I woke up the next day with renewed optimism. If my little scheme last night had been successful, then that meant Umbridge would be packing her bags soon. When I went to the Great Hall for breakfast, she was still sitting at the high table. That was fine though, I didn't expect it to happen so early, and it didn't dampen my moods.

In fact, I had that optimistic feeling throughout the day, even as I labored through yet another day of classes, this time including double DADA.

However, by the time classes ended, nothing had happened. It had been business as usual. In fact, the only change resulting from last night's events had been Umbridge moving the DA investigation down to number two priority, with number one now being the case of who spiked her tea.

This was a bit of a problem. Although Fred and George had done very little business with Slytherins, they had sold a ton of merchandise to the other houses. With so many students having bought stuff directly from Fred and George, it was only a matter of time before one of them snitched. I'd give Fred and George maybe a day. At most, two days.

What I had to do was buy them enough time till Umbridge got kicked out. After that, they'd (hopefully) be in the clear.

Ok, first things first, set the squad on a wild goose chase.

Sometime after dinner, I went to our 'headquarters', where most of the others were already gathered. Pansy was talking to Zabini and a sixth-year dude I wasn't super familiar with.

I noticed that there was now a priority number three as well; 'locate Montague'.

"Wait, what happened to Montague?" I asked Pansy.

"Disappeared," she said grimly. "We suspect that the secret group may be behind it, which would mean that they've found out about our investigation."

"Or that they're worried we might," Zabini said.

Ah… so Fred and George got Montague. They'd have pushed him into the Vanishing cabinet because he was trying to dock points unfairly, if I recalled correctly? So, I'll just drop by there later and pull him out.

"We also think that they may be behind the tea incident last night," Pansy said.

"Which would mean we're basically at war with them, at this point," Zabini said.

"Yeah and one we're losing," I said under my breath.

"What?" Pansy said.

"Nothing, I just said it's really cute how you two finish each other's sentences," I said.

They both blushed.

"Well, uh," Pansy said. "We also have a lead regarding the tea thing. Our intel suggests that it was someone from Gryffindor."

"Really?" I said. "Who was the source?"

"Uh, well… Peeves," Zabini said, rubbing the back of his neck.

I winced at that. Jesus Christ, did Peeves really snitch?

Not really a surprise, actually. What were the twins thinking when they trusted Peeves?

Actually wait, no, it was genius. They probably thought no one would take Peeves seriously if he ever snitched, which gave me an idea…

"And you believed him?" I said incredulously. "You actually believed Peeves?"

"Well-" Pansy began.

"Ah, save it," I said, shaking my head. "Luckily, I have my own source. One that's actually reliable."

"Who?" Pansy asked.

"Can't say, I'm afraid. Confidentiality was part of the deal, but it is a trustworthy source," I assured them. "They told me it was someone… from Slytherin."

"A Slytherin?" they both said incredulously.

"Seriously, is it that hard for you to believe that not everyone in Slytherin has the same opinions?" I said. "Anyway, I suggest if you're gonna investigate something, go with this lead."

"You're sure about this?" Zabini said.

"Yep." I responded. "I trust my source. Remember way back in our first year, when I caught Potter and his friends going to Hagrid's cabin in the middle of the night? When Hagrid had that little dragon? Yeah, this person was the one who tipped me off."

They both seemed convinced, so I turned around to leave.

"Wait, where are you going?" Zabini asked.

"The bathroom."

And with that, I left.

Why did I tell them the culprit was in Slytherin? Well, because that would be the farthest from the actual truth. I obviously couldn't tell them the culprit was Gryffindor. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw wouldn't fly either, since pointing a finger in their direction would have the squad breathing down their necks, and sooner or later someone would crack. By comparison Slytherin was the safest choice. For starters, Slytherin was so cut-off from the rest of the school that almost nobody from the House had actually done business with Fred and George, so very little information – if any – could be extracted.

