When Anakin Loses His Love
(Setting: Obi-wan and Anakin are in a room with a door beside them; Obi-wan has a key)
Obi-wan: Anakin, get in there, now!
Anakin: No! I must save Padme, and you're not stopping me!
Obi-wan: She'll be fine! (throws Anakin in and locks door)
Anakin: Let me out! I must save Padme!
Obi-wan: It's for your own protection! And for your own good!
Anakin: I don't need protection from anyone!
Obi-wan: Protection from yourself. Besides, if I let you out Padme will die! Plus, you'll become ugly!
Anakin: What!
Obi-wan: I have foreseen it, Anakin! (walks away with key)
…………………..
Anakin: I've been in here for 3 years now!
Obi-wan: (unlocks door) You're safe now, Anakin.
Anakin: Padme's dead! I know she is!
Obi-wan: She's alive. But she thought you were dead…so she married another man.
Anakin: (angrily) What! Obi-wan! You knew that I was Alive, Why didn't you tell her?
Obi-wan: Now calm down.
Anakin: (throws hands up in the air) Well who's she married too?
Obi-wan: Uh…uh…(looks around nervously)
Anakin: Obi-wan, how dare you! I ought'a lock you up for 3 years!
Obi-wan: Anakin, NO!
Anakin: Look who's locked up now! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Obi-wan: You'll never find Padme!
Anakin: I know exactly where they are! (Goes to Obi-wan's house and finds Padme)
Mace: Oh! Hey Anakin!
Anakin: (Looks around in confusion) …Hello… Master Windu, what are you doing here?
Mace: I've been here talking to Padme.
Padme: I'm sorry, Master Windu, but I have to get home to my children.
Mace: (sheepishly)… Th-The Children?
Padme: Yes, children. Why?
Mace: (Clears Throat) Well…Ummm…
Anakin: Where are they?
Mace: Oh, they…died. They ran off into the street and got hit by a train!
Padme: And you didn't try to save them!
Anakin: (suspiciously) Wait, there aren't any trains in the street. You're lying.
Mace: Alright, fine, I killed them.
Anakin: (smiles) You're lying.
Mace: No, I really did.
Anakin: (His smile quickly fades) WHAT!
Mace: Because, they're your children, Anakin, and I don't like you anymore.
Padme: Oh, Anakin, I didn't see you there!
Anakin: (Casts a quick glance at Padme, then continues talking to Mace) Why not?
Mace: Because I'm in love with Padme.
Anakin: (disgusted) Why?
Yoda: (Enters the room wearing a stupid smirk on his face) because…Can't you see she's sexy!
Anakin: (still disgusted) Eew!
Mace: I love you, Padme!
Anakin: Eew, you're black!
Mace: What! Are you, racist?
Anakin: Yeah, maybe I am!
Yoda: You're so HOT, Padme!
Padme: Eew, disgusting little, green thing!
Anakin: Umm…Gross.
Mace: Come, Yoda! We shall fight for her!
Anakin: I'll easily beat the both of you!
Yoda: Yes, but you're not fighting!
Anakin: Why not?
Yoda: Because, Anakin, you already had your chance with her!
Anakin: So? She's MINE.
Mace: What about Obi-wan?
Yoda: He had his chance too. We'll leave him where he is.
Luke: Mom! Master Windu kidnapped us!
Padme: (Looks towards Mace Windu) so you lied, you didn't kill them.
Anakin: Why would you do such a thing?
Mace: Because, they're YOU'RE children, Anakin, and I dislike you!
Leia: Mom, who's that? (pointing at Anakin)
Padme: I've honestly never seen him before in my life!
Anakin: (Jaw drops) what? Padme!
Padme: I love Obi-wan.
Leia: (Looks Anakin up and down) He's my real dad!
Luke: No, he's not! Obi-wan's our real dad, you dummy!
Leia: But I don't look a thing like the man! I look like him though!
Yoda: Anakin, I'm ashamed in you! You're expelled!
Anakin: What? Yoda! Why?
Yoda: Because that's your child!...and I'll have a better chance with Padme if you leave.
Padme: Yoda, face it, I love Obi-wan!
Yoda: But I nearly fought for you!
Padme: Well, Obi-wan DID fight for me!
Yoda: Oh.
Obi-wan: Anakin! I'm sorry!
