Chapter 10: And So, We Face The Final Curtain.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters or quotes that are used in this script. If I did, I would be rich, but as I don't, I'm not. The only thing I own here is my own words and it takes a long time to put things like this together, so please don't steal. If you do however, and I find out…(grins manically)…I have friends that have friends…
IT'S THE END! FIN! LAST CHAPTER! OMGZ:D Hope you've enjoyed reading this as much I've enjoyed writing it and I'm truly sorry about the massive wait that you've had for this.
Dedicated To: Everyone that's been waiting for this.
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Setting: The Nebuchadnezzar, where we join our heroes and villains as they celebrate Agent Smith's birthday.
Agent Smith: You know, to say I've wanted to kill each and everyone of you for some time now, I'm having a pretty good time tonight. Except for that nasal hair trimmer. (everyone glowers at Morpheus)
Morpheus: What! Every home should have one!
Others: (boggle)
Morpheus: WHAT! WHAT!
Agent Smith: …So, anyway, I'd like to propose a toast. (holds up a slice of toast)
Trinity: Um, Smith, that's not how you propose a toast. (whispers)
Agent Smith: What! That's stupid. (puts down toast and picks up champagne glass) To world domination.
Neo: Ah hem.
Agent Smith: Alright then. To Neo and world domination.
Neo: Better.
Everyone: To Neo and world domination!
(the table, consisting of Morpheus, Trinity, Luke Piewalker, Luke Skywalker, Agent Ozzy, Sid, Agent Smith and Link (whom is toasting with his latte and doughnuts) raise their beverages and drink to, um…Neo and world domination.)
Agent Ozzy: To Neo and world domination!
Trinity: In reference to the first part of your statement, Ozzy, only I may toast to that.
Sid and Morpheus: Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!
Author (VO): That was a very rude joke, Trinity. I expect more from you.
Trinity: Why me?
Author (VO): You're the only one here with a mental age over thirteen.
Trinity: Charming.
Author (VO): I like to think so.
Neo: Is this really the end?
Morpheus: It is.
Neo: But is it really the end?
Morpheus: It is.
Neo: But is it really the end?
Morpheus: It is.
Neo: But is it really the end?
Morpheus: It is.
Neo: But is it really the end?
Morpheus: It is.
Neo: But is it really the end?
Author (VO): YES IT BLOODY WELL IS NEO!
Neo: …Okay.
Agent Smith: What are we all going to do after this is over?
Morpheus: I'm going to go assault precinct thirteen.
Author (VO): Why? What has precinct thirteen ever done to you?
Morpheus: Nothing. He just makes me so mad! (bashes fist on table) Ouchies!
Sid: I'll disappear without a trace. Probably to marry that weird rainbow girl from Revolutions.
Luke Piewalker: Well, seen as I've beaten the record for stepping on pies—
Neo: Hold the phone! (throws cell phone at Link)
Link: Oof!
Neo: When did that happen?
Author (VO): Deleted scenes. Cut it for time.
Neo: Time! You've got all the time in the world!
Author (VO): Well, it wasn't exactly a tour de force anyway. It was just a stick figure cartoon stepping on some cartoon pies.
Neo: How come?
Author (VO): Well, we had some real pies, but somebody ate them.
Morpheus: (burrrrrrp) How unfortunate.
Author (VO): And what with the money we had to spend on your hair, Neo, we couldn't afford any more pies. So we got Sid to draw us a picture and just explained it. It's all in the deleted scenes on the special addition Revolutions.
Neo: No, it's not.
Author (VO): Yeah, you're right. I gave a copy to the Wachowski brothers PA but she threw it at me through the window when I was leaving.
Neo: Too bad.
Author (VO): Not really. I poisoned their water.
Trinity: With what?
Author (VO): Mountain Dew.
Everyone: (shudder)
Agent Smith: (eating birthday cake) I can't believe we've suffered-um, I mean, got through nine chapters already.
Trinity: I know.
