I would just like to say that this is mainly a matrix spoof and it involves swearing, that gets quite bad in parts, but apart from that and spread out violence it's fine. I've written it as a play script but as you will discover and many other film characters appear along the way. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or quotes that are used in this script. If I did, I would be rich, but as I don't, I'm not. The only thing I own here is my own words and it takes a long time to put things like this together, so please don't steal. If you do however, and I find out…grins manically…I have friends that have friends…
Dedication: To Kat, who introduced me to The Matrix and fan fiction. You know who you are.
P.S: If you think you recognise the stranger, please don't go posting it around the site. I don't want to get in trouble with anyone! Thanks!
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Setting: The room Morpheus and Neo meet in. I do not own this setting either.
Morpheus: You have a choice, Neo. (Holds out hand with blue pill in) Either take the blue pill or..(holds out other hand with red pill in) take the red pill.
(Random stranger with mutated face bursts through door)
Stranger: Take the red one, Neo!
Morpheus: (glares at Stranger) Who are you?
Stranger: Who am I? Who am I?
Morpheus: Yes, parrot boy. Who are you?
Stranger: I'm...(pauses for a minute, then looks sad) not sure. I used to be famous, I think...all this surgery's making me brain dead... (turns to Neo and jumps up and down frantically) THE RED ONE, NEO! THE RED ONE!
Neo: (stands up and drags chair away from stranger)
Stranger: Nooooooo! You can trust me!
Neo: (raises an eyebrow)
Morpheus: That's it. SECURITY!
Trinity: Morpheus, we don't have security, you threw them out the window, remember?
Morpheus: God dammit! (Stands up)
Stranger: THE RED ONE NEO! THE RED ONE!
Morpheus: Okay, you've made your point. (picks stranger up and throws him of the window)
Stranger: FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! thud! boing!
Neo: (rushes to window and looks down to see the stranger bounce back up) shouts Oh my God, are you okay!
Stranger: (standing up) Don't worry kiddo! This plastic surgery has made me more bouncy than a tennis ball!
Neo: (stares)
Stranger: Don't forget Neo, The red one! (Winks and skips off humming)
Neo: (looks up) what was that all about?
Author: (Voice Over) Don't ask me. I only write the thing.
Neo: Well duh.
Author: (VO) Don't get smart wise guy. Here, I am God.
Neo: Impossible!
Author: (VO) Not impossible, Mr. Anderson. Inevitable.
Agent Smith: (appears out of thin air) That's what I say! (Shakes fist at author)
Author: (VO) I am God! (thunder bolt strikes Smith and he's knocked out)
Morpheus: How come we didn't think of that? (Scratches head)
Neo: Weren't we talking about pills?
Morpheus: (looks shocked and steps back) You mean drugs!
Neo: (scowls) Do not!
Morpheus: Do too!
Neo: Do not!
Morpheus: Do too!
(twenty minutes later)
Neo: Do too!
Morpheus: Do not! (Realises his mistake) Aw man...
Neo: (gloats) Oh yeah, I rock...Oh yeah, I rock!
Author: (VO) Can we get on with it please?
Morpheus: (points at author) you let him win!
Author: (VO) Uh...point?
Morpheus: Erm, er, um, ee...(notices Agent Smith escaping) HEY!
Agent Smith: What?
Morpheus: Erm, er, um...
Agent Smith: (shakes head and runs off)
Trinity: (looks up at author) And what've I been doing for twenty minutes?
Author: (VO) Dunno. (shrugs, but of course no one can see because it's a voice over) But we're twenty minutes late already! Ah well, we'll cut back on Smith's scenes.
Agent Smith: (runs back in) NOOOOOOO! (runs back out before he can get knocked out again)
Morpheus: So, anyway, like the mad guy earlier said Neo, take the red pill.
Neo: (protests) You said I have a choice!
Morpheus: But you've already made that choice. You're here to find out why you made it.
The Oracle: (storms in) THAT'S MY LINE!
Trinity: Gee, for someone that nice she sure can bellow.
Morpheus: No it's not!
The Oracle: (hands Morpheus Reloaded script) Read it and weep, dumbass!
