Training with Jounin
Chapter 2: Jounin Jailbreak Part 1
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Iruka awoke to the sound of an alarm he didn't remember setting. Without having had his morning coffee, the chuunin lay confused for a moment, before opening his eyes and seeing the invitation pinned to the ceiling above him.
'Kakashi,' his mind supplied. It was the twenty-fifth, the third day. Iruka switched off his alarm and stumbled around his apartment, trying to find clothes that he wouldn't mind training in, but wouldn't be embarrassing to wear in front of the most elite ninja in the village. Too many of his shirts had been 'decorated' with finger paint, courtesy of his artistic little students; too many of his pairs of pants were worn on the side of the pants legs, where the shyer children would tug when they had a question.
He finally settled a drab green shirt and equally dull grey pants. Easy to hide in, easy to wash, and he wouldn't feel bad if they got ruined. But then he remembered the stakes and the secret jounin admirer. Not that he was interested or anything…but he decided that if someone was going to go out on a limb and specially invite him, he could make a little effort to look good. He changed into a black shirt and black pants, which weren't impractical for training, and made him look a little less like a tree.
He was too nervous to eat breakfast, so he tied on his hitai-ate and headed out of his home. The sun had already finished rising, but he decided that it was his responsibility to make sure that Kakashi had, in fact, gotten a substitute to take over for his class. So instead of heading over to the forbidden area ('and my doom' Iruka thought, accompanied by some ominous mental theme music), he hopped roofs to the academy, and peered in the window to his classroom.
Iruka watched as Shikamaru entered, yawning and rubbing his eyes, threw down the folder that Iruka had left his emergency lesson plans in on the desk, and plop down in Iruka's chair.
"This is so troublesome." He said with another yawn. "It's too early to be up and learning!" (A/n Amen to that!) Iruka giggled at his former student's predictability, and turned to leave.
As he tore his gaze from the window, he was startled to find another chuunin, Izumo, standing beside him.
"Hokage wants to see you." Was all he said.
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If the jounin are all certifiably crazy, then those ranked even higher are certainly in need of institutionalization. There are only three legendary Sannin, ninja given rank even higher than jounin, and all three of them make jounin look like model citizens. Orochimaru, of course, was a body-snatching, child molesting, traitorous snake bastard. Jiraiya was a perverted hermit who neglected his responsibilities and spied on women bathing (made redeemable, some in the village would argue, by his overall willingness to share his experiences in novel form). And Tsunade… Tsunade was a scary, scary woman. Especially when she smiled. Like she was at Iruka, when he arrived at her office.
"Good morning, Iruka-kun." Iruka shuddered at the evil smirk on her ageless face. 'Is this how my students feel? Note to self: never grin like that at them. They have enough emotional scarring without me adding to it.'
"Good morning, Hokage-sama. Is there something you need from me?" 'Please don't need anything! I'm late as it is!'
"I was just wondering why it is that you've put in for a substitute for the next two days, Iruka-kun. Are you not feeling well? It's my job as Hokage to watch out for the people of this village." She was feigning ignorance, but that smile told Iruka she knew exactly why he wasn't going to be at the academy.
"I'm going to be training, Hokage-sama."
"Oh? Is that so? What sort of training? I need to know, as Hokage. It's important that I can properly assess your skills so I know how to place you for missions." Missions. Riiiight.
"I'm to compete in the Jounin version of Jailbreak, Tsunade-sama" He told her, because he knew he wouldn't be allowed to leave until he confirmed it. Tsunade's eyes glowed. "And, speaking of which, I should be going now. I'm late as it is."
"You're not late. It doesn't start until noon. Sit down."
"But, the invitation said to meet at sunrise. I really should be going."
'They just put that so the lazy jounin with a reputation for being late," she paused for a cough that sounded suspiciously like 'Kakashi', " can show up on time without creating a stir. Trust me, you don't need to be there until a little before noon. Now, you're going to have breakfast with me and we're going to talk."
