Chapter 15: Hungry Heart
It was really fitting that they watched Lord of the Rings after all that.
Fitting. Fun. Enjoyable. It was a lot of things. A lot of things that Percy hoped it would be. One thing it wasn't, though, was the one thing he needed it to be.
Distracting.
He couldn't even think about focusing on the screen, or on the bowl of popcorn that sat on the coffee table in front of the group, or even the fact that Annabeth had sat right next to him and had gotten nice and cozy right up against his shoulder.
No, all he could think about was the house. The house and the room and the walls and the floor and the stain by the window that was still there fifty years later.
Fifty years to the day, almost.
He cursed to himself as he remembered the real reason why he was so distracted, so scatterbrained.
He'd fucked up. Again. For the millionth time in the past few weeks, he'd fucked up and gotten comfortable and let a hint of the truth slip from his lips. The real problem with this time was that it hadn't even been conscious. It hadn't been him snapping his mouth shut and thinking about what he said before it tumbled out of him. No, this time it had just happened, without him even being aware.
That was bad. Very bad. Because even if this was the first time it had happened (which honestly he didn't belive for a second) all that meant was there was a chance it would happen again, and again, and again, and again until he was sitting the group down and telling them what Led Zeppelin sounded like live in '68 when Bonham was still alive.
That was bad. All of that. The idea of doing it, the idea of letting it slip, the idea of giving Thalia the satisfaction (which honestly might've been the scariest idea of all), the idea of just having all these people who he now couldn't deny were at worst acquaintances and at best friends know exactly what he was. That idea terrified him.
So why did he want to do it?
Why was it all he could think about? Every second he sat there, every second he let his eyes graze over the TV as the movie he'd seen at least a thousand times based on the book he'd read before anyone else in the room was born played in front of them. Why was the only thing he could focus on his own jaw as he held it shut, the truth dancing at the tip of his tongue.
He could name one reason, and she was sitting right next to him.
Annabeth. Christ, Annabeth... His prior statement was a fat fucking lie when Annabeth was involved. The other two were acquaintances, maybe Nico a little closer to him than Thalia, but Annabeth? She was a friend. She had may as well be his only friend, as far as he was concerned. She was the only person in this town that he really felt comfort, or joy, or happiness, or anything other than confusion or frustration with.
She was all that, and he wanted to tell her. Tell her that he could hear how her heartbeat pounded whenever he was near. Tell her how he wished his could do the same. Tell her why it didn't. He wanted to hold her close to his chest and press his lips to her ear and whisper 50 years of secrets into it.
He wanted her to know everything about him. Every lie every truth, every pain, every joy. Every single thing that made him him, he wanted her to hold it in her hands and take away all the weight it laid on his shoulders.
He wanted to tell her.
But he couldn't.
"And why can't you, cowboy?"
Percy froze. Annabeth could tell (because of course that girl could) and immediately looked up at him, pulling away from his shoulder.
"You alright?"
He took a shaky breath and stood up quickly, shifting away from the group as they all stopped watching the movie to look at him.
"Yeah." He replied in a shaky tone, "Yeah I just... I need some air, just for a minute."
The whole group passed looks to each other before Thalia jerked her thumb at the front door.
"I'll leave it unlocked."
He stammered out a thanks and went for the front door, slipping on his coat and hat before he slipped out.
He walked out into the rain. Out down the driveway and towards the road. He got to the end of it and stood there for a moment, standing in silence as the rain fell off his body.
He broke that silence when he screamed.
It wasn't any words, or any grand declarence of thought. He didn't scream I'm done with this, or I hate this, or anything that would change anything or fix anything or start some revolution of self awareness in his mind.
He didn't let the scream go anywhere, because he couldn't go anywhere, could he?
He screamed because he was stuck.
He got done with his little display, sucking deep angry breaths into his lungs as he turned back towards the house and started walking back. He stopped, remembering something. Something he didn't want to remember, but pulled itself into the fray of ideas that clouded his conscience.
A memory, left on this home. One he couldn't forget.
He walked away from the door, around the side of the house, over to the chimney. He got down on his hands and knees, feeling the grass out of the way as he found it there, carved into the home.
R.E.D. WAS HERE
He needed to let go.
"Yeah. You do."
Percy felt his eyes narrow as a frown pulled dover his face. He stood up, turning away from.the chimney to look at who'd spoken.
No one. No one had spoken. Yet words had been said, and someone was still standing there in the pouring rain yet dry as a nun in a midnight mass.
The reflection.
Percy let a deep breath out of his nose, and a sad chuckle followed it.
"Guess I've lost it, haven't I?"
The reflection shrugged, jamming his hands in his pockets.
"Well, you've lost something alright."
Real Percy shook his head, turning back to the carving in the home.
"I need to let go." He said, his knuckles cracking as he clenched his palms.
The reflection nodded, motioning with his hand to continue, "Of?"
Percy drew a breath, one that he knew wasn't necessary, but now, more than ever, he wished was.
"The past."
The reflection wasn't satisfied.
"And what else, Percy? Don't act like you don't know. If I know, then you do too."
Percy was silent, before his head dropped a bit.
"The present."
The reflection nodded, "Who is the present, Percy?"
The young man who wasn't young looked back up, back at the childhood home from a childhood long lost.
"Zoe."
The reflection took a step forward and placed his hand on Percy's shoulder. Percy could feel it, even though it wasn't real.
"That girl in there, sitting on that couch... you know how she feels, Percy. About you. About us. You can pretend that you don't feel the same, but you do."
