Hello everybody! Thank you for your lovely reviews. And just to clear it up, last chapter when Kakashi left and Iruka took his bath, Kakashi wandered back because he wanted to spend some time with Iruka (not that he was worried or anything, because he hadn't checked back in. Jounin never worry. Worrying is a chuunin thing!). Well, with that being said, on with the show!
Training with Jounin
Chapter 3-Jounin Jailbreak Part 2
--------------
Rather that a peaceful, restive meal, Iruka and Kakashi wandered into the meeting place to find a chaotic brawl insuring. They hadn't been expecting much, though. This was a jounin event, which means things are never going to be quiet.
The disruption could be pinned on three main groups. The first was Anko, who was ordering anyone and everyone to leave the forbidden area, find her favorite kind of dumplings on a stick, and bring them back to her. This wasn't much of a problem, until no one seemed willing to comply, and the kunai started flying.
Rivaling Anko in loudness but causing a little less panic was Genma and Raido, who were arguing. Kakashi was unperturbed, and interrupted their lover's spat to collect his ten dollars. Raido, from what Iruka gathered, was angry that Genma had eluded him for the last hour ("You honesty thought I would give myself up when I knew we were breaking in an hour? Anyone can hold off for an hour! Do you really think I'm that horny?" "Yes, because I know you!"), while the other was sucking his senbon suggestively and trying to seduce Raido into going into the woods and working off a little of that excess tension.
But the loudest disturbance in the clearing they were gathered in was the 'mystery' ninja. He was sobbing profusely and proclaiming that he couldn't live with the shame. He should be disowned from his Noble Family, he shouldn't be allowed the Privilege of training his Beloved Students, he would do a thousand one finger push-ups to redeem himself!
"Gai-sensei didn't sign up for this, right?" Iruka asked Kakashi in a whisper. He suddenly felt very fortunate that 'mystery nin' was on his team; it meant that he wasn't the one who invited Iruka.
"He didn't register." Kakashi replied sagely, flipping through Icha Icha vol 6.
"Does he have a brother, then, or a cousin?"
"Dunno. Want to go get food?" Iruka was puzzled by the stark change of subjects, but figured that jounin weren't known for their conversational skills.
"Sure, why not?"
So while Anko stopped her moving target practice, the entire hiding team consoled 'mystery nin' with "it's okay, we got caught, too"s, and Genma and Raido continued to argue and not have sex (Genma was near tears by this time, and Raido wasn't far behind), Kakashi and Iruka retreated into the village to retrieve dumplings and rice balls.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
"I can honesty say your book is trashy now, Kakashi-sensei." Iruka said, as they walked through the village laden with boxes of food.
"So you were there. I knew it! And how can you not like Icha Icha?"
"Because it's poorly written trash."
"Do you think you could write a better sex scene, Iruka-sensei?" Kakashi challenged.
"I think I could. Wouldn't be hard." He mumbled in reply.
"No you couldn't. You're too innocent and teacher-ly."
"I could too! You think that just because I teach and I don't read porn in front of children that I'm a prude! I'm not as innocent as everyone thinks." Iruka said mysteriously.
"Oh?" was all Kakashi said. He was starting to look at the other people passing by, obviously bored with the conversation.
"You know that time when someone snuck into Tsunade-sama's bedroom and replaced her cloths with old lady dresses and bonnets, and all the mirrors in the Hokage mansion with those carnival mirrors that make you look all squashed and wrinkly?"
"Yes. She was so angry, she punched through three walls, and decreed that whoever was responsible would be exiled from Konoha for life." Iruka just smiled. Kakashi stared for a moment.
"That was YOU?"
"Yup. And that's not all I've done." Iruka began highlighting the greatest triumphs of his pranking career, from replacing Genma's senbon with one made out of sugar (it dissolved in his mouth, and he was convinced for three days that he had acidic spit) to the Grand Pervert Caper, when he had started a rumor about a hole in the wall of the women's bath house, only for the perverts of Konoha to discover that that day was Senior Citizen Cross-dressers Day (Iruka refrained from asking if Kakashi had been one of his victims for that one).
"That's pretty impressive, Iruka, and most unexpected. Not my style, though. I prefer a more subtle approach." Kakashi began to explain the elaborate tricks he played on the good citizens of Konoha. Each plan was elaborately drawn out, so that each move Kakashi made caused a reaction that caused a reaction that would produce the desired effect. When he wanted revenge on Asuma, for example, instead of doing something directly to him, he would tell Team Seven that Asuma was really a wizen old man who henged himself to look like a young jounin. Sakura would, of course, gossip about it to Ino, who would recruit her team to stalk Asuma and throw sharp objects at him to try to break the jutsu. Asuma would be made miserable, and the blame couldn't be traced back to Kakashi.
