KISS HIM FOR ME

chapter 1

Zack pulled his shirt back over his head, swatted at his hair until it reassumed its familiar swept-back tousle, and grinned. Yellow feathers drifted to the ground. "It never works, you know." He plucked a tuft of down from behind one ear.

Aeris tucked her feet underneath her, smiling cheerfully. "Not yet," she said, sweetly.

"It's never going to work, sugar. You can't embarrass a man with no shame." He flopped down on the grass next to Aeris, plucking a fat green grass stem to chew on.

Despite the fact that the sky was always a marvelous pure blue and rain never threatened, all the growing things were succulent and healthy; this was Chocobo Heaven, after all. It was a fine place for Aeris to take a momentary break from her responsibilities of running the universe. Several of the huge riding birds were WARK WARK-ing their way across that perfect cerulean sky right now. A sigh of contented pleasure passed her lips. As though they shared her fine mood, smaller birds sang in the trees and a sumptuous yellow butterfly flitted up to fan its wings on her knee. A few nearby flowers burst spontaneously into full fragrant bloom.

Zack flicked his eyes toward the flowers, then the butterfly. "You do that by accident, or are you just trying to be cute?" Aeris blushed daintily.

"Thought so. Anyway, it's your turn."

"Uh…hm." Another flight of chocobo bobbed overhead as Aeris considered. "Truth."

"Right." Zack spat out the last of his grass stem, reduced to a green fibrous pulp, and tugged another. "Let's see now. What personal revelation can possibly be neat enough to make up for what you just had me do, huh?" He made a great show of considering the matter, stroking his chin like some bearded old sage. "I mean, I already know how you like your eggs."

Aeris rolled her eyes.

"Yeahyeah. Fine. Hey, d'you think that was a little crude? I mean, since we're surrounded by egg-laying animals and everything."

A long feathery neck topped by a beaked head swung up from behind a cluster of berry bushes. The chocobo blinked sleepily and reached out its beak to strip a mouthful of foliage and fruit from a cluster of branches. Zack eyed it speculatively.

"I mean, you have to think about these kinds of things sometime. I never really stopped to wonder how chocobo feel about people going around eating eggs but it's got to mess with their minds, you know? Seriously. If you reversed the situation I know I'd be pissed off about it. Hey!"

The chocobo turned its round, liquid eyes toward Zack.

"Omelette!"

Unimpressed, the chocobo ducked its head back down to maim the bushes for more lunch.

"Got it. Omelettes are just fine."

"Zack," Aeris reminded him gently. "You were going to ask me a question, weren't you?"

"Oh, right. You picked Truth, huh?"

"Mm-hmmm."

"Great." Zack lay back and squinted up into the flawless sky, chewing his stem. "So if I weren't around to beat the everloving hell out of him, who'd you like to flatten the grass with, right here?"

"Oooh," Aeris cooed, straightening her legs in front of her and curling her bare toes with pleasure. "I know exactly who I'd choose."

"My evil twin, yeah? Tell me I'm right."

"Completely wrong. Guess."

Zack rolled over onto his stomach and watched the yellow butterfly flit from Aeris's knee to settle itself on her head like some intentional ornament. "Eh. Cloud? You like him."

"Not even close."

"Uh. Gimme a hint."

Aeris clucked her tongue in mock disapproval and wagged a finger down at Zack. "That's cheating, but all right. He's taller than you."

"Taller than me? Huh. I'm pretty tall…oh. Oh. Are you kidding me?"

Her smile grew larger. "That depends. Who exactly do you think I'm kidding you about?"

"Well, it's got to be the General, doesn't it?"

"Sephiroth? No, of course not."

"Huh."

"It's Bahomet."

"Say WHAT now?" Zack gaped openly, the stem of grass dangling forgotten from his lip. "Aeris, he's an inhuman engine of destruction."

"So is Sephiroth, and look how well you two got along." She winked.

"Look, I'm serious here. You can't just say things like that—thinking of you and Bahomet getting it on is kinda, you know, maybe just a little hot, but…damn. No."

"We've talked, you know. He has such a good soul underneath all that…flesh. He's so warm, and he has those wings. Did you know he smells of paprika?" Aeris lost herself in a few moments of pure speculation. Her cheeks flushed. Zack looked around uneasily as the air itself seemed to throb and a small group of adolescent chocobo softly warking on the other side of the hill abruptly knotted into a single complicated sexual act. "…Mmm. There's no one in the world quite like him, honestly. Zack, you do know it isn't his fault that anyone with the right materia can summon him to destroy things, don't you?"

"I had no idea. Honestly I liked the idea of you and Cloud much better."

"Why?"

"Because I can trash him with my little finger, that's why."

Aeris lowered a hand tinkling with bracelets to stroke Zack's cheek. "You're adorable, Zack. They're fighting right now, did you know? In the human world, I mean."

"Cloud and Bahomet? That'd be something."

"Mm-hm. I think he might need a helping hand from one of us before he's finished, though. Let's watch."