Chapter Ninety-Six: Screaming at the Top of My Lungs

Nathan's face was grave as he slowly pushed Haley out of the hospital in her wheelchair. She hadn't spoken a word to him since he'd picked her up that morning.

Everyone was still at the house when they arrived home. Ryan and Jake were asleep, crowded intimately onto one couch. Brooke was curled up into an armchair. Lucas could be hear upstairs, attempting to calm the four children all at once.

Haley ran upstairs, hoping to avoid them all, their sympathetic eyes, their well intended words.

Haley flinched as Nathan lightly touched her arm, and moved away from him. Quicker than she was, he followed her step and pulled her in to his arms.

"Get out, Nathan," she said, as his arms closed around her. He didn't move, and she began to struggle violently against him.

He didn't let her go. Part of him wanted to let her run, find comfort in her pain, but the larger part of him wouldn't let her. She fought against his strong hold on her until she gave up and melted in to him, sobbing.

"I can't face it, Nathan," she cried.

"We'll face it together. We have Eve. We have Nina," he reminded her.

"But now we'll always know how much more we could have had," she said pathetically.

"We can have it again," he murmured.

"It won't be the same. Nothing's ever going to be, ever again," said Haley tearfully.

Nathan couldn't help but silently agree.

"How is she?"

Nathan glanced downward at the blonde woman. Usually he was impatient with the well wishing visitors, but he was glad to see Deb, who he hadn't spoken to in person in what felt like weeks.

"Tired. Sad."

Deb peeked into their bedroom to see Haley sleeping fitfully among the sheets.

"Understandably. Poor little thing. How are the kids?"

"They miss her. She's been kind of distant," he admitted.

"It's been almost three weeks," she said worriedly.

"I know. I can't take care of them by myself, and eventually I'm going to have to come back to work. I'm at a loss, I can't expect Brooke and Lucas to keep chipping in," he said.

"Of course not. May I make a suggestion?" she asked. Nathan smiled.

"Of course."

"Hire a nanny. That way she can take as much time as she needs, and you know she's been struggling anyway," said Deb, tactfully not mentioning his increased workload.

"I'll talk to her about it," said Nathan eventually, wondering how she'd responded to what she'd inevitably see as an attack.

"Hales?" said Nathan cautiously, walking over to the bed later that evening. She stirred and looked up at him.

"Nathan. What time is it?"

"Almost six. Don't worry. I just have something to ask you."

Haley didn't reply, but Nathan spoke anyway.

"We should hire a nanny. That way you could take this time to get well," he said.

"Yeah. And you wouldn't have to stay with us any longer than necessary. You know, we could just hire someone to go in to work for you. Or someone to stay in bed and do nothing so I could look after them. Or someone to have our kids, because apparently I'm no longer capable of it," she said bitterly.

"Haley, this isn't your fault," he said.

"This is your solution? Hire someone else to raise our kids?" she asked desperately.

"Calm down, she'd just be there to help," said Nathan, stroking her hair.

"This is all wrong. It wasn't supposed to happen this way. We weren't even supposed to be together. We aren't supposed to be together forever, Nathan," she whispered. Nathan willed himself to have patience, to get them over her pain.

When Haley continually refused to improve, Nathan went about hiring a nanny as Eve and Nina became more and more difficult.

He quickly went through ten applicants, convinced that they weren't experienced enough to look after his daughters. He was lucky that there was no shortage of nannies who wanted to look after the rich, prestigious Scotts.

His eyes skimmed the resume of the eleventh applicant, a Helen MacDonald. He was mildly impressed, but expected her to be nothing more than the previous.

Upon seeing her, he realized he'd been expecting a girl who lived up to her name-a redhead most likely, with fair skin and a dusting of freckles. He was surprised when a petite brunette entered. Her dark brown, almost black hair was wavy. She was hispanic and had a heart shaped face, dark almond eyes and olive skin. She was younger than the rest of the applicants and looked to be about Haley's age, or even slightly younger.

"I'm sorry about your wife," she said hesitantly, standing in front of his study desk.

"Thank you, Miss MacDonald. Please, take a seat," he said, gesturing.

"Oh, it's Heli. My Mom's hispanic, my Dad's Scotish," she said, seemingly noticing his surprised eyes.

"Would you like to tell me about yourself, Heli?" he asked, glancing down at her resume again.

"Sure. I was born here, but I went oversees as an au pere for several years. I have three younger siblings and I spent a lot of time babysitting them when I was growing up. I spent a year looking after the children of the US Ambassador to Spain," she said.

"Impressive. Do you have any questions?" he asked.

"How old are Nina and Eve exactly? The ad didn't say," she said nervously.

"Nina's almost a year and Eve is about two and a half. They're nice girls. I don't know how many hours this job would entail, as I expect Haley to get on her feet soon, but she's been needing help for a while."

"I have to ask, why did you decide to hire after going so long without?" asked Heli.

"I think it might be the first time I've been unsure we could handle everything alone," he said eventually.

Heli glanced down at her lap and frowned, certain for an instant that she'd opened up a far too intimate topic.

"So. When can you start?" he asked, dropping her resume on the table and looking her straight in the eye.