The headlights shining through the window brought the bookshop owner out of her daze and back into a sobering reality. She was about to kiss or rather be kissed by the beautiful woman sitting beside her amongst a pile of books while her girlfriend took the time to drive out to the country to visit her. Hermione had a rush of feelings and emotions and she wasn't sure she had time to sort through all of them appropriately. She desperately wanted to explore whatever was going to happen with the dark haired woman sitting next to her but she was committed to another woman. "Fuck fuck fuck," was currently running through the frazzled woman's mind. She looked over to her letter writing partner and saw a grin spreading across her face as she leaned forward slightly to carefully look out the window.
"So," she spoke with an underlying tone of amusement in her voice, "that's 'The Laura' then?" Bella raised an eyebrow before adding, "cute enough I suppose," and laughing at the afronted look on the brunette. "I mean, no. That's exactly what I meant," another cackle. "Didn't think I'd have the opportunity to meet her so soon."
"Don't. Please." Hermione hurried to stand up, reaching down to pull up the other lady. "Please just help me out here."
Bella scratched her chin pretending to think, "but I haven't decided on which books to take. I can't possibly leave yet. Should I exit out the front door? I can hold it open for Laura. Welcome her properly to the neighborhood and all." Another small laugh, "well what do you suggest love. You clearly want me to leave so am I to crawl out the window? Hide in the closet and wait until you have her preoccupied? Hmm? Which would you prefer? Or maybe you can tell her that you are already hosting another at your house tonight?"
Hermione was frantic. This was not how she expected the night to end. She wasn't sure what the other woman was playing at. Clearly, the moment they shared was over and her companion switched from romantic poet to sarcasm in the span of a minute. "Don't take this the wrong way but there's a fire escape out of the kitchen. Could you maybe…" she grabbed the older woman's hand and started to pull her towards the back door. When she opened the door, she turned and looked at Bella, "please. I'm sorry to have to ask this of you."
Bella looked out the door at the questionable fire escape then turned to look at Hermione. She dragged her finger up and down her own body. "Does this look like a fleeing down a fire escape outfit to you?"
"No, not really." Hermione sheepishly smiled. "I wouldn't ask if I wasn't about to have a panic attack."
"Fine," Bella mumbled. "I'll guess I'll go. Leave the books with my niece and I'll grab them at some point this week." She started to walk out the door and more mumbling could be heard, "in my 41 years I've never been asked to flee a girl's house before…"
"Bella," Hermione called after her, "I'm sorry. I wasn't ready for you to go."
"Well I can't say that I was entirely ready to leave yet but here we are," Bella looked over her shoulder, "so tell me…what do you want?"
She cast her eyes down, "I don't know what I want," she truthfully confessed.
Turning her gaze back down the rickety stairs, Bella quietly responded, "That much is clear, Alice. When you figure it out, let me know."
When the older woman was out of sight, she closed and locked the back door, closed the spare bedroom where the two tea cups were and ran down the stairs to open the door for Laura who just then knocked announcing her arrival. Hermione put on a smile and threw open the front door, "what are you doing here?"
"Surprise?" Laura said as she pulled Hermione into a tight embrace. "I missed you so much and had to come see you. This hug was all I could think about for weeks now."
Hermione sighed and hugged the other woman back, "I missed you, too." It wasn't exactly a lie but she also wasn't sure if it was entirely truthful anymore. Looking into the street the brunette caught a glimpse of Bella walking down the street. The older woman turned with a clear look of hurt on her face and Hermione knew then that her heart ached for her Red Queen. Shaking her head, Bella turned and continued her way silently down the street light lined street, the Christmas lights bouncing off her dark hair as she retreated into the dark night.
Laura stayed the entire week at the Rose and Hermione wasn't sure how she felt about the companionship. There was never a moment of peace when she was around. Always needing to be right next to Hermione, talking to her, snogging her or something else which currently the bookshop owner found to be rather annoying. These were all traits that Hermione used to love about the other woman. Sure, she was thankful for the visit and she loved that Laura was trying to maintain their relationship but the brunette wasn't even sure if that's what she wanted anymore. She honestly had no idea what she wanted and it scared her more than anything. Her girlfriend hadn't even been gone for five minutes when Ginny was bulldozing her way through the doors of the bookshop. She came carrying iced coffees and a large pizza. "I'm upstairs," Hermione called down to her friend who took it upon herself to head up. "Ginny. Help." She took an iced coffee and led her friend into the living room. After Laura had left, the brunette couldn't control her emotions anymore and broke down into a fit of tears. She didn't bother to try to set her face before the red head came in, it didn't matter. "I don't know what to do."
