Catra makes her way back to their sleeping quarters after their awkward teachings about alphas and omegas. She can't help but sink her claws into the metal railing as she walks, dragging her claws through the malleable iron. She suddenly retracts them. The last time Shadow Weaver found my marks all over the halls she kept me in her magical vice grip for ages, she thinks. A slight panic begins to rise in her chest. She grunts, frustrated at how brainwashed she is from the old hag, and takes off on all fours.
She finally makes it back to the barracks. The tip of Catra's tail whips left and right unconsciously as she stares down at her feet. She shakes her head to try and keep that awful excuse of a woman out of her mind as she goes to her bunk… their bunk.
She looks down at the metal frame and thin mat and remembers what had happened just the other day. Shadow Weaver took Adora away. She doesn't understand why she reacted the way she did when the witch escorted Adora to the transport bus. It was like something came over her and took over her body. A need to save Adora and keep her close.
Ugh! I don't get it, she thinks. Her eyes shift back and forth as she contemplates, visualizing ripping through the armor of each of the soldiers that tried to stop her. It was like she would scratch them all to pieces just to keep her safe. She can feel this… need building back up inside of her.
She lays in the bed that she used to share with her best friend. Adora's gone. Her Adora. This sense of possessiveness comes over her as her brow tenses. Then, another wave of confusion. She brushes it off simply that they grew up together and of course she would be upset about Shadow Weaver taking her best friend away. She doesn't have too many of those after all.
She grunts to herself then sighs, flopping her back onto the bunk. I hate feelings. I hate thinking about how Adora makes me feel. It's so confusing and nerve wracking. Anger rises in her chest and this new inexplainable feeling was driving her mad. There isn't anything I can do… is there?
She huffs and turns her head to the side, noticing the rudimentary drawings they sketched into the metal frame of their shared bunk. She looks at it longingly. She's never felt so distant from her before. So separated. It's like she's missing one of the most important parts of her life. She starts to miss how they shared this bunk. Catra would curl at the bottom, and even though they didn't touch she still felt connected and close to her.
But, now… she'll be sleeping by herself. Would she ever see Adora again? She struggles to let herself feel it. The realization of her loss hurts so much. She hates how much it's affecting her, but can anyone blame her?
She could let herself cry… this time. She could be angry about it later.
Small hot tears stream down her cheeks. She tries to keep them at bay, but it's useless. They freely flow now onto Adora's old pillow, but she makes sure to wipe her snot on her arm. She can still smell Adora on her old pillow. She would've thought she'd taken it with her, but was surprised to see it still here. She inhales what she can and fills her sinuses with Adora's scent. It smells amazing and comforting and strong. The scent soothes her just enough to help her drift off to sleep.
The next morning Kyle is positioned in the corner of the locker room biting his lip as he cautiously eyes Catra. He starts to walk over to her and contemplates a comforting hand before he realizes the gesture is way more intimate than they have ever interacted before. "Hey" he voices softly as he sits next to her on the bench.
"What do you want, Kyle?" Catra's voice is low, but still carries her usual bite towards the end.
"How you holding up?" He says it with trepidation.
Her eyes are on her feet as she thinks about the question. "Fine." She scoffs and stands to her feet. She immediately shakes off her outward emotional slip and pulls up her walls once more. "Let get this over with already, shall we? Before I die from Kyle's feelings." Catra walks off not having fooled anyone, even herself.
The rest of them roll their eyes and follow her lead out the door and head to the training arena.
Catra is completely zoning out from whatever the instructor is saying. They've been doing this for ages, she's probably memorized most of their simulation scenarios. The princesses have invaded another town and are holding a group of Horde soldiers hostage; or, princesses have a stronghold facility close by, infiltrate and destroy. Make sure you take them all out, she thinks in her head, even using the same dumb voice of their instructor.
She looks around as if to meet a knowing grin, but she doesn't find it. The familiarity of the situation causes a pain to burn through her. There's something off about it all. Like some piece is missing. She eyes the corner of the room as the instructor continues to drone on. She can only think about one thing. One person. One alpha.
A pang of painful wanting enters her chest. She has shared her whole life with Adora, and to even go through the same dull day-to-day tasks without her is like driving a stake through her chest. She clenches her fists as the dull ache spreads through her body. She grits her teeth as she tries not to succumb to this rising fury and grief. She can't let those feelings escape like she did last night. No one will see her pain.
She hears the final few words triggering the start of their mission in the simulator, and her body, set on autopilot, walks inside of the simulation. Her jaw clenches again and she feels a desperate need for an outlet. Her anger is rising at the feelings filling her chest. Loss. Grief. Longing. Need. The absence of her best friend is clear and in the forefront of her mind. She feels like it's about to consume her. That's when she tries to focus. She tries to think of one singular thing that brings it all together. Something, or someone, to take out all this crap just building and tearing her apart.
She sees red.
Not just red, but black flowing shadows and a mask that could give any rebellion princess nightmares. She focuses on the one thing that's given her life so much hell. The one being that she can blame for all of this. She sees Shadow Weaver and light a hot rage takes over like instinct.
The simulator flickers as it kicks on and each member is on high alert.
"Okay guys," Lonnie starts. "Let's stay together and keep moving." She, Rogelio and Kyle have their backs to one another as they scope out their surroundings, but Catra is rogue. She can't focus on tactic, or drills. She needs to sink her claws into something.
A bot appears out of nowhere brandishing a hologram of a princess. It falls and leaps towards the group. They all prepare for impact when Catra leaps in front of it out nowhere. She slashes her powerful claws through the machine as if she had a personal vendetta against it. It flickers and sputters out, motionless.
