XIV:

There were daisies on her desk in a pretty little glass vase with a blue ribbon and a bakery box, too. Amaro was sitting there, across from her, smirking. "Welcome back, partner."

Liv bit her lip and pulled off her coat and purse. "It's good to get out of the house," she commented wryly. "Rafael's been hovering since I passed my firearms evaluation last week."

Amaro's good humor vanished. "I don't understand why you're with him –"

"Nick, we're not going to have this discussion here," she warned in an annoyed tone before she dropped into her seat.

"Why are you still on desk duty if you were cleared –"

"Why are you so nosy?" she shot back.

"My partner was hit by a car and was in a coma," he pointed out. "And she's living with an asshole."

"I'm living with the father of my children," she said in a clipped tone, trying to keep the tears out of her voice. "The man I intend to marry if he still wants to have me."

"That escalated quickly," Amaro said. He paused. "Wait – children? You're pregnant?"

"That would be why I'm riding a desk."

"Well, you can't just marry him because you're pregnant," Amaro protested.

She looked up from the file she was shuffling through. "I'm not," Liv said, "not that it's any of your business, Nick."

"You're my partner: looking out for you is part of my job."

She sighed and closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose beneath her glasses. "Nick…"

"How much do you actually know about Barba?" he questioned, his voice softening a little, losing a bit of the hostile edge.

"More than you think," Liv said quietly. "Enough."

"Well, forgive me for not trusting him any farther than I can pick his little ass up and throw it," Amaro muttered, "but he left you and your daughter alone for how long?"

"It's complicated," she said, "but I don't expect you to understand that."

"It's not difficult to understand that he's a deadbeat dad."

"He isn't," Liv protested, looking at him over the edge of the folder. He was watching her doubtfully, so she frowned and added, "It's difficult to classify someone as a deadbeat when they aren't aware that they have a child to begin with."

"You kept Ree from him?"

She exhaled roughly and licked her lips. "Not exactly. It was a spur-of-the-moment one-time thing and we didn't exactly share contact information afterward." Her cheeks burned as she looked down at her paperwork and did anything to avoid making eye contact with Amaro. "Besides, it doesn't matter now. We're doing our best, okay?"

"Do you love him?"

She hesitated, then mumbled, "Yeah."

"That was really convincing."

The doors to the elevator opened and Barba stepped out, crossing into the squadroom with an even stride. "Cragen in his office?" Rafael asked, brandishing his briefcase like a weapon.

"Good morning to you, too," Amaro said sarcastically. "Yeah, he's on a call with 1PP."

"Then I suppose I need to wait. Good morning, Detective Benson," he said with a hint of a smile.

"Mr. Barba," she acknowledged.

"Cut the shit," Nick said. "The whole squad knows you're together."

Rafael rocked on the balls of his feet, then backtracked a couple of steps to their desks. "Then I guess you won't mind if I give my fiancée a kiss?" he inquired.

"I might vomit," Amaro muttered in disgust.

Liv bit back a laugh and murmured, "I'm fine, Rafael." She welcomed the light kiss on the lips that he gave her, then said, "Just having the time of my life on desk duty."

"Hey," Munch called from his desk, "enough touchy-feely, Barba – Olivia has a job to do. Maybe you should let her do it instead of making out with her."

Cragen barked, "Barba!" from his office doorway. "You have something for me?"

Liv smiled and shooed Rafael away. "Bye," she murmured. She glanced back at Nick and sighed at the look on his face. "I promise, he's not really a pain in the ass at home –"

"If he hurts you or Ree, I'll kill him myself," Amaro swore.

"You'll have to get in line," she said mildly.

Olivia was concerned – but not overly so – by the amount of activity in the building as she was on her way back in from her six month appointment. She got up to the squadroom and Cragen said, "Olivia, you're back."

"Yeah – what's going on?"

"Come into my office and close the door," he said firmly.

"Captain?"

