XI:

"I don't want you to be angry," Rafael said as the taxi left the rehab facility. She had been there nearly two months and Liv was just so happy to finally get to leave that she couldn't fucking articulate how blissfully happy she was to see the outside world again under her own power that she didn't give a damn about what he might have done.

"Okay," she said.

"I mean, your lease was coming up and – and you said it would be easier to move in together and –"

"Yeah, I agreed to move in with you," she said, nodding.

"So, uh, I sold my place and let yours go and might have bought a place on West 16th Street?" he said in a hesitant manner. "It's near the 1/2/3 line, so easy to get uptown and downtown, and – why are you smiling?"

"You thought I'd be mad?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"I told you yes to moving in together."

"Yeah, but I just… picked a place."

"And I'm sure the place you've picked for us is perfect," Liv said, squeezing his hand. "It isn't as if I could get out and gone apartment hunting."

"Right," he agreed quietly. "I guess… so it's okay?"

"It's okay," she said. "Ree seems happy with it."

"She's so easy to please," he said. "I don't even know where that came from – I'm high maintenance. It's not like you don't have standards of your own…"

"My standards are pretty low, thanks," she teased, poking him in the side.

He glared at her and then quirked a smile in her general direction. "Hey, what would you like for dinner?" he asked. "We're not too far from the Chelsea Market, so I could go pick something up from one of the food stalls, or I could order in from The Grey Dog. It's just down the street."

"Whatever you want," she murmured. "I just want to cuddle my kid and go to sleep."

"Very romantic, Benson."

"I'm tired, Barba," she countered. "You try walking half a mile and doing focused hand therapy." She was pouting and she knew it. She knew it even moreso when he leaned in and kissed her sweetly, with feeling.

"You're amazing, Liv," Rafael said.

"I'm really not."

"I'm not arguing with you," he said. The rest of the drive was made in companionable silence in the midst of the usual bad Manhattan traffic. He paid the driver and helped her out onto the sidewalk with her bag. "Welcome home, Liv." He gestured at a townhouse. "I might have, uh, bought a house."

"Can we afford that?" she asked.

"I pulled from my investments."

"Yes, but I'm still not working."

"You need to stop worrying for a while," he said firmly. "This is another investment, Olivia – an investment in our future."

She licked her lips and said, "Okay. Rafa, I'm tired – can we go in and rest, please?"

He led her inside and she immediately felt a happy warmth exploding in her chest when her old Billy Joel concert poster from 1986 was in the front hallway, flanked by a Duran Duran poster – signed by the entire band – from the 1992 tour. "Rafael…"

He pressed his finger against her lips and hung her coat up on the coat rack. "Our stuff," he reminded her gently. "I got in so much trouble sneaking out for that show."

"I'll bet you did," she murmured. "My mom took me to the Billy Joel show. He was my favorite. I was a dumb kid."

"Not so dumb," he replied, lacing his fingers through hers. "Let's go sit down a bit. Rollins should be here with Ree in a while."

Liv raised a brow. "You let Rollins pick up our daughter from school?"

"Only on the odd day here and there when Nancy's busy and Fin can't do it," he said hastily. "Nancy had a meeting about a contract, and Fin was having an early dinner with his son."

"Oh," Liv said, moving past him and heading into what she logically deduced was the living room. She collapsed into one of the chairs and closed her eyes, letting her head roll back, glad to be off her feet for a minute. "I might take a nap."

"Go ahead, mi amor," he encouraged. "Do you want something to drink?"

She didn't recall falling asleep, but she awoke to an excited cry of, "Daddy, daddy – is Momma here?" from Ree, and the sound of squeaking tennis shoes on the hard wood flooring.

"Slow down, Serenity," Rafael scolded gently. "Hello, Rollins – come in and make yourself comfortable. You know where things are. Get something to drink then come into the living room. You, little miss, are going to the bathroom to go to the bathroom, wash your hands, and then you can have your snack in the living room with the adults. Yes, tu mami is home, but she's very tired and taking a nap."

Olivia lifted her head and looked around the room, yawning. While she was asleep, he had prepared some "ants on a log" – celery pieces filled with peanut butter with raisins on top – and laid them out neatly on saucers along with a juice box for Ree and a bottle of water for himself and Olivia. Rollins came in and settled into the other chair near Liv and shot her a little smile. "Tired?" she asked with a coy grin.

"Yeah," Liv acknowledged. "Thank you, Amanda –"

"Hey, it's no problem, Olivia. Ree's a good kid. Now… talk to me about shacking up with Barba. That's new. I didn't even know you two were seeing each other –"

It felt like she'd repeated the story a million times by that point. "I love him. Isn't that enough?" she asked. "He wants to be a fixture in our daughter's life and I can't deny him that. And I need help."

There was silence. "Wait. He's Ree's dad?"

"Yes, I am," Rafael said from the doorway, causing two sets of eyes to immediately fixate directly on him. "Do you need help, Liv?"

"No, I'm fine for now," Olivia said. "Thanks, Rafael. Amanda… we're still trying to figure out how all of this is going to work, but the one thing we know is that we're a family."

