Chapter One-Hundred Seven: Aimlessly Wandering

Nathan sighed as he wandered into the dark kitchen, surprised by how much he was missing the usual activity of his home. He paused in front of the refrigerator and admired the most recent additions: apparently Haley and the girls had been finger painting.

His hand passed by the small stack of plastic dishes belonging to his daughters while he reached for a glass. Some days it was hard to believe that he was about to be the father of three. That Haley James, of all people, had actually carried his children. He smiled at the front cover of US Weekly, which had been torn off the magazine and stuck onto the fridge along with the various art projects. Haley had pretended to hate the picture of her and Brooke, on their way home from a shopping trip, a glaring headline announcing their respective conditions. But he could tell that she took a secret thrill from it.

Nathan walked eagerly to the door as he heard a knock, hoping it was someone he wanted to see and not a solicitor or the paparazzi.

"Luke," he said, opening the door further and inviting his brother in when he saw him on the stoop.

"Hey Nate. Brooke kicked me out, can I crash here for a while?" asked Lucas, walking in.

"Sure. What happened?"

"I offended her by putting away the dishes wrong, I think. It's hard to tell when she really gets in to it," explained Lucas. Nathan smiled.

"Pregnant women. Got to love them."

"She's lucky I do. Where's Haley?"

"Oh, she took the girls to Tree Hill," said Nathan.

"And you weren't invited? That's harsh, man."

"You know I thought I'd enjoy the silence for once," said Nathan.

"Really? To be honest I think it's kind of disturbing," he replied.

Nathan looked around the empty hall.

"Yeah. Me too."

Nathan changed the channel again and again as he and Lucas lounged around in front of the TV, exhausted by the basketball game they'd played and the steaks they'd made for dinner. He paused, amused, as he passed a channel featuring an older man holding a slimy, wet fish proudly.

"Remember when Dad used to take us fishing? I don't think I ever caught one," said Lucas, laughing. Nathan looked at him for a second, startled.

"Keith did. Yeah. Not..." Nathan trailed off, and Lucas remember with surprise the father he'd never known.

Lucas frowned. It had always been like this. Since Nathan had been a small child, he'd refused to let in his stepfather. He did it still through his memory.

"Keith. Always Keith. Why couldn't you have called him Dad?" asked Lucas. Nathan's thoughts drifted to the man he'd referred to as his father.

"Calling him my father wouldn't have represented love, or honour, or pride. It would have been mean, Luke. It would have been calling him the name of the one person in my life I've ever truly hated."

Lucas was silent, watching the informercial they'd flipped to.

"Do you think he would have seen it as that?" asked Lucas quietly. Nathan sighed.

"No. But he knew."

For a moment, Lucas pondered his brother's words and tried to reconcile himself with them. Then he shook his head.

"No. Man, that's not how it is and you know it. I know, I've thought about it a lot. Every day for months, before Devon was born. I wondered if he'd see as my father, or rever Mouth as the guy who never got the chance to let him down. His mother's first love. His mother's true love. You were scared to let Keith in, and you didn't trust Mom's judgement. I know you, Nathan. Don't pull this shit."

"You are Devon's father," said Nathan, sounding slightly annoyed.

"Yeah. But when he was inside Brooke, when we were first married, I definitely wasn't. And if Haley had a kid from someone else-"

"Haley's never been with anyone else," said Nathan gruffly.

"I know that, it's not even about that. But if she did, would you want it to call you Dad? Or ignore you? A child from the woman you loved, a child you'd feel a bond with from the day of its birth, and you'd be okay with it treating you like crap because it's real father was an asshole?"

"I don't blame Mom. I forgave her a long time ago," said Nathan softly.

"I know. She knew that, too. She knew you loved Keith. But she always wished we could have been a family."

For a moment, Nathan didn't bother to argue this. It was true. If it had been a "real" family, the two of them wouldn't have left at eighteen to live by themselves. They wouldn't have abandoned their parents, their sisters and the company that provided them the money for their extravagent lifestyles.

"I think that's why we both married young. I think we needed to make amends," said Nathan.

"I think I got married young because Brooke is the love of my life," said Lucas reproachfully.

"Yeah. You go home, do your thing," said Nathan, smiling a slightly cynical smile. Lucas nodded and left, leaving behind the brother who so rarely let him in.

"Brooke?" called out Lucas experimentally, hoping she was back to her normal, albeit not very high, level of sanity.

"Lucas! Where the hell were you? Leave me all alone with two children under five why don't you!" she said angrily, as he came in the door.

"Brooke, you kicked me out. You told me to leave," he reminded her.

"Have you learned nothing, Lucas Scott? Where did you go?" she asked.

"Nathan's. We talked. It was nice." He tilted her chin upward and brushed a kiss on her lips.

"What was that for?" she asked suspiciously.

"Nothing. Everything. I'm glad I have a family with you," he said, looking intently into her hazel eyes, hoping she knew how much he loved her, how much he wanted everything to be all right between them. "Pretty girl."

Brooke smiled happily at him for a moment before abruptly bursting in to tears. He rolled his eyes before gathering in his arms. Sometimes, pregnant women were a bit much for him to handle.