What's more is that the Squad already suspected the culprit was from the DA. Combined with the info that the person was Slytherin, the first person they'd investigate would be Daphne. That was a guaranteed dead-end. No one on the squad would ever be able to get a word out of her. She'd run circles around them.

You'd think that that would place Daphne under Umbridge's radar, right? And that would be bad, right?

Wrong.

See, one thing that was already obvious was that Umbridge wasn't gonna involve herself directly with the squad. She just wanted to lord it over the school without having to do most of the grunt work. This meant the only real way she knew about what the squad was up to was via the nightly reports. Me and Pansy had already agreed we'd do it in turns, and since I technically hadn't done it last night, I'd make up for it tonight.

In other words, I'd just have to leave Daphne's name out of the report and Umbridge wouldn't be any the wiser, and I'd have bought another day, hopefully by which point Umbridge will be gone.

Y'know, when I stopped to think about it, this was a pretty convoluted plan just to protect the twins…

Ah, whatever. Anything to annoy Umbridge, I guess.

[…]

The next morning, I awoke in a relatively less optimistic mood. And Umbridge was again, sitting at the High Table during breakfast.

Daphne entered the Great Hall and sat down next to me.

"Hey, did something happen last night? Inquisitorial squad-related, I mean?" she asked in a low voice.

"We monitor the whole castle, plenty of stuff happened, Daphne," I replied.

"Yeah but, Pansy was probing me last night, so I thought…"

"…I just got the weirdest boner from that sentence," I said. This time I was ready for her incoming punch though, and managed to dodge it in time.

"Anyways," I said, returning to my breakfast. "Yeah, there might be a reason for that."

Apart from the fact that she deserved to know, telling her would also have the bonus benefit of her passing the info along to the twins at the next DA session, so I explained her all the stuff from last night, including that I knew who the real culprit was, but I also slightly altered a few details here and there.

"Wait why would Peeves tell you it was the Weasley twins, assuming it was actually them, that is?" Daphne asked in a low voice.

"Well, he didn't namedrop them, but he let slip that it was a Puking Pastille and I figured the only ones with the balls to pull something like this off would be the Weasley twins," I muttered back. "Anyways, I thought it was brilliant so I'm trying to cover for them right now."

I told her about my diversion. She wasn't entirely pleased.

"I get why you said Slytherin," she said, slightly irked. "But at no point did it occur to you that they'd come after me?"

"Uh, well it did, which was kinda the point…" I said sheepishly.

"You threw me under the bus!" she hissed.

"Keep it down," I said. "Also, no, it was more like a gentle push under a minivan at best."

"Ok, but why did you think that was a good idea?"

"Well because, frankly, you'd totally run circles around them," I muttered. "It was the safest bet."

"Well, obviously I'd run circles around them," Daphne said, smirking for barely a moment. "But that doesn't mean I want them bugging me all the time."

I suppose in hindsight it wasn't the nicest thing to do… in fact, I kinda felt like an ass now.

"Ugh, sorry, Daphs," I said earnestly.

"Whatever, man," she sighed. "Just, fix this mess. Tell them it's not me, come up with whatever story you have to."

"I will."

Well, with any luck, things would be changing soon, but just in case, I should probably start thinking up an excuse to clear Daphne.

Also, there was something that had been bothering me since last night. A weird sort of feeling, as if I'd forgotten something. What could I have forgotten?

Wait a second…

Oh, fuck, Montague was still stuck in that cabinet!

I quickly finished my breakfast and jogged out of the hall. The Vanishing Cabinet was on the first floor, if I recalled correctly. The cabinet was also broken, meaning Montague wouldn't be popping out the other end into Borgin & Burkes, instead he'd be stuck in a sort of limbo between them. He could either apparate out, or wait for somebody to rescue him.

And that someone was gonna be me. True, Montague did eventually manage to apparate out of the cabinet in the book, but that took him a while to do and he ended up in the hospital wing for weeks. That was kinda fucked up and I didn't want it to go that far.

Also, Montague was captain of the quidditch team and we had a match against Ravenclaw in 3 weeks.