He waited until she was closed away in his office and said, "How is the baby?"

"She's good – healthy, strong," Liv murmured.

Cragen took a deep breath and said, "There's been an incident at the courthouse."

"What kind of an incident?" she asked, trying not to panic outright. "Is – Rafael – is Barba –"

"Olivia," he said cautiously, "what information I have is sketchy and they're calling for available units to help evacuate personnel. I know he was working the grand jury on the Williams case today, so –"

"I know; that's why he wasn't at the doctor's with me," she said sharply. "I can't just sit here. I need to know he's okay."

"I can't let you go over there," Cragen warned.

"We're getting married on Sunday," she said very quietly.

"I know," he said. "I don't want to say that everything is going to be okay because I don't know that, but –"

"But you want to keep me calm," she said, frowning when his arms came around her in a gentle hug. "Captain –"

"The truth is that we don't know the situation yet."

The phone on his desk rang and he left her alone to answer it. "Cragen." He was silent for a long time, then hung up. He put his arm around her waist and guided her to the sofa. "Olivia, it's a hostage situation. One of the defense witnesses in the Williams grand jury suffered what seems to be a psychotic break. Carisi was in the gallery after he testified for the prosecution and has been sending out a signal to Fin – it looks like two of the guards are dead, and the judge is gravely injured, but Barba and Calhoun are trying to de-escalate the situation."

If anything, that made her worry grow into a torrent of panic. Rita Calhoun and Rafael Barba were notorious for riling people up to the point that they exploded, not –

"Liv, breathe," Cragen ordered.

"I need to get down there," she choked out. "I need to be there when –"

"You are not leaving this room."

"SCREW YOU," Liv snapped viciously. "That is my fiancé!"

"Yes, and if anything happens to you or the baby, he will never forgive any of us," Cragen pointed out. "So you're staying here. Carisi's in the room, and Fin and Rollins are on the scene. Olivia, tell me about the wedding – "

"We're just going in front of a judge," she said, taking off her glasses and swiping the tears out of her eyes. "And then having the reception."

"Tell me about the reception."

"I don't know," she whimpered. "Lucia's been planning it. Rafa and I both gave her some songs and we each picked a color but – I don't know."

"It will be amazing," Cragen assured her. "He really loves you and Serenity."

"I don't think he would love me half as much if she and this little one weren't in the picture," she said with a sad, wry smile, rubbing her abdomen where the baby was kicking up a storm.

"I don't think that's true," Cragen said gently.

"Well, we're never going to know, so it's a moot point," she shot back. "I just – he – he was so happy to be alone and unencumbered. And now he's saddled with me and two kids, and it's a little much."

"A little much, but he's a hell of a father," he pointed out. "You think I haven't been keeping an eye on him with my grandkid? I'll rip him limb from limb if he jacks that kid up."

"You're worse than Fin and Nick."

"Have you heard from Amaro since he moved?" Cragen asked gently.

"He emailed a week or so ago to say he's renting a place in the Valley," she said with a sigh. "Are you trying to distract me?"

"Is it working?"

"Do you have donuts?"

"You aren't supposed to have them."

"Rafael isn't supposed to be in a courtroom with someone suffering a psychotic breakdown, either, so just give me a fucking donut," Liv hissed.

"Okay, okay – just one," he agreed.

She was most of the way through the donut when the phone rang again. Cragen answered it and watched her for a long moment before he said, "Yes. Thanks, Fin." He cleared his throat and said, "Get your jacket, Liv."

"Is he okay?" Liv asked, her voice rising with anxiety.

"He's pissed as hell," Cragen replied. "Rollins thinks you have a better shot of calming him down than the EMTs do, so we're going to get down there quick as we can."

"Is he hurt?"

"A couple of superficial things – nothing that needs transportation to the hospital, unlike Judge Underwood and Ms. Calhoun."