By the time they had finished swapping prank stories, the two shinobi were back at the clearing, where they were ambushed by eighteen hungry ninja. Kakashi and Iruka took their food and made their way away from the group and toward blessed, quiet privacy.
Iruka was willing to admit, grudgingly, that he was starting to warm up to Kakashi. He was smart, funny, and str…Oh my God! Was he taking his mask off? Iruka's brain went into overload. Kakashi's face…Kakashi's face…it was beautiful! So pale it was almost frail looking, with strong cheekbones and lips that were curved in a delicate smile. Part of his brain was drooling, part was composing impromptu haiku comparing the face to a lotus blossom, and part was mentally stabbing a voodoo doll of whomever Kakashi had chosen for his partner, for being so evil as to take him away.
The lips parted, and began moving. 'He speaks! O, speak again, bright angel!' the haiku part of his mind stopped to quote.
"Aren't you going to eat, Iruka? We've only got a few minutes left." Iruka blushed.
"Of course. I was just surprised that you-" he gestured at his face.
"Well, can't eat with it on, right? Does it both you?" Kakashi asked, still chewing a rice ball.
"No, not at all. I just thought that you might be worried that I'd blackmail you, now that I've seen the face of the ever elusive Copy-ninja."
"I doubt that. After all, I know about you pranking the Hokage. If anyone should be worried, it should be you."
Kakashi and Iruka bantered back and forth and ate during the final minutes of the break.
"I guess I'll see you in a few hours.' Iruka said, as he got ready to return to his hiding place.
"Or a few minutes. I know you were within earshot when I was reading." Kakashi smugly replied.
"I was, but who's to say I will be by the time you get there, hmm?" Iruka shot off into the woods.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
The plan had definitely changed. Iruka couldn't afford to just hide out any more. He made his way back to his pile of leaves with startling speed. Everyone on his team was in jail, except for Genma. As far as he could tell, the jounin hadn't swayed Raido into putting out, so he would break at any moment. He reached the leaf pile, jumped on it, and then hopped back into the trees and away with rapidly. He wouldn't be able to just keep hiding, not with nine jounin and a chuunin (who was the real threat; she's know his common sense, text-book moves, and how to counter them) looking solely for him. Iruka dove into a pond once again to hide his scent, and then climbed straight up a tree. 'I'll have to risk a jailbreak,' he thought. 'Now would be the best time, before they have time to organize themselves.'
Iruka looked below him and found what he was looking for. There was an open patch filled with flowers (most likely flesh-eating or poisonous, considering they were growing in the forbidden area, but Iruka didn't have time to be picky). He jumped into them, not touching any branches on the way down, propelling himself with chakra to make the distance. He'd have to drop the flower scent as soon as his team mates were free, but hopefully it would throw off the seekers for the few moments he needed. The chakra he'd used would lure the jounin like a pack of wolverines (although Iruka wasn't sure if wolverines were pack animals, he was sure that if they did, they'd be like the jounin), so he formed a few clones and sent them running in different directions.
The seeking team's jail was hidden, but Iruka managed to find it with little difficulty. After all, it isn't an easy task to cover one's tracks when one is dragging a jounin through the woods, and a group of eight captive shinobi is virtually impossible to silence. As the chuunin drew near to the jail, he heard Ibiki, Ran, and Asuma mournfully singing a round of "Nobody Knows the Trouble I've Seen", while 'mystery nin' counted out one fingered push-ups and the other jounin proclaimed loudly that they were offended that they were left with only one guard, and if this were reality, they would have escaped hours ago.
The chuunin sensei smirked. One guard would be easy enough to deal with. Iruka called one of the clones he had sent through the forest to the edge of the guard (Ebisu)'s line of vision. The clone Iruka didn't let himself be seen, but allowed his hitai-ate to flash for a moment, before running off again. Ebisu craned his neck to get a closer look, then took a few tentative steps, inwardly debating whether or not to abandon his post to capture the slippery sensei. At last he must have decided it was worth the risks, because he transported himself into the woods with a pop.
Iruka broke from his hiding place and bounded into the jail. The jounin cheered enthusiastically until Iruka shushed them like naughty school-children.
"Let's go." He mouthed at them. They nodded, and each shot off in a different direction. 'Mystery Nin' remained, still only on the fifty-eighth push-up.
