Chapter Sixty-Two: Honestly Over You

A few weeks later, Peyton smiled as she read about the upcoming Scott child. Happy for her friends, she wished she'd heard from them directly. But Haley had been calling her all month, and it was hardly her fault that Peyton had never responded. So many times, Peyton had been tempted to call her and tell her that Nathan had always loved her, that his marriage of convenience was merely a convenient lie.

She remembered the days when Haley had counted her amongst her best friends. She remembered the days of Brooke, Haley, and Peyton, together forever.

She remembered the days of Jake and Peyton.

Peyton wasn't able to stop another memory coursing through her brain…

"I'm glad you called me," said Christian. Peyton nodded.

"I don't know why I did."

"I think you do," he said, sitting down across from her. Dressed less casually than while giving his lectures, he was wearing blue jeans and an unbuttoned black shirt over a wife beater.

"This is wrong. You'd get fired," she said, staring at her hands.

"For what, helping out a student in my home? For giving you extra tuition?"

"You know for what," she said, finally looking up to him. God, he was attractive. And absolutely nothing like Jake.

"I'd like to," he said. As he stood, she rose. She didn't know what had made her do so. They met in the middle of the room and kissed.

Peyton fell onto her bed and shut her eyes tightly. She was beginning to be the kind of girl she'd always detested-the kind who used people for their own whims, the kind of girl who hated herself for it.

Or rather, hated Ryan for it. Peyton had become quite adept at hating Ryan for her troubles. Deep down, Peyton knew that Ryan was a victim. That she wasn't with Jake, that she never would be. That Ryan would be forever getting hurt over Jake's love for Peyton.

Because he did still love her. Though he might stop if he'd know what she was doing.

After what had now been so many years, she longed for release. Jake had left her a year and a half previously, but she still felt like they were one.

Maybe the simple truth was the most heartbreaking: that their love was like so many, perfect in theory, but didn't actually work in practice.

Or maybe their love wasn't love at all?

As they usually tended to do, these thoughts sent her to Christian Braddock's apartment that night.

Peyton, sitting naked on his bed with her knees drawn up to her chest, watched as he re-entered the room.

"I don't normally do things like this," she said abruptly.

"What?"

"This. I'm a good person. I don't normally sleep with my professors. You're only the third guy I've even been with," she said.

"Okay. Usually I go for women closer to my age as well," he said, sitting down next to her.

"I'm never going to love you," she said.

"I know that. I don't expect that. If I thought that was going to happen, I'd never have gotten involved with you," he said.

"That's disgusting. This is disgusting, it's so wrong, it's…" Christian's kiss cut her words off abruptly. She put her arms around him as he angled her underneath him on the bed, and let her eyes slid closed as he began to kiss down her neck.

Ryan looked up from her laptop as she saw Jake drop the phone on the table in frustration.

"What'd it ever do to you?" she asked. He looked up at her and smiled.

"I've been trying to call Peyton. She's never around anymore, do you notice? And she always looks so desperate," he said. Ryan smiled. In her cramming mode, with her hair in braids, she'd never looked so young to him.

"I'm sure she's fine," said Ryan.

"I'm not. I should go over there," he said, grabbing his coat. At once, Ryan sprang up and ran over to grab his arm.

"Don't. It won't solve anything. You need to trust her, if you ever want to…"

"Yeah. But it's hard, not being in her life," said Jake.

"You will be again," promised Ryan, trying harder than she ever had before to keep her emotions out of her face.

Instinctively, Jake reached out and took her in his arms. Ryan's conscious told her to get out. Knowing that just briefly, he was pretending that she was Peyton.

Peyton stared up at the ceiling, exhausted and disgusted with herself. To her left, her lover moved slightly, indicating to her that he was still awake.

"How do you know Ryan Scott?" he asked eventually.

"Through her brother," said Peyton briefly.

"Nathan? How do you know him?"

"Through his wife. Haley and I grew up together. You know Lucas Scott's wife, Brooke? Her cousin is Davis Ryan, and a few summers ago they all came to town. To Tree Hill, where I grew up. Brooke and Haley hooked up with them. Ryan came later, and got close to my ex, Jake. Eventually Brooke and Haley got married to Lucas and Nathan, and Jake moved in with Ryan, so our lives are all interlocked."

"Jake Jagielski? He's with Ryan?"

"Not exactly. I mean, it's supposedly platonic. They're just really… close," said Peyton.

"Like you used to be."

"Yeah. I guess," she said uncomfortably. He watched her as she rose from the bed and began to dress.

"What are you doing here if you're still in love with Jake, Peyton?" asked Christian.

"I'm not," she said, bring forth her constantly practiced, instant denial.

"Then why do you care about his relationship with the beautiful blonde?" asked Christian. Peyton scowled.

"The Scotts have hurt my best friends in ways you could never imagine. I'm not going to let it happen to him," she said. He watched her go, feeling her lie as keenly as she had.