XVIII:

"I read to BD today, momma," Ree said, bouncing over and snuggling up to Liv on the sofa. Liv, for her part, was exhausted – she had felt like she'd spent the entire day walking through soup, and had ended up wearing a tank top and a loose skirt around the squadroom, sweating like no tomorrow, a paper fan in hand trying to keep herself cool. Cragen had refused to get the thermostat lowered – citing that 70 was sufficiently low enough on the power drain – and she had tried not to whine, but she was tired, sticky, and her back had been radiating pain all day long.

"That's nice, baby," Liv murmured. "Were you guys good for Lucy?"

"They've been great today," Lucy said as she carried Noah in. "How are you?"

"I'm okay," Liv hedged. "I'm tired, my back hurts, the usual."

Lucy sat down and eyed her. "More or less than normal?" she asked carefully.

Liv sighed. "I'm not in labor."

"Okay, well, if you're sure –"

"Rafael's stuck at work till seven, can you stay to help?" Liv asked. "If you can't, I'll call someone else, but –"

"I can," Lucy said. "What should we order for supper, Ree? Pizza?"

"I'm tired of pizza," Ree signed dramatically.

"Okay, baby, what do you want?" Liv murmured. Baby Boy Doe made a whimpering noise and tried to launch himself out of Lucy's arms, so she let him down onto the sofa before he took a tumble, and the little boy lurch-crawled over to Liv, splaying across what was left of her lap, fisting his hand into the fabric of her skirt possessively. "Hey, Little Man," she said softly, running her fingers through his hair.

"Ice cream," Ree said. "Isso hot, momma –"

"We can have ice cream," Liv promised, "but you have to eat real food first. And not just a sandwich."

Ree rolled her eyes. "Not fair, momma."

"I know, kidlet, but there's the rub," Liv sighed.

"Daddy would let me have a sandwich."

"Daddy is stuck at work and you need to eat a veggie once in a while," Liv muttered.

"I like carrots," Ree reminded her.

"Mama," Baby Boy Doe breathed so softly Liv thought she'd hallucinated the word.

"Hi, Little Man," she said, turning her attention back to him. "What's up?"

He hummed a little and dug his fingernails into her belly, making her wince. "Mama," he repeated.

"Are you hungry?" she asked. He looked up at her, eyes wide and innocent, then he smiled, showing off his few teeth. "Okay – we'll get something." She sighed and said, "Lucy, maybe we should just order in, I don't know, spaghetti from Vanessa's?"

"That sounds good," Lucy agreed. "Spaghetti, Ree?"

"Oooh, yeah – the kind with butter and cheese?" Ree asked hopefully, looking all the world like her father in that moment.

"Yeah, kidlet," Liv agreed. "For you and Little Man." Her hand went to her belly as the pain in her back shifted and suddenly her entire torso tightened, leaving her breathless and gasping. "Oh – crap. Crap. Lucy… call… shit, call Rafael."

"Mrs. Barba?"

"Just get him on the phone," Liv begged, trying not to upset the baby who was staring at her with an unreadable look on his face. "Hey, Little Man, it's okay – mama's okay," she tried to assure him, but his face crumbled anyway, and he started to wail.

Ree was anxiously watching the scene, having paused at seeing her mother in so much pain, her own worry on display. "Momma?"

"Baby, I'm okay," Liv said quickly – too quickly. Lucy passed over her phone. "Carmen?" Liv said, getting Rafael's assistant in her ear.

"Sorry, Mrs. Barba, he's in a meeting," Carmen apologized gently.

Liv closed her eyes, took as deep a breath as she could manage, but it hitched uncomfortably. "Well, that's a problem," she exhaled weakly. "I'm pretty sure I'm in labor."

"What? It's too early."

"You try telling that to a Barba child," she shot back. "This kid is coming whether we like it or not."

"Okay, uh – do you want me to call an ambulance from the office phone?" Carmen asked worriedly.

"Please," Liv gasped as the next contraction seized her. "Oh, not good, not good, not good –"

"Liv, you've got to breathe," Lucy said.

"I'M BREATHING," Liv choked out. How had she missed her water breaking? Surely she would have felt that at some point during the day – with Ree, it had been a mess all over the floor of the squadroom and Munch had started to accuse her of wetting herself before Elliot had realized what had happened and swept her away to the hospital like a white knight. But no, she'd just been so damn hot and sweaty – sweat trickling all down her body like…

Shit, she hadn't even noticed a light flow instead of a catastrophic gush.

