Someone New to Drive Insane
Disclaimer: I don't own X-men Evolution, Kingdom Hearts, Charmed or any of the franchises too numerous to name that appear in my Coming of the Foe fic…Red Witch you are an inspiration to us all.
Summary: The Misfits annoy the Charmed Ones a week after the events of Coming of the Foe with the X-men in hot pursuit of…The Coyotes? Just a funny little oneshot that popped into my head.
Piper Halliwell blinked sleep out of her eyes as she looked at her alarm clock. Two o'clock in the morning. Judging from the commotion downstairs, the annoyance was of the Misfit variety.
"Don't they ever sleep?" Piper moaned.
Leo was still peacefully slumbering. "Leo, wake up!" Piper yelled.
Leo blinked and removed a pair of earplugs from his ears. "Where did you get those?" Piper asked.
"Uhm, I'd tell you, but you probably wouldn't be happy." Leo replied.
"Try me." Piper replied.
"Remember when I went with Paige to the Pit last week, to help teach Dragonfly something about healing powers?" Leo replied, "Well Ace and Snowjob were having a high stakes card game with Wild Bill in the hangar and they wanted to know if I could play."
"You were gambling?" Piper sat up in bed, sleepiness forgotten, and looking extremely frazzled.
"Well, long story short, I got a royal flush and won these industrial strength earplugs that drown out Misfit sounds effectively." Leo replied.
"Leo, we'll discuss your gambling later." Piper said, as she grabbed her bathrobe and threw it on, and walked down the hall.
She headed straight for Paige's room, "Paige! Why are your insane boyfriend and his insane gang of friends driving us insane at two o'clock in the morning!"
"Ted had nothing to do with this, Piper…" Paige grumbled as she sleepily walked out of her bedroom.
"Really?" Piper said, "Practically any time he comes over here, the Misfits will put in an appearance!"
"Could you two not argue so loudly?" Phoebe shouted from down the hall, "Some people are trying to sleep!"
"Oh no you don't!" Piper said, practically barging down Phoebe's door and dragging her out of bed, "If we're not sleeping, you sure as hell aren't."
"Let's just go see what's going on downstairs and find out why the Misfits are here so we can all go back to bed." Paige replied.
The three sisters with Leo in tow headed downstairs to find the Misfits and the X-men searching around the house.
"What are you guys doing here?" Piper asked.
"Funny you should ask." Shipwreck began.
"No, not funny, I don't exactly have a sense of humor at TWO O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING!" Piper shouted, waving her arms.
"Well, we're here on business." Ted replied.
"What kind of business?" Paige asked, "Somehow I don't think I'm going to like the answer."
"Business of the coyote variety." Ted replied, sheepishly.
"What?" Piper said, "Phoebe, did you….?"
"No, she didn't." Roadblock quickly interjected.
"There's another way to bring the Coyotes into our dimension, apparently. It's called the McGuffin device." Cover Girl replied.
"McGuffin Device?" Phoebe asked.
"Whatever a person imagines comes to life." Ted replied.
"I'm almost afraid to ask this, but what exactly came to life?" Paige asked.
"WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!" Curly shouted.
"Why I oughta!" Moe began, as he chased Curly and Larry down the street with a sledge hammer.
"Does that answer your question?" Ted replied.
"Who imagined that?" Paige said.
Ted said, "Eh heh heh…"
"I should never have watched the Three Stooges reruns with you last night." Paige groaned.
The phone rang just then and Piper answered, "No Darryl, I swear we have nothing to do with the Three Stooges running around the neighborhood. WHAT? A giant plaid cow is dispensing Molsons on Phoebe's old campus?"
"Let's just say that the device creates hybrids of people's imaginations as well." Ted explained.
Piper's left eyebrow twitched, "Ted, don't think the fact that you're my sister's boyfriend is going to save you from the wrath of a very pissed off witch!"
"I would say you're something else that rhymes with witch…" Sands began.
"Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! Ole! HOT HOT HOT!" A Calypso band sung on the front lawn.
"And I guess you imagined that Calypso party that's going on outside on the lawn?" Piper demanded.
"Yeah." Sands replied.
Piper snatched Sands' cane and began whacking him over the head with it. "That's for all the noise complaints! And that was for calling me a bitch!"
"OW! OW! OW! OW! OW!" Sands shouted.
"The million dollar question is, why not just turn off the device?" Paige asked.
"You see that's the thing." Ted replied.
"What's the thing?" Paige asked.
