a/n: hey guys i'm back! with a buttload of angst this time so be prepared! i might be a little rusty so don't be TOO harsh for the reviews. hehe... oh and the pov is in Freddy's and you can choose whether he's talking about 1.Katie or 2.Summer...the choice is yours! this story is dedicated to lilstrummrgirl for telling me to get off my caboose and start writing again! thanks girl! okay and on with the story
disclaimer: not mine!
You walk into the room with a sort of airlessness and confidence surrounding you, as if you're in your own bubble that nobody can break. Surprisingly enough your dress fits in all the right places is and is barely suitable for this sort of thing.
A funeral is not the time to be confident.
And I am not going to look at you that way today because I am here for Zack… and even though he isn't alive anymore, you are still his fiancé and I am going to honor that.
And when you catch my eye you smile dimly like a porcelain doll and I can't see the real emotion behind it. I smile back as well even though I know I shouldn't.
And when you come and sit down next to me I stiffen because you are beautiful and I have, and always will be in love with you…
But then I think of why we are here and I hate you.
Zack wasn't the one drunk that night and he didn't drive home…
But you did.
You weren't the one hit by that car
But he was.
-
Four weeks…
When you come over to my apartment I am shocked. You can see it on my face.
The mascara is running down your face like two straight lines of guilt that had been welled up for the past five weeks. From Zack's death to now.
I sit down with you on my couch even though I know I shouldn't. You're so pretty when you cry. I allow you to wrap your arms around me and I rock you back and forth, I feel like a mother consoling her child.
Then I remember what you have done and I hate you. -----
Four months…
Your visits have become more regular now. You stay for dinner and we watch movies justlike "old times." Zack is slowly disappearing. Sometimes you still cry and I still hold you. Those moments are less frequent.
And I remember why we get to have these moments and I hate you.
You didn't have to drive home that night
But you did…
Zack didn't have to die
But he did… -
Four years…
When you moved in I didn't say it was okay but your big brown eyes hypnotized me and I was forced to.
And that night when we were having dinner (at your favorite restaurant) I remember Zack and how excited he was when he proposed. He said that he had taken you out to dinner at your favorite restaurant as well.
And I wonder what you looked like, and what table you were at.
And suddenly I feel uncomfortable.
And when your lips brush against mine I can barely stand it. The memories of that kiss are there and i don't want to relive them. And yet i can't back down.
Suddenly your lips turn cold as if I were kissing an ice cube and I back away.
You look hurt but I just can't.
You're his fiancé. And you always will be.
And four years ago when we were at Michelle's party we didn't have to tell Zack that we were going out to get more ice for the cooler when we both knew that we were going for some beer and maybe something else…
We shouldn't have done what we did that night
But we did…
And we didn't have to have sex in the back of my car while Zack was still at the party, oblivious to what was going on
But we did…
And Zack should have known what really happened before he died But he didn't.
And I helped cause what happened that night…
So do I have to pull this trigger?
Yes I do.