Ginny set the pizza down, opened the box, took a slice and handed another one to her friend, "start from the beginning. What happened on Saturday before Laura got here?"
"Well," Hermione sighed and finished chewing the bite of pizza she was working on, "Bella came over to get some books. I gave her a tour and we ended up in the spareroom." Ginny raised her eyebrows at the confession. "We were sorting through stacks
of books that I had set aside for her. She was opening up to me, slowly but still." She smiled softly but it turned into a worried expression. "And she was going to kiss me."
"Did you want her to kiss you?" Ginny asked, taking another bite of her food.
A sigh escaped the brunette, "I did. I truly did. I don't know if I was caught up in the moment of her speaking so poetically to me, or if it's this draw I have towards her, her love of the written word, or the fact that she's so beautiful it actually hurts but yes I wanted her to kiss me." Ginny was quiet waiting for Hermione to continue, "but then Laura pulled up and I rushed Bella out the back door and down the fire escape like some cheating criminal. She didn't even get to take her books."
"I don't think the books were the biggest disappointment of the night for her, Hermione." She reached out and gently put a hand on her friend's shoulder. "What do you want? Because to me it seems obvious but to you I'm guessing it's not."
"I've been with Laura for over two years, Ginny. Do I just throw it all away for a woman I barely know? I don't know what Bella wants. What if I end things with Laura and then Bella isn't in the same place I am."
Ginny fixed Hermione with a look and made the brunette scrunch up her face, "are you serious? She invited you to a bloody ball. She's been writing you letters, sending you secret notes in the margins of her books. She wants you Hermione and I'm pretty sure it's more than physical. What did she say before you kicked her out?"
"She told me when I figured out what I wanted to let her know," a tear escaped her eye to her surprise. She wasn't sure she had any tears left. "She also asked me to give her books to Dora across the street and I haven't yet."
"Do you honestly think Laura is your forever or are you staying with her out of comfort?" She shrugged her shoulders. "Hermione, come on. Listen to your heart. Is she your forever?"
The brunette slightly shook her head, "no. I don't think so."
"Well then…" Ginny continued, "seems like it's time to start thinking about what it is that you want and to cut ties with your toxic past once and for all. There's a gorgeous book nerd out there practically spitting poetry in your face and you are holding onto someone who shows up when she feels like it."
"I don't suppose you could just take care of all of this for me?" Hermione said with a smirk reaching for another slice of pizza and flipping on the television.
"I would be honored to dump your baggage and meet the sexy older woman but sadly," Ginny laughed, "I think this might be something you need to take care of yourself."
Hermione thought about the Red Queen. She was desperate to spend more time with her. If she closed her eyes, she could picture her sitting on the couch with Bella's head resting on her lap with her eyes closed while Hermione read passages aloud from their favorite books, fingers absentmindedly combing through endless black curls. The image alone was enough to wake the butterflies in her stomach, a feeling lost until recently. Yes, she decided, she needed to see her Red Queen. "I guess I'll take Bella's books over to the salon tomorrow and try to get something out of Dora though I swear the whole family speaks in riddles."
A bout of nerves flooded Hermione like waves crashing against a very pointy rock. She had no logical reason to be feeling this way as she stood outside of Magie Noire with a lump in her throat and rocks in her stomach. She always thought it was a peculiar name for the salon in the English suburbs but never really questioned it until she found herself unable to step through the front door. "You go in and hand the books over and ask for her address," she coaxed herself rearranging the strap of the canvas bag that was a temporary home for Bella's books. Nodding her head once in confirmed reassurance, Hermione opened the door to the salon and walked inside. The store has a darker decor, skulls, candles, incense burners, as well as lines of hair care products and colors lined the walls. There were even a few ravens around the shop. The salon was equipped with a normal amount of mirrors and hair cutting chairs, as well as deep sinks for washing and a few driers against the back wall. "Dora?" She finally spoke after drinking in the salon with her eyes for several moments. "Are you here?"
