A/n Another angsty one. I watched Cackle-Bladder Blood last night and it got me thinking a lot about Jane's relationship with Angela and Charlotte. Going by how he was acting in the episode and the obvious guilt he was displaying it led me to believe that actually he wasn't the world's best father or husband so he probably would have worries about doing it all again. This one-shot links to that.

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Fatherhood

The due date is coming. Every night when they kiss each other goodnight, he lays down smiling that soon he will be holding his son in his arms, marvelling at his cuteness and his wife's incredibleness. With only three weeks to go, there is something else though that is starting to nag at the back of his mind, it hasn't stopped him from smiling or from being excited, but he definitely is more nervous than he was before. Fatherhood will not be new to him; he had the pleasure before but... he wasn't a good father – he doesn't think so anyway.

Lisbon isn't blind, she has detected the slight shift in his mood, and she has spent the past few days trying to figure out what the problem is but now she is tired, and not just because she is thirty-six weeks pregnant and fatigue is her constant state. "You're worried." She states out of the blue once they are in bed together, the dim light from their bedside lamps giving both of their skin tones a warm glow, it almost reminds her of his colouring when he returned to the US from Venezuela. "Tell me why you're worried." She is done playing games, they've done that far too much in their time together and her exhaustion plus wild hormones has her patience wearing even thinner than normal. "And don't lie to me."

Jane wouldn't dream of lying to her, not anymore. He may have made a handsome living from being a conman but that was a long time ago. However, it is that period of his life which is playing on his mind. "You know I love you right?" He softly questions, his voice so delicate that she almost struggles to hear him, but she does, and his query has her heart beating faster.

"Of course I do." She murmurs, her brow dipping in concern that she isn't going to like where this is heading. His sheepishness that follows though gives her the feeling that it isn't going to be so bad, he is probably unnecessarily fretting over something that doesn't need fretting over. "I and our unborn child know that." She adds, hoping to cease his anxiety, her crossed arms carefully resting on the top of her baby bump.

"I-I made mistakes with Angela and Charlotte." He solemnly admits, his eyeline falling to his fingertips which are apprehensively tapping on the sheets. "Apart from the obvious one..." He then finds the courage to turn his attention back to his wife, his blue-eyed gaze almost piercing, and she cannot help but wonder what colour eyes their son will have. She hopes that he has his father's sea blue ones whilst he would love to have a child with her emerald ones. It is a 50/50 chance, and Wylie even has a pool running. "I don't want to make the same mistakes."

Teresa sighs with a lopsided smile, wondering what the hell she is meant to do with her angst-ridden husband. She knows he will never be completely guilt free, it is too deeply embedded within him for that to happen, but she wants him to be as good as he can be. Lovingly she scoops his hands up with her own and laces their fingers together, their wedding rings gleaming in the little light. "The fact that you're worrying about it, tells me that you won't."

"I was never there for either of them." He starts to spiral, his breaths becoming shorter and mouth dries. "I got us out of the carny life, but I didn't completely turn my back on it. The con, the game, the money, just took me over like... a poison." His words are readily become more and more frantic, and Lisbon can see that he has started to fall into a sadly familiar position of paranoia. "I loved my wife and daughter so much, but I don't think I showed it enough." It is not uncommon to have such thoughts when you lose someone who matters. Even she at twelve years old wondered if she told her mother enough that she loved her and on occasions she has had similar thoughts about her father, so she believes she understands some of what is going through her husband's head – although it is definitely a bit chaotic. "Two weeks before..." He sighs, stopping himself from uttering Red John's name but she knows what he was going to say.

Since they moved to Austin, she doesn't think she has heard him say the serial killer's title more than a handful of times, it is like he is truly trying to distance himself from that monster, which she is glad about. "I didn't go to my daughter's first piano recital because a client offered me big bucks to do a reading." He shakes his head at himself, that feeling of disappointment that he is used still not lessening after all this time. "She played twinkle twinkle little star. I heard her practice the night before and I remember thinking how amazing she was. I started to feel bad about my absences, but did I do anything about it? No. Did I tell her how proud I was? No."

Obviously, the last thing she wants to hear a few weeks before motherhood is the things her partner did wrong when he was a father before, but she also knows that he needs to get it out and she needs to try her best to put his mind at ease. "You're older, more mature and have learnt from your mistakes." She also genuinely believes that this is true. She has watched him grow as a person in the time she has known him, it has been beautiful to witness at times and she knows when she is holding her new-born baby with him at her side that he will dote on them both forever and longer. "We are in a very different situation now to what you had with Angela." They have both lived, been through good and bad times but now have each other, a wonderful place to live and a stable future. It wasn't like that for he and Angela at the start. "Maybe you weren't there at times, but you had to work." She attempts to make him feel better and he does start to feel his mood lift as his breathing calms. "And now you don't have to do that. You are going to stay home and look after our son."

"Yeah, that's true." He says but his depleted tone tells her that his anxiety is still very much at large. Lisbon knows that deep down, he is not at all unenthusiastic about becoming a father again, he was over the moon when he found out and that excitement has rarely diminished since their wedding, but his nervousness around the topic because of his past is perfectly understandable.

She doesn't want him to at all feel pessimistic about the experience despite this. "Patrick, it is no secret that I'm nervous about the future. You can read me like a book, and I know you can see it." Jane gives a slight nod in reply, feeling bad that he has somehow turned all the attention on himself when in general he is very good at looking after her. She doesn't mind though. "I'm nervous about childbirth and the first feed and the sleepless nights and potentially returning to work." The potentially has him producing a small smile because six months ago there was no way in hell that she wasn't going to return to work after her maternity leave was up but now, she is starting to think the quiet life could be good for her and for them. He still thinks that she will go back but maybe in a slightly different capacity, a safer capacity.

Lisbon pulls her hands from his and immediately goes to lay them on his face, cupping both of his cheeks and feeling the roughness of his stubble against the smoothness of her palms. "But I am not nervous about us or about how you will be with our child. I know that you will do anything for him and for me." And then she leans in to litter him with kisses, starting at the corner of his mouth and then to any patch of skin which isn't covered by her hands. When she returns to his lips and plants a deeper, more tender kiss there, she senses him smile and she knows that she has relieved him of some of his worries.

She pulls back and they share a smile as her hands leave his face, delicately sweeping downwards until she is holding his own again. "I also know what you and your silly brain are like. You are thinking of worst-case scenarios, the lowlights of your time with Angela and Charlotte but I have no doubt that they both knew how much you loved them." She watches as tears start to pool in her husband's eyes and after a blink one escapes him, trailing down past his nose and towards his jawline, leaving a path as it goes. The sight sets her off also and immediately she is shaking her head. "Damn hormones." She jokes and he releases a breathy chuckle accompanied by a sniffle thanks to his emotional state.

"Come here." He declares before engulfing her in a caring hug. It is not the easiest feat, hugging a heavily pregnant woman, but they have both had enough practice now to know what is best and comfortable. Her face nestles into his neck as one of his hands weaves into her long dark hair, enjoying the silkiness against his fingers.

They remain like this for a few moments, their breathing syncing and genuine smiles resting on their faces. Jane feels much better now he has offloaded his worries and that he has heard her thoughts on the matter, and he is starting to properly believe that he can do this. He can be a father again and a better one than before.