I love you guys :)
Chapter 4: The Sorting
"Welcome students of Hogwarts!" Dumbledore said, " Now we shall retain the tradition of sorting the new students. Due to the schools reputation of destruction and mayhem only a handful of parents have decided to let their kids go this year and we shall sort the three right now."
" Dib... Dib what is your last name?" Prof. McGonagall asked as Dumbledore sat down.
"YES!" Dib said as he ran up the great hall and put on the sorting hat.
"That kid is kind of mental isn't he?" Harry asked Ron.
"Totally mental."
"Hmmmmm... you have a big head." The sorting hat said with a questioning furrow where most people think eyes would be on a hat if... a.. hat had eyes.
"I'll take that as a complement." Dib said now being denied a little enthusiasm from the long life question: Why is Dib's head so big?
Magical Re-enactment.
"Here on Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mysteries only one question has haunted our dreams: Why is this boy's head so big?" The Narrator said as they show Prof. Membrane.
"Well my son is a part of a family line of people with EXTREMELY BIG HEADS, it comes from his mother's side I'm afraid."
"Is your wife not with us today?"
"No she is at the grocery store buying MILK!" Prof. Membrane said as they panned to Gaz.
"Now Gaz do you know why your brother's head is so big?" The Narrator asked.
"Well I heard that Dad was conducting an experiment on how to mix a hot-air balloon and a human being... I would say he got pretty close."
"Gaz, your father seems to have some trouble coping with the absence of your mother. Do you know where she's at?"
"The grocery store. Duh." Gaz said as we return to the sorting hat.
"Hmmm... Alien fighter... You were once sandwich meat?" The hat asked.
"Yep bologna, almost got ate up by a couple of dogs too."
"GRYFFINDOR!" The Hat said and the room began to cheer as he then whispered to Dib, "Mostly for the dogs... they terrify me."
"Hmmmm let me know if I'm pronouncing this right... mm... Gaz." McGonagall said as Dib sat at the table next to Harry.
"Close enough. Do I have to wear that stupid hat thing?" Gaz asked.
"Yes, dear it's the only way to be sorted."
"Can't they just put me in ... Hufflepuff?" Gaz said with a smile that did not become her, gazing deeply at the Hufflepuff table at the empty seat right next too Gaven... I-I mean Cedric.
"I'M A GRYFFINDOR! NOW I"M CERTAIN TO DEFEAT ZIM!" Dib screeched at Harry.
"Well good luck with that." Harry said giving Dib a pat on the arm and turning .
"No, no we must fallow procedure." McGonagall said placing the hat on Gaz.
"You better say Hufflepuff or I will turn you into..."
"GRYFFINDOR!" The hat said being cheered once again by the masses. "Sorry kid your father sent me this letter."
Dear Sorting Hat
Please put my daughter into the same house as her brother. She must make sure that he doesn't bring that giant wildebeest back from the dead. IT WAS HORRIBLE! Plus she will learn much needed people skills.
Prof. Membrane
P.S. I've enclosed a nuclear powered space heater to keep you warm in that cold, cold, cold castle.
"But I don't want people skills." Gaz said building with rage.
" I needed the space heater... I'm a hat I don't have very good circulation."
"Whatever." Gaz said as she walked down and sat with her brother.
"Congratulations Gaz!" Dib said offering a high five.
"Do you have to talk?"
"All right... Woodruff Hoover." McGonagall said as a blonde little boy came up to the hat.
"That's ME! But most people call me WUUUUUUHOOOOOOOO!" WuHo said as he put on the hat.
"For one year why can't we just get some normal students?" McGonagall asked quietly to Dumbledore who responded by lifting his shoulders questioningly.
"RAVENCLAW!"
"WUUUUUUUUUUHOOOOOOOOOOO!"
"Now that we got that taken care of... I have an important announcement, but first lets have a warm welcome for two schools visiting from a far." Dumbledore said as Madame Maxime and her girls (now including Zim and Gir dressed in the blue dress uniforms of Beauxbatons.)
"ZIM!" Dib said as he pointed at Zim who was now throwing his legs in an attempt to dance as the other Baeuxbatons' greeted the students in an almost musical manor.
"My name is not Zim, it's ZIMA LA DA LA LOOM!" Zim said as he touched his hair (which was the same length as it always is) femininely, "Oh and this is Gir La Gir."
"Hi there!" Gir said holding out the cat.
"Crookshanks!" Hermione yelled.
"No... his name is Moofy."
"Give me my cat!"
"But I love Moofy."
"Crookshanks!"
"MOOFY!"
"CROOKSHANKS!"
"MOOOFFFYYYYY!"
"CRRROOOOKKKKSHANKSS!"
"Oh look lint!" Gir said as bent over to look at the lint allowing Crookshanks to go to it's right full owner with a purr.
"MOOFY! I'll always remember you Moofy! Oh look a peanut!" Gir said as the Baeuxbatons sat at the table.
"Blimey, that's one big woman." Seamus Finnigan said referring to Madame Maxime who had a few feet even over Hagrid who was quiet the behemoth.
Gir gigled, "Blimey."
"He's an ALIEN!" Dib said... obviously.
"I am not an alien! I am a normal earth worm magical thing... visiting the lovely Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry."
"Awwww I'm so proud!" Gir said with true admiration.
Then the students Durmstrang came they had these cool sticky things and did back flips it was all very magical!
"Now the students of Baeuxbatons and Durmstrang are here for a special event. Hogwarts has been selected to host the world renowned Tri-Wizard tournament. Now due to the fact that it's entirely dangerous and many students will die, we are only allowing students over the age of 17 to participate in this joyous occasion. The winner will win this." Dumbldore said revealing the Tri-Wizard cup.
"EWWWW! WIZZZZZ!..." Gir said gawking at the cup.
"Eternal glory awaits the winner of the tournament."
"Gir did you hear that eternal glory."
Magical Re-Enactment
"Zim after winning the Tri-Wizard cup I have seen the errors of my filthy Earth ways as the representative of all of planet Earth I give you this the deed to the Earth!" Dib said handing a piece of paper to Zim who is also holding the Tri-Wizard cup."
"I AM RULER OF ALL HUMANS! Oh I AM GLAD!" Zim said as he started to laugh.
"Were all doomed!" Gir said as Dumbledore continued.
"Now for those who wish to enter put your name on a piece of paper and put it into the goblet of fire which will be guarded by him." Dumbledore said as he pointed to Mad Eye Moody.
"EWWWW! His eye is spinning like a turkey!" Gir said as he twirled on the seat.
"All right he...she... that! Is mental!" Harry again turning to Ron.
"Yeah! He's way mental."
" This year we have two exciting new teachers. Alastor Moody will be the new defense against the dark arts teacher, and Ms. Bitters is the new defense against sheer stupidity teacher." Dumbledore said as Ms. Bitters appeared with a slither next to Prof. Snape.
"It's a pleasure my lady." Snape said admiring the woman's serpentine demeanor.
"The pleasure is all yours." Ms. Bitters said turning towards the students.
" Ms. Bitters is a witch?" Dib said questionably.
"I thought you've always known." Gaz said.
"You know everything don't you?"
"Pretty much." Gaz said.
"I think we will get along swimmingly." Hermione said turning towards Gaz.
"This Mad-Eye-Moody... he controls this fiery cupy thingy which will choose the competitors of this Tri-Wizard Tournament..." Zim said as Gir interrupted.
"Are you almost finished!"
"THEN, OH THEN..."
"Come on!"
"All right! He controls the tournament and then the winner rules the world!"
"Finally."
"So we must pay a visit to this Moody."