"Go ahead, Noble Iruka! I will escape as soon as my Task is complete!" He proclaimed amidst a blinding smile. Iruka decided it was one of those moments where the only thing to do is smile, nod, and back away slowly.
He was about to double back to the pond, to drench his scent away once more, when he noticed Asuma, lingering in the shadow near the jail. He quickly transported himself to the jounin, who had lit up a cigarette and was leaning against a tree.
"Why aren't you hiding, Asuma?" Iruka asked, wishing he didn't sound so much like he was asking the class outcast why he wasn't playing during recess. He couldn't help it though; despite his tough-guy stance, Asuma looked disturbingly forlorn.
"We can't win this game, Iruka." He said.
"Of course we can. I freed everyone. The odds are on our side now."
"No. We can't win. We can, but we can't." Iruka stared for a moment. Would it be too much to ask for ONE sane jounin, he thought.
"I'm afraid I don't quite follow."
"I like Kurenai. I want to be with her. If I win, I could sleep with her, but it'd be like I was forcing her to. I need her to make the first move, so I know she feels the same way. That's why she's got to win."
Iruka shook his head. Between 'mystery nin' and Asuma, his life was beginning to look like an episode of the ninja soap opera, As the Kunai Flies. As he was turning his head, he caught a glimpse of movement from behind. The bark of a tree was beginning to swirl around like liquid.
"So you'd be willing to throw the game for her?" He asked slyly.
"Of course. I'd do anything for Kurenai." Asuma replied, not knowing that the object of his affections was emerging from the liquid tree right behind him, until two pale arms wrapped around his shoulders.
"Anything?" She asked, in a slow, seductive voice. "Then I'd like you and Iruka-kun to come with me."
But as she said Iruka's name, she heard a popping sound. The clone that Iruka had left in his place as Kurenai was genjutsuing out of her tree had disappeared. She sighed. 'One prisoner wasn't bad,' she thought, 'especially one this cute.' She tied chakra threads around Asuma's wrists.
"Follow me." She told him. She gave the strings a tug, and began walking ahead of him, hip swaying back and forth. Asuma followed quickly, leaving plenty of slack in the thread. Kurenai really needn't have bothered; with the way that she was walking, she couldn't have stopped Asuma from following if she tried.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
When Kurenai showed up, Iruka knew it was time to leave, and not only to allow Asuma and Kurenai to work out their feelings; if she was back at the jail, the other jounin would soon be as well. He wasn't going to have time for the pond. Instead, he pulled out an exploding tag and channeled just enough chakra into it that it exploded in a harmless puff. The flower scent was replaced with a smoky one.
Iruka calculated that there was about three hours left of daylight. Despite what he'd told Asuma, he was worried about their chances of winning. His entire team, minus Genma, had been caught once; they could be caught again just as easily. Asuma was already gone, as well as the mystery nin. As he continued running he could hear Genma and Raido moaning, so he could mark Genma off the free list as well. That left himself, Ran, Ibiki, and the four other jounin. The chuunin turned, and headed east. Where could he hide? He tried to think, but it was hard to do so while running full speed through thick foliage while mentally calculating the likelihood of being a prize for an insane shinobi. He chanced upon Ibiki, who was entangled with two snakes. Anko must be near. He stretched out his senses and located her quickly; she hadn't seen him yet, but he had to leave, now. He felt movement ahead of him. 'Damn, I'm trapped!' he thought. Anko on one side, Raido behind, and some jounin out in front. Suddenly, Naruto's face flashed in his mind. 'I hope this works,' was all he could think.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
Kakashi hopped toward the clearing where Anko was recapturing Ibiki, who had been freed with all the others by Iruka. When he got close enough to hear them actually fighting, a kunai whizzed past his head. He ducked as the small knife embedded itself into a tree, and continued onward.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
Iruka's vision was swimming and his head pounding from the impact when he transformed himself back into his normal form. 'Alright, maybe transforming myself into weaponry to escape detection isn't as ingenious as I thought. At least it worked, though.' He shook his head back and forth to clear his vision, and continued running. Only two and a half hours left…
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
A tree branch rustled in the clearing where Anko was currently tying up Ibiki. She didn't bother looking up; only an ally would make that much noise.
"What do want, Kakashi?" she asked, annoyed that he had intruded on her fun. She pulled the ropes around Ibiki's wrists tighter. He didn't wince.
"Yo. Need any help?" Lounging in his tree, Kakashi made no move to actually lend a hand.
"No. I've got this situation under control." She tugged at the ropes again. What would it take to get a reaction out of the torture expert?
"Then why the kunai? It's not like you to waste weapons."