Now that Iruka knew he had a few hours before his doom, his appetite returned. He accepted Tsunade's offer, not that he'd had a choice, and left with his stomach full and his head whizzing from Tsunade's interrogation: What do you think of the jounin? Is there a particular one you're hoping to catch or get caught by? Are you excited? Is this your first time playing? All of these questions, she insisted, were quite vital for her to know, being Hokage and all. Never mind that she had the same look in her eyes that her white haired former teammate did when he was doing his 'research'. But, then again, that could have also been from the sake that she drank for breakfast.
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When Iruka arrived at the opening to the forbidden area at eleven-thirty, he found about a dozen jounin lounging about and chatting lazily amongst themselves. He stayed on the outer fray while he mentally identified them and tried to place them with their partner. Asuma and Kurenai would be together, undoubtedly, although they hadn't 'officially' declared their feelings for one another. He matched three more pairs of jounin that he didn't know well, but had seen in the company of the one they were talking to. But there were a few that threw him in a loop. Who did Ebisu plan to hook up with, or Ibiki, or Anko? And why was Roan-san, who sometimes worked in the mission room with him, here, when he had a sweet civilian girlfriend who worked at the book shop? The suspected infidelity of one of his respected colleges shook him more that the possibility of being pursued by scary jounin whom he hadn't paired together in his mind, so much so that he jumped when the jounin Roan smiled and waved him over.
"Iruka-sensei, I'm glad you've come! Some of us here" (he gave a sharp look to Ebisu and Asuma) "thought that you weren't going to show up." The two jounin in question groaned and pulled out their wallets. Each gave Roan ten dollars. Iruka didn't respond.
"Is there something the matter, Iruka? Are you nervous?" Roan asked, not comprehending the reason for Iruka's standoffishness.
"Nothing's wrong. I just wasn't aware that you weren't seeing Hazumi-chan anymore." Iruka told him, hoping that he wasn't.
"What? What are you talking about? Hazumi and I are still dating. Oh! On, Iruka-kun, you're mistaken! I wouldn't dream of hurting my Hazumi-chan like that! She didn't want me to have to miss out on the game and the training, so she and Ayame-chan got together and made an agreement that Ayame-chan's boyfriend, Ran, and I will compete. If my team wins, I'll win Hazumi and Ayame-chan will win Ran, and vice versa if Ran's team wins." Roan explained, hands gesturing wildly.
"Oh, I'm sorry I doubted you, Roan-san." Iruka said, embarrassed at his mistake.
"It's fine. It's good to know that you speak up when you think someone is in the wrong."
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Three more ninja arrived while Iruka and Roan were talking. One was Roan's companion, Ran, who waved at them and began stretching and warming up. The other arrivals were Genma and Raido, both looking rumpled and extremely satisfied. Nobody wanted to ask them why they were almost late.
Iruka decided to talk with Kurenai next. She had always come across as being nice, and Iruka wanted some questions answered, preferably without being laughed at in his face.
"Good-"It wasn't really morning anymore, but not yet afternoon. How do you greet people in those few confusing in between moments right before and during noon? "Good day, Kurenai-sensei" he finally settled on.
"Good day, Iruka-sensei. Fine weather we're having, isn't it?" Kurenai answered.
"Yes, it's wonderful. I need to ask you some questions." Kurenai nodded, signaling him to continue.
"Do you have any idea who Anko-san, Ibiki-san, and Ebisu-san are going to be paired with?" 'Please not me!' he begged.
"I'm not sure. Why does it matter to you?" Kurenai asked, looking a little startled at his question.
"Because I'm not sure who sent me the invitation, and I'm trying to figure out the possible culprits."
"But Kakashi gave you the invitation." Kurenai stated.
"Yes, but I'm sure he was delivering it for someone else."
"Why would you think that?"
