hovering behind her.
She feels him carefully place one hand firmly on the middle of her back.
The options she has in this moment clamour at her from her mind's eye.
Damn acting classes and their discussions of objectives and tactics and choices... she is aware of a million different paths each with near infinite outcomes...not face him? hit him? kiss him? ask one of a billion questions? stay silent and still? walk away? cry? scream? tell a joke? order him to leave? go for a walk? pour drinks?
She doesn't know the answer...and of course no decision is a decision.
What does she want?
Him.
He or she could die tomorrow ...
...so right now ...right now...
She doesn't move a muscle - but she answers him. Staring hard at the counter between her elbows.
"I'm sorry too "
His hand starts to move in warm circles on her back and he steps closer so he is ever so gently pressed against the back of her legs...her butt...she suddenly has more to say... and words just tumble out of her.
"We said there would be hard moments and that we'd have to ride them out...which is why we have a schedule right? So when in doubt we default to that? So we're supposed to be enjoying being a couple...and while - if we had longer - I know there would be some spectacular fights...and possibly even more spectacular make ups...and whatever else real couples do...but I don't think fighting and being angry is how I want to spend this tiny amount of time we have... we can be angry and fight as friends...shall we go back to enjoying being lovers?"
She pushes back suggestively against him.
He groans quietly and something in her sings in response.
So she turns in his arms and looks at him with mock innocence.
"Was that a 'Yes, please, Penelope?' I just heard?"
"Definately."
...and his hands are on her ass...and he has pulled her against him...and they are kissing...oh how they are kissing...
They move as they kiss until he feels his hands being pressed between her ass and the counter - so he shifts his hands to her waist and boosts her so she is sitting on the counter.
He is between her legs.
Their arms are around each other and their hands are roaming - grabbing handfuls of fabric - tugging and pulling until they can slide under the hems of shirts and touch skin.
They could drown in this kiss or kisses.
They both realise it and have completely opposite reactions.
Penelope gives in. She is just going to kiss until something else happens - just let one moment lead to the next.
Luke resists the pull.
He keeps kissing but his thoughts are racing.
Dimly - quickly - he acknowledges that last night they completely gave in to feelings and reactions...then this afternoon they definately fucked up a storm...both experiences were amazing and perfect...but now he badly wants to mindfully make love to Penelope...he wants to keep his head and show her with his body and words and soul how precious and amazing and beautiful she is.
He wants to explain in whatever way he can that he was angry not at her but because he knows exactly what and how much this decision they've made will rob from him.
She never says it - and certainly he knows she is confident and knows her worth in most ways...but somehow for some stupid reason ..she still doesn't believe deep down that he's the lucky one...the one with more to lose...that she's the one who is out of his league and not the other way around...
It makes him furious that she might think anything different...positively murderous because he knows just how many people - stupid ignorant blind people - would look at them together and wrongly assume that he had settled - that she was lucky or sneaky or rich or that he was with her because she was white...which makes him even more homicidal... oh she's never said that she thinks he's better than her out loud...although moments ago she looked like was teetering on the edge of screaming it at him...and he didn't miss that little act of violent self-punishment she directed at her poor scalp...or the automatic assumption she made in Banff when he confessed that he wanted someone - even if it couldn't be her - that he would have no trouble finding someone because in her brain what woman wouldn't want him so he could pick from the best- he's noticed she's never brought up that she'll end up with someone else after this...like she assumes it's so unlikely as to not even be worthy of discussion...but she is wrong.
So wrong.
He knows that any good guy would count his lucky stars if she agreed to be with him...
And he knows there is noone else who he could want as much as her...
Oh he knows that there are many women worthy of love - many he could love and be attracted to and respect and be happy with ... but none would ever - could ever - be Penelope.
He knows it has never been before - and will never be again - like this with any other woman.
So why the fuck was he not leaving the team?
Why couldn't they figure out how to do both?
Wouldn't either of those options be better than this?
Because.
Because Matt.
Because J.J.
Because Spencer and Tara and Emily and Dave.
Because they love the team and the job.
Because ..because of the lives they save...
So tonight he will start early on tomorrow's schedule.
Tonight - if she'll let him - he will make love to Penelope Garcia.
Make love so she cannot possibly doubt ever that he truly truly thinks the moon and the stars and the galaxy of her.
That he is lucky for any crumb of time he gets to spend with her - whether they be lovers or colleagues or friends.
That for him - she is perfect.
All this runs through his brain in less than a kiss - so for the next kiss and the next he starts to slowly take control - he tips the balance so that he is purposefully - hopefully - giving more than he is receiving with each touch...which is not as easy as it sounds since even after all this time he feels like being in the same room with her - let alone being invited to touch her - let alone her wanting to touch him - makes him feel like the luckiest man on earth.
Then he gently steps back and away - taking her hands in his - but this time his touch is firm and warm - his fingers supple and relaxed against hers - eyes smiling.
Then - without a word - he does what had become their ritual in Banff.
He leans forward and kisses first one cheek - then the other - then her forehead - the tip of her nose - her lips ... then he takes her left hand and without breaking their gaze kisses the palm - then the tip of each finger - and then finally presses his lips to her secret favourite spot on the inside of her wrist. He then finishes the ritual by taking her right hand - kissing the palm - each finger tip one by one - and then finally her inner wrist...but then he finishes the whole thing with a final new kiss - he flips over her hand - holding it like a courtier - traces her mountain ring - the one that matches his - with his thumb and then kisses it - a long slow press of his lips as his eyes try to burn all that he feels and believes into hers.
Penelope's breath hitches.
She understands or at least thinks she understands his intentions.
It all goes back to a once upon a time in Banff...
Once upon a time...they exchanged rings as a promise or maybe a remembrance.
With this ring...I thee...
Once upon a time...they pretended to be in love...married for a day...
Mr Garcia. Mrs Alvez.
Once upon a time...they shared many secrets...and hopes...and...
I've never had brussel sprouts...
Once upon a time...she admitted that she craved being taken care of...giving up the lead...but was afraid...oh so afraid... but she let him...because he promised it made him happier than anything else.
Once upon a time...long ago...far away...
...or maybe just a breath - a heartbeat - a snowfall ago...
And he is saying he wants to go back to that...be...that...that...together...be that for each other...and he wants to give her the gift of taking away the need to be strong or in control or giving...he wants to take care of her...
Here. Now.
Fear floods Penelope's brain.
Does she fight? fly? freeze? fib? fob? fence? fiddle? fandango? fffffahhhhhhhhhhh!
Feel.
She can do this.
Hell...she wants to do this
He raises his eyebrows in a question.
He won't do any more unless she gives him permission.
Consent has been so important between them throughout this.
Slowly she nods and squeezes his hand.
Relief and joy wreaths Luke's face but he gently asks the question again in words.
"You trust me enough to be passive tonight the way you told me you crave? Let me make love to you? I don't want you to feel like you owe me a thing this time. If you say yes I expect nothing in return. This. Tonight would be the gift in itself. I just want to make you feel as good as you make me feel just getting to spend time with you. Please?"
"Yeah."
"Yeah?"
She finally smiles. She knows she can say no if she wants and it would be ok.
"Yeah."
"Cool "
...and with that...Luke Alvez leans in and kisses first one cheek...then the other...then her forehead...the tip of her nose...her lips...her palms...her finger tips ..her wrists...and finally her ring.
"I love you Penelope Garcia. Shall we go kick Roxy and Sergio off the bed?"