XVI:

Liv wasn't sure what woke her up, at least until Rafael nudged her grumpily under the blankets and mumbled, "Get your phone, mi alma."

"Sorry," she slurred tiredly, reaching across him to grab at the offending object, finally getting it to her face. "Ben-Barba," she corrected herself, her voice low and raspy with sleep. "Hello?"

"Olivia, I'm sorry to have to wake you up – but we need you," Cragen said, his voice low and tense. "Will you be all right to come in?"

"Yeah, let me get up and take a shower," Liv murmured. "It'll take me a while to get there – what time is it, anyway?"

"About three."

"It'll be four at least," she said. "I'll have to take the subway."

"I'm sending Fin to pick you up."

"Do I need to wake Rafa up?" Liv asked.

"No," Cragen said. "Olivia, it's not good, but there's nothing he can do at the moment and the DA will likely be assigning someone else to the case anyway."

She paused, hesitated, then exhaled. "Yeah." She pushed her hair back from her eyes and took stock. "What's going on?"

"I'll have Fin fill you in on the ride over. Be ready to hit the ground as soon as you get here," he warned.

"Yes, sir," she agreed. When she hung up, she started as Rafael's hand crept up her back. "Rafa –"

"Hey," he said softly.

"I have to go," she murmured.

"Okay," he said. "I'll make you some breakfast while you're getting dressed."

She pressed a kiss to his lips, a flood of love threatening to drown her in its traitorous wake. "Hey, I love you," Liv whispered.

"Ciertamente lo espero ya que te casaste conmigo." There was a slight sharpness to his voice, despite the teasing lightness of his words, and she hated that she had put it there. They were meant to have ten days off together as a family, to be together, but now that illusion was shattered – all because of the sacrifices she made for the job. He knew what it meant to her, but now…

"You know Don wouldn't have called me in if it wasn't a last resort," she said very quietly. "And he'll make it up to us."

"It doesn't matter, Liv," he said softly. "The world needs saving and someone's gotta do it." He got up wearily and shuffled out of the room like a zombie.

She only waited a few more moments before she headed into the bathroom for a shower, trying not to let the interruption break her too much.

"This is a really bad idea," Rollins said, chewing on her nail in trepidation, watching Olivia out of the corner of her eye. "I mean… we don't know what we're walking into and you can't even –"

"We have Fin," Liv pointed out, gesturing at Fin who was driving the car. "And I'm not going in till you give the all clear."

"Your husband is gonna murder me," Rollins said. "You aren't supposed to come out from behind that desk –"

"What Rafael doesn't know won't hurt him," Liv replied.

"Yeah, well, sucks for you I already texted him," Fin muttered from the driver's seat.

"Excuse me?" Olivia huffed.

"In my defense, he wanted to know if you had checked your sugars regularly, and I said I didn't know because I wasn't your babysitter, but we were heading out to a scene and you were bringing a snack in the car – so your phone should be going batshit any time now." Fin's tone was defensive and bitter. "Don't you put me in the middle of your domestic shit already."

"You need me, that's why I'm going," she reminded him grumpily, tearing open the package of trail mix and picking through the nuts to find a few pistachios.

"We do," Amanda agreed, shutting down Fin's protest with a glare. "You'll get more out of the kids than we will, assuming they're still in the hotel room and he didn't move them. Hopefully, Nicky is there, too, and we can put this whole case to bed and get everyone home."

"Yeah," Fin said. "Ultimately, we can't forget that this is all about a sick kid who needs to go home."

Liv sighed and said, "I would be absolutely frantic if Ree –"

"Liv, if your kid disappeared, ain't no where or no one in this city be safe till she was," Fin swore.

She ate a little more, chewing thoughtfully, thinking about the little family she'd cobbled together for herself out of nothing. "Thank you," Liv whispered.

"But your ass is staying in the car till we clear the room," he muttered.

"I know, I know," she grumbled.

"Because ain' nothin' gonna happen to our girls," he declared firmly. "Right, Manda?"

Amanda smiled, just a little. "Right," she said. She reached back and took Liv's hand. "Last thing we need is Barba going hysterical on us in the middle of a big case."

Liv sighed and went back to eating as Rollins and Fin started talking about their strategies for talking to the kids; she knew that no one approach would be better than the other because until they met the kids face to face, they wouldn't know how they would respond to questioning. Maybe they would shut down entirely from their trauma, maybe they would open up, maybe something in the middle. Maybe they would respond to one officer over another, or a combination thereof – there was no telling until they were all there in the room.

She waited impatiently in the car, pointedly refusing the tersely worded short texts from Rafael that had culminated in several that had merely been her name with a question mark following, as if he had been terrified that something had happened. But finally, she responded with, I need you to trust me. His reply was swift and to the point: Siempre.

