DMC

Today has been a tough one. Whilst wrapping up their latest case Lisbon got a bit heavy handed with their suspect, unnecessarily so, according to Abbott, who was both shocked and appalled. It wasn't terrible. She just pushed him up against a wall slightly too hard when cuffing him because she let her feelings of distaste for him bubble to the surface. It happens occasionally and she hates herself for it every time.

The guy, Everett Chaser, was in the interrogation room a few days earlier and he swore to her that he didn't have anything to do with the deaths of eight school children, aged seven to ten, who became collateral damage when their school bus crossed paths with a gang fight. They opened fire. He opened fire. Some cases are just too sickening to stomach, and this was one of them. It hit them all hard.

So who cares if she was a bit forceful with Chaser? He is one of the gang's leader. He ordered the massacre. Her boss cared though. Gave her a right talking to and she expects there will be a note on her file.

Jane brought her home and ordered takeout for them both before opening a bottle of wine. She drank most of it, probably about three quarters and she hadn't realised until detecting the slight look of worry on her boyfriend's face. They retired to bed soon after and he's spooning her affectionately, hoping to try and make some of the pain go away. They've not spoken for about ten minutes, but they know the other one is awake and they're both too keyed up to even think about sleeping. When she closes her eyes, she sees the eight small body bags at the crime scene whilst he sees the bereaved, some hysterically crying whilst others blank faced, grieving in silence. When he lost his family, he went through both states. "You didn't do anything wrong you know." His concerned tone breaks through the silence.

"I did. I shouldn't have let my emotions affect my work."

"Teresa. You're not a robot. You're human, of course this case affected you." His face nestles into her neck, and he plants a kiss there, feeling her gradually relax in his arms. "It was... awful." He cannot find a better word. There aren't many cases he has been a part of that have been more horrifying and he is relieved that they managed to close it within a week. That way the victims' poor loved ones didn't have to wait long for closure... unlike the decade or so that he had to. "Is there anything you want to talk about?"

Is there anything that she wants to talk about? Yes, there is. But she is also worried that they've only been together a couple of months and although they've known each other for much more than that, it still doesn't feel right to offload so much baggage this early in their relationship. "I don't know." She admits and he frowns, understanding from her voice that there is something but for some reason she isn't completely comfortable about sharing it.

"You can tell me anything. You know that right?" He asks, but before she can answer he follows on with. "Nothing you can possibly say I would judge you for."

"Really?"

"Really. You've heard me say some crazy things when I've been... not myself. And you're still here with me."

That's true, after everything he has done and said, they're here together and there isn't another person she'd rather be with. "Sometimes I worry that I'm more like my father than my mother." Her mother was never physical with people or drank herself into a stupor. She was a good woman, a nurse who cared for others, a church goer who did great things for the community until she was cruelly taken from the world. Her father wasn't a terrible man, not until after his wife died anyway. After that he was almost monstrous. A different man, a changed man. "Back at CBI I used to have a bottle of liquor in my desk. Just in case I needed it." She follows her confession with a sigh before turning in her boyfriend's arms to face him despite the darkness. "But you knew that already, didn't you?"

"I did." He reveals and she isn't at all surprised. Of course he did. This is the man who knows everything that is going on. "I may have not known your father, or your mother for that matter, but I know that grief can make you sick." A horrible yet all-too-common sickness. "I'm not defending what he did to you and your brothers, and what he didn't do, but I know that life can be cruel, and it was to you all." He searches for one of her hands with his and entwines their fingers lovingly. "I also know that you're a wonderful person. Loving, caring, selfless. You put everyone else's needs first above your own, I've seen you do it for years – heck you did it for me so many times. Stuck your neck out for me." There's not much that she wouldn't do for him, and they both know that it is just that most of the time it goes unsaid, as if it is better that way. "You're not like your father." Jane asserts and he senses her shake her head slightly making his heart sink.

Caringly, he kisses her forehead, lingering his lips there and she does relax a little, deeper into the mattress. "Today was a bad day, we all have them." He softly murmurs before adding. "Remember that I once shot and strangled a man and then had to go on the run from the FBI."

"That was a bad day." She agrees and although she tries to make it sound jokey, he can tell that the comment is anything but. That was a bad day for her too. The day she lost her job and her best friend before the start of a very long two years.

"Hm. Yeah." He doesn't know what else to say. They try not to dwell on that day too much, and the many days that followed with them apart. It is too painful to even reflect on it, and they try to have the attitude that they're here now and that's all that matters. "But now we are here. Bad days don't last forever."

Sometimes she wishes they could just lie in bed forever. Together. It is when she is her most calm probably because they can do and say whatever they want without any prying eyes. They like being able to keep their relationship to themselves, for some reason it feels safer that way. It's precious, and this way every moment they have together, alone, seems special and they hope that continues.

Jane knows what they both need right now is to sleep, respite, so that they can face another day of hard graft tomorrow. However, whilst they are speaking so earnestly to one and other, he also thinks that now is the time to get something off his chest that he's been wondering for a while. "Were you ever scared of me?"

Lisbon knits her brow at his question and feels the need to tighten the grip on his hand, to show that whatever he's so troubled about is nothing to worry about. "Scared of you?"

"Yeah. Back before when I was... you know." He doesn't want to say it, but she knows what he means. He means back when he became so frenetic and chaos appeared to follow him around, leading up to Red John's demise.

"Oh." She mumbles, sounding uncertain, causing a moment of anxiety to hit him, but thankfully she is quick to quash it again. "No, I was never scared of you." She says insistently. "I was sometimes scared about what you were going to do but that's because I care about you." Lovingly, she runs her thumb over his knuckles in attempt to try and soothe some of his stress away. "It was difficult when you were frantic and had a do or die attitude, especially when you wouldn't let us in to help."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't." She sighs. "Don't apologise. It happened, what's done is done."

When she turns back over, momentarily he's worried that he has upset her, but her shuffling backwards close to his form shows him that she wants to go back to spooning, and he happily obliges. Having her in his arms feels like a blessing at times, especially since how he was convinced for a time that they would never see each other again – never mind as lovers. "Can we go back to having boring conversations about how animation movies are better than any of type of movie or who would win in a fight, a lion or a bear?" She requests, after they've settled once more.

"I'm not having this argument again." He replies with a huff. "You're so wrong. A bear would win every time."

"Right…" Lisbon drawls, sarcasm evident.

"Lions hunt in packs not alone whereas bears don't need a gang to back them up."

"But a lion is a lion."

"Wow how insightful Agent Lisbon." She playfully slaps his arm wrapped around her waist. "Ow."

"Goodnight Jane."

"Goodnight Teresa."