Real Percy felt his eyes force themselves closed as he fought damn hard to hold back the emotion. The reflection gave his shoulder a squeeze.
"Even if it's fleeting, even if it's only for a few years, even if the rest of your life is spent alone after this..."
The reflection drew a breath, one that Percy felt was necessary.
"...she makes you feel alive, and isn't that all that you want?"
Percy didn't answer. He just felt his eyes drop a bit lower, down to the carving again.
"Give me a week." He said, "A week to... to end things proper with her. With Rachel."
He looked up at the reflection, who gave him a nod, before it gestured to the carving.
"Want me to do it?"
Percy drew a shaky breath, "Can you? Because I'm not too sure what's even happening right now."
The reflection smiled, before it bent down and drew its hand over the carving. The words and names dissapeared as grooves took their place. Percy stared at the grooves for a moment before he felt something in his hand. He looked down and there were the chunks of concrete.
"How'd you do that?" Percy asked, but didn't get an answer. He turned and the reflection was gone, leaving him alone outside the home with a fistful of memories.
He sighed, dropping the concrete on the ground before he straightened out his coat and made some decisions. He was gonna ignore where he was. He was gonna ignore what he was. He was gonna go back in there, sit back down with his friends, and enjoy this, whatever it was. Even if it was fleeting, even if it was pointless, even if it would just become a memory he hated. He was gonna do this.
He collected himself and walked back up to the door, taking a deep breath before walking back into the house with just about as much grace as one could after all that. He tossed his hat back on the rack right along with his coat and sauntered back into the room with everyone still in their seats.
All three heads turned when he walked back in, and it was pretty clear what they wanted.
"Percy." Thalia said, her eyes locked on him as he stood by the couch.
"Yup." He replied. Not even necessarily as a response, more just confirming that yes, he was Percy.
"What the shit was that all about?"
Percy didn't answer, he just stretched his shoulders, letting his old joints crack as he hissed out a breath before he clapped his hands in front of his face and gave them a rub.
"You guys wanna do shots?"
That caught them off guard enough that even Thalia couldn't respond at first. She cleared her throat and collected herself before replying.
"What?"
He shrugged his shoulders, loosening up his arms, "Y'know, shots. Like alcohol, booze, drinking. Honestly, I'm dying for a drink..." He gave Annabeth a little side eye and a soft smile, "... in the company of friends, preferably."
Annabeth blushed slightly at Percy's words and, just like every time, her heart beat loud enough for Percy to dance to.
Thalia narrowed her eyes at him before looking at the other two. Nico shrugged and Annabeth nodded, barely hiding the smile on her face.
Thalia sighed, "Alright, cowboy. What're you having?"
"Whiskey." Percy replied, cracking his knuckles in front of his face, "I'm Texan."
Percy felt loose.
He didn't feel tight, or concerned, or burdened with his own conscience. No, for the first time in a long time Percy actually felt loose. He felt carefree. Unrestricted. Apathetic of his own turmoil. He felt like he could actually enjoy himself, like his reflections words had finally found d a spot in his mind to call home.
And yeah... most of that was due to Annabeth.
They'd migrated to the kitchen pretty immediately after his little suggestion and Thalia had wasted no time at all cracking open the liquor cabinet.
The massive, expensive liquor cabinet.
She grabbed a bottle of some whiskey percy only vaguely recognized and fetched a couple of shot glasses from the cabinet. She wasted no time pouring them, setting the bottle down before sliding one over to Nico.
"Don't choke." She said with a smirk, making Nico scowl before he downed the shot with a soft cough, drawing a wider grin from Thalia.
She shot a look over at Annabeth, before sliding another of the shots over to her.
"Et tu, Annie?" She asked with smile. Annabeth sighed and knocked back her own shot, letting a soft his out as her face scrunched up.
Thalia breathed out a laugh before she knocked back her own shot with no complaint. She flipped the empty glass and slid the last glass over to Percy, who had been barely paying attention to the whole group as they drank, just staring at the wall behind them.
The group gave concerned looks to each other when he didn't grab it, each of them taking note of the look on his face and what was clearly going on behind it.
A lot of thought.
"Your turn, cowboy." Thalia said.
That apparently was enough to snap Percy from his funk. He took a look at the shot, the tiny thimble of alcohol that would literally be a drop in the bucket when faced with his undead liver. He reached over, past the shot to the bottle Thalia placed on the table, before pulling off the lid and knocking it back.
The group couldn't really do much but watch while he downed the bottle. The whole bottle.
He finished it and let a hiss out his teeth. The group stared at him with open jaws while he took a shaky breath and set the emptied bottle on the table.
"Sorry." He offered.
Thalia let out a shaky laugh as a smile spread over her face.
"I thought you said shots, Jackson."
He let out his own smile, plucking the shot glass off the table, "For me? That was a shot."
He knocked back the glass and set it down.
"Those may as well be nothing."
That was what brought the laugh out of Thalia and settled the mood. Percy took the opportunity to crack a smile and make his way over to the cabinet.
"Alright then..." He said, resting his hands on his hips as he shot a glance back at the group.
"I did say Let's do shots, as in plural, didn't I?"
He had, and they did.
That being said, they didn't do many. They mostly just watched as Percy took the opportunity to down bottle after bottle of just about every ounce of whiskey Thalia had. If Thalia and Nico were sober they'd probably have been asking how he'd stayed standing. If Annabeth were sober, she'd probably have made an effort to hide how hard she was staring.
