Well, I decided to continue this travesty, since people enjoyed it so much. You are all sick, sick freaks. With that said, I was sort of curious… with Naru and Motoko gone, who else was there to bash? Then it hit me, this is a Dark Kei fic, not a Bash Fest. It is now time to bring in the supporting characters and make some interesting impacts on them. So prepare yourself, for Keitaro isn't done yet. R/R are always welcome.
Keitaro grumbled, tossing and turning in his bed. "Haha, the straightjacket for you, bitch." He laughed, shortly before falling off of his futon and onto the floor.
"Huh? Oh, wow, what a vivid dream!" Keitaro said, shaking his head. Then his eyes opened suddenly, for there on his night table was a pack of Salem 100s.
"But wait, in that dream, Shinobu and Kitsune went to bed with me, where is she if this is real?" Keitaro posed into the empty room. Almost immediately, the room got foggy, and then the Hinata Council appeared from nowhere.
"Dreams are a place to go to get away." The first old man said.
"Reality is the place to make your dreams come true." The second added.
"Who can tell the difference between fantasy and truth?" The third muttered.
Keitaro looked around, obviously confused. Then, seizing his cigarettes, he made a decision.
"Oi, officer, get in here!" Keitaro yelled. Almost immediately, Officer Kimotu appeared. "Get those old geezers!" The officer began to approach the men, who looked towards Keitaro, scared.
"You can't do this to us, we are senior citizens! We know our rights!" All three men screamed. Kimotu paused, looking towards Keitaro confused. Keitaro grinned. "I'd say it was well past your prime, wouldn't you, officer?" The officer grinned his malicious grin, and almost immediately, the same orderlies that took Motoko pulled into the drive, charging upstairs and throwing the old men into wheelchairs.
"Time for you to stop trespassing, geezers. Good thing there is the old Hinata Retirement Center down the road, or you might see jail time instead." That said, the orderlies began to wheel the old men out, dumping them unceremoniously into the back of their padded van.
"Nothing about this is real…"
"We all wake up from our nightmares…"
"Don't I get a phone call?"
Keitaro smirked as the orderlies drove away, then headed back up to his bedroom. As he walked, he bumped into Shinobu, who shot him a wary look full of innocent distrust. He smiled lasciviously at her, and approached.
"Darling Shinobu, I missed you last night, you must have snuck out. No worries, I was exhausted. Evicting tenants and managing a new whore house can do that to a guy. However, we can get caught up now!"
Keitaro put a hand on Shinobu's shoulders, and then slowly began to lower his hands to a softer region; much to Shinobu's mixed delight and horror. However, at precisely the wrong moment, Keitaro flinched. Which is a perfectly natural reaction to having a blade pressed hard against the back of your neck.
"Damn it, I thought I got rid of Motoko already." Keitaro cursed, turning around to face the sword wielding sheila.
"Sort of forgot about me, did you?" Aoyama Tsuroku said menacingly, pressing the sword slightly harder against his exposed neck. "You have slighted the Aoyama clan name and the God's Cry School as a result. I was sent here to execute you, a task I will now perform with great panache."
Tsuroku pressed forward, driving the blade into Keitaro's neck, before using her body weight to lift Keitaro into the air, throwing him over her shoulder. Then, dragging her blade downward and slashing it forward, she promptly cleaved him in half. The leftmost section of his body fell in a twisted pile next to his door, while the other section fell near Shinobu.
Shinobu watched this display calmly. Then she realized that something worse than the average chi attack had just occurred, and she started screaming. Tsuroku walked towards Shinobu, her blade still drawn.
"Quiet, little girl, or this blade will feast twice today." Shinobu continued screaming, making Tsuroku grin laconically. "Very well." Tsuroku raised her sword over her head, and set her aims for a swift decapitation.
