For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1

Chapter 6: Of Heads Buried in the Sand
(Sam's POV)

I have to admit that by the time the colonel walks into my lab I am almost relieved by that fact. I have been trying to go over different scenarios of what's going to happen in my head for a while and the truth is that I can't even begin to imagine how this is going to play out... all I know is that I'm more than ready to get this over with once and for all.

I know this whole mess is my fault. There's no denying that if only I had told Janet and Daniel to tell the general the truth two weeks ago this whole second act could have been avoided but at the time I wasn't ready for him to know about it... in fact even now I'd feel much better without him --and the colonel-- knowing. Of course that is no longer an option.

Well, the good news, if you can call it that, is that the colonel looks about as comfortable as I feel right now and that means chances are neither one of us is going to be particularly eager to have this encounter last any longer than it absolutely has to.

"So," he says, rather hesitantly.

"So," I reply, not really knowing what to say either.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," I say, taking a calculated risk by not adding the 'sir', knowing that keeping this the least military I can may well be my best bet.

"Was Daniel here?" he asks and I have to fight to keep the smile off my face at that. If he had been trying to give Daniel plenty of time to give me a heads up that means chances are he is not too mad... if he were he would have come charging in here and demanding an explanation a long time ago.

"Yes."

"Good."

"Good, sir?"

"Well, that means you already know why I'm here so that kind of saves me an explanation, doesn't it?"

"I guess," I admit, not sure of whether or not I'm relieved by that fact, though at least now I know how to approach this... or was that how to avoid this?

"So?" he prods.

"I don't know what you want me to say, sir."

"How about the truth?"

"The truth?"

"You know, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth... maybe with an emphasis on the whole truth."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Yes, well, sorry doesn't solve the problem of just what the heck are we supposed to do about this mess, does it?" he mutters.

"Sir?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It's complicated."

"I know that much, still..."

"I had no idea of how to bring it up," I say, though admitting even that much goes against my every instinct. I don't want to have this conversation, that hasn't changed, but I know that if we are ever going to get past this I have no choice but to come clean... if nothing else I know that there's no way the general is going to let us go back out there unless we can figure out a way to work this out somehow.

"Okay, I guess I can understand that but..."

"But what?"

"I don't know!" he exclaims. "On the one hand I can understand why you wouldn't want to talk about it, on the other you should have told us... you should have told me!"

"Yes, well, sir, with all due respect I couldn't both tell you and not tell you," I point out.

"I know but you shouldn't have had to deal with this on your own!"

"So what? I should just have spread the misery? There wasn't anything anyone could do... all I could possibly have accomplished by telling you would have been to make you feel awkward and that seemed rather pointless."

"Okay, I didn't think I was going to have to go over this with you but what part of 'we are supposed to be a team' don't you understand?" he growls.

"It wasn't about teamwork, sir," I point out.

"Did I say teamwork? No, I said we are a team and one of the key things a team needs in order to function is trust. You know that!"

"There was no point in telling you, sir, and the truth is that I just wanted to put it all behind me."

"And did it work?" he asks, almost mockingly.

"No," I admit, rather reluctantly.

"It never does," he says. "Do you have any idea of how many things I've wanted to 'just put behind me'? Let me tell you something, Carter: it doesn't work."

"Sir?"

"I may have no clue as to what it is that you've been going through these past few months but that doesn't mean I'm a stranger to wanting to forget. You want to know what I've learned? I've learned that the only thing burying your head in the sand will get you is a painful bite in the butt when you can least afford it. You deal with stuff and then you move on, that's the way it's done. You don't turn your back on your problems any more than you turn your back on an enemy, Carter. That's common sense!"

Okay, so maybe the colonel does have a point about that... or he would if he were actually right. Yes, trying to pretend nothing had happened would have been a rather dumb move but I never did that, not really. Ever since I came back from Simarka I've been trying to come to terms with 'The Incident'', I just never told him about it. I don't regret that decision, not really. Back then I wouldn't have been able to cope with his reaction and I know it. In other words, the colonel is actually confusing --or rather equating-- two separate problems here. He is basically assuming that the fact that I didn't tell him about it means I was in denial and that was never the case. Unfortunately that knowledge doesn't make dealing with the fallout from having kept this a secret from him any easier... especially because I am all too aware that there's no way I can't explain the difference without having this encounter turn into a confrontation and that is something I definitely want to avoid.