Hi, Sorry I haven't posted in two weeks - life kind of got in the way. Hope this chapter makes up for it!

Chapter 9

Colin sat in his carriage, the rain tapping against the roof, heading towards Featherington House. He needed to talk to Penelope, it had been a few days since their 'kissing lesson' and he really needed to explain his behaviour towards her.

He also wanted to check on how she was feeling about Harry's sudden departure. He was quite surprised when he heard from Eloise that Harry had left town. He was sure that Harry was so smitten he would propose and Colin was convinced he still would. He never would have brought Harry to town if he thought Harry would hurt Penelope.

He had tried to find her at Lady Denby's garden party but she always disappeared out of his line of sight and then Cressida Cowper had made her announcement. He was relieved to hear of her engagement; he would no longer be forced to dance with her but he was struggling to believe she had been Lady Whistledown.

From what he read of Lady Whistledown, Cressida was nowhere near as witty, cunning and as smart as Lady Whistledown. But then, why would she say she was Lady Whistledown if she was not?

As he approached Featherington House, he began to mentally prepare himself for what he would say to Penelope but still was not sure what to tell her. He could not say 'Sorry I stopping kissing you but you were turning me on and I was afraid I could not stop myself'.

However, as they approached the top of the street, he noticed the familiar figure of Penelope climb into a hired hack, without a lady's maid or chaperone. He could not help but wonder why she would take such a dangerous risk; unless she was possibly heading to visit him at Bedford Square. He signalled for his driver to follow the hired hack; in part out of curiosity but also to ensure her safety.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Colin was confused; the hired hack had gone through Bloomsbury and therefore past his home in Bedford Square and was heading into the city centre. Where could Penelope possibly be going? What could she be doing? A lady of her breeding could risk harm without a chaperone, especially this close to the centre.

Then the hired hack pulled onto Fleet Street and stopped outside St. Bride's Church. His own carriage stopped. He watched as Penelope stepped out of the hack and headed straight into the church.

Colin waited a few moments before following her; he really wanted to know what she was up to. Then a thought popped into his head as he approached the church. What if Harry's disappearance to the country was all a ruse, and he and Penelope were planning to elope?

A lump built in his throat. He could not bear the thought that this was it…he had lost his best friend and possible love without even getting a chance to explain himself. He was really hoping he was wrong; Penelope could not elope; it would destroy her mother for a start.

Philippa did not have a big wedding and it did not seem like Prudence would be heading down the aisle any time soon; Penelope would not rob her mother of the experience. Even though her mother was not the best, Penelope was too loyal and loved her mother too much to disrespect her.

He prepared himself to bust through the doors, interrupting a wedding; hoping to talk some sense into both his friends. However, as he busted through the doors, he did not find a wedding; he found Penelope clutching a white envelope, her eyes and mouth wide with shock.

"Col…Col…Colin, what are you doing here?" She asked, quickly slipping the envelope behind her back.

"What am I doing here?" Colin barked. "What are you doing here Pen? Alone? In a hired hack?"

"I…I…" She stuttered, not sure what to say.

"And what is in the envelope?" He asked, striding towards her.

"Colin please!" She pleaded, trying to keep the envelope out of his reach but he wrestled it out of his grasp. "Do not read it, it is private!"

"Is it a marriage licence?" He queried. "Please do not tell me you are eloping with Mr Dankworth?" He began to open the envelope.

"Colin, please do not…" Penelope pleaded again, making one last attempt to snatch the envelope back but Colin spun out of reach; his eyes widening at the contents.

Penelope could feel the tears building in her eyes as Colin finally looked back at her, waving the sheet of paper in his hands. "Is this what I think it is?" He asked, confused. "Are you Lady Whistledown?"

"Colin…" Penelope softly sighed. "I can explain."

She could see the confusion, hurt and betrayal in his eyes; it was a look she had wanted to avoid from those she loved; which is why she had kept her identity hidden but she had to write another column as she could not let the people of the ton believe Cressida Cowper was the creator of her work.

