Chapter 7: The Talented Mr. Morpheus
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or quotes that are used in this script. If I did, I would be rich, but as I don't, I'm not. The only thing I own here is my own words and it takes a long time to put things like this together, so please don't steal. If you do however, and I find out…(grins manically)…I have friends that have friends…
Dedicated to The Wachowski Brothers as if they hadn't made the Matrix films, I would have not made this chapter. Or any of the others. Yeah. Plus it's about time I gave them their share of the credit.
You're probably wondering why none of the main events (aside from Morpheus and Neo meeting) haven't happened so far. What do you mean no? Of course you are! Well, it's because "The Matrix" was all running smoothly until "Author" arrived and that's when the original script went AWOL and Elrond. Vs. Anderson was formed. Now we bring you a magnificent thing- Ladies, Gentlemen and figments of my imagination, I bring you, ELROND .VS. ANDERSON! And this chapter, I've tried my best to add in more recognisable characters and some of the main film events from Reloaded and The Matrix. As for Revolutions, I'm not intending to do much on that as it's my least fave film. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! MR PRETTY BROWN EYES WITH NO EYES! ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Erm, anyway, I've discovered an obsession for Star Wars and you'll be surprised by appearances that those characters make. Happy reading!
P.S: For anyone who is interested in graphics and animations, and is looking for a project, I would LOVE to see this is cartoon. Contact me or review or something.
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Setting: The Power Station where Trinity dies. Sort of.
Trinity: (firing guns at on-coming agents and talking down cell phone) Yes, large deep pan, pepperoni, anchovies and go easy on the olives. Name? Trinity. Yes I am. Yes I did. Most guys do. Okay. Half an hour or it's free. Yes, deliver it to (jumps through window) I don't know, a tall apartment building? (bullet hits her) UH. (drops cell phone and falls) (cut to Michael Jackson's THRILLER video)
(cuts to Neo's cabin)
Neo: (bolt upright in bed) Man, that was a scary dream.
Author: (VO) I know, Trinity dying must be torture. How will you cope?
Neo: What? I meant Michael Jackson!
Author: (VO) You dreamt about Michael Jackson? What was he doing?
Neo: Singing Thriller.
Author: (VO) Wow, now that is scary.
Neo: (nods)
Morpheus: (barges through door, not wearing any clothes) Good Morning Neo. How lovely is the real world? (sighs happily)
Neo: (shields eyes) Ignorance is bliss.
Cypher: That's my line!
Neo: Hey, where did you come from?
Cypher: (points to swirling vortex of doom) The swirling vortex of doom.
Neo: How? Who? What? Where? When? Why?
Trinity: (wakes up) Whatever it is, Morpheus did it!
Morpheus: Huh?
Trinity: (gasps and screams) HE'S NAKED!
Morpheus: Who? Neo? Cypher? (cranes neck)
Trinity: YOU! MORPHEUS! YOU!
Morpheus: (looks down at body) Oh yes, so I am! (laughs)
Neo: Morpheus, go find some clothes.
Cypher: Look! It's Luke Skywalker!
(fat man who looks like Luke Skywalker steps out of vortex)
Luke Skywalker look-a-like: No, I'm his unknown younger and less attractive brother
Luke Piewalker. (steps on pie) See?
(Luke Skywalker steps through portal)
Luke Skywalker: I'm Luke Skywalker.
Neo: Jesus, who else is in there?
Morpheus: Dunno- let's OUT FROM THE SWIRLING VORTEX OF DOOM, CREATURES OF THE….THING!
(Vortex swells to twice its size as Princess Leia, Chewbaka, Hans Solo, Obi One Knobi, Anakin Skywalker, Legolas, Gimli, Aragorn, Gandalf, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin and many, many more characters from films step through the portal)
Neo: That answers my question.
Sid: But there is no question.
Neo: Okay, no need to show-off. Just because you've been voted "Most Likely To Succeed Neo in Revolutions" doesn't mean you have to go all showy on us.
Sid: Bah.
Trinity: And another thing Sid, you're not in this film.
Sid: Neither are they. (Points to film characters)
Trinity: They are now.
Sid: Well then, so am I.
Author: (VO) Not if I won't let you.
Sid: Will you?
Author: (VO) Yes.
Sid: Really?
Author: (VO) No. Or will I? (Shifty eyes)
Sid: Will you?
Author: (VO) Yes.
Sid: Really?
Author: (VO) No. Or will I? (Shifty eyes)
Sid: I have the feeling we've been here before.
Author: (VO) Or do you? (shifty eyes)
Sid: Do I?
Author: (VO) No.
Trinity: Right, this is boring. I'm finishing this for once and for all! Sid, you're in the film.