"The device has no on or off switch for one, and even if it did, we'd be hard pressed to find the Coyotes who currently have it in their possession."
"OK," Paige replied, "That still doesn't explain why you guys are here at two o'clock in the morning driving my oldest sister to her first stroke."
"The Coyotes got their hands on the Mass Device and teleported themselves to Bayville, where they promptly drove the X-men insane, and then they teleported to San Francisco." Ted replied, "And transmitted everybody's imaginations with them…"
BAMPH! A dozen or so miniature versions of cartoonish looking Nightcrawlers appeared in the living room just then and Piper's pulse rate accelerated.
"Let me guess. Nightcrawler imagined these!" Piper asked.
"Exactly." Ted replied.
Just then the X-men teleported in, courtesy of Trinity teleporting them to the Halliwell Manor.
"Great! I think I'll go to be in my best dresses from now on so that I'll be able to receive visitors at early hours!" Piper shouted.
"I see you've met the Bamfs, Freezerburn." Logan began.
"What are…" Piper began.
BAMPH! "You have pretty hair." A Bamf said as it teleported onto Piper's shoulder and began running fingers through it.
"These are actually kind of cute." Piper said, cuddling it for some reason.
"They're disturbing and insane monsters on acid." Wolverine remarked, extending his claws. "Back away from me slowly and no one gets hurt…"
"Wolverine, how could you threaten such adorable little creatures…" Phoebe said, as she coddled two of them, with three more on her head and shoulders.
"Great, the Bamfs make witches act all maternal." Wolverine growled.
"How could you hurt such nice little animals?" Phoebe pressed.
"My sixty-four dollar question," Paige asked, "Is why the X-men are here?"
"The Coyotes just teleported into the Mansion and kidnapped the Professor." Scott replied.
"We've got to contain these insane imagined items before they tear the entire city apart." Jean began.
"You try containing this furry little Hellspawns, Big Red!" Logan snapped.
The phone rang again and Paige answered it, "Darryl. No I don't know anything about a bald guy in pajamas duct taped to a…WHAT? A propeller driven wheelchair?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I said." Darryl replied over the phone.
Paige cupped the receiver, "Guys, I think we found the Professor."
"Where?" Phoebe asked, and then resumed nuzzling a Bamf, cooing, "Yes, you're so adorable."
"Yes, you're absolutely insane." Logan remarked.
"Alcatraz Island." Paige replied.
"How did he get over there?" Scott asked.
"We'll find out eventually." Roadblock rolled his eyes as he tapped his teleportation watch.
"Yo ho. Shampandoh. To the island you shall go." The Coyotes chanted as they spun an enormous propeller on the back of Xavier's wheelchair. The wheelchair was set on an angled ramp, "Yo ho! Shampandoh! To the Island you shall go."
"MMPH! GRPH! MMPH!" Xavier said, through the duct tape wound around his head.
"Yo ho. Shampandoh. To the Island you shall go." The Coyotes continued to chant.
"NNNOONN!" Xavier said.
"Yo ho. Shampandoh. To the Island you shall go." The Coyotes sang as they attached Xavier's wheelchair to a rig that had two booster rockets on it.
The ramp was aimed out at the San Francisco bay towards Alcatraz Island and Xavier was currently duct taped to his wheelchair. His telepathic or telekinetic abilities had no effect on these Coyotes at all.
"Contact!" Trickery, the brown furred coyote said, and waved his paw.
"Launched!" Guile, the gray furred coyote replied.
The rockets engaged, propelling Xavier through the roof of the warehouse until they ran out of steam and Xavier flew powered only by a lawnmower motor and a big wooden propeller.
SPLASH! Xavier hit the Pacific Ocean several feet short of Alcatraz.
"SEE! I told you we should have added a Nitro booster rocker!" Mischief, the silver furred coyote shouted, "But Nooo you wouldn't listen."
"Guys, I do think we're in a spot of bother." Trickery began as a big contingent of pissed off X-men and Misfits surrounded the place.
Low Light aimed his sniper rifle at the McGuffin Device, "Guess what boys? It's nap time."
"Oh bollocks." Trickery groaned as Low Light shot the McGuffin Device.
"NOT AGAAAIIIINNN!" The Coyotes all screamed as they vanished back into their dimensions together with the dream manifestations.
END
Piper: You're all a bunch of sadists if you think this is FUNNY!
Xavier: HAH! You weren't the one ducttaped to a wheel chair and shot towards Alcatraz Island and took a splash! I don't know what your're complaining about?