Neo: It's amazing what happens when a bored thirteen year old watches a film and decides that she loves it so much she's going to totally rip it off for her own amusement.
Author (VO): Not really.
Sid: You know, as far as endings for films go, this is a pretty lame one.
Link: Tell me about it. We're meant to go out kicking ass and here we are sitting round the table singing Happy Birthday to our sworn enemy. It makes no sense.
Author (VO): It doesn't have to.
Neo: Yes it does.
Author (VO): For God's sake Neo, stop contradicting me.
Neo: Sorry. I'm used to proving people wrong.
Trinity: In case you've forgotten, Link, tons of things don't make sense.
Morpheus: Like, why do men have nipples?
Sid: Oh- I know why, that's because when we're in the womb—
Trinity: (clamps hand over Sid's mouth) No more discovery channel for you, Mister.
Sid: (muffled) Awwwwww!
Luke Skywalker: This film is full of plot holes, you know.
Author (VO): Well Star Wars wasn't perfect!
Luke Skywalker: (Jedi Mind Trick Time!) Yes it was.
Author (VO): Yes it was.
Luke Piewalker: You writer types are pretty easily swayed, aren't you?
Author (VO): We are not!
Trinity: Yes you are!
Author (VO): Yeah, we are actually.
Link: When does this thing end anyway?
Author (VO): Why do you care?
Link: I need the toilet.
Author (VO): The ending always comes when you least expect it.
Neo: No, it comes when the two and a half hours are up that you've had run the film.
Author (VO): Neo, what did we say about you contradicting me?
Neo: Sorry.
Author (VO): Well, you're right anyway. How long have we had?
Trinity: (checks watch) two hours and fifteen minutes.
Author (VO): Crikey O'Riley!
Everyone Else: (boggle)
Author (VO): No, you wouldn't get that. You're all American.
Every Else: Oh!
Author (VO): I guess we better tie up any loose ends then.
Morpheus: Like what happened to the twins?
Sid: And Jerry Springer?
Author (VO): The twins and Jerry Springer are now living in a little town just outside of Memphis. They keep cattle and have a dog called Bingo.
Agent Ozzy: And what about my swear?
Author (VO): Blanky is currently backpacking across Illinois. He has a wife and kids now and he should be coming home very soon.
Agent Elrond: Whatever did happen to Kat and Kim?
Author (VO): They're still alive, residing on the nBn forum. And wherever they live in the matrix too I guess.
Neo: What about that freaky weirdo from the first chapter?
Author (VO): Poor Freaky Weirdo suffered a court trial, a bankruptcy and his monkey left him for the circus.
Neo: Tough break.
Author (VO): Is that everything?
Trinity: What about us?
Neo: Yeah, what happens to us?
Author (VO): Well, you all disappear into the void until I oh so originally write a sequel.
Neo: Are you going to write a sequel?
Author (VO): (snort giggle) No.
Neo: So we'll be floating around the void forever?
Author (VO): Pretty much.
Neo: Right, Morpheus, get packing!
Morpheus: Why?
Neo: We're going to the void!
Morpheus: Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
Author (VO): Is that everything?
Link: What about my latte and doughnuts?
Author (VO): You ate them!
Link: Oh yeah!
Author (VO): Well, with all the loose ends tied up, I think it's the end.
Trinity: But you said it'd come when we least expect it.
Author (VO): LOOK OVER THERE!
(everyone looks)
THE END
Neo: Woah, I wasn't expecting that!
Author (VO): Shut up! It's the end! Back to the void with you!
Neo: Never!
(suddenly, a hand reaches down from the sky and picks up Neo, throwing him into a hole marked "VOID")
Neo: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! (thud)
Author (VO): And that's the end of that chapter! And every other chapter in this story! Hoorah! We're at the end! Until the unnecessary sequel comes along. Which I probably won't ever get round to writing. I hope you've enjoyed reading Elrond vs Anderson as much as I've enjoyed writing it. But that's it. Toodle bye!
REALLY THE END