"Huh? I didn't throw any kunai. I don't know what world you're in, but I don't need any weapons to take down an enemy." She looked back at Kakashi to flash him a bragging grin, but he had already disappeared. Oh well. She went back to tormenting Ibiki. She was sure she could get him to break before sunset.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
Kakashi backtracked to where the 'kunai' he had dodged had buried itself into the tree. Sure enough, there was no kunai, no indentation, no evidence that a kunai had ever stuck the spot.
'Dammit! Why didn't I notice it before?' Now Iruka was gone again. It had to be Iruka, he knew. Naruto would have told him about his triumphant victory over Zabuza (a version which might or might not include Sasuke's role, depending on if the fox-boy was feeling amiable at the time of the telling), which included his transformation into a giant shuriken. None of the jounin would have known the story, or would have thought to apply the technique to their style of fighting.
'I've got to catch up to that kunai!' he told himself. Unfortunately, that led his mind to thinking about Iruka's kunai, and what he would do to it when he caught up to it. That stirred up images from Icha Icha vol 12 (Ninja of the Night). He put his head in his hands as his inner pervert broke free. The thought of Icha Icha vol 12 reminded him of volumes 1 through 11, which only fueled the dirty thoughts more.
Ten minutes later, Kakashi finally reigned his train of thought back to his mission (which had nothing to do with Iruka's 'kunai', he told himself firmly), and continued his hunt. He had forgotten the occupational hazards of Icha Icha. Ah, the trials of his life.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
Iruka found himself with a larger lead than he had originally planned for. His frenzied thoughts calmed more with every meter he put between himself and the enemy. He needed a plan. Seekers were all around. That only left two places to go: up, or down.
If he went up, he could try to conceal himself in the thick foliage of the trees, or go above them. If he went higher, he'd be well hidden from below, but wouldn't have a place to hide if one of the ninja happened to look above the tree line. Up was too risky.
He could go down, to the ground level, or better yet, below. He wasn't an expert at burrowing techniques, but he could manage a passable tunnel (Naruto had done it, after all, so it couldn't be too hard). After all, he didn't need it to conceal him for any great length of time; there were only two and a quarter hours until sunset.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
Fifteen minutes passed by with Iruka lying on his back, encased in cool earth about four feet down. He hadn't had time to go any deeper and still make sure he was concealed properly and had enough air. It wasn't so bad, being buried, if one could ignore the bugs, the chill, the darkness, and the fear of suffocation. All right, he was willing to admit that it was miserable. He was itchy, tired, cold, and dirty. But there were only two hours left until sunset! He was going to win, and then it wouldn't matter what creepy shinobi had invited him. If he was feeling nice, he could use his night of ownership for a friendly outing. If he was feeling evil, or if the inviter turned out to be someone he couldn't stand, he could have them cleaning his house and doing his chores all night. Yes, right now he was four feet under and had bugs crawling through his clothes, but life was good.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
One hour and forty-five minutes. The silence was starting to get to him. It was weird, not being able to hear anything. His life was comprised of noise; he was a teacher, he took care of Naruto, he handed out missions to jounin. Total silence like this was unnatural. He began going through lesson plans again, this time focusing on how his students had reacted to his teaching them. He remembered how Konohamaru, during the lecture on 'Distracting the Enemy', had felt the need to demonstrate his version of Naruto's sexy-no-jutsu. The boy had been shocked to learn that his teacher had, in all the time he spent with Naruto, built up immunity to the jutsu. That afternoon, his classroom had been flooded with parents, who wanted to know why where their sons had learned to transform into naked women, and why their daughters came home asking when they would have boobies as big as Konohamaru's.
One hour and thirty-five minutes left. Iruka felt the earth around him tremble. Someone had just landed right above him. He could feel the footsteps, faintly, as he walked around on top of Iruka's hiding spot. The chuunin kept himself completely still. The ninja above him obviously suspected he was near, or he wouldn't have lingered so long. He focused on keeping his body calm.
A moment later, the footsteps ceased. Was the ninja gone, or was he just standing still? Iruka wanted to stretch out his senses and find out, but at this range, even the tiny amount of chakra it would take to enhance his sense of touch could be detected.
Two minutes passed, then three. Iruka relaxed a little. Being underground and not knowing what was going on above was making him paranoid. 'Maybe it's time to move to a different spot.' As soon as he could think of a new plan, he was going to relocate.
There were two hours and one minute left before the sun would begin to set. Iruka had been lying in complete silence for twenty-nine minutes, so the sound of a hand thrusting down right above his head left him paralyzed for a moment. It was a good thing, too, for the invading hand had stopped only a few centimeters above his nose. Light and sound were filtering through the thin layer of soil that separated the chuunin from his hunter. Iruka silenced his breathing; he knew better than to try to hold his breath- if the ninja stayed longer than the air in his lungs lasted, he would be left gasping for breath and surely be detected.
