Chapter 11
Penelope sat at her bedroom window, her hands clutching the piece of paper Colin had given her, her eyes re-reading his words for possibly the 100th time.
'And although I was missing home; her red, glistening hair and big, sparkling blue eyes were enough; she did noy speak my language, I did not speak hers; but the red hair, blue eyes were enough for that night to just take me home, for that one moment; back to my safe place, where my heart belongs'
What was Colin trying to say to her by sharing an extract of him kissing another woman while he was in Italy? Her heart wanted to believe that he was implying this girl made him think of Penelope and that his heart belonged with her but if that was the case, why did he not just tell her that as soon as he returned?
Okay, she knew herself that she was not that welcoming to Colin on his return but he had publicly declared he had no interest in courting her. She had the right to be cold; and he had ample opportunities after to tell her this; instead, he tried to educate her on how to get other men to court her. The boy was simply confusing.
"Penelope! Penelope!" She anxiously heard her mother call. She got up, slipped the extract back in her desk and headed to the door, popping her head around the door.
"Yes mama?" She asked, wondering why her mother was flapping.
"Get dressed in your best dress." Her mother hissed. "Mr Dankworth is here…and he wants a private audience with you."
"What? He is back in town?" Penelope asked, surprised.
"And he wants a word in private!" Her mother giggled. "This is it…my baby girl is going to marry a Lord!"
Penelope swallowed hard, the nerves already building within her.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Penelope was in her garden, along with Mr Dankworth, who was quite fidgety, obviously feeling the nerves as much as Penelope. She could sense her mother, Prudence and Mrs Varley were upstairs, looking onto the garden through a window.
She had wished Mr Dankworth had taken her somewhere else, like a walk down by the lake but her mother suggested the garden and being polite, he accepted the suggestion. The garden was one of her favourite spots, especially early in the morning but now, recently, it just made her think of Colin.
"I am so sorry that I had to leave town unexpectantly." He apologised as he walked beside her in the garden. "My uncle required my attendance in the country and he would not let me delay."
"It is perfectly okay Mr Dankworth." Penelope replied. "I admire a man who puts his family obligations first."
"I think you can call me Harry now, Miss Featherington." Harry said with a soft smile.
"Well then, you must me call me Penelope as well." Penelope suggested, returning the smile.
"Of course…Penelope." He replied, slightly blushing.
"Was everything well in the country?" Penelope asked.
"Yes, um…we just had to finalise a few details." Harry replied, scratching his head. "Penelope, there is something I would like to discuss with you."
Penelope took a deep breath. This was it. She had to prepare herself. "Yes…Harry?"
"I think I have been pretty clear with my intentions when it comes to us." Harry started. "When I arrived in town, the last thing on my mind was meeting someone as witty, charming, smart and pretty as you. I had no intentions of finding a wife…"
Penelope waited in baited breath for him to continue.
"…and when Colin Bridgerton invited me to town and suggested that you may be the lady for me…" Harry continued.
"Wait! Colin…Mr Bridgerton invited you to town to meet me?" Penelope asked, the anger building inside her but she tried to contain herself.
"Yes…oh dear, he asked me not to tell." Harry replied. "Miss Penelope, please do not take offence…I am so glad he did because I never would have met you or fallen for you…and found my future wife…that is if you will have me as a husband…"
"Is that your proposal?" Penelope asked, her mind whirling. She could not fully concentrate. Colin had lied to her. She had asked him directly and he had lied.
"Yes…it did not come out as I planned." Harry replied, taking her hand. "But my feelings are true…I have fallen for you Penelope and would be the happiest man in the world if you would be my wife."
She looked into his eyes and she could see the love and adoration she had always wanted but something was missing. Maybe it was the anger she was feeling; she was meant to be happy but she was not, not in this moment. How could Colin Bridgerton even destroy her proposal?
"Harry, dear…can you give me some time?" She asked.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Colin was sitting in his parlour, reading the paper when the parlour door opened, revealing Colin's butler. "Sorry to interrupt Master Bridgerton but Miss Pen…" His butler began to say but he did not have the chance to finish his sentence.
Penelope stormed passed him, a fire glaring in her eyes; barely giving Colin time to get to his feet as she headed straight to Colin, swung her arm and slapped him across the cheek.
Colin stumbled back, taken by surprised. He knew he was taking a chance, giving Penelope an extract of a journal that involved kissing another woman but he was hoping she would read between the lines. Then again, he did not realise it at the time it was happening so maybe Penelope did not know what he was trying to imply…Penelope was his safe place, his home. "Pen?" He asked, confused, nodding for the butler to leave.
"You! You are a liar!" Penelope cried, taking another swing to slap again but this time, Colin caught hold her arm.
