A/N: Did y'all watch American Gods? No?! Then get on that right now! Bryan Fuller is back, baby :D Admittedly, the show is more Hannibal than Pushing Daisies (although K-Cheno plays Easter towards the end), but if you're good with artfully shot blood and boinking it is one of the most enjoyable TV-viewing experiences of the year...

*exhale* Now back to our not-so-regularly scheduled programming.

Chapter 18: Vacancies

As the sun rose over Paris, Lily and Vivian retreated to their rooms like a pair of vampires that subsisted on red wine instead of blood. They were far too tired to see Gwen and Gene off, leaving Chuck to wake herself up and make her way downstairs.

The foyer was devoid of activity at this early hour, save for several dozen dust motes floating in the dim light. Gwen and Gene dozed in ornate tub chairs, and the receptionist could have been sleeping with his eyes open for all the awareness he showed.

Chuck shuffled towards them in her dinosaur slippers, her heart already heavy with nostalgia for the little time they had spent together. Before death she had been a social butterfly whose ascent was hindered by the needs of her guardians. And after, fate handed her just three people she could call friends. The Alive Again Adventurer almost forgot how much she enjoyed being with strangers. For strangers, she had discovered, were an adventure in their own right…

Chuck skirted a glossy wooden table to stand before the pilot and flight attendant. With an impish smile, she leaned forward and exclaimed:

"You're gonna miss your flight!"

Gwen and Gene jerked awake, blinking in bewilderment as Chuck sniggered.

"Don't scare me like that," the pilot grumbled, getting to his feet. His jacket was draped over an empty chair and she picked it up, tempted to try on a piece of the uniform. Chuck handed it to him instead.

"Captain, can you handle flying a plane on four hours of sleep?"

"Auto-pilot," he quipped. "Didn't I tell you it's great for naps?"

Indeed he did, she recalled, with another rush of wistfulness. The first time she ever flew.

"Well, unlike you," Gwen drawled, "I have to be on my feet." She gave her embroidered suitcase a little kick. "Being a sky waitress sucks sometimes."

"Yeah." Eugene clapped a commiserating hand on her shoulder. "Traveling the world for free is a tough job. But somebody's gotta do it."

Gwen rolled her eyes and turned to Chuck, flinging her arms open to wrap her in a warm embrace.

As Gwen released her, Eugene hesitated for a moment (a moment so momentary she might have imagined it) before reaching out to hug her with one arm. He pulled back, and kissed her cheek chastely, scruff grazing her skin.

Were her mind not otherwise occupied Chuck would have wondered if Eugene was the sort of person for whom kisses were as friendly and perfunctory as a handshake. She would have paused at the thought that she had not felt a touch like it since before she died. And she would have stuffed those musings into a box in the corner of her consciousness, leaving them to gather dust…

But as she waved off her companions, Chuck had already begun to mull over more pressing matters. Like the fact that Charles Charles was waiting to meet her, some twenty minutes from here, so they could decide how best to shatter the blissful ignorance of Lily and Vivian.

And that was all her mind had room for at the moment…

XXX

As young Ned tottered towards the looming Longborough School gates, some part of him knew that he would never see his father again, no matter what the man himself said. Once the facts had been boiled down and burnt into his brain like a botched caramel sauce, the truth remained that he was essentially an orphan. Over time he had come to accept this as his reality. A reality he was quite comfortable with…

Now, some 20 years later, the Pie Maker sat across from his father, not knowing how to process his presence. He was staring at a stranger, one who seemed rather self-satisfied considering he had vanished from the lives of three children.

"Do Maurice and Ralston know-?"

"No, and I'd like to keep it that way for now."

He had instructed Ned on how to clean up; how to incinerate and wash away all evidence of the crime (though it hardly constituted a crime in his eyes, seeing as Treadwell was technically already dead). What he had not told Ned was how to revert to normal life. How to pretend he had not spent hours mopping up blood and wrapping a corpse in tarp and returning it to the earth like some grotesque heap of compost…

"Um, excuse me? Mr. Ned's Dad?"

Ned blinked and turned to see Olive peeking out from behind the counter. He hadn't heard her come in.

"Can I get you anything? Cup o' coffee? Slice o' pie?"

"Sure thing, sweetheart," he said. "And please, call me Eddie."

He cracked a smile, the kind he had always reserved for pretty waitresses. Ned rolled his eyes up to the ceiling, then back down to the glossy tabletop, as Olive appeared in his periphery with a menu.

"Eddie," she exhaled, smiling so brightly it cut through the dim room like a neon sign. "Have whatever you want, it's on the house."

"No, not on the house," Ned protested. "He can pay like anybody else."

"But he's not-" Olive stopped, knowing full well how he would respond if she suggested Eddie was anything more than what he was. Instead, she said: "He saved your life. I know he wasn't there for you before, but he's here now."

Ned huffed and turned to glare out the window.

"It's all right, sweethear-"

"She has a name," Ned muttered through gritted teeth.

Eddie narrowed his eyes at him, clearly biting his tongue for a moment before he spoke again. "I'm aware. And I'm happy to pay. Lord knows you're gonna need the money."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means you're gonna have to change up your business practices. Profitable though they may be, you can't afford to draw any attention to your powers right now. We don't know who else is watching you, or how much they know. All this tells us-" he slapped a hand down on the dossier, the only remnant of their encounter with Treadwell – "is that they had a pretty comprehensive plan for selling you. Starting bid, potential buyers, shipping-"

"Stop, I get it," Ned snapped. "And I already retired my powers. After what happened with…"

The Pie Maker trailed off, wondering if his father knew what happened to the Poppy Temple People, just as he seemed to know how the Pie Hole had been kept afloat. But he did not much feel like asking.