Percy was sober, and that was the problem. He was unbelievably sober. Painfully sober. Which was a real problem because being sober right now was something he didn't want. He wanted to be loose. Carefree. Irresponsible. He wanted to be willing to do or say anything, because he was going to do and say everything.
He was going to tell them.
He didn't care anymore. Not about his life, or his lie, or Zoe. He didn't care that it might end with Thalia putting a slug in him with that cannon, nor did he care that there was a strong chance that Annabeth would never want to speak to or be near his undead ass again. He didn't care. He wanted them to know.
He wanted it, and yet he just couldn't do it.
So he drank. A fruitless endeavor that was more a waste of time than anything, but still, the placebo effect was a thing, and his brain was still technically human. Maybe he could fool himself.
Who was he kidding? He was barely fooling anybody. Especially not with his cover, considering what Nico had told him.
He put the bottle on the table, setting it next to the other few bottles he'd downed like nothing. Thalia and Nico had at some point left the kitchen to go half-drunkenly wander around Thalia' home, while meanwhile Percy and Annabeth stayed in the kitchen.
Annabeth... man, she wasn't even trying to hide it anymore, she was just boring into him with those stormy grey eyes of hers. Her face was pulled into a look of pretty deep thought. One that really put a spotlight on Percy that burned just about as much as silver did.
He shifted uncomfortably, chuckled nervously, and forced a smile.
"What?"
She didn't respond. She just stood up and crossed the room over to him, making him back up against the counter. She wasn't smiling, and the smile he had on his face was already fading.
She got right up to him, right in front of him as he backed against the fridge. Her eyes narrowed as she presses a finger into his chest.
"There's something about you, you know that Jackson?"
He held his nervous expression before he let a smile peek through.
"There's something about everyone, Chase."
She shook her head, not breaking eye contact.
"Sure, but..." She tucked her arms over her chest, "...there's something about you. Something I can't quite put my finger on."
Percy held up his hands with a smile, "Any guesses?"
Annabeth let her eyes graze over his body, "Thalia's got a couple..."
The smile dropped off his face like a rock. He blinked, letting the rest of the emotion fade with it.
"What kind of guesses?"
Annabeth tightened her arms across her chest, "What do you think?"
I think I can hear your heartbeat pounding in my ears, just like it does everything we're together, was what he wanted to say, but he swallowed that thought and forced another smile.
"I think she doesn't like me all that much."
"Oh, she likes you plenty." Annabeth replied, letting her eyes settle on his chest, "Not how I like you, but still..."
She caught him off guard, which was hard to do considering he'd had 50 years of being a 22 year old to perfect that guard.
"What?" He stammered out. She just smiled, before she reached for his hands.
"Nothing." She said with a smile, "Nothing at all."
She had him. She may have been holding his hands, but they both knew hushed was really holding his heart. Just standing there, holding it up in her hands, as if to say look Percy, look what I've got. He opened his mouth to talk, but she reached up and clamped her hand over it.
"Don't go ruining the moment here, cowboy."
She pulled her hand away and, just for a second, Percy could've sworn it was his heart racing right now. He felt her take a step back and pull him right along with her, walking backwards as she gave him quite the smile.
She led him back into the living room, back towards the couch and the coffee table before she stood him in front of it and have him a push, sending him into the couch.
She stood over him, hands on her hips as her eyes narrowed in observation. It was intense. Intense and intimidating, which was saying a lot, all things considered. She took one last look at him before she clicked her tongue and turned around.
"I wanna do something." She said in a firm tone.
He swallowed, "What do you have in mind?"
She walked across the room, towards an old record player that sat in the corner. She picked a record up off the shelf and blew the dust off, before she slid it into the player.
"I want to dance."
To the end of time? His brain asked, but he pushed it aside, clearing his throat before he answered.
"I'm not the best dancer..."
That was a lie, and he wasn't sure why he'd said it. Maybe it was his brain putting up a futile last resistance as his heart fully slipped into her hands. Or maybe it was because he knew damn well that he wanted her to teach him.
She sighed, walking back toward him on the couch as a soft rock song started playing.
"Then let's start slow." She replied, grabbing his hands and pulling him to his feet, "A nice simple song and a nice simple dance."
Just like with Zoe, his brain reminded him. He told it to shut up as he took Annabeth's hands in his.
They swayed to the beat as a soft guitar played over the record. It wasn't a song he recognized, and was barely audible from the record machine, but it fit the mood perfectly.
A soft song, while he held this girl's soft hands, all while the walls he'd built around the truth softened more and more.
"Nico. I swear to christ, you make me feel like I'm crazy."
The boy sighed as he leaned against the massive oak desk that sat in Thalia's mother's office. They'd left Percy and Annabeth to their own devices downstairs and had decided to wander the house. Half because Nico wanted Percy and Annabeth to air out that romance that had rather obviously been brewing, and half because Thalia needed to air her Percy theories again.
Theories that were seeming less and less crazy the more time Nico spent with the man.
"Thalia, I don't think you're crazy..." Nico offered, but Thalia wasn't having it. She stepped up close to the bot, jamming a finger at him.
"You heard him, Nico. I know you did. Fifty years to the day..." She breathed deeply through her nose, "...You, me, and Jason may as well have played that song every fucking day two summers ago, remember?"
Nico took note that she'd just said her brothers name and hadn't immediately gotten glum, "Yeah, I remember, and I heard it too."
Thalia threw up her hands, "And yet you still think I'm crazy!"
Nico turned towards her, this time jamming his finger in her face.
"Look Thals. Let's say he is, alright? Let's say he's a blood sucking creatures of the night, on the prowl for victims to bleed dry," He cocked an eyebrow at her, "Wouldn't we be dead by now? Why would he waste time trying to be our friend?"