"Because Kakashi-sensei is never that straightforward. When he wants to meet you at three o'clock on the bridge, he tells you to be somewhere else at noon, and expects you to understand. He's always going on about what's 'underneath the underneath'. The very fact that he gave me the invitation means that it's not him that wants me to come. Besides, he could have anyone in the village. Why would he choose me?"
"Anyone in the village, huh? You'd be surprised." Kurenai gave him an unreadable look, and began walking away from the entrance to the forbidden area. "I'll be back in a moment."
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Kurenai walked until she got beyond the sight and hearing range of those gathered at the gate. Then she whispered "Kakashi! Come down here. I know you're out there!"
Kakashi hopped down from a tree, not looking up from his little orange book. 'Still on volume 6,' Kurenai noted.
"We've got an emergency situation, Kakashi!" Even though the silver-haired jounin remained lethargic, she must have grabbed his attention, because he glanced up from his novel.
"Yo! What's the problem?"
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At exactly 11:59, the last of the ninja arrived. Kakashi and Kurenai walked in together, which earned the former an angry glare from Asuma. Two jounin and one chuunin that Iruka knew only by name sauntered in. But it was the final shinobi to enter that caught Iruka's attention. What made this shinobi noteworthy wasn't just the fact that Iruka didn't recognize him (and the chuunin sensei prided himself on at least knowing the faces of all the nin in Konoha, courtesy of the hours he spent in the mission room); this certain shinobi's appearance was just… bizarre. He was dressed in all green, but not the practical, camouflage shade that Iruka had contemplated. It was a vibrant, bright, 'I'm a target' green that had no chance of blending in with the drab surroundings in the forbidden area. His shirt and pants were tight fitting, showing a muscular figure underneath and not leaving much to the imagination as to his endowments. When he smiled, the sun glinted and blinded the jounin and chuunin onlookers. If Kakashi hadn't assured Iruka that Gai-sensei would not be attending, he would have thought that this jounin was Konoha's Beautiful Blue Beast in disguise…
"Now that everyone's here, let's go over the rules and get started." The ever practical Ibiki said. "We aren't going to be fighting to injure. Weapons are allowed as tools and as defense against the dangers in the forest.
"If a member of the hiding team is found by the seeking team, he or she is allowed to fight if he or she wishes, but must go to the seeker's jail if bested. No one is allowed to leave the jail unless a non-captive member of the team is able to sneak in undetected. Be that the case, all those in the jail are freed, and they are given a grace period of two minutes to escape before the seeking team is allowed to pursue.
"If the hiding team wishes, they can try to overpower and capture a member of the seeking team, to either keep out of the game, or to use in negotiations for the release of prisoners of their own team, should they find themselves unable to sneak in. "
The rules droned on until even Iruka, who as a teacher was trained to listen to hours of the most boring instruction, began to zone out. Eventually, the final rule was introduced.
"The game will end at sunset, unless the entire hiding team is caught before that time or the seeking team is rendered incapable of continuing. If even one member of the hiding team remains free, the hiding team will be victorious. If the hiding team is captured, the seeking team wins. The prize for the victors is-" Iruka cut Ibiki off, afraid to have him explain, in his detached and detailed manner, exactly what the winners would be winning.
"Is there going to be a break at all, Ibiki-san? Noon to sunset seems like a long way to go without any time to eat or go to the bathroom." One of the scars teaching had left him with was to never plan an event without scheduled bathroom and snack breaks; otherwise, every single little child in his care would have to pee or be ready to faint from hunger at the most inopportune time humanly possible.
"Of course not. This is endurance training."
"Iruka-kun has a point though, Ibiki. I don't want to have people trying to capture me while I'm going to the bathroom." Kurenai pointed out. The female jounin nodded their agreement.
"But, on the battle field-" Ibiki protested.
"This doesn't need to be that realistic. We'll schedule one half-hour break for eating and peeing." Anko told the crowd.
"And sex!" Genma chimed in.