Anyway, I arrived at the cabinet and opened it. We had learnt about Vanishing cabinets in the fourth year, and the method to rescue a person stuck inside a broken cabinet was actually really simple.

The inside was pitch black, I couldn't see anything. I took out my wand and muttered "Lumos," and stuck it inside the cabinet.

In theory, if Montague was stuck there, he should be able to navigate towards the light from my wand.

A minute or so passed before I felt something grab my hand. I pulled back, and Montague stumbled out the cabinet on top of me.

"Agh, Montague, get off me-" I wheezed but to no avail. He was unconscious.

I managed to free my wand arm and muttered, "Levicorpus." Montague suddenly rose into the air, as though suspended by the ankle by some invisible force. I got out from under him and led him all the way to the hospital wing.

Word got around pretty fast, and within an hour I had told just about every Slytherin how I found him. I had been passing in front of the cabinet and had heard muffled noises from inside that turned out to be Montague.

In fact, word got around so fast that Umbridge actually gave Slytherin a fat fifty points because of me, which may be the only decent thing Umbridge has done so far.

Anyways, the first half of the day dragged on pretty normally. But that would soon change.

After lunch, everyone began heading off to their next classes, but were stopped by a scream that came from the courtyard. A scream so loud it cut right through the chattering of hundreds of students. Everyone was silent for a few seconds, then began rushing towards the source of the noise.

"What was that?" I said, more out of instinct, since I already had a bit of a gut feeling.

"C'mon let's find out," Daphne said, grabbing me by the hand and pulling me along.

Everyone had gathered around the edges of the courtyard. At the center stood Professor Trelawney, who was an inconsolable, weeping mess.

"No, NO!" she shrieked. "This cannot be happening! This- this-"

"You didn't realize this was coming?" came the high pitched, girlish voice of Umbridge as she parted the crowd of students. "Incapable though you are of predicting tomorrow's weather, surely you'd have realized your pathetic performance would make it inevitable that you would be sacked?"

"You- you can't!" Trelawney sobbed. "I've been here sixteen years! Hogwarts is- is my h-home!"

"It was your home, until half an hour ago, when your Order of Dismissal was signed by me. Now kindly remove yourself from the castle premises." Umbridge said, a gross smile stretched across her face. It was sickening.

"Out of the way, Malfoy," a voice said behind me. It was Professor McGonagall, pushing through the crowd and rushing over to Professor Trelawney's side.

"There, there, Sybill," she said kindly. "Calm down, blow your nose on this… don't you worry, you are not going to have to leave Hogwarts."

"Oh really, Professor McGonagall?" Umbridge asked, taking a few steps forward. "And your authority for that statement is…?"

"That would be mine," said a deep voice. Students automatically scuttled out of the way for Professor Dumbledore, who strode elegantly towards the center of the courtyard.

"Yours, Professor Dumbledore?" Umbridge said haughtily. "I'm afraid you do not understand the situation. I have here-" she withdrew an envelope from her purse. "-an Order of Dismissal for Professor Sybill Trelawney, signed by myself, the High Inquisitor. And under the terms of Educational Decree Number Twenty-Three, I have the power to-"

"You had the power to dismiss my teachers," Dumbledore said. "But not the authority to banish them from the grounds. That power remains with the Headmaster only, and it is my wish that Professor Trelawney stay at Hogwarts."

"N-no, Dumbledore!" Trelawney wailed. "I'll leave and- and s-seek my fortunes elsewhere!"

"No," Dumbledore said sharply. "It is my wish that you stay, Sybill. Professor McGonagall, might I ask you to escort her back inside please?"

"Of course," McGonagall nodded. "Come on dear, up you get…"

Once they had left, Dumbledore turned back to Umbridge, who was standing there looking positively stunned.

"And what," she said through gritted teeth. "Are you going to do once I appoint a new Divination teacher who needs her lodging?"

"I beg your pardon?" Dumbledore said pleasantly. "Why on earth would you need to appoint a new Divination teacher?"