That was evidently enough to shut her up. She snapped her mouth shut and narrowed her eyes at the boy.
"I don't fucking know." Thalia retorted, "Maybe he's just playing with his food, or some shit."
Nico groaned and turned back to the desk, exhausted from his friend's Bela Lugosi fueled interpretation of reality. He glanced at the desk and noticed something.
A photo album. An old photo album. No, old didn't quite cover it. The thing was bloody ancient, so ancient the leather it was bound in looked like it had dried solid.
"What's that?" He asked, pointing at it, "Didn't take your family for the physical pictures type."
"It's not ours." Thalia answered with a wave of her hand, "Found it in the attic a few weeks ago. Dad said it must've belonged to whoever lived here before us."
She sighed and turned back to her mother's desk, sifting through paperwork as nico let his curiosity get the best of him and slid the album over. He blew dust off the cover and flipped it open, taking note of the note on the first page.
"To Sally. To keep those memories of yours safe.
-Paul."
Nico narrowed his eyes and pursed his lips a bit as Thalia let out a breath as she went through her mom's laptop.
"You sure you should be going through that?" Nico asked.
She glared at him, "Yeah, I do. Look at this."
She slid the laptop over and showed him the screen, "See anything strange?"
Nico looked at the page, "This may as well be ancient Greek to me, Thals."
Thalia let out an exhausted breath, "His card, Nico. His credit card. It's brand new, and a black card."
Nico shrugged, still just as confused, "So?"
"So, who the hell buys a house on a brand new black credit card?" She asked, "Who at 22 years old can qualify for a card like that, and then uses it to buy a house in the middle of bumfuck Texas?"
Nico shrugged, making Thalia sigh at his lack of enthusiasm. He turned back to the album and started swiping through pictures. Most of them were simple photos, mundane snapshots of everyday life.
They didn't tell much, but most of them had notes on the back. They were simple, and a few words, but they gave a date and a small description of who and what was in the photos.
He looked at one that depicted a beautiful, pregnant woman standing in front of Thalia's house with a huge smile on her face. He flipped the page and checked the note.
Sally with her little miracle, 1949
Nico smiled at the photos as Thalia kept grumbling as she hunched over her mother's computer. He sighed and flipped to the next photo. This one depicted the same woman, no longer pregnant, with a very young boy next to her as she stood in front of an old green truck.
The photo was blurry, and the faces were a little scuffed. Nico flipped the page and found that the note on the back had been smudged.
Sally and --, 1952
Nico smiled to himself at the photo, taking note of how happy the two people looked, even through the blur. He flipped again and felt his heart drop like a rock.
"Thalia?" He said, drawing the girls eye.
"Yeah?" She replied.
"Look who I just found." He said, sliding the album over. She took a look, squinting as she did and took in the photo. Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped.
"Holy shit." She breathed, "Is that...?"
"Yeah." Nico replied with a grin, "It's Miss Dare."
"Goddamn..." Thakia added with a whistle as she leaned back in her seat, "What a fucking hottie."
Nico groaned at the girls words as a smile spread over her face.
"Can you please not hit on her photo?" Nico pleaded, "She's really cool, I don't need the image of you all over her every time I see her."
Thalia laughed at Nico's admonishment, taking the photo in again.
It was Rachel alright, and a quick check of the note on the back confirmed her and the date.
Rachel on the farm, 1969
She was smiling in the photo, beaming a grin at the camera as she sat on the old wooden fence that lined Thalia's home. She had on a loose flannel and a pair of jeans and her red hair just about looked like it was on fire with how the sun was hitting it.
She was stunning, which is why Thalia's reaction didn't really surprise Nico.
Thalia laughed again, breaking the tension as she hefted the album and flipped through the pages.
"Oh don't worry, Nico. Maybe we'll find some ancient cowboy for you to hit on. Hell, I'll even bet in one of these-"
She stopped talking when the next photo caught her eye.
Not as in she chose to stop, as in the ability to speak left her right then and there. Her mouth snapped shut, her eyes held panic, and just about all the colour in her face drained in an instant.
Nico caught on to her reaction pretty quick and gave a concerned look to his friend.
"Thals? What's wrong?"
She didn't answer, whatever words she'd had died before she could speak them. She just set the album down on the table and held a finger up to the photo. Nico let his eyes follow and his reaction matched Thalia's. His face paled, his eyes widened, and even though he wasn't speaking, he knew he wouldn't be able to.
It was a photo of a horse and a man. The horse was pretty well front and center in the photo, a black stallion that stood proud by the same fence Rachel had been sitting on, but that wasn't what caught their eye.
It was the man next to the horse.
He was tall and lean, with a denim coat and denim jeans to match. His hands were rough and toned, like a farm boys ought to be, and his skin matched, tanned dark from the sun.
Those were just details, though. Details they took in because they seemed so foreign on the man they recognized so well. His hair was short, cropped up close instead of flowing off his head. His eyes, the vibrant green ones they'd come to know so well, sat behind a pair of thick glasses they'd never seen before. His smile beamed out of the picture, a far cry from the glum expression he usually kept when he thought none of them were looking. There was one detail they couldn't help but stare at, one that jumped off the page and drew their eyes like no other. His neck.
His empty neck, missing the bat tattoo they all knew so well.
It was Percy. One hundred percent, without a fucking doubt in the world. They both knew it, the second they saw him, but that didn't stop Nico from forcing a laugh and a lie right after it.