"The part where she calls me daddy all the time didn't clue you in?" Rafael asked Rollins, holding his mug of coffee and looking annoyed.

"Look, okay, I just thought the kid had adopted you and called you daddy or something," Rollins said. "Not that you actually were her dad."

"No, he's actually her father," Liv said softly. "We met in a bar when I got stood up by a blind date and had a pretty eventful night of our own." She smiled up at him, and his face went very soft, adoring in that way that it only did for her and Ree.

"I was selfish and left before morning, so there wasn't a second date," Rafael said, "and, ah… well… you know the rest."

Serenity skidded into the room and all but catapulted onto the sofa. "Snacktime!" she yelped, grabbing at her juice box. "Hi, Momma!"

"Hi, sweetheart," Liv said with a smile. "I hope you didn't give Auntie Manda any trouble."

"Nope," Ree replied, stabbing her juice with the straw and slurping at it.

Amanda laughed. "She was good – excited to see you," she added. "Wanted to know what was for dinner, but I didn't know, so…"

"I think I'm just going to order something from the Tuck Shop at Chelsea Market, and we can walk down and pick it up," Rafael said. "Get rid of a little of her excess energy."

"Good idea," Rollins agreed. "And Olivia and I can have a girly talk."

Liv groaned. "Or not," she whined.

"Oh no, girl, you owe me," Rollins said with a feral smile.

Ree had moved on to her snack, cheerfully chowing down on her celery. "Momma, do you have to go back to the hospital again?" she asked.

"No, baby," Liv replied. Her occupational therapy was going to be done outpatient for her remaining twelve sessions, hopefully with a return to work at the beginning of February. She was tired and annoyed that she'd lost so much time – it was only two days until Christmas, and she didn't have anything to give her family, there wasn't a tree up in the house, no décor, and she knew that there wouldn't be a special meal because she wasn't capable of providing it. It was difficult not to feel like a failure when faced with the daunting world tilting in front of her.

"Good. You'll be here for Christmas," Ree said with a smile. "Daddy said we had to wait till you came home to put up the Christmas tree."

"I'm sure he did," Rollins said with a smirk.

"Just say what you want to say, Detective," Rafael said with a sigh and scowl.

"I think it's sweet," Rollins said. "That you've come together again after all this time, I mean. And I hope that you'll be happy together. You've got a lot riding on it."

Olivia glanced over at Rafael and smiled at him. "Yeah," she agreed, "but I think we'll be okay."

He met her gaze and flashed her a quick grin. "Rollins, you staying for dinner?" he asked. "If so, tell me what kind of pie you want or I'll pick one for you."

"Oh, no, I'm heading home," Rollins said. "I've got a hot date with my pillow tonight and I don't want to miss it. Been doing that too often lately." She smiled and got up to give Ree a big hug and a kiss. "Love you, munchkin. Be good for your momma, you hear."

"Okay, Auntie Manda," Ree agreed.

"Barba, call if you need anything," Rollins said quietly. "Seriously, day or night."

"I know," Rafael said. "I will."

"Bye, Liv," Rollins chirped, waving before she headed out.

"So," Rafael said once the three of them were alone, "I guess the question stands: what kind of pie do you want for dinner? It's mostly meat pies, so –"

"You can surprise me," Liv said. "You're very good at that." She didn't mean it with any malice, only with truth.

He pressed a kiss to her forehead and whispered, "Te amo."

"I love you, too," she said, reaching for her snack. He watched to make sure she could handle it before he left her to eat and got Ree ready to go get their dinner.

Serenity's face lit up when she saw the presents beneath the tree. "Oh Momma, look," she gasped, tugging on Liv's hand, dragging her into the living room. "Santa came!"

Liv bit her lip, holding back a smile, knowing the truth: that she and Rafael had stayed up late to make sure everything was perfect for their daughter's first Christmas together as a family, right down to all the wrapped presents beneath the tree. Lucia and Catalina had arrived after midnight mass was over to find them still wrapping gifts – thankfully, Lucia had remembered the one thing Liv had asked her to pick up for Rafael's gift – and placing them lovingly beneath the tree. By the time they were finished, the living room was filled with a child's wonderland of colorful lights, brightly wrapped presents, and holiday happiness. She was proud of their handiwork: it had never been like that in the apartment. The best she had managed was a little tabletop tree and a pile of gifts for her baby girl, mostly from her aunts and uncles.

Rafael leaned against the doorway, a mug of coffee in hand and a weary smile on his lips. "Feliz Navidad, mi niña preciosa," he said, his voice tender and soft as the flannel of his ridiculous plaid pajamas that he'd insisted that Ree had picked out for him especially for Christmas. His hair was disheveled and his stubble rough on his cheeks, but the smile and the happiness in his eyes made Liv warm right down to the bottom of her toes.

Lucia and Catalina came out of the kitchen with their own hot drinks and smiles on their lips, as well. "Someone is excited," Lucia commented wryly.

"Momma, there's presents for you, too!" Ree cried, picking up a gift bag.

"Baby, settle down," Liv said gently. "Do you want something to drink before we open presents? Abuela made hot chocolate."