A shadow passed over him as he lay tense in his hole under the earth. He had to get out of here. His hunter might not be aware that his prey was right beneath him, but Iruka knew that the one stalking him knew he was under the ground somewhere nearby. The sensei slid his arms under his back and began forming hand seals. Any jutsu he used would alert the jounin to his location, but he didn't have a choice. He would have to act instantly if he was going to escape. He took one last silent breath, and summoned up his chakra.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
Kakashi knew Iruka had to be near where he was standing; he could sense him. The copy-nin was mildly disappointed that he hadn't caught him when he had reached underground. He must have been sensing a mole or something.
He got ready for an earth jutsu; nothing to hurt the academy sensei, just to shake him up a bit and lure him out above ground. He never got to use it, however. Before he could finish forming hand seals, he felt a flare of chakra right beneath him. The earth crumbled up under his feet, and he would have fallen into the hole it formed if he hadn't reacted with lightning reflexes. He examined the hole quickly. Sure enough, it was a tunnel, filled with traces of Iruka's scent, winding away underground. He couldn't follow from inside of it; Iruka would make the whole thing collapse as soon as he emerged. He molded some chakra and sent it to his foot, releasing it as he stomped on the ground above the tunnel. The four feet of earth between the tunnel and the surface quickly filled into the tunnel from the impact. Now Iruka would have to surface. The hunt was back on.
KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI KxI
By the time the sun began to sink in the multicolored sky, Iruka was too exhausted to even care. He had only avoided capture by running all out. Now, in these final, essential moments, his chakra was drained. He was filthy, sweat-soaked, and ready to just give up. His little shoulder-devil was telling him to stop. It was whispering horrible, tempting things in his ear.
'None of those creepy ninja are trying to sleep with you.' It drawled. 'Kakashi has to be the one who wanted you here.'
"He couldn't." Iruka mumbled back, too tired to care that he was talking to himself as he hopped from branch to branch. Every few minutes, he would turn and head in a different direction, trying in vain to throw off his followers. "He's never that straightforward."
'He gave you the invitation. He got a nosebleed looking at you. He showed you his face.'
"You're wrong!" he whispered, but his voice, hoarse with stress, lacked conviction.
'He sought you out to spend time with during the break. He's the one who's been tracking you, desperate to find you.'
"The whole team wants to find me. They all lose if I don't get caught."
'He wants you. So slow down. Let him catch you. You know you want to.'
Iruka slowed his rapid movements. It would be so nice to rest. So nice to stop running, get a shower, let Kakashi have his way with- 'No! He can't be the one who wants me! I'm just a chuunin, a lower class, boring school teacher.' He thought of his students, so innocent (he was too tired to realize that he had just thought of them, the children he affectionately dubbed 'the demons from Hell', as innocent). How could he face them if he just gave up and let some jounin have their way with him? How could he face his chuunin friends, knowing that he had lost the chance to prove that they could be just as good shinobi as the jounin?
Iruka felt one last surge of strength. 'Sorry, Asuma' he thought, 'You and Kurenai will just have to work things out. I won't lose!'
The newly inspired chuunin felt his pursuer drawing near, so he abruptly stopped. Kakashi, moving at a speed that made him look like a black and silver blur, sailed past him, carried by his momentum. Iruka dropped down to ground level. He pulled deep within his chakra reserves and managed to form a few clones. He sent his last bits of chakra into one of the clones, to make it flare as if it were the real Iruka. All the clones, along with the exhausted original Iruka, dispersed.
Iruka ran, stumbling over roots and shrubbery. As he passed into a clearing, he saw the sun. It was sinking lower and lower. He saw the bottom of the blinding circle disappear beyond the horizon. He had made it to sunset.
"I win!" he shouted, sinking down to the ground. He sat, slouched over, trying to catch his breath.
A pair of arms wrapped around him and pulled him against a rock hard chest.
"Gotcha." Kakashi whispered in the surprised chuunin's ear.
-------------------
I think this is my longest chapter yet. I'm sorry this has taken so long. Iruka just kept having to do more things, and the chapter just got longer and longer.
I won't tell you who won the game, so you'll have to tune in for the next installment. What I will tell you, though, is that the next chapter will contain some form of blushing profusely …sex. So it might take a while. I'll try really hard to make it not laughable (well, this is a humor fic, so not unreasonable laughable).