"Penelope, please…what is going on?" He was genuinely confused. He released her arm and began to rub his cheek. For someone with such a tiny stature, she definitely packed some power.
"Harry has proposed." Penelope stated.
Dread washed over Colin. This was the moment he feared; he was going to lose Penelope. "Congratulations." He replied. "However, I do not understand how I am a liar."
"In his proposal, he mentioned you and how you brought him to town to meet this girl…who turned out to be me." Penelope replied, a mixture of anger and tears in her eyes.
Colin sighed and glanced at the floor. He knew what was coming.
"I asked you Colin…" Penelope stated, a tear escaping her eye as she pointed her finger towards him. "…I asked you if you had invited him to town because it was such a coincidence that he should suddenly appear and be interested in me…and you told me no! You lied to me!"
"It was a small lie Penelope…it did not change anything, he decided to court you of his own accord." Colin replied. "And you lied to me."
"When? When did I ever lie to you?" Penelope shot back.
"Lady Whistledown." Colin replied. "You have been lying for almost 3 years!"
"That was not a lie Colin." Penelope replied. "As soon as you asked me directly if I was Lady Whistledown, I was honest."
"Only because you were caught!" Colin quickly retorted. There was silence, then Penelope began to speak.
"I did not think it would ever be possible to hate you Colin…even after you publicly made me undesirable, I could not bring myself to hate you but now, in this very moment…I hate you, Colin Bridgerton." Penelope softly stated, beginning to sob. "I truly hate you!"
He watched her tears fall, and his own heart broke; he never wanted to hurt her and he had hurt her; over and over again, every time he did not realise that she was in love with him. He knew what he had to do; even though he would end up with the broken heart.
He stepped towards her and wrapped his arms around her, even though she tried to fight his embrace, he pushed on. He rested his chin on top of her head and gave her a comforting kiss on top of her head as she sobbed.
"I was never worthy of your love Pen…I did not deserve your love and admiration." He softly spoke, rubbing her back. "I am selfish and conceited. All I have ever done is cause you hurt when all I truly want is for you to be happy so accept Harry Dankworth's proposal because he is the man you deserve."
Penelope pushed free of his embrace and stumbled back, to look him in the eye; her own eyes burning with the fire inside of her. "Accept his proposal?" She queried. "Are you seriously telling me what to do?"
"Pen, I just mean I am setting you free…as much as I need and want you, I need and want you to be happy more." Colin replied.
"How big of you Colin!" Penelope snapped. "Always trying to be the perfect gentleman…but you are just a fake. I do not need you to set me free Colin…I am the one in charge of my own heart…not you and I will decide what makes me happy!"
She did not wait for his response; she left his home as quickly as she entered.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
After the last few days, Penelope was in desperate need for some fresh air so when Lady Danbury invited Penelope to walk along the promenade, Penelope happily accepted. She needed to get out of the house; her mother could not understand why she did not have an answer for Harry. She did not understand it herself. He was everything she wanted but something was still missing.
As Lady Danbury and Penelope walked along, Mr Anderson was a head of them, with Lady Danbury's dogs, tossing sticks for them to fetch and return. "Mr Anderson has seemed to slip into your life quite well." Penelope observed.
"Yes, he is a fine young man." Lady Danbury agreed. "Thank you for bringing us together…even though it will be brief. He will need to return soon to continue his business."
"I did not really do anything; I was just there to get the right information when needed." Penelope replied.
"Yes, you have made a career of that Miss Penelope." Lady Danbury stated with a smirk.
"I am a mere lady; I cannot have a career." Penelope retorted coolly.
"Penelope, you have shown you can have anything you want." Lady Danbury replied.
"If only I knew what I want." Penelope muttered. Two ladies walked past, looked at Penelope, then whispered in each other's ears and laughed. Penelope groaned. "Obviously the town has heard of Mr Dankworth's return and no engagement has been announced; they must think I have been rejected."
"Ignore the idle gossipers." Lady Danbury said, giving Penelope's arm a reassuring pat. "Take it as a compliment. You control your own narrative Penelope."
"Do you not worry about the speculation of the relationship between yourself and Mr Anderson?" Penelope asked.
Lady Danbury scoffed. "Penelope, I am of an age that it would not bother if the truth finally did come out…that does not mean I want it reported in Lady Whistledown…I would not want to hinder any of Marcus' future prospects."
"I would not worry about Lady Whistledown." Penelope stated. "She has retired…now Cressida is to marry."
"Penelope, you and I both know Lady Whistledown is not Cressida Cowper and you could probably let the whole ton know that." Lady Danbury said. "Please do not actually make me say it."
"Eloise Bridgerton has said the same…and Lady Whistledown almost did disregard Cressida but…Lady Whistledown has her doubts." Penelope stated, knowing there was no point in denying it. Lady Danbury knew, even though neither of them actually said the words.
