Chapter Ninety-Nine: We Become
Author's note: So a while ago I made a blog but lately I just added some stuff to it, like my interpretation of who would play some of the characters in this story. It's kind of neat, I think. So if you want to see it, you can link to it from my author page. And I wrote two chapters this morning, so I think I'm finally getting on track. And next chapter's the actual number one hundred, isn't that exciting?
Jake dozed fitfully on the sofa, attempting to stay awake. Even his dreams were plagued with her, so even sleep was no longer a release.
He awoke instantly as Ryan's feet could be heard by the door. He ran over to her.
"We need to talk," he said, sound more urgent than he'd meant to. She rolled her eyes.
"I'm going to bed, Jake."
He caught her upper arm in a vice like grip. She winced and attempted to pull away from a moment.
"Come on."
He sat her down in front of him on the sofa while he sat on the coffee table. She folded her arms and leaned back.
"What?" she asked eventually.
"Well we could start with the issue of you being a colossal brat," he said in annoyance.
"Be quiet."
"What's bothering you?" he asked, ignoring her.
"You are! We slept together, and you're still treating me like a child. I'm tired of it."
"Ry, you're acting like a child," he said.
"We slept together, Jake," she reminded him. He sighed.
"I know. What does it mean to you?"
Ryan stared at him.
"You're still in love with Peyton. I'm not delusional."
"You're out of school now. Do you want to move out?" he asked.
"No."
"What are you going to do? Get a job? Volunteer, travel? Being an heiress you're not exactly restricted," he said.
"I'm not going to do any of those things," she said eventually.
"Come on, give me something to work with here," he pleaded.
"Fine. I'm not going to get a job because I'm going to have a baby, instead."
Jake was silent for what seemed like an eternity.
"What, you're pregnant?" he asked shakily, trying to remember exactly when they'd had sex together.
"God, don't look so freaky. That was like seven months ago. No, I plan on getting pregnant. I'm going to get sperm and have a baby," she said.
"Ryan, why?"
"Because it's all I want. All I've ever wanted, ever since my Mom and Dad died. I want a family of my own, and I don't want to run the risk that it'll never happen," she said.
"That's crazy. You're twenty-two, you have your whole life ahead of you, and you're gorgeous. There's no chance in hell you won't marry a rich guy and live happily ever after," he said.
"It's what I'm going to do. It's the only thing I've ever looked forward to. I've made up my mind, Jake."
Women. They were crazy, every one of them. She'd get over it. It had to be a fad. Having a baby with a complete stranger wasn't in her.
His consciounce tugged at him. He knew there was another solution. A better one, one he earnestly wanted. He shoved this uncomfortably thought away.
Jake pictured Ryan explaining to Nathan what she was planning on for her future. On some levels, Nathan couldn't complain. Nathan had impregnated his own wife twice before Haley had reached Ryan's current age. But logic didn't often go into Nathan's love for his baby sister.
Another Scott in the world, another passionate, beautiful women such as Ryan had become. Jake didn't know how he knew already that she would be a girl. He just knew.
He paused as he saw a woman and a man push a stroller down the sidewalk. They were drinking coffee and laughing. Jake smiled. People still had lives after they had children. He knew that Nathan and Haley were going to have another baby soon. They seemed all for it.
He didn't know when it happened. When he'd become jealous of Ryan's suitors in a more than big brotherly fashion. When he'd begun to let his eyes linger on her, even when she was in her pajamas. Even when they were on the couch together watching cartoons. When she'd begun to creep into his thoughts at all times. When she'd become everything to him.
Making the decision before he could process it, his feet turned and he ran up to the apartment.
Ryan stalled as she attempted to leave to go to the sperm bank, experimenting with different hair styles, hovering in her bedroom. She didn't want to go without his support. It bothered her more than she liked.
She glanced down to the cluster of framed photographs on the desk. Some were family photographs, but the majority were of her and Jake. Her real family.
She picked up the picture of them at his graduation, and held it to her heart. They'd made out that night. In the picture he was wearing his robe, and she had been wearing a white dress, her long hair tied up. Even then, it hadn't been easy.
It had been easy once. The first years they'd lived togther, after the deaths of Karen and Keith, before the arrival of Haley. It had been perfect for so long, as much as she sometimes now forgot. But then hormones had had to get in the way. They'd finally given in to their natures, and gone farther than they'd meant to.
Ryan flashed to the time, on her old bed. She'd never wanted anything, including her desire of a family of her own family. The thought ashamed her. It consumed her.
She turned her head sharply toward the door as it banged open and running footsteps approached her.
"Jake?" she said in amazement.
"Don't do it. Don't, Ryan. You'll regret it. You don't want to do this alone," he said.
"But..."
"We'll do it. You and me. The three o'clock in the mornings, the screaming, I want it all with you," he promised fervently.
"I don't love you. I don't want to be with you, I told you that," she said, wavering.
"We already are together, Ry. What's ever been better than this?" he asked. She looked into his soft brown eyes, looking sweetly down at her.
"Nothing," she said. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in to her, close to her heart, where he'd always been.
"And nothing ever will be," he said.
"We can do this," she said, half to herself.
Jake kissed the top of her head. They could, and they would.
All he had to do was to stop falling in love with her.