"Dora stepped out to grab lunch." A voice called from the back. "Take a seat. I'll be out in a minute." Doing as she was told, she took the seat on the other side of the check in desk, eyes wandering to the various skulls on the table with the hair portfolios, one marked Tonks and one labeled Andy. A woman of medium height came out of the back, tying her apron around her waist. She had medium shaggy hair black as night and a very recognizable face. The resemblance was very strong in this particular family. "Oh," she stopped in her tracks when she looked up at the woman sitting on the love seat. "It's you." Well that wasn't the welcoming greeting she was hoping for. "Hermione? Right?" She nodded. "So you are the one who has my sister hauled up at home acting like a stroppy teenager. Is there something you need?"
Bella's sister seemed less than pleased with her visit so she stood and took the books from her shoulder attempting to make the visit as painless as possible. "Why did Dora have to be at lunch?" She thought before she spoke, "I brought over Bella's books. She said I could leave them with Dora." Hermione placed the bag on the counter and took a step back. "My apologies that it took so long to bring them over. I've been a bit preoccupied this past week."
"Yes, I bet you have been." Andy moved the bag from the counter to the floor. "Bella has asked no less than five times if her books were dropped off. You really did a number on her. She hasn't shown interest in anyone that I can ever remember and here you come waltzing into your grandfather's shop,"
"My shop," Hermione kicked herself at picking that moment to speak.
The woman standing across from her narrowed her eyes and crossed her arm, "your shop. Somehow getting under Bella's skin even though you have a girlfriend and leaving me a very unpleasant sister in our home. I think it's best if you clear out." Andy pointed to the door. "I'm not sure what you are playing at but toying with her emotions isn't in the stars. Got it? She's a fragile individual and she'd kill me if she knew I was saying any of this."
"Please," the brunette said softly, casting her eyes pleading for the other woman to hear her. "It wasn't my intention to hurt your sister. I never meant for any of this to happen and I intend to make things right with Bella."
"What is that quote… oh yes. 'Most of the evil in this world is done by people with good intentions.'" Andy pursed her lips, "I think it's best for everyone if you just went back to being the shop owner who puts books in the bin every month." She turned and started walking to the back, "leave. Now."
Hermione stood in the reception area of the salon with her mouth open when the door chimed and Dora stepped up next to her, tapping her lower lip. "You'll catch bird shit that way, love." She shut her mouth, turned and left the shop.
Dora must have spotted the books on the ground because she ran out and stopped Hermione on the sidewalk. "Hey. Whatever my mom said, you should probably ignore it. She's stressed and my aunt isn't making things easy at home right now." She reached out and dried the tears that were threatening to fall down Hermione's cheek.
"Is Bella upset?"
Dora took a minute to think about her response, "she's not her normal cheerful self. Wait no. She's never cheerful so I guess she was just being extra grumpy. She has been waiting for her books. I think seeing the pile of books might help with her grumpiness."
"Is it my fault?"
Dora let a little laugh escape from her nose, "it's not NOT your fault. She hasn't said much to me other than your name and someone named Laura and a fire escape. And God I would've paid money to see my aunt fleeing down a fire escape."
"It wasn't like that," she sighed, "okay it was exactly like that. I panicked and didn't know what to do."
"Please tell me she was wearing her corset and long skirts as she fled like a criminal." Dora was shaking from laughing so hard.
Hermione just shook her head, "she looked lovely that night and I am sorry for any extra stress I caused your family."
Dora stopped laughing and her face turned serious in nature. "Do you still have a girlfriend?" It was as simple as that and Hermione knew it. She nodded. "Well therein lies the problem. My aunt fancies you. Maybe if you aren't interested in her like that, you should tell her."
"I think I might fancy her, too." Hermione blushed as the other woman grinned. "I just have to end things with Laura before I can explore my feelings entirely. It also doesn't help that I don't know how to contact your aunt aside from you. There's a letter in the books. Can you see that she gets it?" Dora nodded her consent. "Oh," Hermione reached into her pocket and pulled out a little slip of paper. "Here, it's my cell number and the shop number in case one of you in the family owns a phone."
As Hermione started to walk back across the street to her shop she heard Dora call after her, "just be truthful with yourself, Alice. Curiosity was made for you, love." When she turned around to question the other woman, the mad hatter was already gone.