"Professor Trelawney has been sacked," Umbridge said. "Her replacement will require lodging."

"Ah," Dumbledore said, smiling broadly. "Thank you for reminding me, Professor Umbridge, I nearly forgot. You see, you signed Sybill Trelawney's order of dismissal approximately thirty-three minutes ago, correct?"

"That is correct," Umbridge said.

"Well, as of forty-two minutes ago, you are no longer the High Inquisitor," Dumbledore said simply. "Hence the order of dismissal for Sybill Trelawney is invalid."

An excited murmur broke out through the crowd. Umbridge looked like she had just been struck by a hammer.

"What- this is outrageous! On whose authority?!" she shrieked.

"Two nights ago, one of our cleaning elves discovered a Blood Quill in your office. As is protocol, he immediately reported it to me, and I passed the information along to the school governors. Just this morning they sent your order of dismissal," Dumbledore brandished an envelope. "Containing all twelve of their signatures, as well as my own."

Umbridge now looked as though she had been struck by Mjolnir itself. "Wha- no, impossible… the Minister will hear about this!"

"As far as the administration of Hogwarts is concerned, the Minister of Magic cannot overturn a unanimous decision by the school governors," Dumbledore said. "And in fact, I think he will be rather appalled to hear that his own appointed High Inquisitor has been found in possession of an extremely illegal torture device."

Umbridge kept babbling but without any discernable argument.

"Now, I suggest you leave the premises, Dolores," Dumbledore said. "You are making a scene."

And with that, he turned to leave but Umbridge yelled, "NO, ENOUGH! I WILL NOT LEAVE! I WILL NOT-"

Dumbledore turned sharply back to face Umbridge, who immediately shut up and seemed to shrink a little at the admittedly intimidating sight.

"Perhaps I was not clear enough," Dumbledore said, a quiet, powerful sort of anger emanating from his being. "Dolores Jane Umbridge. You. Are. Dismissed."

And with that, the whole crowd erupted into cheers. Umbridge yelled something in protest, but her voice could not be heard over the sound of Hogwarts rejoicing.

[…]

Later that evening the Slytherin common room was in a festive mood. Turns out most of us hated Umbridge as well. There were some die-hard Umbridge supporters amongst us, such as Pansy, but most of them had gone to bed early, leaving the rest of the house to celebrate.

Funny thing is, people didn't even question the fact that Umbridge had a torture device in her office. She was that foul that it didn't surprise that many people. If it did, then the surprise was drowned out by the joy of her getting sacked.

I sat in the corner, a smile on my face and feeling as though a huge burden had been lifted off my shoulders. Umbridge was gone at last, things were bound to get better now.

An idea popped into my head, something to boost the celebrations. But I needed someone to help me, so I walked up to Daphne, who was chatting with one of her friends, a very pretty brunette I didn't recognize.

"Hey Daphne, can I talk to you for a minute?" I asked. "Privately?"

"Sure," she said, as her friend giggled.

I took her to a relatively secluded corner of the common room where we wouldn't be as likely overheard.

"First thing's first, who was your friend back there?"

"Rachel Rosier," she said. "You should know her, she's in the same year as us."

"I have intentions of getting to know her, trust me," I said. "But that's not why I called you here."

"Mhmm?"

"Alright, listen, I have a plan to really, y'know, boost the mood in the common room," I said. "But I'll need your help."

"Sure, what are you thinking?"

"Okay, first I have to tell you that it's pretty risky if we get caught," I said. "Like, really risky."

"What is it?"

"Well…"

I explained my plan. She was not impressed.

"And how exactly do you plan on sneaking to Hogsmeade, not to mention getting back without being caught?"

"That's the thing!" I said excitedly. "I know a way!"

"Really?" she said skeptically.

"Yep," I said. "C'mon I'll show you."

Daphne followed me out the common room. It was only seven thirty, so we still had plenty of time till the curfew started.

We went up to the third floor, to the corridor containing the One-Eyed Witch statue.

"Here we are," I said.