"Oh," Ree said, eyes wide. "Can I have hot chocolate before breakfast?"

"Well, it is Christmas," Liv acknowledged with a smile. "Do you want some?"

"Please?"

"I'll get it," Rafael said. "Do you want coffee, Liv?"

"No thanks – I need to have water with my pills," she reminded him. "Lucia, can I help with breakfast or –"

"No, I'm making banana bread pudding; it's in the oven," Lucia replied cheerfully. "Now, Serenity… do you want to be the special one to pass out gifts or would you rather your papi do it?"

"I can't read the writing with the loops," Ree admitted.

"Cursive," Liv said.

"I can't read cursive," Ree corrected herself. "Can daddy do it?"

"Of course, mi pequeña flor," Catalina interjected, gesturing for the little girl to join her on the sofa. "You sit here by me and we'll enjoy all of your presents together."

"Okay, abuelita," Ree chirped, jumping up beside her with a smile. Rafael brought out her thermal bottle with its straw – chock full of hot chocolate – and stared at the sight of his daughter snuggled up to his grandmother. He turned to Liv, nearly in tears, and she came over to soothe him with a gentle touch.

"It's all right," Liv whispered, kissing his temple.

"I – she's – I just –"

"I know," she assured him. "I know."

He swallowed hard and wrapped his arm around her waist, guiding her to one of the chairs. "So, I guess I got voluntold I'm doing the gifts –"

"Something like that," Lucia chuckled.

"Obviously the first one is for little miss," he said, retrieving a box and presenting it to his daughter.

Everyone gasped in pleasure over their gifts – Catalina over silk scarves and prism trinkets to hang in the window of her apartment, Lucia over framed drawings that Ree had made, some beautiful thrifted crockery from Liv (that had been sitting unused in a box in the closet and had made the move from the apartment) and a shopping pass to Macy's from her son, and Ree had gone crazy over better clothing than she was used to, most of the toys that had been on her list, and an armload of brand new books. Liv felt a sinking feeling in her chest that, had she and Rafael not run into each other a few months before, everything would have been quite different.

Rafael knelt beside her chair and gently stroked her arm, getting her attention. She had opened a couple of gifts – a beautiful succulent from Catalina, and a notebook of handwritten recipes from Lucia – but he handed her a small box with no wrapping at all. "I love you," he said, his voice choked with emotion, "and this is a promise for our forever, Liv."

She opened the box and saw a necklace with a single, heart-shaped citrine. "Rafael," she whispered.

"I know it's too soon to ask you to marry me – we may never get there – but you and Ree are my heart." His tone was soft and reverent.

"You… might want to open your present," she whispered.

"Might I?" he asked.

She nodded.

He went to retrieve the last gift under the tree. So far, he'd unwrapped a new scarf (in garishly ugly colors, but handmade by abuelita, so adored), a new tie, suspenders, and cufflinks from Lucia, and a framed photo of him and Ree cheesing for the camera. He opened it, his brow furrowed as he realized what he was reading in the folder.

"Liv, I –"

"I amended her birth certificate," she said. "This is your copy. It's all legal. Trevor helped me do it while I was in rehab –"

Now he was really in tears, and she felt guilty for putting him in that position.

"Olivia," he whispered through the curtain of tears.

"Hey," she murmured, "come here." She hugged him close, held him, kissed away his tears. "I know you don't think it, but you are the best dad I could've asked for for my little girl – and I thank you for everything you've done for us. And even if you and I don't work out," he stiffened in her arms, but she held on tight and closed her eyes, continuing with a shaky voice, "I know you'll always take care of Ree because you love her."

"Daddy?" Ree called from across the room. "Will you help me read these books?"

He let out an unsteady breath, plastered on a smile, and said, "Of course, sweetheart. We'll start one tonight."

"Momma, I'm hungry," the little girl said with a heavy sigh.

"Ask abuela when breakfast will be ready," Liv prompted gently.

"I need some air," Rafael announced, pulling out of her arms and retreating from the room quickly. Lucia followed him into the kitchen, then the back door was slamming shut – presumably behind him.

Liv sighed and pressed her hand to her forehead, and Lucia came back into the living room. "Go wash your hands, Ree," she instructed. "Breakfast is almost ready. Ten minutes – but I need you to be my special helper."

"Okay, abuela," Ree agreed, running to the bathroom.

"He thinks you aren't taking him seriously," Lucia said, her voice quiet in the room.

"It's difficult not to," Liv said. "He's so… eager to please. And I know that one of these days, I'll say something or do something, and it's going to shatter this peace –"

"Rafi wants to be happy," Catalina said. "He is trying so hard with you and Serenity –"

Liv swallowed hard. "I know," she said. "I know he is. And I know how difficult it is for him, believe me." She took a deep breath, then steadied her nerves and said in a rush, "But if I tell him the truth – that I'm pregnant – he's just going to panic and it's all going to be over before it begins."

She didn't know he was back inside – hell, she wouldn't have said anything if she had known. His startled eyes met hers, and his jaw went slack. "Jesus, Liv," was all he said.

TBC...