Chapter 3: Gone In 60 Seconds
Charles Charles was not wrong when he told Ned that his daughter preferred cake to pie. She had always liked the squidgy sponginess of the former more than the crisp crust of the latter. So when Lily and Vivian offered a choice between leftover lemon meringue and fresh Black Forest Gateau, it took all of two seconds to make her mind up. And although there were no mood enhancers in this particular pastry, Chuck felt lighter and brighter as she ate it. This, she decided, was the natural high that came from love. If only she could bottle the overflow for those in need...
Just then the doorbell rang, interrupting her shiny happy thoughts. Chuck stood, holding a hand up to her mother and aunt.
"Don't worry, it's just Olive. I'll be right back."
With that she bounced out of the room, into the foyer and opened the door to a man best described as the exact opposite of Olive Snook.
"Emerson," said Chuck, smiling in surprise.
"Mm-hm," the PI harrumphed humourlessly, holding a photograph up to her face. "Is this who I think it is?"
Chuck grimaced at the person he was pointing to. "Dwight."
"And this?"
Here her eyes widened as she took it from him. "That...that's my Dad! And...Ned's?"
"Thought so." Cod gestured for her to join him on the porch and she obliged, closing the door quietly. "Somebody gave this to me last night. No note, no money, no case apparently. Unless there's something we don't know about Dwight and yo daddies."
"There's a lot we don't know: what their relationship was like, why the watches were so important, how they all came to be in Egypt. I mean this is Egypt, isn't it? Dad told me so many stories about it..."
"Well, he obviously gave you the abridged version," said Emerson, plucking the picture from her fingertips and putting it in its envelope. "Because there is somethin' a lot deeper and darker goin' on here. 'Fortunately' for us, we have access to at least one Musketeer."
"...are you suggesting-?"
"Not suggesting, Undead Girl, sayin'. We dig up Dixon tonight. Now where the hell is Loverboy?"
She shrugged and hugged herself, shivering over more than just the watery chill in the air. "Last time I spoke to him he was at the Pie Hole with Olive."
"Not anymore he ain't. I went there lookin' for y'all and Randy tells me you're here while they're workin' a case."
"...huh?"
"My thoughts exactly. By the way, when the hell did you decide to come clean about-?"
The door swung open suddenly, derailing his train of thought. "Chuck?" Vivian called, her voice at a panicked pitch.
"Hey. I'm okay. It's just-"
"Cod," Lily grunted. "You have got a lot of explaining to do..."
The PI sighed and took off his hat, pressing it to his chest politely as he followed them into the house...
XXX
"Olive, please let me in."
"...never."
"...you have my dog."
"Well, I don't have your trust. Or your loyalty. I think I deserve Digby at least."
The Pie Maker sighed, deciding to change tack. "If you keep him then I have to keep this gift I got y-"
He had barely finished his sentence before the door cracked ajar. Olive eyed him through the gap and grunted, "Gift?"
Ned bit back a smile. "Open sesame."
After a terse pause, the waitress relented. "What is it?"
He held out the flowers at arm's length and Olive wrinkled her nose. "Original."
"Well, they...they were dead. I brought them back for you and wrapped them in paper to protect them. Now they'll live forever."
"...oh," she mumbled, taking them from him. "Oh, wow. Oh...wait. What d'ya mean live forever?"
"Um..." Ned shoved his hands in his pockets. "Did I mention that the things I resurrect probably won't die a natural death as long as I don't touch them again?"
"...so you're telling me that Chuck and Digby are immortal?"
"...seems that way, yeah."
"..."
"Ol-?"
"Okay," she said simply. "I'm just gonna act like I can accept that. And someday I will."
Ned nodded, not expecting her to be able to deal with everything as it came. Emerson had seen him bring people back and Chuck had been one of those people. All Olive got was plant life...
"Thank you," she said, holding up the breed of buttercup. "This is the nicest thing a guy has ever done for me."
Ned blushed. "I...have an unfair advantage." She laughed a little and he almost forgot why he was there. "Olive, don't quit, okay? Now more than ever I need you here."
"Why, so I can do all the grunt work? Mind the Pie Hole with Randy while the cool kids go off on adventures?"
"No. I don't mean for errands. But now that you mention it, Chuck did ask if you could take a few things-"
"Ugh!" she groaned, starting to close the door.
He put a hand out to stop it. "What if I offered you a raise? And a bigger role on the team. That means full disclosure. You will know everything that we know."
"...everything?"
"Everything."
Olive narrowed her eyes at the flowers, as if scrutinizing a contract, before looking at up at Ned. Much to his relief, a sly honey-slow smile began to spread across her face.
"Oh, boy. Emerson will love this..."
XXX
Charlotte Charles and Emerson Cod arrived at the Pie Hole to find it empty...except for one Randy Mann. He stood by the counter, picking at a piece of pie, and did not seem to notice them until they called his name.
"Oh. Hi, guys. Ned and Olive are upstairs. I figured I should stick around and look after any customers, but now you're here so..."
Emerson had left long before Randy finished speaking, but Chuck lingered to thank the timid taxidermist. He looked deflated...defeated and she felt inexplicably sad as she watched him leave.