"Little girl, you are nothing but trouble, just like your father," she scolded her belly, gently rubbing soothing circles into her skin. She looked over at Baby Boy Doe, who was still crying with worry, and she said, "Little Man, it's okay. We're okay –"

"Ambulance is ten minutes out," Carmen said. "They've put out a 10-13, and the nearest officer is three minutes from you," she said firmly. "Make sure Lucy unlocks the door and is ready, okay?"

"Who is he in with?" Liv asked, trying to stay grounded in the moment.

"Calhoun and Buchanan, about the Porter murder trial."

Liv whined and fought the urge to bear down. "You tell him… Carmen…"

Lucy put the screaming baby into Ree's arms and said, "Honey, I need you to take him to your room and put the TV on and close the door. Just till I come get you guys, okay? I have to help your momma."

"Is momma gonna be okay?" Ree asked, her little voice filled with terror.

Liv took a deep, shuddering breath and panted, trying to gain some control back. "Yeah, baby, momma's okay," she said as calmly, as reassuringly, as she could. "Please take care of him till Lucy comes and gets you – I know you're scared, but we need you to be brave, Serenity." Her voice wavered and she gripped Lucy's hand so tightly her nails broke the girl's skin, but she couldn't let her daughter see the pain she was in.

Ree nodded, worry and fear painted nakedly over her face as she retreated to her bedroom with the baby boy in tow.

"Mrs. Barba –"

Liv let out a low groan of pain. "I need to push," she forced out.

"I can't deliver a baby," Lucy said, alarmed.

"Sweetheart, you don't have a choice," Liv countered.

"Carmen, how soon will that officer be here?" Lucy asked; Liv's cellphone was still on speakerphone.

"Any time now," Carmen said. The assistant's voice was tight, filled with anxiety and frustration. "Olivia –"

The conversation was cut short by a pounding on the front door. "NYPD – Lieutenant Barba?"

"Come in!" Lucy hollered, still helping Liv into a more comfortable position on the sofa. "We're in here – follow my voice." A plain clothes officer came in moments later, pushing sunglasses up onto the top of her head, and Lucy said, "Thank god. Carmen, the EMTs?"

"They've been diverted to another scene," Carmen said, "but another team is en route – twenty minutes now."

"I don't think we have twenty minutes," Lucy snapped. "I don't know anything about delivering babies – just taking care of them – and I don't think this cop does, either."

The officer smirked at her. "Sergeant Adams," she corrected. "I'm with Homicide, working out of the 2-7. Just came back from maternity leave with my fourth angelic little asshole, thank you very much – and I think between the three of us, we'll keep it under control till the big guns arrive."

Olivia groaned and shifted. "Enough," she interjected, reaching down to feel between her legs, completely unsurprised that even without effort on her part, the baby was more than just a bit crowned. "She is coming now, whether we like it or not – I have to push."

"Yeah, you do what you need to do," Adams said, "and I'm going to be right here to help." She took up a position down at Liv's feet and added, "This baby isn't hanging around, is it?"

Liv didn't answer; everything became a blur as she finally gave in to the need to push that overwhelmed her. It wasn't until she felt a soft, squirming weight on her chest that she realized it was over: no newborn screams rent the air, and she stared in soft, tired wonder at the small baby burrowing into her breast. "Hey, sweetheart," she rasped. She looked at Adams, who was wiping her brow with the back of her wrist, viscera left in the wake of the gesture. "Is she okay?"

"She's good," Adams assured her with a little nod and a smile. "Breathing and ten fingers and toes and all the good new baby things."

"She's not crying."

"I didn't slap her on the ass to make her breathe, so I didn't piss her off," Adams countered. "She's okay, Lieutenant – trust me. I'm more worried about you right now." She grabbed her radio and said, "This is Adams on the 10-13 on West 16th – I need an ETA on that bus, and another set of hands. Sooner rather than later. Lieutenant Barba just gave birth and I need backup. Copy?"

Her radio crackled; Fin's voice came down the line. "This is Detective Tutuola with the 1-6. Two minutes, en route to your location, Adams. Bus is still seven minutes out. Might be faster to transport ourselves."

"Negative," Adams said sharply, and Liv flinched. She looked over at Liv. "Friend of yours?"

Liv nodded. "We've worked together for –"

"Is he going to panic?" she asked.

"No. Not Fin."

"Okay, good. I need you to stay calm, too," Adams said quickly. "There's a problem – and I don't want to move you unless the EMTs are here."