"Now that isn't very nice." Tsuroku froze and Shinobu stopped screaming. "I mean, I'm immortal, but she is just a little girl." Tsuroku slowly turned, seeing none other than a fully mended Keitaro. Only a straight scar running down his entire body and the rip in his clothing belied that nothing had happened. Tsuroku's eyes widened and she raised her weapon in a fit of panic, calling forth the only technique that could possibly kill a man who couldn't be killed, also read as a demon. "Zanganken Ninotachi!"
Against most people, this would be fatal, however, against Keitaro, the guy who helped Motoko master the Ninotachi, it was a simple gust of wind that fluttered his ripped garb obscenely. He turned to Tsuroku, grinning. "Damn it, people never learn the good old fashioned way. Never bring a sword to a gunfight!" That said, Keitaro whipped Haruka's trusted handgun out of his pocket, leveling it at Tsuroku. "Don't move, I can probably shoot faster than you can dodge. Officer, you caught all this, right?" Tsuroku whirled as the officer appeared; fully knowing (via her chi-dar) that he wasn't there a second ago. Unfortunately, Keitaro wasn't joking about the "don't move" part, and so Tsuroku suddenly had a bullet in her left arm – which sent her blade flying.
"That was self defense, right?" Keitaro shot at the officer, no pun intended. The officer nodded. "And she broke into my house with the intention of killing me and this young girl, right?" The officer nodded again. "And technically, she did kill me. So write her up for two cases of attempted murder, and one first degree murder."
"Oi, Kitsune!" The fox appeared out of a doorway, where she had watched the whole thing. "I'll need you to sell this story to the Hinata Times, okay? Man single-handedly drops insane swordswoman who attempts to murder docile residents of Inn." Kitsune coughed and shut her bedroom door again.
Keitaro grinned as Tsuroku was put into a rough van with barred windows, and then turned away. "Now, am I forgetting anything?" He turned back towards Shinobu, and his eyes lit up. However, nothing was sexually appealing about a zombie, so she did what any terrified fourteen year old girl would do. She ran like hell.
"Damn." Keitaro cursed. Then he turned and saw the most delicious thing he had ever seen before.
"Hello, Keitaro!" chirped Mutsumi. "My, it sure is quiet in here!" Keitaro sweatdropped as she waved goodbye to the departing van. Then he proceeded to maximize on his newfound evilness.
"Mutsumi, has anyone ever told you what nice watermelons you have?" Keitaro said with a smirk. She blushed, and then gasped as he approached and roughly grabbed one in each hand. Slowly, he rotated his hands up and down, causing her melons to bounce up and down with each rotation.
"Keitaro, please, don't squeeze them so hard!" Mutsumi moaned. Keitaro, ever oblivious, leaned forward and nipped at one, then bit the other. "Kei-kun, please, I'm saving those!"
Finally, Keitaro took both her melons in his hands and slammed them together, eliciting a sigh from Mutsumi. He repeatedly rammed them together, closing the thin cleavage between them repeatedly. Slowly, Mutsumi began to cry and moan about how much it hurt her, and Keitaro smirked one last time. "But Mutsumi, look how sticky you are!"
At precisely that moment, however, he accidentally dropped the watermelons, and watched with bemusement as they hit the floor and shattered. Mutsumi turned to him, tears flowing freely from her eyes as her lower lip trembled.
"I hate you, Kei-kun!" Mutsumi screamed, turning and running from the chamber. Keitaro grumbled at the mess at his feet, and finally decided to leave that to Shinobu.
"Damn, what an uneventful day." Keitaro sighed, heading into his bedroom and flopping on the futon. "I wish something interesting would happen around here."
So, read, review. This is because I was asked to create another chapter, and I wanted to keep it mine, not following some predetermined 'bash them in order' fashion. Therefore, I created this mainly as a sign of how depraved my mind can get at times. And with that, I am now getting locked into a mental hospital along with Motoko and the Hinata Council. And I don't think they are very pleased with me. Hey, that is cool, I didn't know Motoko knew how to fashion a sword out of bed sheets. Aw shit, please remember the reviews and please don't fla(sching, or whatever sound would be appropriate for a sword made of linens.)