"Maybe it's just a relative. Like an uncle or a brother or something, maybe-"
He stopped when Thalia flipped the page, turning it over to see the words written on the back of the picture. Words that just about made both their souls leave their bodies. Words neither really wanted to read, but both did.
Percy and Blackjack, 1971
They were both silent for a moment, taking it all in. Taking in the photo, taking in the words, taking in the fact that he was here, in Thalia's house, downstairs with their best friend.
Nico took deep breaths, leaning into the table and trying to calm himself, all while Thalia closed the album and leaned back in her chair. She caught Nico's gaze and clicked her tongue, tapping on the album and repeating the words that sent a shiver down Nico's spine now that he'd seen the picture.
"Fifty years to the day."
Annabeth was damn good at dancing.
Not just good, shockingly good. Good in a way that made Percy feel like a chump, like he didn't even deserve to be in the same room as her when music was on, let alone dance with her.
She led them perfectly, swaying along to the soft acoustic country that played from the record player. Her hands rested firmly on his shoulders, guiding him along as she swayed them to and fro.
It was honestly kind of intimidating. The way movements aggressively led him, the way her hands gripped his shoulders tight. Even the way her eyes bore into his, with a very... peculiar look in them.
Even if he didn't have super scent, he could tell there was alcohol on her breath, and he assumed that played a role in all this.
"You're pretty good, I gotta say." He said, breaking the silence neither had bothered to notice was there.
She smiled at his words, "Well, let's just say I've had a lot of practice."
He softly chuckled, "Didn't take your dad for the dancing type."
She smiled at his joke, "No, not with him..." Her smile fell a bit as her eyes seemed to pass through him, "With my mom. She always used to dance with me when I was young. The moves she taught me, they just kinda stuck."
He was quiet for a moment, taking note of how that spark that was always in her eyes seemed to fade a little when she talked about her mom. He didn't like that, seeing her upset, so he said something. Something he hadn't told... well, anybody. But felt would ease her mind a bit.
"My mom's the one who taught me to shoot."
That brought a smile to her face, "You're kidding."
"I'm not," he replied with a smile, "Momma Jackson taught me a lot, but there's three things that stuck out. How to handle a gun, how to wrangle a horse, and how to be a gentleman."
She smiled at his words, pressing a little closer to him, "Well, I'd say you're two for three right now."
He smiled, "Any chance there's a horse around here? I don't like leaving any doubts."
He felt her hand slink a little farther up his chest, "Well... you sure ain't leaving any doubts on the first two."
Percy smiled a little more, "I suppose I'm not."
"I suppose so." Annabeth replied, a smile all her own pulling at her lips.
They swayed a little more to the song as Percy felt another thought nestle its way into his head. He was already sharing, quite a bit actually. Why not share some more?
"My mom passed away too."
He watched Annabeth's eyes snap up to his as several emotions seemed to pass behind them. Sympathy, sadness, longing, regret. Another emotion sat there though, one he was a little more than happy to see.
Comfort. Comfort that they shared this, however tragic it may be.
"I'm sorry, Percy." She said, "I know... I know that's not fun."
"It's alright." He replied In a soft tone, "It happened recently but... we'd been separated for a while."
He let his eyes dip a bit, "Honestly, I kinda hoped she'd forgotten about me. Just so she didn't die with any regrets."
Annabeth raised her hand up to his chin and lifted this gaze to look at him.
"Don't say that. I'm sure she cared about you, till the very end."
He smiled at her. A sad smile, but a smile nonetheless.
"Thank you. I bet your mom cared about you too. I'll bet she was proud of you as well."
Annabeth let out a soft, sad laugh.
"She died when I was seven. Don't think there was much to be proud of with a second grader."
He shook his head, "I'm sure she knew. Mother's always know."
Annabeth looked into his eyes again, "Knew what?"
"That you'd grow up to be someone she was proud of." He replied.
Annabeth kept her eyes locked on his, feeling her heart hammer in her chest. She didn't know why she was doing this. She never talked about her mom, not with Thalia, not with Nico, not even with her dad. Conversations about Athena Chase had ended the second her therapy sessions had, and yet here she was, openly talking about her with this boy.
This boy. This boy she barely knew, yet felt like she'd always known. This boy who always knew exactly what to say, even if she didn't know she needed to hear it. This boy, who she felt like she'd been waiting her whole life to meet.
Her hand was still on his chin, still gently resting there from when she'd lifted his gaze. She softly smiled as she let her thumb graze his jaw bone.
"Even your face is cold, Percy..." She said, flattening her hand on his cheek, "Is there any part of you that isn't?"
He smiled softly, "My lips tend to heat up with my morning coffee."
She was quiet for a moment, letting her thumb trace soft circles on his cheek.
"Are they cold now?"
His smile fell. Not into a frown, but it fell. It fell into a look of thought, of intense calculation, like he was going over every decision he'd ever made before this moment and every decision he'd ever make after it. He let his gaze drop and his head drop a little with it, letting a soft breath out. A breath that felt like it was him letting go.
He raised his gaze, and met hers with a look that said everything she needed to hear, before the words even left his mouth.
"Why don't you find out?"
There was a second of hesitation, of shock where she couldn't get her body to move. He noticed it, how she stayed still, and she could see the panic in his eyes. The fear that he'd overstepped, even when she knew he hadn't.
She got over that shock right quick after that. Her other hand came up , softly gripping his cheek before she pulled his lips to hers.