"What kind of problem?" Carmen's voice came down the open speakerphone. "Olivia? Lucy, what's happening? Is the baby okay?"

"The baby's fine," Adams assured the room. "Lieutenant Barba did really well and the baby is doing great. But there's a small problem in that the placenta doesn't seem to have fully separated from the uterine wall and if we dislodge it and she starts bleeding, I don't have the tools to stop it. So… we're not going to move her till the big guns get here."

"Okay," Carmen said. "Okay."

There was pounding on the door, and then Fin was bursting in and yelling, "I swear to god if you die on me, Benson –"

"Not today," Liv murmured.

He took a moment to survey the scene, then was out of the room, looking for things. He came back with towels, her sharpest scissors, alcohol, a couple of her hair clips from the bathroom, and the fuzzy pink baby blanket Rafael had bought out of sheer fantasy when they'd found out for sure that their baby was a little girl. He went to work clamping off the umbilical cord and cutting it, then carefully cleaned up and wrapped the baby in her blanket.

"Okay," Fin said, "the bus should be here any time now." He was holding the baby carefully – like he'd done it a million times before, yet at the same time, like he was afraid he was going to hurt her.

Carmen announced, "Hey, they're coming out of the office now –"

"It's been an absolute joy doing business with you," Buchanan was saying bitterly.

"Yes, well, we can't all get what we want," Rita countered with equal irritation.

"And yet, we somehow get what we need," Rafael said in apparent smug amusement.

"Mr. Barba – there's been an emergency," Carmen said quickly.

She finally heard the faraway noise of sirens coming closer – again – but Liv was just so tired. She stopped fighting tooth and nail, letting the blessed relief of quiet darkness claim her.

She woke up slowly, to a dead weight on her right hand and the unpleasant pain of post-labor. "Hey," Liv mumbled.

Rafael jerked awake. "Hey," he replied groggily. "You're awake."

"Mmmhmm." It was an unnecessary confirmation. "The baby?"

"She's doing okay – she's in the nursery," he said softly. "Fin gave her her first bottle while you were out."

"Okay," she sighed. "I don't know what happened –"

"Don't worry too much about it," he said softly. "You're going to be okay and she's fine – that's the main thing."

"Have you talked to Ree? She was so scared," Liv murmured. "Rafa, you need to go home and be with them –"

"Mami picked up the kids," he said gently, "so Lucy could go home and rest."

She nodded and murmured, "Lucy deserves a big bonus after today. And Carmen. She's a trooper."

His lips quirked up into a small smile. "So I have a suggestion for our little girl's name – and you can tell me off at any point in time for it…"

"Mmhmm?"

"Patricia Lucille Carmen," he said a little hesitantly. "Sergeant Adams's first name is Patti – I've handled one of her cases since she's been back. She was here waiting when I got to the hospital and –"

"When you were freaking out and Fin had to talk you down?" Liv challenged with a small smirk.

"Yeah, something like that," he admitted sheepishly.

"Rafa, I like it," she whispered. "That way she carries the strong women who helped bring her into the world with her always."

He squeezed her hand and murmured, "Want me to go get her?"

She smiled and nodded. "Please. I want to hold my sweet girl again."

Once their small, perfect daughter was in her arms again and Rafael was hovering around the bed like a protective shade, she smiled over at him. "I think we should call her Trish – or Tricia," she said softly. "Something a little different, but still the same. What do you think?"

He leaned in and brushed the baby's wispy dark hair with his fingertips. "I think you're right," he agreed. "I think she's beautiful, just like her mami."

"I don't feel beautiful," Liv sighed. "I feel awful – I let you down, I let her down…"

"You didn't," he murmured, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"You were supposed to be there when she was born," she pointed out. "We were meant to do this together. And Fin wasn't supposed to be the first person to hold her –"

"No, maybe not," Rafael agreed, "but he would do anything for you and our kids, Liv. All of them – BD included." He paused, swallowed hard. "I'm glad he was there. I'm so glad that you and Trish are okay. I was so scared."

"Me, too," she murmured. "Rafa…"

He kissed her again and whispered, "I shouldn't have gone to work – I knew something was wrong."

"It's okay," she assured him. "And now look who's here with us." She smiled and looked up at him. "I love you. So much."

"Are you sure you want to stop?" Rafael asked.

"I'm sure," she replied, smiling. She buckled Trish into her car seat and slung the diaper bag over her shoulder. "I want to show her off to the squad."