"I may be going off the deep end here, but this doesn't really look like a way to Hogsmeade to me," Daphne replied.

"Well, it's not right now, we just need to give the password," I said.

"Right, and what's the password?"

"…good question."

I didn't remember the password, but it was written on the Marauder's map, so I took it out.

"What's that?" Daphne said.

"Uh… something special," I said. I took out my wand and pointed it at the parchment, "I solemnly swear that I am up to no good."

Daphne snickered, but went wide-eyed seeing the map.

"Woah," she said, her eyes scanning the parchment. "This is amazing! Where'd you get this?"

"I uh… got it for Christmas. From my father. He had it when he was at school," I said, talking straight out of my ass there.

"Can I look at this for a second?" she said.

"Uh, sure but make it quick," I said.

I watched her flip through the map, lingering on the seventh floor a bit longer than the others. She was checking the map for the Room of Requirement, most likely. Seeing that it wasn't there, she handed the map back.

"Anyway, the password should be written on this map," I said, pulling up the third floor. Sure enough, right where we were, there was a small note that read 'Hidden passage to Honeydukes cellar behind the one-eyed witch. Password: dissendium'.

I took a quick glance at the map to make sure we were alone. Sure enough, we were. The teachers were nowhere to be seen, and the students were all in their respective common rooms.

"Alright," I cleared my throat. "Dissendium!"

The statue shifted to the side, revealing a staircase that led straight down into darkness.

"So… this leads to Hogsmeade?" Daphne asked unsurely.

"Honeydukes cellar, specifically," I said.

I noticed she was looking a bit uncomfortable. "Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah, of course," she said. "Just a bit nervous, is all."

"Listen, Daphne, if you're not okay with this, then that's fine. You don't have to come with me," I said.

She hesitated for a moment. "No. No, I'll tag along."

"You sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright, great," I said. "Well, I'll take the lead then. Lumos!"

Just like that, we began our descent down the staircase, the statue sliding back in place behind us, so the tunnel was completely dark save for the light from our wands. There were about a hundred or so steps downwards after which it became a straight tunnel, which went on for at least half an hour. After that was another, shorter staircase leading upwards to a trap door in the roof of the tunnel. That was the secret entrance to Honeydukes cellar.

"Is that the way?" Daphne asked.

"Yeah, I think so," I said. "Okay, we gotta wait till the coast is clear-"

"I can hear you there!" a voice said from the cellar. "Yeah, you in the tunnel. It's alright, you can come on up."

I looked at Daphne unsurely.

"What do we do?" she mouthed.

Before I could respond the trap door opened above me, the owner of the store looked down at us.

"No need to be so covert, students come through here every now and again, we're used to it," the owner said.

"Oh… okay," I said, entering the cellar and putting my wand back.

"Yeah, it's mostly just those Weasleys. Y'know, the twins? Must be some party they're havin' up at the school," he said, picking up a few boxes and going up the stairs back into the shop. "And no, we've never told anyone, so you don't have to worry."

Daphne looked at me. "Well that makes this easier, doesn't it?"

"Yeah," I said. "Okay, so you buy all the candy we need, I'll get the butterbeer, alright?"

"Sounds good to me."

We both headed up into the otherwise empty shop. When the owner saw me heading towards the door, he stopped me.

"If you're going outside the shop, at least cover your uniform, for goodness sake."

"Uh, d'you have anything I could use?"

"It'll cost ya."

"Alright how much?"

"A galleon."

I fished one out my pocket and tossed it over to him.

"Huh," he said as he caught it. "Most students usually try to negotiate with me on that price."

He went in the back and came back with a dusty old travelling cloak that was three sizes too big, but that was fine, I only needed it for a short while. I left the shop, stepping out into the freezing cold, and began walking down the High Lane towards the Three Broomsticks.

When I reached the pub, though, I realized a small problem. Actually no, a big problem. Several of them, in fact.

The teachers.

They were all inside the Three Broomsticks.

That's why they weren't on the map!

