Disclaimer: I do not own the song title by Bubba Sparx or The Killers.
"Janus, get a date?" said Gallows. "Do you think anyone will date him like this?"
"Why is everyone talking about Janus?" snapped Jet. "I get all the girls!"
Looks out monitor suspiciously
"We weren't talking about you Jet," said Virginia. "Let's go to Do not try to go to the actual website because I don't think it exists, and even if it does, you just wasted a moment of your life.
"Damn Gallows, you got a slow internet service," said Virginia.
"Check my computer," said Jet. "It's faster."
Nobody paid attention to him.
"Hello, no it can't be!" Jet got on his knees. "Notice meh! Notice meeeeeeeeeeh!"
(To the people reading, please give Jet attention. He needs some from yooooou!)
"Quiet Jet, we're trying to find Janus a date," said Virginia, typing away.
Gallows's sad internet finally made it.
"Letme do it!" said Gallows, typing in a description.
Name:
Janearth
Surname:
Cascade
Nickname:
Janus
Sex:
Yes please!
Race:
Alien
Languages spoken:
Language of the dead! O.O
Age:
153
Occupation:
Killer Clown/Gothic
Personality:
I just became Gothic. I have a bad sense of humor. I run around in a clown costume and slaughter helpless children with a chainsaw. Please date me.
Hobbies: Banging ur mom. XD
"Gallows, gimme that!" said Virginia.
Gallows click the send button.
0 replies.
"Gallows!"
"What, I thought it would be funny?"
1583 flaming replies
They read the first one.
MsNewBooty:
If you're going to make a fake profile, make it at least convincing. I don't see how this can be funny. That's what's wrong with guys these days! They never are the sensitive type. Go ahead and play with your stupid games.
Guys like you never seem to GROW UP! With that, you'll never find a date!
"At least have one good reply!" said Gallows.
1 reply
Everyone was surprised, but they read it.
HomicidalManiacGirl666:
Do you think I'm really a girl? I want to peel your skin off and keep you to myself. Expect some emails. Goodbye!
They store wide-eyed.
"Let's make another account," said Gallows.
"Yeah, that will keep our skin safe," said Jet.
"So that's why I can never get a date," said Gallows.
"Let me try," said Virginia.
Name:
Janearth
Surname:
Cascade
Nickname:
Janus
Sex:
Male
Race:
Caucasian
Languages spoken:
English
Age:
23
Occupation:
Drifter
Personality:
I'm a sensitive, tender guy who's very emotional. I'll take care of whoever dates me and protect them with my life. I'm also a real romantic and don't mind chick flicks.
Hobbies:
Dinners in the moonlight, long walks on the beach.
"You got a nasty taste in guys," said Gallows.
"Shut up."
1,890,567 replies and growing.
"See Gallows, you know how many girls would kill for a guy like that?" said Virginia.
They read the first reply.
DisasterGirloftheWasteland:
You're going to be my date whether you like it or not!
Hi! My real name is Shamila and I'm 21. I don't know how many guys there are like you. Wanna go out tonight? I know a hot restaurant we can go to and have that dinner in the moonlight.
"This is our chance!" said Virginia.
Mr. Brightside:
Sure.
DisasterGirloftheWasteland:
Like okay. Here's where it's at.
Lotus Capital Restaurant
Claiborne
I've already reserved us a seat on the balcony. I didn't read your name because I want it to be a surprise when I get there. Meet you there cutie.
xxx
"Come on Janus, you got a dinner date to go to," said Virginia.
They had to drag him there.
"Okay, Janus, just wait here." said Ginny. The sat him down on the balcony chair.
"This Shamila girl will be here any second," said Virginia. A blond woman in a silver sequin dress came forward. She was wearing a mask just like the masquerade.
"I'm here my darling," she sat down in the chair and took off the mask.
"OMFG, Janus!"
Virginia looked at his date.
"Maya!"
Maya tightly gripped her mask. "There is no way I'm dating a guy like him! Especially looking like that!"
Janus sat with his head on the table. "Likewise you whore."
"I'm leaving," said Maya.
"Sure thing, Shamila," laughed Gallows.
"Todd, get the car!" said Maya. "We're leaving."
"Yes milady."
"Well, that was a flop," said Virginia. "I don't get it. What in this world will make him happy!"