Catra is panting from the rush and release she felt from tearing into that machine. Her senses kick in and she hears movement from the rear. She turns and runs narrowly dodging lasers that will knock her out of the sim. She launches herself behind a boulder and waits just a fraction as the bot shoots it away. She rises and pounces almost in one fluid motion. Her claws already on full display are reared back only to thrash through the metal once more. It makes a creaking noise as goes lifeless.
All Catra can see is red. She sees Shadow Weaver's stupid face and wants to rip it off. The next bot dodges her attack, and she sees Shadow Weaver retreating behind a tree. She follows it as if in a feral state. It was like she was blinded by her own need for Adora. She hated this woman. "How dare you take her from me." She grabs ahold of the bot and slashes her claws again and again. She continues slicing through the hollow bot causing the metal to slice her open palms. The simulation is terminated, but it's as though she can't be retrieved from her state of rage, her need to get Adora back.
Suddenly, brave, strong arms wrap around the exhausted cat. She's heaving for air as she's pulled from her false reality. Rogelio is the one who braves the razor sharp claws and lifts her off of the decimated machine. She can hardly breathe. She can't help the angry tears that fall.
They bring her back to the locker room so she can cool down. Rogelio places her on the cool floor and she just crumples down onto it. Lonnie, Kyle and Rogelio sit there with her as she catches her breath. They don't say a word. Kyle tries to reach out and comfort her, but Rogelio quickly puts a hand on his arm, halting him from any further movements.
Catra's breaths are less frantic now and is finding a slower rhythm. She sits up and leans against the wall of lockers. She cautiously looks over to the three in the room. None of them are staring at her. They're just here. Trying not to make a big deal of it. She wants to run and never look back, but she is exhausted and they already saw how weak she was.
Lonnie stands up. "I'm going to breakfast." She turns to leave the locker room and the other two start to follow. "Catra you want us to grab you anything?" She doesn't look at her. She doesn't make notice of anything amiss. She just extends an olive branch. Something Catra could either grab onto or shove away.
Catra wipes the salty tears and snot from her face and does her best to regain control of the situation. She chuckles, "why, so you can spit in it or something?" Her eyes shifting left and right hoping that the fragility of the situation isn't because of her vulnerability.
Lonnie turns her head to look at Catra slowly rising from the floor. "I didn't hear any complaints the last time I got you the breakfast special." She pretends to spit right into her palm.
Catra gags in vague horror. "Yeah, screw that. I'll just get it myself." She walks towards them and leaves the room in front of everyone else. She would never say it out loud, but is grateful for Lonnie's understanding.
They were exiting the chow hall when Shadow Weaver appeared in front of them. They all gasp from the surprise and Catra's fists clench so tightly she almost draws blood.
"Cadets," the old hag greets them, "there's been a mission planned for a raid in Theimore. I would like to offer you all the opportunity to prove yourselves to me, and Lord Hordak." Her presence looms over them as if to intimidate them. "Try not to embarrass me or yourselves. If you screw up, I'll know, and you'll be lucky to have latrine duty for a month."
The cadets celebrate shortly with a few grunts of excitement. All except Catra. She continues to glare at the older woman and starts to turn to walk away with the others.
"Catra," Shadow Weaver's voice halts her as if she's using her magic instead. She turns and faces the older woman. "I heard there was a… disturbance today in the simulation trainer." She floats closer to the girl. "You know, maybe I should pull you from this mission. You may not be as… prepared, or levelheaded enough."
The cat girl clenches her jaw and prepares to refute the old witch.
Shadow Weaver lifts her hand to halt her and continues, "then again, maybe you could be quite useful. It was quite the display. Besides, there will be a team of alphas joining the convoy tomorrow. Perhaps they can keep you in line long enough not to screw up the mission."
Catra's whole body feels like it lost all its' blood as the words hit her ears. Her eyes show a moment of shock and it was enough for the old hag to notice.
Shadow Weaver hums lightly as she takes note of the change in demeanor and thinks of how she could use this situation to her advantage. "Run along, Catra." She says it in such a condescending tone that she's surprised it wasn't enough to elicit a response form the younger girl.
As Shadow Weaver slinks off into the darkness of the halls, Catra remains in place. She feels like her brain is going a mile a minute. Does this mean… I could see Adora? Her breath catches and she tries to get a grip on herself. She's only been gone for like a day.
She turns and slinks off after her friends. She wonders for a moment if she could skip this afternoons training, but she doesn't want to risk losing her spot for the mission. There is a chance she could see Adora. It's a small one, but still. Adora is a fast learner, they might take her out for her first mission. Images of a strong, fierce, blonde girl taking out bots in the simulator drift through her mind. The need to see her best friend is still there in the pit of her stomach. Thankfully, it dulled since her outburst in training, but she can't even begin to understand where all of this is coming from.
She walks in the back of the group as they make their way back to training. She thinks about how crazy she's felt lately. There's so much she doesn't fully understand about herself yet. She hasn't been told if she's a beta or omega. She is pretty sure she isn't an alpha, but then where are all of these raging emotions coming from? She's learned that omegas and alphas can be pretty touchy, especially if the people they care about are in trouble. Adora isn't in trouble, she doesn't think, but then why can't she shake this feeling? Why can't I just let it go? Why is she all I keep thinking about?
A thought comes to her mind from the training they just had, omegas have heats that drive them crazy, but I don't think I've had one of those. Her eyes dart left and right as she tries to figure it out. UGH! She groans internally, because she is so tired of having to think about all of this so much. Maybe she just needs to punch something again, that definitely helped before. She continues down the hall after the other three and thinks about how she might see Adora on this mission.