I do not own Final Fantasy. That covers everything that needs to be up here. Enjoy the recap.

Before I get started, I would like to tell all of you that haven't played this game that there will be spoilers. To most Final Fantasy fanatics, not having played this game is like a sin. It's fun ripping on these games, and I intend to do so. This is a warning. So…be warned…or whatever. No hate mail.

So…this is my very first recap of the first Final Fantasy ever to be released on the Playstation 2. There are a lot of new features, like retarded voice actors and voice actors, but I won't get too into that. Instead, I'll say one thing:

Auron and Lulu 4 EVA! …Sorry about that. Ten demerits to anyone that just threw their computer on the floor and stomped on it. Get over it.

Now, let's get started.

A quiet little piano theme plays while there is a yellow sunset in the background. There are three weapons on the ground: a sword, a staff, and…a ball. Let that sink in for a second. Done? Okay.

The group of characters is sitting on the ground, with morose expressions on their faces. One of these characters is some blue humanoid lion guy. They all sit around a fire, and there are a bunch of ruins in the background. I take it that they are all sad about something, and so would I…if I knew what the hell was going on.

One of the people, a guy with bleached blonde hair, black leather overalls, and some weird hoodie thing, gets up and goes over to a girl in a kimono or something like it. These two couldn't be the main male and female leads, could they?

Anyway, the guy in overalls put his hand on her shoulder. She looks at it with a look of disgust on her face, but there's this thing called a script, and she isn't allowed to scream or whack him in the head with something. Of course, the game designers must try to pass it off by saying that she's in love with him.

Since everyone is so sad, I realized that I must be somewhere in the middle of the game, and I get confused. Overalls walks up the hill behind the campsite. Then we get a close-up of his face for what seems like ten minutes. Square was trying to show off how great their facial expressions were, and I'm not impressed. He ended up looking like a fish. In a while, we might look at this game and laugh at how bad the expressions were. People may say that this is the best that they could do at the time, but I felt the same playing Final Fantasy VII. So there.

Overalls starts talking in a voiceover. "Listen to my story," he says. "This…may be our last chance." There's a lot of ignored ellipses in this game, so I'll just insert them for you, to demonstrate how retarded the people sound here. Get used to long pauses.

And that's the title. For once, Square didn't try to baffle us with the usually "exciting" opening scene, and I give them points for that. But then I take the back for being so fucking confused. I'm sure they'll explain this later in the game, like they always do. That was sarcasm, for all of you who don't know.

I'm tired of typing now, so I'll just continue later on. Maybe I'll get to Luca by the end of the week, if I'm lucky. Or I just won't continue, if people don't like it. Please, read and review.