"If you feel the need to." Anko deadpanned. "The teams will have to be on their honor to return to the exact place they were before after the break. We'll give the hiding team a minute before the seeking team goes. Any more questions? No, great, let's hear the teams!" Anko said, leaving no time for questions.
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Iruka's team, the hiding team, consisted of: himself, Asuma, Genma, Ibiki, Ran, the mystery Gai-like ninja, and four jounin that he didn't know all that well. They were given a moment to strategize as a team, but before Ibiki could launch into one of his complex battle plans, no doubt involving trickery, psychological warfare, and three types of interrogation, Genma decided to simplify things by just telling them to "Run like Hell." That said, they separated and disappeared into the forest.
Iruka could feel the flares of chakra from his team mates, not doubt from high level concealment jutsu. Iruka sighed, wishing that the other chuunin had been assigned to his team. Jounin were always so dramatic. They never entered a room through the door when they could use a window, or better yet a jutsu, they always used the flashiest moves they could, and they concealed themselves with chakra, rather than with good, old fashioned camouflage.
'Oh well, let them drain themselves using jutsu and then using more jutsu to conceal their chakra so the others can't track it. If I don't use chakra to hide, they won't be able to track me as easily, and I'll have more left for when I need it.' The rules made it so that the fate if Iruka's team mates didn't affect the fate of Iruka. As long as he stayed free, his team would win. And not winning wasn't an option, especially when it might give Anko, Ebisu, or another scary jounin free reign over him.
His resolve renewed, Iruka found a pond, scraped up some mud from the bottom, and began smearing it on his hitai-ate. One of the easiest ways to draw a jounin's attention is with shiny things (they are like raccoons in that respect), so Iruka was going to make damn well sure that his wasn't going to be glinting and giving away his position. Then he began caking mud onto the black shirt and pants he had so painstakingly chosen (berating himself on the vain choice all the while). With his clothes smelling like mud, Kakashi couldn't use his summer-human sense of smell to track him, and now that they were stained brown, the seeking team wouldn't be looking for the right thing.
When Iruka had played hide-and-seek as a child, he had often won by showing up in a brightly colored jacket, or wearing a noticeable hat or other article of clothing, and then shedding it (or passing it off to a non-player, which worked even better) when the seeker closed his eyes. That way, the child looking for Iruka would automatically look for that item, while Iruka slunk around in unremarkable clothing.
Convinced that he had changed his appearance enough, Iruka left the pond behind and found a nice pile of leaves to bury himself in. Once again, he used no chakra, and he didn't make the mistake of staying close enough to the surface to be able to see ('or be seen' he told himself). He stretched out his senses like he had done while tracking Mizuki, allowing himself to become attuned with all the movements of the forest. And then, he waited.
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Hours passed. Bugs crawled into his mud soaked clothing. He was itchy, tired, cold and wet. But he was patient. It was so easy to get caught by getting restless and moving. 'Movement draws the eye' he taught his classes. 'The most important thing is to stay still.' Iruka began reviewing the basic concealment lessons he taught, to pass the time.
He was halfway through 'How to Hide in Desert Terrain' when he felt movement larger than the normal squirrels and birds he had been feeling. He sharpened his focus on the disruption. It had two distinct shapes: A Raido-shape and a Kakashi-shape.
"Who's left to find?" Iruka hear Kakashi ask. It was hard to hear over the sound of a heart beating. Iruka wondered who was so flustered, before he realized the heart he heard was his own. 'I'm most definitely NOT excited to see Kakashi.' He told himself. 'It's just nerves, having the enemy so close.' He fought the urge to reinforce his cover with chakra. Instead, he kept listening.
"Only Genma, Iruka, and the 'mystery' nin." Raido replied. Iruka could feel the sarcasm in his voice as he said the last name. "I can get Genma easy. He's been almost four hours without any form of sex. He'll break any second now."
"And the other two?"