She felt Colin place a light but firm grip on her wrist as he began to pull her towards the exit. "Colin, what are you doing?" She asked.

"I am taking you home…there is no way I am leaving you in the city unaccompanied." He replied.

"But I need to leave the column for the publisher." Penelope pleaded.

Colin stopped and waved the sheet of paper in his hand. "This?" He asked, before briefly removing his grip on her wrist to use both hands to tear up the sheet of paper and toss it in the air like confetti.

"Colin! I worked hard on that. How could you?" Penelope exclaimed as Colin took hold of her.

"How could you Pen?" He shot back, leading her out of the church, down the steps and towards his waiting carriage.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

It had been a few minutes since Colin had pushed her into his carriage and instructed his driver to take the long way back to Featherington House. Penelope was looking at Colin, who was sitting opposite her; she was waiting for him to speak but he was staring out the window, deep in thought.

Finally, he looked at Penelope. "So when Lady Whistledown revealed Marina's pregnancy, that was you?" He finally asked.

"Well yes but…" Penelope started to say.

"How could you do that to your own cousin? To me?" He snapped. "The public shame and embarrassment it brought to Marina, to me, our families…"

"I tried to tell you Colin, to stop you but when you would not listen; I had to do something." Penelope shot back. "There would have been a bigger scandal when five months after you married, Marina's twins came. You have seen the children yourself…they are the spitting image of their father; no one in the town would believe them to be your children."

He sighed. She knew she was right but it still did not take away the hurt and embarrassment he felt at the time. "And that story about Eloise and that printer boy Theo, that was you too?" He asked.

Penelope sighed. "Yes…that was probably my biggest regret."

"Biggest regret? You could have destroyed Eloise! Ruined her!" Colin exclaimed.

"I know Colin but I did it to save her." Penelope quickly retorted. "The Queen was convinced she was Lady Whistledown and Eloise was going to admit to it. I had to publish something scandalous about her to throw the Queen off…I know Eloise hated me for it when she found out…it nearly destroyed our friendship but…"

"Wait! Eloise knows you are Lady Whistledown?" Colin snapped.

"She found out at the Featherington ball." Penelope replied. "The same night I overheard you reject me to your friends. It was not a good night for me…"

"Do not do that!" Colin retorted.

"Do what?" Penelope asked.

"Try to distract from your wrong doings by trying to make me feel guilty again." Colin shot back. "I have regretted that moment over and over but I will not let you use it every time you need to distract."

"I know I have caused hurt and embarrassment to some with my column but when I took aim at you or Eloise, I did it to stop you receiving further hurt…or at least at the time I thought it would stop it." Penelope stated. "It was part of the reason why I stayed anonymous."

"So why come forward now?" Colin asked.

"I am not coming forward." Penelope replied. "I did not reveal myself…I simply rebutted Cressida's claim."

"Why Pen? Why can you not let her take the blame?" Colin asked. "Let people think it is her…save yourself."

"Why should I let her take credit for my creation? For my talents? My purpose?" Penelope retorted.

"Because if the truth came out, you would be ruined." Colin replied. "The town would exclude you; no one would speak to you…see you."

"That is no different to the few years I have experienced being out in society." Penelope stated. "No one saw me…how do you think I learnt my titbits for the columns? No one sees the wallflower fading into the background. Anyway, being revealed as Lady Whistledown did not ruin Cressida."

"That is different." Colin replied.

"Why? Because Cressida is beautiful?" Penelope asked.

"No! It is because Cressida Cowper is a bitch and the ton expects that from her." Colin quickly shot back. Penelope's eyes widened at the use of his language. "I am sorry but it is the truth and you…you are the sweet, caring, observant, witty…"

"Ugly duckling of society so of course I cannot be forgiven." Penelope interjected.