Anakin: Apology not accepted! You turned Padme against me!
Obi-wan: Anakin, I did what I had to! If I hadn't, she would be dead and you would be ugly! You should be down on hand and knee thanking me!
Anakin: What I HATE you, OBI-WAN!
(Yoda places hand over heart and gasps. Padme and children shriek. Mace is appalled)
Obi-wan: (drops head)
Anakin: you ruined my life.
Yoda: Well, she seems to be such a problem! We should throw her out in the desert!
Everyone: YODA!
Padme: I love Obi-wan and that's that!
Obi-wan: Well, I don't love you anymore.
Padme: (runs off crying)
Mace: I am very disappointed in you, Obi-wan! You are expelled!
Obi-wan: You were there when I married her 3 years ago! You didn't expel me then!
Mace: (evil smile) I wanted Anakin to see! I knew he'd love to see!
Anakin: (glares)
Yoda: (Looks at Anakin and Obi-wan) you're both expelled!
Anakin: But I'm not married to her anymore!
Yoda: Alright, then I'm leaving the Jedi Order! I've had it! It's got too many stupid rules that I always have to follow!
Mace: Yoda!
Yoda: I'm just kidding! I'll stay (smiles)
Obi-wan: Well, I'm leaving!
Mace: I'm with you!
Obi-wan: Then I'm staying! The only thing I don't like about the Jedi Order is you! (Point's at Mace)
Mace: I meant I was with Yoda. Why don't you like me?
Obi-wan: You're black!
Mace: So?
Obi-wan: I'm racist too.
Yoda: Are you racist against green-folk?
Anakin and Obi-wan: Yes!
Yoda: Oh.
Mace: You don't have a choice, Obi-wan, you're expelled!
Obi-wan: (walks away)
Yoda: You should see your house, Anakin.
Anakin: (furious) What did you do!
Yoda: Obi-wan vandalized it.
Obi-wan: Aaaaagggghhhh!
Anakin: (casually) I threw him off a cliff.
Mace: Ah.
Anakin: Actually, I threw him onto a marooned island.
Yoda: Fair enough.
Padme: Anakin, you're alive!
Anakin: Don't start.
Padme: What do you mean? Obi-wan told me you were dead!
Anakin: (angrily) I know!
Padme: What's the matter?
Anakin: You just ran off crying after saying you loved Obi-wan!
Padme: No I didn't!
Yoda: (whisper) Coo-coo! Coo-coo!
Anakin: He said he didn't love you, and you ran off crying 'cause of it!
Padme: (slight laugh) That's my decoy, Amidala!
Yoda: Can I have one!
Anakin: Well, I don't love you anymore, Padme!
Padme: (shrugs) Okay. Come on, Luke. (they walk away)
Yoda: Cool! Two Padmes! I want one!
Mace: Neither of them wants you, Yoda.
Yoda: Shut-up!
Leia: What about me?
Yoda: Well, since Anakin no longer loves Padme, I suppose there's no problem with him keeping you.
Anakin: She'll be my little sister!
Yoda: That's stupid Anakin. Just adopt her.
Anakin: Why? She's my daughter.
Yoda: Oh my goodness! She is? I'll have to banish you!
Anakin: (Just gazes at Yoda, his eyes slightly narrowing) what was that?
Yoda: (Clears throat) I'm just kidding Anakin.
Anakin: Good.
Yoda: What about Kenobi?
Mace: He's still married to Amidala. He's gone.
Yoda: Yeah! On a marooned cliff and vandalized island!
Anakin: (laughs evilly)
Mace: Well, I guess we should bring him back, seeing as he didn't steal your wife.
Anakin: (stops laughing) No way! He vandalized my house! Obi-wan's staying right where he is!
Mace: Ha! Ha! Ha!
Yoda: So, Obi-wan's expelled; Padme's got Luke; Anakin's got Leia; me and Mace are fine; but what about Amidala? Well…Let us throw her in the desert! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Mace and Anakin: Yoda!
Yoda: Sorry…What about Obi-wan…?
(Everyone looks at each other with evil smiles on their faces)
Everyone: Boil him! Boil him! BOIL HIM!
Leia: So what next?
Yoda: We shall UN-vandalize the house! Come everyone!
"OKAY THIS IS STUPID!"
The End