Olive cleared her throat. "So...what'll it be?"

Eddie flipped the menu shut and handed it to her. "Coffee: black, with two sugars. And some apple pie. I'm in the mood for something sweet." He winked at the waitress and a giggle bubbled up out of her before she could stop it. Olive turned away with great haste, avoiding the eyes of the Pie Maker as she went.

Eddie watched her as he pushed a hand through his steel-grey hair, making it look even more windswept than before. The last time Ned saw him it was darker, Coca-cola colored, and hidden under a hat.

That hat (or one exactly like it, at least) sat between them on the table. Ned stared at it as he spoke:

"So why show up now?"

"...well, you were tied up in a shack about to be auctioned off by Treadwater. If I didn't show up then I'd be out of the running for Father of the Year." Ned narrowed his eyes, feeling almost offended at the attempted humor. Sensing this, Eddie glanced away and cleared the jocularity from his throat. "For what it's worth, I've been around. I come and go, but I'm always keeping an eye on you."

"Long-distance parenting," the Pie Maker murmured. "Interesting approach."

"I didn't have much choice," Eddie said. He leaned forward, hands clasped as if in prayer. "There were – there are – people trying to find me. And eventually they were gonna try and find you too. So I walked away, to keep you safe."

Ned cocked an eyebrow. "To keep me safe? You thought leaving me alone without any family, without any idea what I could do or why, would keep me safe?"

"You weren't alone. I had friends in high places; still do. When I wasn't watching you they were."

The Pie Maker rolled his eyes. How convenient. He never saw or heard from anyone that knew his father, and now he was just supposed to believe that they had been there all along? Guardian angels, protecting him from the Treadwells of the world…?

And why exactly were 'people' trying to find his father?

Before he could voice any of this Eddie said: "I never stopped thinking of you, kid."

It was as if Ned had been crouching at the starting line, muscles tensed, waiting for the pistol to go off…

"Never, huh? So you were thinking of me when you dumped me at that school and didn't write or call once? You were thinking of me when you got a shiny new family while you were still married? Did your 'friends' at Longborough tell you I ran away to find you? Did they know I saw you with-?" Ned's mind skidded to a halt, somewhat startled by the intensity of that long-buried memory. He stopped to take a breath, and when he spoke again his words came slow, measured. "You left me behind long before mom died. Don't try to rewrite history like I wasn't there to see it."

At that, silence settled over them like a scratchy blanket, crackling with static. Ned still had questions, but a flood of unfamiliar feelings were overwhelming him, rendering him speechless. It has been a while since he truly allowed himself to feel much for his father. But seeing the man now, he felt all the things. His brain was a defective radio flitting through stations…

"Here you go."

Olive had reappeared with his order and when she set it down she stared at him as if seeing him for the first time.

"That'll be $5.75."

Ned looked at her, noticed the polite, distant set of her expression, and all of a sudden he was able to hone in on one emotion: gratitude. He was grateful for Olive, who handled cranky customers and long-lost fathers with equal amounts of aplomb…

Eddie thanked her, his charming smile dim now. It brightened a little as a thought occurred to him. "Why don't you sit, sweetheart?" He was already sidling over to the window, apparently eager for someone else to talk to. "Tell me about yourself."

Olive hesitated, perhaps reluctant to intrude on the family reunion. Or reluctant to be caught in the middle of any awkwardness. Regardless, Ned followed his father's lead and slid over, making it clear that her presence was requested.

The waitress gave a wavering smile and sat down next to the Pie Maker, leaving Eddie on the other side of the table with his pie.

XXX

With a satisfied sigh, Emerson Cod put down his chopsticks and picked up his knitting needles. As he knit, he felt his thoughts drift, muscle memory taking over his nimble fingers…

The PI found himself mulling over the matter of children. Four children and their deeply flawed fathers, to be specific.

Ned and Eddie, who seemed to treat parenting like a chore, only done when it could not be put off any longer. Chuck and Charles Charles, who had abandoned his little girl upon realizing she was an adult capable of making her own decisions, even if they displeased him. Olive and Mr. Snook, a man so inattentive he did not notice that his only child had been kidnapped…

And finally, Penelope. Not forgotten, never forgotten…but put on the backburner, as Emerson threw himself into work, tumbling down the rabbit hole of Poppy Temple People and Blue Berets and dead again doctors…

In a way, it had been easier to tackle these mysteries than to solve the only one that truly mattered to him: where was Penny?

Was she, like the Pie Maker, wondering where her father had gone? Wondering why he had not yet found her; wondering if she would ever see him again…?

Emerson put his needles on a side table, folded the fluffy blue scarf in his lap. It was almost as long as she was tall, though the little gum shoe must have grown since the last time he saw her.

The PI picked up the phone and began to dial. It rang once, twice, thrice…

"Yo."

"This Teddy Robinson?"

"…who wants to know?"

"Emerson Cod, former brother-in-law and current father of your niece. We need to talk about your sister…"

A/N: Please do correct me if I'm wrong (on this and many other things) but I think the twins were around toddler age, say four or five, when Ned stumbled upon them. Meaning Eddie definitely had them while still married to Ned's mom? Lily and Vivian were right to call him a jackass...

Also, apparently Gina Torres played Emerson's ex-wife? She is a goddess; I can't believe I don't remember her on the show…