It was... a lot. A lot of everything. He tasted like a lot. Like whiskey and desire. Like fear and satisfaction. Like a breath of winter air that Texas girls didn't get to taste. His lips were cold alright. Frigid. But it didn't matter to her, and it mattered even less when his hands slipped down to her waist.
He pulled her close, all while her arms worked themselves around his shoulders. He was strong, with a grip like iron and a body like steel. But the way he held her, the way she sat in his arms... Annabeth had never felt more safe in her whole damn life.
She felt her hands slide down, her curiosity getting the best of her as she slid her hand down his neck, letting her palm run its way over the tattoo.
Right over the scar.
They pulled away together, both drawing deep breaths as either took a step back from each other. Annabeth couldn't help the smile that pulled at her lips, but let it fall when she caught the look on his face.
He was staring at the ground just about burning holes into it, and every ounce of that look was soaked in thought.
She took a tentative step forward, laying a hand on his chest.
"I'm sorry..." He said, drawing a look of confusion from the girl.
"Why are you sorry, Percy?" She let that small smile come back, "I think it's pretty obvious we both wanted that."
He shook his head, closing his eyes as he fought hard to keep that neutral look on his face.
"I shouldn't have done that to you. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair."
She didn't understand it, any of it. Why he was saying what he was saying, why he was reacting this way. None of it made sense. He'd practically invited her to kiss him.
Hadn't he?
She stopped for a second and looked at him, really looked at him. The way he leaned away from her into the counter. The way his eyes hung low and wouldn't meet hers. She thought about how he'd acted before, how he'd almost seemed regretful, like he was doing something he shouldn't be doing...
Like he was hurting someone.
"This is about Zoe, isn't it?"
Percy's gaze lifted in an instant. His eyes didn't widen, nor did his expression change, but his eyes met hers, and that's all she needed. All she had to see for the answer to slap her right in the face.
Annabeth felt a deep feeling in her stomach. One that she didn't like or want to feel, but was there nonetheless. She took a step forward, and got as close as she was comfortable.
"Percy... who is Zoe? To you?"
His eyes wavered now, thoughts flickering behind them. Thoughts she couldn't discern hidden behind emotions she couldn't pick out. He let his gaze fall a bit as a shaky breath flowed from his nose.
"She's the reason why I am the way I am."
He said the words like they answered everything, but they didn't, and she wasn't having that.
"What does that mean, Percy? Please..." Her words were pleading as she pressed her hand to his chest, "...what did she do to you? Did she hurt you? Does she have you trapped somehow?"
He didn't look up, he just kept his eyes locked on the ground as he clamped his jaw shut. Annabeth let out an exhausted breath as her other hand made its way up to his cheek.
His freezing cold cheek.
Thoughts nestled their way into Annabeth's mind. Bad thoughts. Wrong thoughts. Thoughts influenced by what Thalia had said and fuelled by the whiskey she'd drank and pushed to the forefront by everything else she knew.
She couldn't keep those thoughts to herself anymore.
"Why are your hands so cold all the time Percy?"
He didn't answer, but she saw him stiffen. She'd hit a note with that, but she wasn't done.
"Why are your lips cold too?" She lifted his gaze, making his eyes meet hers, "Why don't you seem drunk right now even with all you drank? Why do you get so much more alive at night?"
She pressed her hand to his chest, right over his heart, looking for a beat that she just couldn't feel. She took a shaky breath as her eyes just bore into his.
"Why doesn't it feel like there's anything there, Percy?"
He let his eyes stay locked on hers for a moment, before they faltered. He stood up off the counter and took her hands in his. He got close to her, close enough that she could feel his ice cold breath on her face.
"What would you do if you could live forever, Annabeth?"
She didn't answer, not immediately at least. She just kept her eyes locked on his as she drew a shaky breath.
"What do you mean, Percy?" She whispered.
He closed his eyes, shutting them tight.
"I mean if you could stay the way you are, right now, the same age, the same mentality, the same person. If you could stay the person you are now, forever..."
His eyes opened, and just for a split second, she thought they were glowing.
"...would you do it?"
She was quiet. Words formed themselves in her mind and dissipated just as quickly. She didn't know how to respond, how to say what she wanted to say or say what he wanted to hear, so she said neither. She said the truth.
"No." She watched the look in his eyes darken a bit as she continued.
"I wouldn't want that, Percy. I wouldn't want to be like that. Watching my friends and family grow old, watching them die, all while I remain forever..."
She closed her eyes as something else came out. A cruel truth, that she didn't know was cruel and only thought was the truth.
"...that's no way for a person to live."
He was silent. Silent and still, his eyes had clamped themselves back shut and his hands had dropped to his sides. They both stood there in the quiet company of the record player, that still played soft tunes as their personal silence remained.
"I have to go." He said, rather suddenly and rather forced. He didn't want to, that was obvious enough to Annabeth, and it was probably obvious to him that, even with all that had been said, she still wanted him to stay.
"Percy..." She said reaching for him, "...you don't need to go. You can stay the night if you'd like, me and Nico were going to anyways, at least until the storm dies out a bit."
He stopped at the door, grabbing his coat off the rack as he slipped his hat onto his head.
"I'll be fine." He told her in a somber voice, "I just... I need to go for a walk, alright? To clear my head."
She got a bit closer to him, trying to reach toward his hand.
"When will I see you again?"
Her voice was hopeful, and Shays what really broke Percy. He steeled his nerves and grit his jaw and blinked back the tears he knew were there.
"Goodnight Annabeth."
And with that, he slipped out of the house. Out of the home he'd always known and, despite fifty years of regret, hurt more now than it ever had.
Well that was it, wasn't it?