Rollins called her. "Hey, room's clear and we definitely need you now, Liv," she said softly. "Nicky isn't here, but the girls… they're scared to talk with Fin in the room."

"I'm coming," Liv said, grunting as she attempted to get out of the car, only to have a uniformed officer have to assist her out of the seat. "Amanda, if you ever decide to have a baby… get one of those support pillows to take with you in the car and don't forget it. Ever."

"Copy that," Rollins said with a hint of amusement in her tone.

Once she was in the hotel room, Fin stepped back and let her take over, gently talking to the girls. Her heart was heavy, nearly breaking, as she heard their stories fall from their lips. And then a soft cry came from the second room; Rollins stayed in the main room because Olivia was immediately off like a shot, her maternal instincts in high drive at the very sound of an infant in distress. She found the little boy squirming in one of the dresser drawers, whining in sleepy hunger.

"I can change his diaper," the oldest girl volunteered.

"No, it's okay," Liv said softly. "Hello, little man – let's get you comfortable, okay?" She looked over at the girl and said, "Did he ever… was he ever in the videos?"

She shook her head. "He was a present for her."

Liv hesitated, knowing that the baby would only have been a gift so long as he was small enough to not be useful as means to an end. After that, he would have been just another cog in the machine. She protectively held the little boy against her torso, feeling him relax into her shoulder and around the gentle bump of her abdomen, her hands splayed over his back. "I've got you, sweetheart," she promised. "It's okay. I've got you."

"Called CFS and Pippa Cox," Fin said from the doorway. "They're on the way. And we'll have to get back to the station – someone needs to tear that woman apart and get her to confess –"

"Confess what? She doesn't know anything more than what she told us." Rollins was clearly frustrated.

"He took Nicky away when she didn't come back because he's worth more than us," the oldest girl said very quietly.

"That is a lie," Olivia said sharply. "He lied to you because he wanted you to feel small. You aren't small." She reached out and stroked the girl's hair. "You are a mountain; strong and standing tall, and I don't want you to ever forget that. No matter how small anyone tries to make you feel, you are a mountain."

The girl blinked back tears. "I am?"

Liv nodded and whispered, "Very much so."

"Thank… thank you." Liv suddenly found herself in the middle of a very awkward group hug between all the children, and she looked up at Rollins, who had a sad, wistful look on her face.

The house was quiet when she got home, the downstairs dark. She could hear movement upstairs, but rather than go hunt them out, she went to the kitchen and made a quick snack before she headed up. She checked on Ree in her bed, tucked in and mostly asleep, and gave her a kiss goodnight before going up to her room.

Rafael was waiting for her in bed, covers pulled up around his waist, bare-chested. His chin was covered in stubble and his face was carefully schooled so as not to reveal his emotions. "I assume everything turned out all right?" he inquired.

"We found the little boy and he's okay," Liv said. "He was in hyperglycemic shock when we found him but, um…" She was reluctant to tell him that she had been one of the ones to go to the airport and the hospital, that her insulin had been used to save Nicky's life – it would only make things worse. "He's going to be fine now."

"That's good." He paused for a long minute, then said, "I'm sorry I – I was worried and it isn't an excuse. I know you aren't a porcelain doll and you aren't going to break, but you aren't supposed to be taking unnecessary risks."

"Rafa," she murmured, changing into her oversized t-shirt for bed, "everything I've done in the last two days has been a calculated risk. I've been careful: I promise."

"That's good, Mrs. Barba," he said softly as she crept onto the bed. He reached out and said, "Do you need me to –"

"Just hold me," she whispered. "Knowing that you won't be at work because you've been reassigned…"

"It's a conflict of interest to have us working together," he said gently, pulling her into his arms, holding her as closely as he could. "Undue influence and such. It's fine. You can still come to my office and I can still swing by yours and –"

"I know, but I'll miss seeing your smile," she murmured.

"I only smiled for you," he admitted, pressing a kiss into her hair. "Are you really okay?"

"It was a hard case. Nicky wasn't the only kid involved. There were several girls and they were all sexually abused on camera for money," she said very quietly. "The oldest one is maybe eleven."

He flinched, his grip tightening. "Were you able to find their families?"

"Not yet, but they're trying. In the meanwhile, Pippa Cox and Ruth Linden are teaming up with CFS to run point." Liv bit her lip and hesitated for a long moment.

"Mi amor?"

She sighed and snuggled into his chest, trying to drown out her sorrow; it had been a good day, really. She had reclaimed her bad ass status, she had gotten out into the world and shown what she could do again, and she had felt more like herself than she had since the accident. But…

"There was a baby at the hotel," she said very quietly, "a little boy. A little over a year old. Such a sweet boy, Rafa… and no one is rushing in to claim him. I can't think of a world where I wouldn't be turning over heaven and earth to find my children if they went missing, but this sweet boy… his mom…"

"We can't judge," he warned. "She could be dead, or he could have been taken forcefully and she's in a sex trafficking ring now. Or she could have given him up for drug money or in exchange for something else. You don't know what people are capable of in the worst moments of their lives –"

"I kept holding him and wondering if the technology had been similar when I was a baby, would she have found someone to take me like that?" Olivia asked, the question echoing in the room.