Morpheus: (reads) Oooooooh!
The Oracle: Exactly!
Morpheus: Not oooooooh! For you. Trinity's gonna die!
Trinity: (looks annoyed) Ah great...
The Oracle: Page after dumbo.
Morpheus: (turns page) Oh. Never mind. Neo saves you.
Neo: Really?
Trinity: Really?
Morpheus: really really!
Shrek: (bursts in and slaps Morpheus' cheek) You betch!
Morpheus: (rubs cheek) Wow, Shrek's Scottish...
Shrek: Don't go stealin' me lines, y'hear?
Morpheus: (pulls out gun) Run if you want to live.
Shrek: You don' scare me! (Belches)
Morpheus: (faints)
Shrek: Hah! (Runs off before anyone can shoot him followed by the Oracle and her script)
Neo: Doesn't this chapter have a point?
Trinity: Oh, yeah. Sorry, which pill did you want?
Neo: Will someone tell me what the shazbut these pills do?
Trinity: ooh, intro! (Puts on serious voice) You take the blue pill; you wake up next morning and believe whatever you want to believe. Take the red pill, you stay here, and I show how deep the rabbit hole really goes.
Morpheus: (coughs and splutters) That's my line! (Slaps Trinity)
Trinity: (slaps back) SLAP FIGHT!
(Morpheus and Trinity have a slap fight. Unsurprisingly, Trinity wins)
Morpheus: HEY! What's that supposed to mean?
Author: (VO) That you can't slap fight for toffee.
Trinity: Or lines.
Author: (VO) Or lines.
Morpheus: Grrr...mutters Dirty rotten stinkin'...
Author: (grabs thunderbolt) You're asking for it. Give me one good reason...
Morpheus: Oik! I'm in the sequels!
Author: (checks script) No fair! (pauses) Well, that can be changed...
Morpheus: Noooo!
Neo: Erm, isn't this about me?
Morpheus: Just take the pill for god's sake!
Trinity: You don't believe in God!
Morpheus: Which is why it's okay to blaspheme.
Trinity: Oh.
Neo: Pass me that red pill...
Morpheus: Hey, hold up. Deep thought coming on. Gotta say something deep.
Neo: sighs impatiently Go on then.
Morpheus: Remember, all I'm offering is the truth. Nothing more.
Trinity: Wow, that really was deep...
Morpheus: (blushes) Heh...thanks..
Neo: finally! (takes red pill)
Stranger: (shouts from some over the hills) YOU DID THE RIGHT THING, MR. ANDERSON!
Neo: Who was that guy anyway?
Author: (VO) Beats me. Just felt like adding a freaky weirdo to the scene.
Trinity: Reminds me of someone...I remember just before I was unplugged...
Morpheus: No time. Gotta get the plot moving along! (Grabs Trinity and runs out of scene)
Neo: (looks up) What now?
Author: (VO) (flicks through script) It says that there's a scene with the Power Plant and you, but I can't afford all the spiffeh equipment and cameras for that kind of shot.
Neo: Meaning?
Author: (VO) Dunno.
Morpheus: (runs back in, still dragging Trinity) Skip to The Nebuchadnezzar scene when I introduce Neo to the crew?
Author: (VO) (confused) Why didn't I think of that?
Trinity: Because your mind doesn't operate like his.
Author: Thankfully.
Trinity: Yours is even worse.
Author: (VO) RIGHT, THAT'S IT!
Trinity: You can't get out of the matrix. You're a plugged-in human.
Author: (VO) But I can if I find a way to clone myself and find someone that's been unplugged when they're in the matrix and use their body.
Agent Smith: (appears again) STOP READING MY PARTS!
Trinity: That's not what you say Smith. That's the plot for Reloaded.
Agent Smith: Oh... (runs away)
Author: (VO) I think now is a good time to close the chapter.
Neo: I agree.
Trinity: Me too.
Morpheus: I would, but I like to argue! (Knocked out by thunderbolt)
©Copyright to Hannah/Fishorz/Wetfish (Me).
All matrix related material belongs to the Wachowski Brothers Larry and Andy.
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I hope you liked it. Feedback welcome.