Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or quotes that are used in this script. If I did, I would be rich, but as I don't, I'm not. The only thing I own here is my own words and it takes a long time to put things like this together, so please don't steal. If you do however, and I find out...(grins manically)...I have friends that have friends...
Here it comes...
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Setting: The Nebuchadnezzar
Morpheus: I'd like to introduce you to the crew!
Crew: Hi Neo!
Neo: Hi Crew!
Morpheus: This is Tank. (Points at Tank)
Tank: Hi.
Neo: Don't you die?
Tank: They had trouble recasting me, so they killed me off screen, and I was replaced!
Neo: Cool.
Tank: (nods) You get used to it.
Morpheus: This is Dozer. (Points at Dozer)
Dozer: Hi. I die in this movie.
Neo: Really?
Dozer: Uh huh. Just ask Cypher. (Points to Cypher)
Cypher: Hi! I'm due to betray you in...(checks watch)
Morpheus: (reading script) I don't think they gave me this page...
Cypher: About six hours.
Morpheus: And of course, there's Trinity and myself.
Trinity: Hi.
Neo: Hi.
Morpheus: No time like the present- let's get him plugged in!
Neo: Into what?
Morpheus: The Matrix. Duh!
Neo: What's the matrix duh? Is it like the matrix?
Morpheus: All right smartass. Quit with the wisecracks.
Neo: Sorry. Is it like been plugged into a socket?
Morpheus: Are you comparing me to a lamp?
Trinity: (mutters) A lava lamp, fun to look at, but not too bright.
Morpheus: (glares at Trinity) I heard that...
Trinity: (yawns) so what?
Morpheus: If I had a few more brain cells...
(Mimes punching Trinity)
Trinity: (raises an eyebrow)
Morpheus: (looks up) I think this kinda shows me in a bad light.
Author: (VO) (sarcastically) which is oh so hard to do.
Morpheus: I'll cry!
Author: Line above that, bonehead.
Morpheus: (sarcastically) which is oh so hard to do.
Author: (VO) Not my line, stupid! After that!
Morpheus: Oh! This line: Change the script then.
Author: (VO) How about this- NO!
Morpheus: I'll cry!
Author: (VO) Shall we cut to the chase? (Presses fast forward button)
(Lands on Trinity and Neo's sex scene in Reloaded)
Trinity: (VO) (shocked) Oh my Lord!
Neo: (VO) (smirks)
Cypher: (VO) (sulks)
Morpheus: (VO) Uh, you're dead, dude.
Cypher: (VO) (looks at body) Holy shit, so I am! (Floats up to Heaven)
(Cut to gates of Heaven)
Saint Peter: Can't let you in.
Cypher: Why not?
St. Peter: Well, it's like this...(draws diagram on random chalkboard) (1 hour minutes later) And so your aura's reading 100 pure evil! Sooo.... (pulls lever) See you in Hell! (Pauses) ...or not.
Cypher: (falling) SCREW YOU BASTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARD! Thud
(Back to sex scene)
Author: (VO) Maybe this is a little bit too forward...
Neo: (VO) But I'm watching it!
Trinity: (VO) Pervert.
Author: (VO) Enough of that language, Trinity.
Trinity: (VO) Why? You wrote it into the script!
Author: (VO) Heh...(hits rewind button)
(At the Oracle's home. With the Spoon Kid.)
Spoon Kid: My name is Pana Kabbana.
Neo: Wow, that's a mouthful.
Spoon Kid: But there is no name.
Neo: (stares)
Spoon Kid: What? It's in the script!
Neo: No one actually read the script. It's a load of absolute shi-
Author: (VO) Eh Hem...
Neo: Um, erm, absolut-shi delightful genius!
Spoon Kid: And he thinks I'm weird just because I play with spoons...
Neo: But there is no spoon.
Spoon Kid: (bitch slaps Neo) that's my line!
Neo: Then what's mine? (Checks script)
Spoon Kid: You just said no one reads the script!
Neo: They don't. We write our lines on our hands. Look! (Shows Spoon Kid hand covered in scribble)
Author: (VO) Just get on with it, Pana Banana.
Spoon Kid: The name's Pana Kabbana you twa-
Author: (growls threateningly)
Spoon Kid: Oif! (Hides behind spoon)
Neo: But there is no spoon.
Spoon Kid: Well duh.
Neo: No, really. We spent waaaaaaaaaay too much on CGI. That's a fork.
Spoon Kid: Fine then. There is no fork.
Neo: (shakes head) Nah, it's lost it's ring.
Spoon Kid: There is no ring.
Neo: (stares)
Spoon Kid: Want a photo?
Neo: Why?
Spoon Kid: It'll last longer.
Neo: (glowers)
Author: (VO) (prods Spoon Kid) Hey- I make the lame jokes around here.
Spoon Kid: What lame jokes?
Author: (VO) THESE LAME JOKES!
(Six hours later)
Author: (VO) Satisfied?
Neo: (rubs eyes) Man, those jokes really were lame...
Spoon Kid: (snore)
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