Sid: Yay.
Trinity: Or are you?
Sid: Am I?
Trinity: Yes.
Sid: Yay.
Trinity: Morpheus, FOR GOD'S SAKE PUT SOME CLOTHES ON!
Morpheus: Fine. (stomps off to his room)
Trinity: Neo, can you close that vortex and get everyone home safely?
Neo: Probably.
Sid: Use the force, Luke.
Obi One Knobi: That's my line!
Luke Skywalker: That's my name!
Luke Piewalker: That's my brother!
Neo: That's….none of your business! (closes portal and shoves everyone but Luke Skywalker and Luke Piewalker back in) What are you two doing here?
LP and LS: Unfinished business.
Neo: Who are you? Ghosts?
Luke Skywalker: Nah, we're real enough. We just have unfinished business.
Neo: I see. What unfinished business?
Luke Piewalker: I've got to break the record for most pies walked on in ten minutes.
Luke Skywalker: And I've got to defeat someone evil.
Trinity: Aren't you yourself evil?
Luke Skywalker: That's my dad you're thinking of.
Trinity: Oh. Well, Neo's got to fight Smith soon so maybe he'd appreciate your help on that.
Neo: Nah.
Trinity: What then?
Morpheus: (walks through door wearing Christina Aguliera-style chaps and bikini) See, I'm dressed now.
Trinity: (raises an eyebrow)
Morpheus: What? It was the only thing clean!
Author: (VO) FREEZE! (everybody freezes and old-style musical music begins to play)
Ladies and gentlemen, for those of you just joining us, here's the low-down on our main characters! First, Neo, or The One as he prefers, is the main character in this film, aside from me of course, and also may I say, the prettiest. Ah. Second is his girlfriend Trinity, soon to die and a really feisty chick. Third, newly-turned transvestite and perverted chicken MORPHEUS is a danger to women and men everywhere. Ladies, lock up your daughters and erm, lock up anything else that moves. That's it for now, so stay tuned to see what else this ker-azy lot has in store for us on ELROND .VS. ANDERSON!
(unfreezes)
Neo: What was that about?
Morpheus: What was what about? (breaks out in song) Makes me that much stronger, makes me work a little bit harder, makes me that much wiser, so thanks for making me a FIGHTER!
Trinity: Oh NO!
Neo, LP, LS and Morpheus: What?
Trinity: Morpheus has caught (gasps) CHRISTINA-ITIS!
Everyone: (gasps)
Sound: Dun Dun Duuuuuuuuuun!
Morpheus: What is the cure? Gonna get a little bit dirty, gonna get a little bit raunchy…
Trinity: ARGH! The only cure is to meet Kelly Osbourne and have a (gasp) civilized conversation with her!
Morpheus: I am beautiful, no matter what they say!
Trinity: That's the spirit Morpheus!
Morpheus: Can't hold us down!
Neo: Hold who down?
Trinity: Him and Lil Kim by the sound of it.
Neo: Hmmm…We have to go into the Matrix.
Trinity: Yep. But who'll look after the ship whilst we're away?
LP and LS: Eh hem….
Trinity: No. No. No. No. Did I mention NO!
LP and LS: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww….
(knock at door)
Neo: (answers door and Link steps through door) Ah, problem solved!
Link: Hey everybody. How come you weren't at Tank and Dozer's funeral?
Trinity: What funeral?
Neo: WHAT? THEY'RE DEAD? How come no one told me?
Morpheus: I did… I'm a genie in a bottle!
Trinity: Oh sure you are, Morph.
Morpheus: Not….Morph….Christina…Aguliera…
Trinity: Uh oh…stage two already- denial of true identity.
Link: Okay, I suppose we better get this started.
Neo: Let's get it started ha! Let's get it started in here!
Trinity:You should sing Let's Get Retarded.
Neo: Let's get retarded ha! Let's get retarded in here!
Trinity: Oh do shut up.
Neo: No. Let's get retarded ha! Let's get retarded in here!
Trinity: Oh change the record.
Neo: Okay…Baby Cakes, you just don know, how I, I, I like it down low, low…
Trinity: Change it again.
Neo: Laura, cant you give me some time, I need to give myself one more chance, to be the man that I know am, to be the man that I know can?
Trinity: NO!
Neo: My shadow's only one that walks beside me, my shallow heart's the only thing that's beating, sometimes I wish someone up there will find me, until then I walk alone...
Trinity: Neo, as much as I like Green Day, WILL YOU SHUT UP!
Neo: Bah, you're no fun.
Trinity: Grrr….
Link: Uh oh…it's crashed!
Neo: Which version were you using?
Link: Erm…ME…
Neo: Smeg.