When she reached the landing of their apartment, Ned, Olive and the PI were there, deep in discussion.
"Hey! Where you been?"
The Pie Maker turned to her, smiling wide. "I told Olive. I told her everything. And Emerson is acting all...Emerson about it, but it was the right thing to do. I mean with Lily and Vivian in the loop it just didn't seem fair keep her out. Don't you think?"
"I do think. I mean...I agree. Yay, Olive!" she cheered, hugging the blonde bundle that she considered her best friend. Olive waved away her apologies for the secrecy and all seemed to be well...but Chuck could not help feeling as if some barrier had broken down. A boundary that had surrounded her relationship with Ned, keeping it safe...
"All right, all right," Emerson grunted. "Itty Bitty gets to play, too. And she's just in time for our next game. We're goin' grave-diggin'."
"What?" Ned croaked.
"Somebody gave Emerson a picture of Dwight and our dads. We need to ask him what happened between the three of them."
The Pie Maker suppressed a shudder, recalling their last field trip all too clearly. Unearthing more secrets pertaining to their fathers seemed like a bad idea. And Itty Bitty...her first day on the job should have included a curmudgeonly but cooperative coroner in a well-lit morgue. Not a cunning and criminal corpse in a pitch black cemetery. "Olive-"
"Can be the lookout."
"No way, Cod!"
"Way. I am the captain of this team and I am benching you."
"Well, Ned is co-captain," she countered. "Or at least the MVP. And he should get a say, too."
The Pie Maker cringed, not wanting to disappoint her. But for the sake of her safety (and sanity) he decided to side with Emerson.
"Sorry, Olive. I promise you can come and interview the next corpse, okay?"
No. Not okay. But as the day darkened and the clouds thickened, Olive seemed much happier about staying in the car. Around midnight, the inquisitive quartet climbed into the Lincoln Continental and Emerson assured them that it would not, could not rain tonight, of all nights.
By the time they reached the 'From Here to Forever' memorial cemetery it was not raining. It was pouring. "Hey, Olive?" said Chuck, as what sounded like rocks pelted the roof. "I can totally be the lookout if you want."
"No thanks," she smiled sweetly. "I just got my hair done. But you can have the umbrella."
Emerson, up way past his bedtime, was in no mood for banter. He ordered Olive to sit in the front seat, with the car off (that included radio), while Ned got shovels out of the trunk.
"And if you see anybody, you come get us. Got it?"
"Sir, yes sir!" she said, saluting grandly.
The PI rolled his eyes, taking a shovel from the Pie Maker as Chuck took an umbrella and flashlight from Olive. Thus armed, they made their way to the soggy spot where Dwight Dixon had been buried...
Digging down was laborious, tedious work and sweat mingled with rain while mud mounted around their feet. Finally, they came to the coffin. Chuck pried the top open and moved to the head of the grave as Ned and Emerson climbed in. Dwight lay the way they had left him, not yet decomposed...
"He doesn't look very peaceful," Chuck remarked, sounding suspicious.
"Let's just do this," Emerson muttered, grateful for the hat that hid his anxious eyes.
"All right," Ned exhaled, setting his watch for sixty seconds...
A touch to the forehead and Dwight's eyes snapped open.
"What the hell...?"
"We're asking the questions here," Chuck asserted. "What is with the watches, Dwight?"
Slowly, contemplatively, he took in his surroundings. "Is this...am I...did I die?"
"You heard the lady," Emerson snapped. "We ask, you answer. What went down in Egypt?"
Dixon sat up, glaring at the girl before fixing his gaze on the other two men. "And why exactly should I help you? What's in it for me?"
"An act of redemption before you shuffle off this mortal coil forever?" the Pie Maker suggested.
He snorted. "Sorry. Not interested. Unless you keep me alive."
"Sorry, not interested," said the PI. "60 seconds is all you get."
"35, as of now."
"And then what, you re-kill me?"
"Come on, Dwight, please!" Chuck exclaimed. "What happened with you and my Dad?"
The conman tilted his head back, looked into her eyes and sighed. "...all right," he relented. "All right. I'll..."
It happened so fast that they felt it more than they saw it. A boot connecting with Ned's face, a fist connecting with Emerson's. Dwight grabbed and dragged a struggling Chuck into the coffin, where she narrowly avoided the Pie Maker. Amid the chaos he clambered out and began to run in the direction of their car...
"Oh my god," Ned choked as blood dripped from his nose and his watch ticked towards 60 seconds. "Olive!"
A/N: Dun dun duuuun! To be continued...
Okay now, sidebar: the rules surrounding Ned's 'gift' kind of confuse me. In 'Pie-Lette' he said that whoever died after the sixty second mark was decided by "random proximity." But Emerson was right outside the door when Chuck came back ("Bitch, I was in proximity!"- haha). So how come the funeral director died when he was further away, in the bathroom?
Is the idea really that someone of 'equal value' dies, like Chuck's Dad for Ned's Mum? And if that is case, only someone as bad as Dwight could be exchanged for him? More on that in the next chapter...
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