Chapter 4: What's In A Name
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or quotes that are used in this script. If I did, I would be rich, but as I don't, I'm not. The only thing I own here is my own words and it takes a long time to put things like this together, so please don't steal. If you do however, and I find out...(grins manically)...I have friends that have friends...
Jesus, I'm on the fourth one already!
Well, thanks for all the encourigment guys!
Dedications: Everyone at NbN of course. Kim and Kat feature in this chapter. More to come- do not worry.
Have fun.
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Setting: In the Matrix. A busy city street, and the characters are seated outside a French café called "Les Idiots".
Morpheus: (eating croissant) So, how should we begin to search for this swear?
Agent Ozzy: His name's Blanky. (sniffs) I miss you Blanky!
Neo: (puts on agent outfit found in DVD case) Hey guys, look! (everyone looks at Neo) I'm a Smith Clone! A smif-et!
Agent Smith: Not funny.
(a Smith clone appears from nowhere)
Agent Smith Clone number #334554: We are actually known as Smith-ees.
Neo: (takes off outfit and puts it pack in the DVD case) Freaks.
Agent Smith Clone number #334554: Affirmative.
Agent Smith: Hang on a second...THAT MEANS POSITIVELY YOU NUMBSKULL!
Agent Smith Clone number #334554: Oif! (Runs off)
Author: (VO) I have been asked to introduce two new characters into this chapter, you know.
Neo: (excited) OOOH, WHO ARE THEY? (bounds up and down)
Author: (VO) Oh, here they are now, in fact!
(Kat and Kim run past and steal Agent Ozzy's and Neo's sunglasses and run off with them)
Neo: Aw man, does this have to happen to me in every fanfic?
Author: (VO) Inevitably.
Agent Smith: THAT'S MY LINE, MR. ANDERSON!
Neo: THAT'S MY NAME! (re-writes script)
Author: (VO) THAT'S MY JOB! (snatches script)
Agent Ozzy: #### this- SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARON!
Neo: (to Trinity) Trin, who the hell is he on about- is SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARON! Some kind of Agent codename for a man-eating gopher?
Trinity: Sharon is his wife, Neo.
Neo: Oh.
Agent Ozzy: (runs in circles for several minutes before running in the direction that Kat and Kim went in about 10 minutes previous)
Trinity: Hey Neo, aren't you worried about your shades- I wouldn't trust Kat with them!
Neo: Nah, the props department will pay for some more.
(cut to half screens: One half at the French café and the other in a deserted caravan with a peeling sticker that faintly reads: "PROPS DEPARTMENT CLOSED DUE TO LACK OF FUNDING)
Neo: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
(runs in circles for several minutes before running in the direction that Agent Ozzy, Kat and Kim went in)
(the screen splits back to the café scene)
Trinity: What was with the running in circles business anyway?
Pana Kabbana: But there are no circles.
Author: (VO) Hey, are you still here?
Pana Kabbana: (nods)
Author: (VO) Don't you have any friends your own age?
Pana Kabbana: No. It is Sunday anyway. Everyone my age is at Church.
Morpheus: I don't see the point in Church.
Trinity: You've told us before, Morph.
Morpheus: I don't like been called that!
Trinity: (sniggers)
Author: (VO) Well, we cannot carry on calling you Pana Banana.
Pana Kabbana: It's Pana Kabbana.
Author: (VO) Whatever. We're going to give you a PROPER name.
Trinity: Goody, can I pick?
Author: (VO) Sure, but nothing too vulgar- there are kids watching this! HI KIDS! (waves)
Trinity: This film is a 15.
Author: (VO) Oh.
Trinity: (thinks) Okay, from now on, Pana Kabbana, a.k.a. Spoon Kid, will be known as.....(drum roll).....SID!
Pana Kabbana/Sid: Oh yay.
Morpheus: (claps)
Agent Smith: I prefer Smith Junior.
Sid: Hey, Smith, what's your first name.
Agent Smith: Gregory.
Sid: (stifles laughter)
Trinity: (tries to stifle laughter and fails miserably)
Morpheus: So what? Morpheus is my hacker alias. I was called Bob!
Agent Smith: (chortles)
Sid: (cackles)
Trinity: And I was Polly!
Sid: Oh sure you were!
Trinity: No, really.
Morpheus: I wonder what the author's first name is.
Author: (VO) My first name is.........HANNAH!
Agent Smith: As in the girl's name?
Author: (VO) Yesh, of course!
Agent Smith and Morpheus: Jesus!
Author: (VO) What?
Agent Smith and Morpheus: Nothing, it's just that, we thought you were a guy.
Author: (VO) Most guys do.
(Neo runs back in and bitch slaps Agent Smith and Morpheus)
Neo: THOSE ARE MY LINES!
Trinity: AND I'D BITCH SLAP THE AUTHOR, BUT I CAN'T REACH!
(Neo runs back after Kat)
Author: (VO) Neh neh neh neh nah!
Trinity: Grrrr....
(Kat and Kim run past again. Kat is waving Neo's sunglasses in the air and Kim is waving Agent Ozzy's in the air)
Kat and Kim: FWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(they run off and are followed about twenty minutes later by Neo and Agent Ozzy)
(Blanky the swear runs after Agent Ozzy and Neo)
Blanky the swear: ... ... ... ... ... ...
Morpheus: QUICK, AFTER THE SWEAR!
Blanky the swear: !!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs faster)
(Trinity, Morpheus, Sid and Agent Smith run after Blanky the swear)
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There, Kim, Kat. You got to be in it. Happy?