"Pen, please stop this!" Colin sighed, shaking his head.

"Stop what? Telling the truth?" Penelope asked. "You did say I was observant…"

"No!" Colin exclaimed. He leaned forward and placed his hands gently on her shoulders. "Stop putting yourself down. Stop saying you are not beautiful…an ugly duckling because you are beautiful and the fact you do not know it, makes you even more so."

Her eyes studied his as they were locked in a gaze. She could tell he was being genuine but she still could not believe his words. "Colin, I know I am not…" She began to say but she felt Colin place a finger to her lips to silence her.

"Do not say it. I will not allow it." He softly said. "You are so beautiful."

Penelope felt herself gasp for breath as her heart began to race. She could feel his finger softly trace her lips and she noticed his gaze was now focused on her lips. Before she knew it, Colin's lips were mere inches from hers.

"I wish you could know how badly I want to kiss you." He softly whispered.

She was feeling brave so she draped her arm around his neck and slowly drew circles on the nape of his neck. "So kiss me." She softly whispered back.

He did not wait to be invited twice, his lips softly crashed against hers and she quickly responded; their tongues quickly entangling as Penelope softly moaned and arched her back, pressing her hips towards Colin as her fingers began to tease his hair.

Colin lips slowly began to trail down her jaw, towards her neck, before sucking her collarbone. "Oh Colin!" She moaned, arching her back even further, causing her to slide off her seat, pressing her hips further into him. She could feel his arousal and this made her even braver, her finger moving to untuck his shirt and feel his skin.

She felt his lips travel towards her bosom while his fingers lowered her bodice. Suddenly her breast was exposed and she saw the lust in his eyes. "Oh Pen, you really magnificent!" He gasped.

"Please do not stop." She groaned, thrusting against him. He cupped her breast, fondling her before his lips covered her nipple and he softly nibbled her. Penelope moaned again and she dug her fingers into his back.

Suddenly, the carriage jumped up as it hit a stone, pushing Colin back onto his seat and Penelope onto his lap straddling him. Their eyes met again; Colin raised his hand and gently stroked Penelope's cheek before running his fingers through her hair, their lips softly crashing together again.

Now it was Penelope's turn to begin a trail of kisses down his neck while her fingers explored his chest. Colin's hands moved down from her hair, onto her back before settling on her derriere. He gave her bum a gentle squeeze and then a slap, causing her to squeal "Colin!" in surprise before continuing her trail of kisses onto his chest.

Suddenly, the carriage came to a complete stop, causing Penelope to almost fall onto the carriage floor but Colin caught her, his face full of alarm. He looked out the window. "Damn! We are here." He muttered, his fingers now trying to dress Penelope again. "Do you think anyone would have noticed my carriage?"

"Probably." Penelope replied, sliding off his lap, doing up her bodice. "But it is okay…I can slip in…I am an expert at slipping in and out unnoticed." She ran her fingers through her hair, smoothing it out.

"You cannot go in alone." Colin protested as he tucked in his shirt.

"And why would you accompany me?" Penelope shot back.

"Well I…Penelope, are you not going to marry me?" Colin asked, confused.

Penelope's eyes widened. "Wait! What?" Now she would be confused. "Why would we…"

"Come on Pen…you were here for the carriage ride." Colin replied. "I have taken advantage…"

"Or maybe I took advantage of you." Penelope quickly shot back. "I want a husband Colin but I do not want a proposal because you feel you have compromised me…I deserve more…I want more…I want love."

"Pen, I…" Colin began. "…that came out wrong."

"Thank you for bringing me home Mr Bridgerton." She said as the driver opened the carriage door.

"Pen…" Colin sighed. He knew he had to say something but the words would not come.

Penelope sighed and took the driver's hand and exited the carriage, heading up to her own home.

Colin watched her go, mentally kicking himself. He had messed up again. Why could he not say 'I love you'?

To be continued…if you want me to!

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