Oh, fuck this could be bad. This cloak wasn't gonna stop them from recognizing me.

I quickly backed away from the pub in case they spotted me through the windows.

Okay, no need to panic, all is not lost. I can still go to the Hog's Head, even if it is on the other end of town.

The Hog's Head was thankfully empty. I walked up to the bartender, fricking Aberforth Dumbledore himself, and said, "Fifty butterbeers, please."

He stared at me impassively for a few seconds then grunted as he began pulling out bottles from under the counter.

Ten minutes later, I left the pub with four crates of butterbeer, stacked on top of each other, and made my way back to Honeydukes. Man, going from the bitter cold outside, to the warm interior of the shop felt so good.

I put the crates on the counter so I could return the cloak.

"Your girlfriend said you'd pay," he said as he took back the cloak.

"She's not my- oh, whatever," I said. As for me paying, I didn't really have a problem with that. It had been my idea after all.

"How much is it?" I asked.

"Forty galleons exact."

"You're not ripping me off, are you?"

"For that insult, I ought to charge you extra," he snapped back.

I gave him forty galleons.

"Keep the change," I said, then picked up the crates and went downstairs. Daphne was sitting on a stool in the cellar, a huge sack next to her full of candy. There were already a few wrappers on the floor around her.

"What took you so long?"

"Literally every teacher in the school was at the Three Broomsticks," I said. "I had to go to the other side of town to the Hog's Head. Anyway, let's get going."

"Wait a second," Daphne said. "Why'd you need me to come with you? I mean sure, having two people was bit faster, but you still could have done all this yourself."

"What do you mean, no I couldn't," I said. "How do you think I could carry all this stuff by myself?"

Daphne took out her wand and pointed it at the crates. "Wingardium Leviosa!" and the crates began floating in the air.

"Oh…"

How did I not think of that?

"Dumbass," she muttered as she enchanted the sack as well, and together we descended back into the dungeons.

Forty-five minutes later we returned to the castle. It was ten minutes past nine, meaning we had been gone for just over an hour and a half. The common room was still full when we returned, and upon seeing us with so many goods the house erupted into cheers. Like, no questions asked they just dived in. The rest of the night was probably the most enjoyable I'd had in Hogwarts.

Well past midnight, I went up to my dormitory and collapsed in bed. The bed was nice and cozy, the temperature in the dorm was just right, and the knowledge that all the celebrations in the castle tonight had been (sorta) because of me was exceptionally comforting. I fell asleep almost instantly.

Oh, and it was also Friday.

[…]

That night, in the Headmaster's study, Dumbledore sat in front of the fire, talking to Sirius Black.

"I had instructed all the teachers to keep a lookout for other students that may have had such scars," Dumbledore said. "Just in case there were any. But we had no luck."

"Couldn't you have just searched her office?" Sirius asked.

"Not without at least some evidence to back up our suspicions. With Harry reluctant, and with no other student subjected to the blood quills… well, you understand the problem."

"Right. So how did you manage to get her then?"

"She slipped up," Dumbledore said. "She left one lying on her desk. A cleaning elf happened upon it and reported it to me."

Sirius was pensive for a moment. "Any idea how Fudge might react to this?"

"I imagine he'll try to keep it out of the news."

"Naturally."

"But I do not believe he will try to reinstate Umbridge. He couldn't, even if he tried, since this was a unanimous decision by the school governors. No, he'll send someone else as her replacement, someone he trusts even more."

"Can't you pick someone?" Sirius asked. "I thought Educational Decree Twenty-Two said the Minister could only appoint someone if the Headmaster is unable to?"

"I'm afraid that only applies to teachers," Dumbledore said. "The post of High Inquisitor was created after that, with Educational Decree Twenty-Three, which stated that the appointment of High Inquisitor was solely the Minister's duty."

"Alright, but Umbridge was also the Defense teacher, wasn't she? You still need a replacement for that."

"Correct," Dumbledore nodded. "And in fact, I already have a candidate in mind, and I was hoping to hear your thoughts about it."