He pulled back, staring at her, horrified. "Olivia?"

"She hated me," she justified defensively. "All I did was remind her of the worst time in her life – and she made sure I knew it from the time I was old enough to understand what it meant. If she could have rid herself of me, I'm sure she would've taken the chance."

"She had the chance: she could have given you up for adoption at any point," he contended, grabbing her shoulders. "In a way, she loved you. She hated you, but she loved you. I'm sorry –"

"Those kids have no one," she pivoted. "The system is unforgiving and cruel enough for kids who are old enough to know the difference, but for a baby? Rafa –"

"I know," he said softly. "I know, Liv. Oh, please don't cry – there isn't anything we can do tonight, is there?"

"No," she sobbed.

"Then we'll have to wait till tomorrow regardless," he reasoned. Honestly, she didn't know why she was crying: it was unsettling, and she hated it. She dove back into the warmth of his arms. "He's going to be okay for tonight. They won't let anything happen to those kids, mi amor."

"She's kicking so hard," Liv commented.

"It's because you're tired and anxious," Rafael explained patiently. "Now close your eyes and in the morning, I'm taking Serenity to school and we'll have a quiet day together."

"Sounds too much like work," she mumbled into his chest, but already, her eyelids were drooping and her entire body was relaxing into sleep. There was something about crashing in the cribs at the station that made her feel completely off her game; nothing like coming home to his embrace.

On the fourth day of what was supposed to be their ten day staycation honeymoon, Liv woke up alone in bed. She hunted for her glasses and went to the bathroom, then tracked down some sweatpants and shuffled downstairs to find food and maybe her husband.

Rafael was on the sofa in the living room, dressed casually in jeans and a pale blue oxford shirt. His socks were yellow with blue stripes and he hadn't taken off his brown dock shoes from walking Ree to school. She licked her lips, thinking that he looked a hell of a treat – and she looked like something the cat dragged in in her oversized smiley face t-shirt and grey sweatpants, her hair sticking out in curls every which way. But he looked over from the TV to her and a smile split his face gleefully; warmth and happiness suffused her body just from the way he stared at her.

"How are my girls today?" Rafael asked with a grin.

"Hungry," Liv replied honestly.

"I brought you a sunflower seed bagel with cream cheese and lox from the place," he said.

"I love you," she confessed breathlessly.

"Go eat," he insisted. "There's also a decaf chai with coconut milk on the counter for you."

She ate her breakfast, wondering what she had done to win the heart of such a loving, devoted man. Of course, the question was rhetorical and didn't matter because they were both devoted in equal measure.

When she came back into the living room, he was watching CNN, picking at the stubble on his face, and muttering under his breath in Spanish about the stock market. "Hey," she murmured. He glanced up and smiled, muting the TV. "Thank you," Liv whispered.

"For what?" Rafael asked.

"Everything. Being here. Loving us. Not flipping out last night."

"It wouldn't have done me any good to flip tables when the damage was already done," he pointed out gently. "I just worry because you're stubborn and you don't know when to stop."

She sighed and sank onto his lap. He put his arms around her hips and smiled up at her. She rested her head atop his and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you, too," he agreed. "More than you know – and you know a lot, Mrs. Barba."

Liv smiled and pressed a kiss to his lips. "You need to shave."

"You don't like the bearded me?"

"Not today."

He grinned. "You just like my shaving soap."

"Mmmhmm, it smells sexy, like you," she murmured. "I'm pretty sure that's how we got into this mess in the first place."

"A cop and a lawyer walked into a bar…" he teased, squeezing her hand, then moving their joined hands to rest on her belly. "McCoy asked me if we were serious about getting married and all the other day, and I almost lost my cool with him. Imagine him, with his rep, daring to –"

"I don't care about Jack McCoy," she murmured. "Mostly because I adore you."

"The adoration is mutual, mi vida," he replied. "I saw you in that bar and I had to sit by you even though I knew you were way out of my league and I didn't stand a snowball's chance in hell –"

"And here we are," she whispered. "Shacked up, barefoot and pregnant with a fake diamond…"

"Give me some credit: the diamond is real," he teased, nipping at her arm playfully. "The barefoot is your own doing, woman – can't keep shoes on you if we're not going out."

"Want to go back to bed?" she suggested.

He grinned and said, "Only if you promise to take my sweatpants off."

She made a face and muttered, "My legs were cold, asshole."

"I'll keep your legs warm," he promised with a lascivious smirk that made her warm all the way down to her toes.

Maybe being married to your best friend was the answer to everything.

TBC...