Chapter Ninety-Eight: The Journey

Ryan Scott shivered slightly in the summer air as she looked down at the vast lawn spread out in front of her. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves.

Everyone she cared about and then some were there. Haley and Nathan and Brooke and Lucas were close to the front, smiling proudly. Haley was smiling for real for the first time in what felt like months. Jake was beside them, looking stoic.

Her mind flashed to his own graduation, a year previously. They'd continued to live in the same apartment together all year, even with their sporadic kisses, and what had eventually developed in to so much more.

Ryan wondered how she could have let that happen. She'd never planned it. It had been an emotional evening. Somehow they'd managed to continue living as though everything was normal, even though it was painfully obvious to both that it never would be again.

Her gaze flicked to Leigh, sitting beside Jake, with her new boyfriend on the other side of her. Leigh had no problems with having spontaneous sex. She was easy, and unashamed of it.

Ryan wasn't easy. Before Jake, she'd had exactly two sexual partners. One had been during her senior year of high school, when she'd been trying desperately to think of anything but her parent's deaths. The other had been during her junior year, when she'd gotten drunk at a party without Jake. Then of course, there had been Jake. The only time it had really counted, the only time she'd felt anything at all.

Of course, he didn't know she'd felt it. He thought what she led him to believe: that men and women could never just be friends, that sex would always come between them, even when completely detached from love.

Ryan put her arms around Jake before bothering to approach her brothers or their wives. There was no point in pretending they were as important.

After he loosened his arms, he pressed a kiss firmly onto her lips. None of the Scotts even raised their eyebrows. It was entirely platonic. But she didn't mind. He never touched her anymore, platonically or otherwise.

"Good job, Kid," said Nathan, taking her in to his own arms. She smiled as he kissed her hair. Nathan knew her secrets.

Back in the apartment, Ryan prepared to go out for a night in which she'd spent even more time pretending she was happy. It seemed exhausting, and thoroughly not worth it.

"Ryan?" he called. She ignored his voice and shed her shirt, leaving her standing half naked in the room. She covered herself with her hands as tears began to spill from her lids.

Behind her, she heard the door open. Jake took two steps into the room, and she looked over her shoulder at him. They stared at each other. Ryan wondered what Jake could possibly need so urgently that he had to enter her room.

Then she wondered if he merely wanted to see her.

"What?" she asked eventually. She dropped her hands to her sides and turned to face him. His eyes widened at her exposed body, but he didn't turn away.

Jake Jagielski's eyes took in her tall, slender form. She shook out her hair so it covered her more fully.

"We need to talk," he said eventually.

"What, now?" she aked.

"Want to put on a shirt?" he asked.

"I might have had the time to, if you hadn't just barged in like that," she said resenftully.

"Baby..."

"Don't. Get out," she said. He slowly backed out of the room, his eyes fast on his best friend turned lover.

Haley smiled as she began to enter their bedroom. Pausing, she leaned against the doorframe and smiled. Nathan was on their bed playing with Nina, with Eve hanging off his shoulders.

She waited silently by the door until Nathan rose, announcing it was time for their nap. He looked up in surprise and they made contact. Surprising even herself, Haley smiled.

Nathan quickly put down Eve and Nina for their respective naps before hurrying back to the room. He smiled at Haley, now sitting on their bed.

"How are you? You look better. Happy," he said decidedly.

She crawled onto his lap and leaned in to his chest. Nathan began to soothingly rub her back as he inhaled the scent of her hair.

"I think I am," she said.

"I've missed you."

"I've missed life. It was so hard. I hurt so much," she said.

"I did too. You could have told me," he said.

"I never think of that until it's too late," said Haley, laughing softly.

"We're in a bad pattern, Hales. We need to break it."

"I don't think they make books on this one," she joked.

His hold tightened on her. What seemed like every day, he was afraid to lose her, but didn't know how to tell her. Somehow she knew anyway.

"I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. I don't care that you left me, I don't care that you lied. You've made up for it, Nathan Scott. I love you."

Despite everything, Nathan couldn't help but feel relieved. He wasn't sure he forgave himself, but her words were enough. Maybe without the guilt he could finally let himself be happy.

"I never thought our lives would be like this," he said finally. Haley glanced up at him.

"I did. I always knew. I told Ryan on our wedding night, it was always obvious."

"She never told me."

"Well, I should hope not. I hated you, or thought I did. I have something else to tell you," she said.

"What?" he asked, almost nervously.

"I went off the pill. I want another baby," she said softly.

"If you're just doing this to make up for..."

Haley pressed a finger to his lips.

"I'm not. Nathan, it's about time we had a child not made of accidents. It's about time we had a child created purely from us."

Haley looped her arms around his neck and nestled further in to him. His scent was comforting. His love was everything.