Dora grabbed the books before closing up Magie Noire for the evening. Her mother was off to have dinner with her other sister so that left her at home with her aunt. She was confident that if anyone could pull Bella out of her funk that it was her, this bag of books and a secret letter from a certain honey eyed brunette. Unbeknownst to Hermione, they actually lived within walking distance of the shop. A few blocks away sat a large and foreboding three story mansion. Dora had called this place home for as long as she could remember so while it looked scary on the outside, it boasted a menagerie of happy memories on the inside. She entered the house through the side door that led into the kitchen and the back stairwell. This took her straight up to the third floor which was fully occupied by Bella. She rarely visited the third floor because she respected her aunt's privacy but tonight was an exception. The floor plan was open for the most part, consisting of a large living area with book lined walls, a black baby grand piano and a fireplace. Past the open living area, there was a hallway that led to many closed doors, the big black wooden one at the end of the hall was the one hiding Bella's bedroom. Dora stopped in front of the door and swiftly knocked, "Aunt Bella? Are you awake?"
"Go away, Dora." She heard clearly through the thick door.
"I have dinner for you," she heard her aunt grumble and added, "and something you've been waiting for from Alice." She heard feet padding across the wooden floor and a couple of clicks from the locks unlocking. She opened the door to see her aunt wearing a pair of black leggings and an oversized sweatshirt, her hair was in a messy top knot and she was barefoot. Grabbing her niece, Bella pulled her through the door and closed it behind her.
"Well?" She asked impatiently, holding her hand out.
"She came into the salon today. She looked like a right mess." Dora started the explanation on how her mother was the one to receive her in the shop and it wasn't the warmest of welcomes. "I caught her as she was leaving. It looks like she'd been crying well before mum got to her. She wouldn't say anything about her conversation with mum, she just kept asking how you were." Bella was listening with intent but started pacing and chewing on her right index finger. "She asked again how to contact you and then gave me her cell phone number and her shop number. I think mum might've told her we all live together but I'm not sure," Bella stopped, furrowed her eyebrows, shook her head and started pacing again. "She said she thinks she fancies you."
Bella stopped in her tracks, "a lot of good that'll do if she still has a girlfriend."
"I don't know how much longer she will," Dora said quietly, "look," she said handing her aunt the bag of books, Hermione's phone numbers and the bag with her sandwich in it, "she said there's a letter and she asked that I make sure you get it. Maybe you should give her a call. I think you both need to talk about some things."
Dora kissed her aunt on the cheek and made her way back out of the heavy wooden door. The older woman resumed her pacing which she had been doing a lot of the past week, the bottoms of her feet were aching from the abuse. She had spent countless hours thinking about everything that had happened since Hermione had moved into their tiny little neighborhood. Bella felt warmth every time she thought of the brunette. First it started out innocent enough, quick friendly letters and favorite book suggestions. Bella was content with this but it was the other woman who kept pressing for more information and it was her idea for them to meet. The magnetic pull she felt from the letters and books led her to invite the other woman to the ball and when they met, the mystery and enchantment reached new heights and it was like Hermione had placed her in a trance. She stopped pacing and walked over to her bed, climbed up onto the lifted mattress and folded her legs underneath her. She carefully pulled out the books that the two of them sorted the other night along with a few extras which were in a separate bag inside of the original bag. She pulled out the wax sealed parchment and it read:
Bella,
I am truly sorry for what happened last Saturday. I had the most wonderful time with you. It's always been a dream of mine to be able to share my love of books and writing with another person and it was so freeing to sit with you and sort through that stack of books. The sight of you sitting amongst the sea of books in my spare bedroom will forever be etched behind my eyes as I fall asleep every night.
I don't even know where to begin here. It was selfish of me to develop feelings for you when I am committed to someone else. When I moved here I was determined to make things work with Laura and some part of me will always love her but I don't think she's meant to be my forever. Am I scared to end a two year relationship with someone for a what if? Fucking terrified but it's not fair to Laura to drag her along when my heart isn't with her anymore. She just left for a two week work trip but when she comes home I plan to go to her and end things.
Honestly I'm not even sure you'll want to talk to me. Asking you to leave my apartment was the most awful thing I've ever done. I am sorry for treating you like you didn't matter when you clearly matter more than I ever thought possible.
I'm not expecting you to forgive me for that or to even want to speak with me again but I wanted to get your books to you and if you want to return to only having communication through the donation bin, I understand. I included two small books that I wanted you to have. One of them is a short story I wrote in undergrad and the other one is a collection of poetry that I wrote after my grandma passed away.
I guess that is all I have to say. I hope one day to see you again. You know where to find me.