He'd gone and done it. He'd laid it out, shown his hand, set it all on the table for everyone to see. For Annabeth to see, and probably for Thalia and Nico to see too, now that he thought about it.
No. No, he was done with thinking. Where had thinking gotten him? Thinking had gotten him here in the first place. Thinking him had gotten him back into his old hometown, decades before he should've showed up here. Thinking had made him waltz back into Rachel's life, like that was in any way fair for her. Thinking had made him kiss Zoe, and whisper sweet lies into her ear that only made everything so much worse. Thinking had convinced him that he could share a friendship with those people at his old house, and pretend he was anything other than what he was.
Thinking had made him hurt Annabeth, In a way he'd promised he wouldn't.
So he was done with it. Done with pretending, done with acting like he'd helped anyone, done with all the pathetic self pity. Most of all though, he was done with thinking.
But thinking wasn't done with him.
"What the hell are you doing?"
Percy kept marching forward, storming through the downpour as he b-lined directly for the den. Ignoring the roads and ignoring the streetlights. He could see fine anyways and all they would do is delay the trip more than-
"Did you hear me?"
Percy sighed deeply as he stopped his march, turning to the companion who'd been following the whole time he'd marched back to the den.
The reflection, looking more pissed than ever.
"Yeah." Percy replied as he continued his march, "I fucking heard you."
The reflection wasn't satisfied with that, "So that's it then? You're just giving up?"
Percy felt a scowl pull over his face, he wanted to tell the reflection this wasn't giving up. That it was the only choice he had and that it wasn't up to him how things were despite how much he hated it, despite how little it mattered anymore, despite how he'd be willing to live the rest of his eternity alone if it meant just a little more time with Annabeth.
He stopped on a dime and sighed, turning to the reflection with a resigned look on his face.
"Yeah." He replied, "I'm giving up."
The reflection shook its head and grabbed his shoulders.
"I know you don't want to, because I don't want to, Percy."
Percy didn't answer, he just looked away as a bolt of lightning cut through the sky. The reflection let out an exasperated breath as it took note of the plasma that pierced the sky.
"Maybe you'll get lucky and one of em will hit you." The reflection said, glaring at Percy, "Since you seem so keen on giving up."
Percy scowled, feeling his fists clench at his sides.
"What is there to do but give up? We've sang this song, we've done this dance. I'm tired of having this conversation with you."
He turned away, trying to leave, but the reflection kept right up.
"I'm tired of repeating myself and being met with a brick wall." It stepped in front of Percy and stopped him in his tracks, "How do you know this is it?"
Percy grit his teeth, "Because it is, alright?"
The reflection wasn't having it. It grabbed him by the shoulders and held him firm.
"Percy, even if I'm wrong, even if this is it forever... is this really what you want?"
"What does it matter what I want?' Percy shot back, "All I want is the one thing I can't have."
"You can still have her." The reflection replied, "Even if it's just for a moment in time, wouldn't that moment be so much more special with eons to appreciate it?"
Percy held his gaze firm, no emotion coming through the steely stste that was painted over his face, before it cracked and he let some truth out.
"Yeah. Yeah it would."
The reflection cracked a small grin, "You want to be with Annabeth, right? Even if it's just for a few years? Even if it ends bad, it's worth it, right?"
Percy hung his head, "Yes."
The reflection smiled, "Good. Now you know what you're gonna do?"
Percy sighed as he raised his eyes to dhe sy and held up his hands, "Wait for a bolt of lightning?"
The reflection shook his head and pointed over his shoulder, at the den, which was now in view after Percy's shortcut through the desert.
"You're gonna go in there, find Zoe, tell her it's over, and march your ass back to Annabeth..." He jammed a finger in Percy's chest, "...and you're gonna tell her everything, alright? You wanted to in the kitchen, and you want to now. So stop bullshitting yourself, and stop bullshitting me."
Percy was quiet for a second, letting his self roast settle on his shoulders before he straightened up.
"Alright." He replied, nodding his head as his lips firmed into a straight line across his face, "But I'm not telling Zoe all that, alright?" Percy sighed and looked at the den, up at the window he knew she was sitting behind.
"I'll tell her goodbye."
Percy didn't make his presence anything less than known.
He wasn't coy, or timid, or nervous like he usually was when he entered the den. Not this time. This time the door swung open with gusto, and the march Percy made up the stairs followed suit, his boots stomping with every step he took despite the emotion he knew he was feeling.
Terror. At what? He didn't know. Maybe Zoe, maybe himself, maybe what he was about to do. Either way it didn't make this walk any less of a slog through misery. He knew what he was going to do, he knew it had to happen, now more than ever.
He was going to leave.
He got to her door, hands shaking as the sat at his sides. He tightened his fists, clenching them before he grabbed the handle, gave it a twist, and pulled it open.
And there she was. Painting.
She didn't even look at him when he entered. Her eyes just remained locked on the canvas, staring at it as it rested on the easel in the same position it had been last time, out of his line of sight.
She dragged her brush a few times, adding some more paint, before she finally looked up at him, a sad look in her eye.
"Where were you?"
He didn't answer. He just stepped in, took a deep breath, and shut the door behind him. She watched him as he moved, as he made his way from the door over to the stool, that was still in the same position from last time.
He sat down and rested his hands on his knees, letting his shoulders slump as he looked up at her.
Their eyes met, and she knew.
"I'm leaving Zoe. For good."
She didn't react right away. She just held his gaze, letting those onyx eyes cut holes into his soul. She closed her eyes, letting a soft breath out of her nose.