He rolled his eyes heavenward and threw his hands up as if he couldn't believe her. "Fine," he groused, "but then we're going home and I'm letting my mother cook dinner – and we're having a quiet night in."

"As quiet of a night as you can get with two babies and an eight-year old," she countered, winking at him. "You wanna take her?"

"You going to let me?" he shot back.

"You need to learn to put her carseat in the car correctly," she reminded him gently, rubbing his back between his shoulder blades, feeling the nervous tension in them.

"You think I can do this?" he asked worriedly.

"I think it's a little late to back out now," she murmured. "But they're all going to love you fiercely because you're the dad they need, Rafa." Liv smiled at him and added, "Besides, you know how hot you are in daddy mode? I'm gonna need a cold shower to keep me down every morning till I get the okay."

He blushed. "Olivia…"

"I mean it," she said. "Smokin' hot, Rafael. Sizzling."

He grabbed the car seat and the other bag, clearing his throat. "Let's get going," he mumbled, cheeks flushed.

As it transpired, Rafael had no trouble securing the car seat correctly in the second row with the booster seat and the other car seat, and he grinned at his wife triumphantly. "There," he announced, hands on his hips. Quickly, he stowed the bags, and got Liv to rights in the passenger seat, and took the driver's seat before they left the garage and headed into traffic.

Liv knew how much he hated driving in the city, which is why they usually took public transport or Uber, but they did have an SUV for when they couldn't avoid it. And with three kids, it was now a more than necessary evil. She had agreed to get rid of her Mustang to trade up for the Range Rover, and she was glad they had done it – even if she couldn't reach the baby from the front seat.

They pulled into the precinct garage and Liv flashed her parking permit at the officer on duty who waved them through to park. Once they were inside the main building and in the elevator, she made sure that Trish was cool enough – the baby stirred awake, just looking up at her with a little yawn – and she said, "Have you noticed that she doesn't cry?"

He shrugged and said, "She cried when she was hungry earlier. But maybe she just doesn't have anything to say? She watches everything."

The doors dinged and opened, and they headed into the squadroom.

"Hey, aren't you a sight for sore eyes!" Rollins crowed out immediately. "Fin, look who's here."

Fin popped his head out of the break room, a mug and donut in hand. "Aren't you supposed to be resting?" he griped.

"We were on our way home," Liv said, "but I thought we should show off Little Miss instead."

"Maybe not our finest hour," Rafael added with a low chuckle. "Mi amor, why don't you sit down and I'll help with the baby?"

"Can I hold her?" Amanda asked. "I assume you named her?"

"Patricia Lucille Carmen Barba," Olivia said softly. "Trish."

"Oh, she's so sweet," Rollins cooed. "Please, can I –"

"Let her hold the kid before she pees herself," Fin scolded, rolling his eyes.

Liv sank into a chair and Rafael unbuckled Trish from her seat and carefully arranged her into a comfortable position to be passed to Amanda. "Be gentle," he instructed. "She doesn't like being squeezed too much – and she hates having her hands restrained."

"Smart girl," Amanda said with a grin. "Look at your little face. You look like your momma, don't you, Trish? But you have such pretty eyes like your daddy. You know what? You're the luckiest little girl: you've got the best momma and daddy, and a big sister who's going to love you to bits, and a big brother to play with, and if you ask nicely, maybe you can get a puppy or a kitty…"

"Not likely," Liv snorted. "We can't keep up with the kids. How can we add a pet to the mix?"

Cragen alerted them to his presence only by saying, "I don't know, Olivia: I'm sure you'll find a way. She's absolutely precious, by the way."

"She's perfect," Rafael said. He glanced at Cragen, then said, "Was Serenity that small?"

"Ree was a little bigger than that," Cragen said, "and she was loud – oh, that kid could scream the rafters off a barn – but she was also the prettiest baby I'd ever seen. Made Stabler's kids look like little punks."

"Stabler's kids were little punks," Liv said dismissively. "And they had squish-faces. I've seen the pictures." She looked up at Rafael. "Our girls are beautiful, Rafa."

"They are," he agreed. "They take after their mami."

"Captain, you wanna sign off on this –"

"Olivia, you haven't met Dominick Carisi yet," Cragen said. "He started today, fresh from Queens SVU. And our new Sergeant is around here somewhere…"

"Yeah, he's right behind me," Carisi said. "Are you Barba? The one who's out on medical because her baby came early?"