"And what are these doubts?" Lady Danbury asked.
"Lady Whistledown could deny Cressida and still keep her anonymity but then who is to say others will not make a claim in the future?" Penelope replied.
"So maybe Lady Whistledown should finally reveal herself and stop all future claims." Lady Danbury suggested.
"And risk possible ruin…getting ostracised from society?" Penelope retorted.
"Has anyone that discovered Lady Whistledown's secret ostracised her yet?" Lady Danbury asked.
"Well, no…but she has seen the pain and hurt she has caused by her actions." Penelope replied.
"Pain and hurt do heal in time." Lady Danbury said. "If…and this is a big if…if Lady Whistledown does unveil herself, the rest of the season may be hard but by next season there will be a new scandal to focus on."
She knew Lady Danbury had a point but she could not forget how Colin reacted; he was convinced her unveiling would be her ruin; what if Harry felt the same and she was left with no prospects of marriage?
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Penelope slipped on her cloak, tied it around her neck and pulled up her hood. She stared at the white envelope and Colin's journal on her desk and picked them both up. She looked out the window and saw the hired hack waiting at the top of the street as requested. She took a deep breath and slipped out of her home, silently praying she was doing the right thing.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Two days later, Penelope sat in her front parlour, clutching a book in her lap, keeping a nervous eye on the window, waiting to see the paper boys make their delivery. Her publisher had promised to print Lady Whistledown's final column this morning and now all Penelope had to do was to wait for word to spread.
It did not take long; within the few moments of the paper boys' arrival in the square, a very pale Mrs Varley had got their copy and was bringing it into the parlour to show Lady Featherington.
Penelope chewed her lower lip, looking at the ground, waiting to hear the onslaught of shock and disappointed. She quickly glanced at her mother as she read the column.
"Oh dear Penelope." Was all her mother said before fainting on the sofa.
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Throughout the morning, the Featherington had received many callers but none were admitted due to Mrs Featherington's delicate disposition. However, when Mr Dankworth called, Penelope invited him in; it was a visit she had been waiting for.
He stood before her, looking so serious, that Penelope almost did not recognise him. She invited him to sit down, which he did and she poured him some tea as she waited for him to finally speak.
"So is it true? Are you really Lady Whistledown?" He asked as she handed him his tea cup.
"Yes." She replied, pouring herself a cup.
"Why did you not tell me?" He asked. "I mean, after poor Lady Feeney broke her ankle after the silliness that gossip column caused…"
"Lady Whistledown did not cause that silliness…the Queen's decree did." Penelope quickly retorted, before taking a sip of her tea. "And as soon as Lady Feeney was hurt, Lady Whistledown stopped."
"Until now." Harry stated.
"No, until Cressida Cowper tried to take credit of work that was not hers." Penelope replied. "I was willing to let Lady Whistledown go but I could not let Cressida take my achievement away from me."
"So you are proud of the hurt and the scandal you have caused?" Harry asked.
"The hurt and scandals were happening, I never caused them…I just reported them." Penelope replied. "And yes, I am proud of what I achieved…it has provided for my family when the Featherington men have let us down."
"Is that why you asked for time when I proposed?" Harry asked.
"I suppose it is part of the reason." Penelope replied. "I was still not sure what I wanted to do and if I did decide to let the secret out, I wanted to give you the chance to take it back before the offer of marriage became public knowledge."
"That was very considerate of you." Harry said.
"Would you like to withdraw your offer of marriage Harry?" Penelope asked. "There is no judgement if you do…I know I have deceived you."
"Are you going to continue being this Lady Whistledown?" Harry asked.
"No, I do not see how I can." Penelope replied. "Lady Whistledown was privy to everyone's secrets because no one saw her. That is no longer possible."
"Good!" Harry exclaimed. Penelope's eyes widened. "I mean, it is not good…but well, I am happy to hear that you will be no longer writing that silly gossip."
"It was not just silly gossip…it was a commentary into our society." Penelope softly stated.
"I am sure it was Penelope but surely you can see if we do marry, you will not have time to write with a house to run." Harry shot back. There was silence. "Well, I must go; my aunt's nerves have not been helped by today's actions and I need to check on her." He stood up.
"Of course." Penelope agreed, also standing up. "And send your apologies to my aunt."
"This was just a surprise we did not expect." Harry said. He reached out and took Penelope's hand, giving her knuckles a light kiss. "My offer still stands Penelope."
"Thank you, Harry…I promise I will have an answer soon." Penelope replied. Harry nodded and left Featherington House and Penelope deep in thought.
To be continued…if you want me to!
Please feel free to review, comment and speculate!