"Most of the group is going after 'the mystery' right now. They've decided to leave Iruka up to you and Kurenai for now, because you two know him the best."
"Ah. They haven't been able to find any traces of him yet? Have they gotten soft?"
"Hey! You haven't found anything, either. 'Oh, his scent ends at this pond' boo-hoo!" Raido snapped at him. 'The sex deprivation must be getting to him too' Iruka thought. He might have been one of the more naïve ninja of the village, but everyone knew how horny Genma and Raido were. Many speculated that there wasn't a hard surface in Konoha that they hadn't christened at one point or another.
Kakashi obviously noticed Raido's short temper and changed the subject. "Ten bucks says you can't catch Genma before the break."
"That gives me a whole hour. You're on!" With that, Raido hopped away through the trees. Iruka followed his movements as much as he could without abandoning his watch on Kakashi. The strange flutter of motions that followed him meant that he was either stirring up a lot of leaves, which ninja are trained not to do, or he was shedding clothing as he went along…
Iruka turned his attention back to Kakashi and had to drown out the sound of his heart to listen once more. It was strange, being able to 'watch' him without his knowledge, to be able to look his fill without hindrance. Kakashi wasn't so bad, when he wasn't embarrassing Iruka or reading porn. He felt so peaceful, standing there silently.
"Maybe I should use Raido's strategy and run around half naked until he pounces." Kakashi proclaimed in a loud voice. So that had been clothing. Iruka mentally congratulated himself on having correctly identified those motions.
"Hmmm… I thought that would have gotten at least a snort." Kakashi mumbled to himself. "But I know he's got to be around here somewhere."
Then Kakashi pulled a most ingenious move. He whipped out the porn. He didn't bury his face in it and read it silently, though. He kept it far enough away from himself that he could monitor the forest for movement, and he began to read out loud.
Very enthusiastically.
Great. Now Iruka was itchy, tired, wet, and very, very flustered.
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An hour, two sex scenes, and eighteen horrible puns later, the whistle signaling the jounin to return to the meeting place rang out. As soon as Kakashi was out of sight, Iruka broke his cover and headed back to the pond. He scrubbed the mud off of his clothes and hitai-ate, and then stripped and stepped into the cold water of the pond. Now that he wasn't so itchy, smelly, and flustered, he summoned a cat to run back to the meeting place and tell the others that he'd be along in a few minutes. He relaxed in the water for a few minutes, stretching out the muscles that hadn't moved for hours and letting the stress ('not arousal', he firmly told that annoying voice in the back of his head) drain away.
He relaxed until he heard a twig snap, and turned around to find a beet-red Kakashi frozen in mid-step. The jounin tried to speak, but failed. He tried gesturing, but that didn't work either. The two ninja were left staring at each other, one naked and half emerged in a near-freezing cold pond, the other blushing with a suspicious dark spot staining his black cloth mask under his nose.
"Have you got a nose bleed, Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka asked, wondering how that could be so amusing at a time like this. If only he could tell Naruto, who had been trying to get Kakashi-sensei to fall for his sexy-no-jutsu for moths now.
"Yes. From walking…I mean, a tree. I ran into a tree, when I was walking. I was, um… looking for you, to see if you wanted to eat dinner…with me. And then I ran into a tree and you're naked-" Kakashi rambled.
"Kakashi, turn around for a minute." Iruka ordered. Kakashi turned away mechanically, and Iruka slipped into his wet clothing. He used a mixture of a wind jutsu and a fire jutsu to dry himself off, before coughing to signify that Kakashi could turn back around.
"Sure, I'd love to eat dinner with you, Kakashi." He said with a smile.
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Blehhhhh. So tired now. This took so long, and I didn't even get through the break yet, like I was planning to do. I might have to break up Jailbreak into three parts, not two, if it keeps coming out so long. Anyways, I'll try to get the next chapter up soon. Just…don't threaten my life if I don't, because it scares me.