"Where will you go?"
He didn't expect that. He expected a lot of things. Yelling, screaming, crying, a lot of things that weren't that question. He didn't have time to think of a lie, so the truth came out.
"I don't know."
She opened her eyes, which he could tell were just barely holding back tears.
"What will you do?"
Another question he didn't have an answer for.
"I don't know."
She stood up now, walking out from behind the canvas so she was right up to his face.
"Who will you have when you leave?"
He drew a breath and dropped his head, thinking for a second of saying the blonde next door. But even if he was right, what would that change? He'd get a few years, at best, then who would he have after that? He looked backnup at her and answered.
"No one."
She took another step closer, gently resting her hand on his cheek, before her other hand came up and matched the first. She softly brought her head to his, pressing their foreheads together.
"You'll always have me, Percy."
She tilted his head up and rested her lips to his. Lips that felt cold, lips that felt lifeless, lips that hadn't felt anything like Annabeth's had. But lips that still made him feel something.
That's why this was so hard.
She pulled away and softly traced circles in his cheeks with her thumbs.
"I want this, Percy. I dont care what it takes. I'll be who you want, I'll do what you want, just... please..."
Her eyes clenched shut as a tear fell, her voice breaking as she spoke.
"...don't leave me."
His eyes fell from her face. He felt sick looking at her, sick with guilt and sick with regret, despite how well he knew he shouldn't be. How could he do this to her? How could he hurt her like this? It wasn't fair, any of it, not for either of them. She held his cheeks a little tighter as she drew a shaky breath and looked him in the eye.
"I want you, Percy. You, and only you. Forever."
He drew another breath, sharply this time. Forever. That was the problem, wasn't it? Forever, whether he wanted it or not, whether he liked it or not, whether he chose her or not, that's what this was.
Forever.
He let an angry breath out as he he stood up from the stool.
"I don't want your forever, Zoe."
She kept her eyes closed shut, tightly shutting her line of sight off from the world, and frankly, why wouldn't she? He was all she cared about, he knew that, and yet there he was, about to walk away forever.
Her eyes snapped open.
"Do you miss your past, Percy?"
The question caught him off guard, enough so that, once again, honesty came out. Honesty that was angry, and matched the scowl that worked it's way over his face.
"Every day of my life." The words were cruel, cruel and miserable, and he knew that. She shut her eyes again as another tear dripped from her eyes. She took a few steps back and looked at the painting.
"After tonight, you won't think about your past ever again."
He felt a cold feeling in his gut. A cold, terrifying feeling that pulled him across the room, over to the painting she'd painted. He got it in his line of sight and... he couldn't help himself. He grabbed her by the collar and pulled her up to his face, the scowl now paired with angry, heavy breathing as he glared into her eyes.
"What did you do?"
She grabbed his hands and pulled them off her as a scowl worked its way over her own face.
"Not me. Luke." She took a deep angry breath and stepped away from him, turning away as she did, "You made me do this Percy. Just know that."
He was done listening to her, done thinking about this, done giving her chances. He took one last look at the painting and decided right then and there the stairs would only waste time.
He sprinted at her window and launched himself through it.
He rolled as he fell the three stories, angling his body so he landed on his feet and rolled as he landed, immediately springing to his feet and sprinting to his bike. He stuck the key in the ignition, the bike roared to life, and he was gone, riding down the road as fast as he could.
He rode faster than he ever had before, cranking the accelerator as he growled out "C'mon, c'mon..." to himself over and over. Hoping, praying even, thay if he rode fast enough, he could delay the inevitable, delay what he knew was coming.
He knew better, but he wouldn't accept the truth.
He ignored everything else. Ignored the storm, ignored the rain, ignored other cars that honked as he weaved around them.
He ignored it all as he went down that old road. That old road he knew so well, that old road that held so many memories for him, that old road where the first thing to go was the paving, then the streetlights, then the signs.
He smelled it before he saw it.
It made him scream through his teeth. A frustrated, enraged, self loathing noise. A noise that blamed himself for everything. For coming back here, for bringing these monsters to his home, for hurting her.
He ignored the danger, the risk of riding down this road with nothing but the light of his headlight showing the path. He ignored it all because of what he saw in the distance.
Another light.
One that shouldn't have been there.
He pulled over the hill, and there it was. It made his eyes wet with tears and his teeth grit so hard they just about cracked in his jaw. It was just like Zoe's painting. Just like he knew it would be, despite how much he wished his regret would stop it.
It was Rachel's home, and it was on fire.
A.N. Here we go.
This is it. This is what it's all been leading up to, the whole damn story. This is what I've been waiting to write.
I'm excited, for the next chapter and those that follow. I've condensed a few things down possibly, depending on how I choose to write these next chapters, but I can tell you one thing.
They won't be fun. For anyone. Me included.
Also, sorry for the long wait. Real life has been picking up, and I'll admit writers block (and/or exhaustion) has hit me rather hard lately, but hopefully that will pass.
On another note, I've been workshopping my next project on my downtime, and it's coming together nicely. It's gonna be a cannon retelling, somewhat. I won't give any spoilers yet, but I can tell you it's gonna be a crossover.
Kinda. It's complicated. I'll update more my next chapter, or on discord, or both.
Speaking of which, if you haven't already, join the emerald library discord. I'm on there, and that's the best way to contact me.
This is getting long, so I'll cut it off, but I'll leave you with a thanks guys. You're really enjoying this story it seems, and that makes me smile.
It also makes me feel less crazy for planning out a sequel already.
Either way, see you soon.
-Bronzeandsteel