The drive to Centre Street was tense and Olivia felt queasy the entire time they were in the car. Once she was out on the pavement, however, she felt much better, and Rollins was at her side in moments to guide her to one of the several triage sites set up on the sidewalk. "He's okay," Amanda assured her.

"It's not that I don't believe you all –"

"You won't be sure till you can see him yourself," Rollins finished. "Yeah, I get that. We've been keeping the media at arms' length." She led Liv into a tent and an EMT stopped her. "Detective Rollins, this is Detective Benson – we're here for Rafael Barba. She's his wife, or good as – they're getting married this weekend."

The EMT looked Liv up and down, then went over to a corner of the tent to confer with someone, only for Rafael's voice to carry loudly, "What the hell do you mean Olivia is here? She should be at the station – fuck, that hurt! Watch where you're stabbing that needle, amigo."

Liv pursed her lips together and headed in the direction of his voice. "I came as soon as I knew your stupid ass wasn't dead," she snapped. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I was thinking I needed to get the hell out of that room alive and Rita wouldn't shut the hell up!" Rafael yelped. "As is, I'm pretty sure she needs minor surgery and I'm getting sutures from someone who clearly couldn't do needlework if they tri-OW!"

Liv tried not to smirk but it was difficult. "I don't know why I'm marrying you."

He swung his head to stare at her, eyes wide with panic. "Liv, don't even joke."

"You're just going to try to play hero again –"

"No, I'm going to leave that shit to the trained professionals, thank you very much," he muttered. "You can be the big shot in the family, I'll settle and play hausfrau."

"I don't believe that for a second." She reached over and smoothed his unruly hair down, pulling his head to rest against her side. The baby nudged against him, and he smiled a little. "She's big and healthy," Liv promised. "You didn't miss much at the appointment."

"Good," he mumbled, wincing as the EMT finished up the stitches in his hand. "Fuck, that hurts."

"The cut was long," the EMT said, "and you wouldn't hold still."

"Rafa," Liv sighed.

"I'm fine," he muttered. The EMT put some waterproof gauze over it and gave some instructions for wound care, then offered to look at the small abrasion above his eye, but he pulled away. "It's nothing," he dismissed.

"Rafael?"

"It's really nothing, Liv," he assured her. "Just a scratch. I suppose I need to make a statement to someone or talk to the press or – I don't know. Jesus." The magnitude of what had happened seemed to crash into him all at once like a freight train and he threw his arms around her waist, burying his face in her abdomen.

"It's okay," Liv whispered, running her fingers through his hair lightly. "It's okay, Rafael – you're all right, we're all right. If you need to cry, just hold me and cry, sweetheart."

"I thought I was going to lose you again," he whispered into her belly, the words muffled by her clothes. "You and the girls. And I was so angry. And I couldn't turn it off – the anger, I mean. I was so scared, Liv. Not for me, for you and our girls."

She stroked the side of his face and whispered, "Are you still angry?"

He shook his head and held her tighter. "Thank you for coming."

She twined their fingers together and murmured, "Where else would I be, Rafael?" He looked up at her with the most tired, lost expression on his face, still in shock from everything, and she whispered, "Come on, let's get you out of here. You want to go to your office?"

"We need to make sure Rita's okay –"

"She's gonna be pissed if you don't take care of you," Liv warned.

He hesitated, then nodded. "Do I need to talk to anybody?"

"You'll have to give a statement," she said, "but you need to eat something and sit down and rest."

"I love you," he breathed.

"I love you, too," she assured him.

She led him out of the tent to where Rollins and Cragen were waiting to take him back to the SUV. "We've got food being brought to the 1-6 for both of you," Cragen said, "and an officer from the 2-3 is coming to take your statement, Barba."

Rafael nodded. "Thank you, Captain. You didn't have to –"

"You're family," Rollins interrupted from the front seat. "You two okay back there?"

"Fine," Liv said, snuggling into Rafael's embrace, just glad that he was relatively unscathed.

TBC...