Evil, or Something Like It
By: Clever Audrey
Disclaimer: If you recognize it, I don't own it.
Warnings: Akatsuki. Crack. Odd humor.
AN: Just to clarify something that a reviewer commented on. When Deidara addresses Sasori, he uses the suffix "-danna" with Sasori's name, not "-dono." I read Japanese, and have read the original Japanese Naruto chapters, and Deidara is definitely using "-danna." While the most common translation of this does have the meaning of "husband," that is not the only meaning. The Shannaro scanlation group uses the definition "colloquial way to address a male who is your senior" as the most appropriate translation given how Deidara uses it; Sasori is definitely Deidara's senior, and given that all of Deidara's speech is fairly colloquial, this seems to be right in character for him.
Given all of this, I have and will continue to use Deidara's "danna,"as well as other Japanese suffixes.
And that's enough of an author's note. On to the drabble!
Drabble 3 - Don't touch that!
Summary: Deidara gets a little too ingenious sometimes...
"Don't touch that!"
Kisame jerked his hand back from the perfect-looking platter of sushi sitting on the smooth stone outcropping that served the Akatsuki as a sometime-kitchen table. He turned to Deidara, who gave a dramatic sigh of relief and hurried over to gingerly pick up the plate.
"Why shouldn't he?" Itachi asked, his voice as emotionless as ever, but obviously curious.
"Well, he can if he wants to get blown up, un," the blond said, giving the Uchiha a lop-sided grin.
"You put your clay in food?" Kisame asked incredulously. "And then just left it lying around? Are you trying to kill us?"
"Obviously not," Deidara sniffed, "otherwise I wouldn't have warned you, un. And I didn't put clay in the food – the food is clay, un."
Kisame blinked at the Iwa missing-nin for a long moment, then shot his partner a helpless look. Itachi replied with a particularly blank deadpan that Kisame read as 'Don't ask me, you're the one who's trying to understand him.'
Kisame sighed.
"Look, danna, it worked!" Deidara was now enthusiastically showing the plate of explosive sushi to Sasori, who had shuffled into the "kitchen" grumpily.
"Hmph."
"Is it some kind of new weapon?" Kisame prodded Deidara, who nodded and launched into an enthusiastic explanation of his new "food bombs."
"You can slip them to enemies, un! Then they eat them, and go boom! Un!"
This time both Kisame and Sasori sighed.
"Do they actually taste like sushi?" Kisame wanted to know next. The blond started to reply, then stopped and looked startled.
"Actually, I'm not sure. I'll have to find out, un!" He reached for the plate, looking determined.
"Don't eat them yourself!" Sasori snapped, finally moved to comment.
"But danna-"
"No. Find someone else to try them on."
"All right," Deidara faked great disappointment. Then he turned to the other pair and brightened, holding out the plate. "Sushi?"
Kisame rolled his eyes and sighed. Itachi gave him the deadpan that wasn't quite a glare.
Silence reigned in the cavern for a few moments as Deidara contemplated this latest turn of affairs, and the others wondered for the billionth time what their leader had been thinking when he took Deidara on.
Zetsu slid out of the floor in the doorway just then, and Deidara perked up, turning to him before anyone else could say anything.
"Sushi, Zetsu?"
The gold-eyed Akatsuki looked at the plate for a long time, then up at Deidara's eager smile, then back down at the plate. Curious, the rest remained quiet for a moment, watching the exchange.
"No thank you. We are not hungry at the moment."
"Oh. I see."
"Perhaps outside of base would be a better place for your experiments, Deidara," Sasori put in at last.
"Hmm." Deidara seemed down again for a moment, then jumped up with another grin. "I'm sure Sir Leader would appreciate a snack, un!"
And promptly ran out of the room, still balancing the plate of "sushi."
The others all looked at each other.
"Who's going to warn him?" Kisame wanted to know.
"If he can't figure it out, he's not fit to be our leader anyway," Sasori pointed out, and went back to whatever he'd been doing.
Itachi nodded in agreement, and Zetsu gave a rustling shrug before disappearing again.
Kisame sighed and decided that a cup of nice, normal, non-explosive tea sounded like a good way to stave off his growing headache.
AN: Yeah...don't know where this came from. XD Next one...eventually. When I steal my life back from school.