"Hey, don't be rude," Fin grunted. "That's Lieutenant Barba to you, kid."

Liv forced a smile even as Rafael bristled at the way the young man was coming across. Another man came into the room, and said, "Captain, Carisi and I got the paperwork you asked for – and seem to have interrupted something."

"Sergeant Dodds, this is Lieutenant Olivia Barba," Cragen introduced. "Olivia, this is Mike Dodds – yes, it is exactly what you think."

Mike smiled awkwardly and extended his hand. "Yeah, I wanted Domestic Terrorism, and my father dropped me in SVU instead – something about stepping stones and prestige and then I tuned him out because I have actual work to be doing," he said, shaking her hand. "Congratulations are in order, I hear – and that's your daughter? May I?"

"Sure," Liv said, watching like a hawk as he gently relieved Amanda of her burden. He did everything correctly, carefully cradling Trish in the crook of his elbow, supporting her head and neck, her buttocks and feet, gently bouncing her. "So you'll be here a while?"

"Hopefully not too long," Mike quipped with a grin. "Wouldn't want to cramp your style." He passed the baby to Rafael and said, "She's absolutely gorgeous, Mr. Barba – you're going to have your work cut out for you in a few years."

Rafael sighed and grumbled, "Her sister is going to give me heart failure before then."

Carisi pouted. "I didn't get to hold the baby."

Rollins made a face in his direction. "They don't know you – why would they let you hold their kid? And you have a stupid pornstache. That thing could scare a baby at fifty paces."

Liv tried to keep a straight face, but definitely noted the dejected way Carisi deflated in the wake of Amanda's teasing. "Rafa? Let Carisi hold her," she said softly. "If he makes her cry, we'll know it's a problem."

Rafael rolled his eyes. "Are you really just going to play pass the baby?"

"You're the baby daddy?" Carisi asked.

Rafael scowled at him and leveled a glare that would have melted steel in his general direction. "I am Patricia's father, and Olivia's husband, yes," he snarled. "I am also an Assistant District Attorney attached to homicide, so I'd like to think I've picked up a few pointers on how not to hide bodies."

Fin snorted a laugh. "Don' fuck wi' Barba, Carisi. Boy came outta the projects an' knows more about breaking and entering than your white bread Long Island ass ever could."

"That's not what I meant," Carisi groaned. "Look, I just – okay, my sister, she's got kids and I'm used to getting dragged into baby-sitting so I was just going to say if you need help… you can call me." He hesitated for a long second, then looked frustrated and dejected again.

"Rafa, give him the baby," Olivia ordered. Rafael hesitated a moment, then passed Trish over to Carisi. The younger man supported her head and neck but tucked her into his shoulder instead of the crook of his arm like the others had.

"Hey, kiddo," Carisi said. "I know – I'm a big smelly guy you don't know… I smell like garlic and cannolis, don't I? But I hope we'll be good friends soon." He gently rubbed her back and smiled when she wiggled her little back and tried to tuck up like a caterpillar in his embrace. "She's just like my niece, Maria – wants to be cuddled and loved on. She's almost a year old now. Sweetest little thing."

"So what, you're the baby whisperer?" Rollins asked.

Carisi shrugged. "Nah, I'm just good with kids," he said.

Rafael gestured at his face. "Shave that thing off and you can come over for dinner on spaghetti night," he muttered. "See if the other two kids hate your guts or not."

"You've got… more kids?" Carisi said, blinking.

"Damn straight," Rafael said. "Regretting that offer now?"

Cragen looked like he wanted to laugh, but he was holding it back. Liv said, "Why don't you all come over on Wednesday? Ree misses you. And she could get to know Sergeant Dodds and Detective Carisi – Fin, you could call Munch, right?"

"Oh, it wouldn't be a party without Uncle Munch," Fin replied sarcastically. "I'm sure he'd love to see little miss Trish."

"He absolutely would," Cragen said.

It wasn't until they were back in the car and on the way home that Rafael casually asked, "Did you really commit us to having a spaghetti party on a weeknight with all of your fucking annoying coworkers and goddamn John Munch in our house with a newborn, a toddler, and our eight-year-old?"

"I'm pretty sure I had a moment of complete hysteria," Liv replied.

"Is that what it was?"

"Either that or I completely left my body."

"I'm pretty sure we're going to end up with Cuban spaghetti because you're going to be calling mami for help," he said.

She nudged his shoulder and he grinned at her before putting his eyes back on the road.

TBC...