Yours,
Hermione
Bella reread the letter three times over as she always had when the younger woman wrote to her. She brought the parchment up to her nose and inhaled. Smelling of lavender, vanilla and mint, it smelled like her. Bella's mind was racing. The girl liked her and had intentions of breaking up with her girlfriend. Did this mean she wanted to be with her? Or to continue their friendship? The older woman was out of her depths here. Maybe she would try to court the girl. "No," she said out loud. "That sounds fucking stupid. I could just ask her to hang out." She was content with that but the question was when. Did she wait until she broke up with the girlfriend or did she just suggest they continue hanging out as friends? Bella's stomach started to turn a little when the nagging voice in the back of her head started to bring up past memories. "Stop it, stop it, stop it." She yelled, covering her ears with her hands and gently rocking back and forth. "Not now. Not fucking now," after calming down, she pulled the two small bound books out of the bag. They looked as if they had been self bound and it made the older woman smile. "She put a lot of work into these," she thought as she found the one with the poetry, laid back and started reading.
Hours had passed and Bella managed to fill up Hermione's poetry book with post-it tabs full of annotations. She didn't feel comfortable enough to write in the girl's book so the post-its would have to do for now. The book was marvelous, more than Bella expected. She wasn't disappointed. "I need to see her. I could go to the shop." She looked at the grandfather clock in the corner of her room, "hmm. Midnight. Probably not the most appropriate time for a surprise visit." She thought some more, sitting up and finding the piece of paper with the phone numbers. "I could call her. She might still be awake." She weighed the choice for a few minutes before deciding that she was indeed going to call the girl. Even if she was asleep, she could leave a message thanking her for the books and ask her to hang out. "God that sounds so stupid." Bella scolded herself. "Don't overthink this. She said she likes you." She left her bedroom quietly checking to make sure nobody was on her floor and walked four doors down the hallway into her study where the phone was kept. Sitting down at the desk, she drummed her fingers on the desk a few times before putting down the phone numbers and picking up the receiver.
The phone rang a few times and Bella was surprised when a sleep-ridden voice answered the phone with a tired, "hello?"
"Hi. It's Bella. I didn't mean to wake you. I was going to leave a message."
"You didn't wake me," the brunette tried to clear the sleep from her voice.
A deep chuckle came from Bella, "you are a horrible liar, Alice."
"I'm glad you called," she sounded sincere and it made Bella's stomach do a flip.
"I got your letter. And I read your poetry book twice. I made some notes." She waited a beat to see if the other woman would speak but when she only hummed in response, Bella kept talking, "I really want to talk about the letter and I have a lot of thoughts and feelings I'm sorting through as well. I'm much more eloquent on paper, I assure you."
She swore she could hear Hermione smiling through the phone, "I think you are doing quite all right. I meant everything in the letter, Bella and I am sorry for that night. It was stupid of me."
"We don't always have control in the moment and the past is just that. It's the past. Do you maybe…" Bella felt stupid in advance for her next words, "want to hang out sometime?"
Hermione heard the audible sigh from the woman on the other side of the phone, "I would love to."
"In two weeks… or…" Bella was leaving the decision up to Hermione. She didn't want to pressure her or make her uncomfortable.
"Well. I was going to go pick out a Christmas tree for my apartment and one for the shop the day after tomorrow. I was meant to go with papa but he's been under the weather and I didn't want to drag him out in the snow until his cold clears up. Would you maybe like to accompany me to the tree lot?"
"I think I could be available for that." Bella was beyond thrilled that she wasn't waiting two week to spend time with her. She already set it in her mind that she wouldn't make any moves until the relationship was over but she could be friendly with the younger woman.
"I'll close up the Rose around five. Maybe we can meet here then go pick out some trees. Papa knows the owner so they will deliver the trees. We don't have to worry about bringing them back home. Then maybe I can make us some dinner and I can show you the new books that came in?" Hermione's sentence turned up in a question at the end as she feared she was coming on too strong. She quickly added, "or whatever we decide when we are in the moment. Let the stars guide us."
"Sounds perfect. I'll be there around 5 in two days' time. I'll let you go back to sleep. Goodnight. Hermione. Sleep well."
"Goodnight, Bella. Thank you for calling. I missed you," those were the last words spoken between the two ladies before the phones were hung up and the call was over. Bella sat at her desk smiling. She was genuinely happy at that moment. That night she went to bed truly at peace for the first time in a long time.