Disclaimers: Don't own the characters. JRK/Bloomsbury/WB do. The Sparks own the song. Prose and situations are mine though. As silly as they are. Heh.

My Mustache

"Quit that."

"What?"

"Staring. You know it gets really annoying, Pads."

"I can't help it. That thing is freaking me out."

A heavy sigh was heard.

"I told you I didn't have time to shave. I'll do it tomorrow. Besides, its not that bad."
The bedsheets rustled as a body shifted about.

"Promise? Come on Moony, please promise me that you'll shave it off. That thing's just creepy. It's like a caterpillar on your lip. A mangy one at that."

More shifting and rustling of bed-covers was heard and then a muffled thump followed by an equally muffled "oof" was heard in the room.

"Hey! What the hell was that for!"

"For being a fucken prat. Now shut up and let me sleep. I know it looks like something out of a German skin flick, but I'm fucken tired and I want to go to sleep."

"German skin flick? How do you...wait. I don't think I want to know that."

"Shut up. You're the one with the porn collection big enough to warrant its own library and cataloguing system!"

"Oh now that was low! At least I've never willingly opted to look like an extra for the Biker in the Village People!"

"Look Sirius. I'm warning you one more time. You either shut up and go to sleep right now, or help me Merlin I'll kick you out and you will have to sleep with Harry."

"That's not fair! You know he kicks! And what if he like you know...ends up going all Lake Ontario in the middle of the night?"

Another heavy sigh was followed by a loud slap upside the head.

"Sirius Black. If you don't shut up right now. I will be forced to hit you. Hard. Over and over again until you scream like a little girl, just like you did in fourth year. Understood?"

A few minutes of grumbling followed, but stopped when an ominous silence filled the room.

"Fine. Night."

"Night"

Silence.

Glorious silence that continued until it was broken by a quiet voice singing.

"I tried a handlebar design
My Fu Manchu was real fine
My Ronald Colman made 'em blink
My Pancho Villa made 'em think
But when I trimmed 'em real small
My Jewish friends would never call
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache
One hundred hairs make a man..."

"That's it. Get out. Get out and don't talk to me for at least a week. I've had enough of you."

"Awww. Moony! It was only a-hey! You're not serious!"

"And I never will be! Good night!"

There was some whining and scratching after the door was slammed shut, but it remained steadfastly shut. With a sigh of annoyance, a big black dog settled down to sleep in front of the door.

-O-

"Morning Harry."

"Morning Remus--"

A spoon clattered to the ground and there was silence that was broken by a cracked voice singing.

"They call me sir, and that ain't bad
Sometimes they think that I'm my Dad
And women flirt and you can bet
They like that tickle that they get
The only time I feel bad
Is when they guess the lunch I've had
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache
One hundred hairs make a man"

"Harry?"

"Yeah Remus?"

"You're grounded."

End.