Sorry for the delay, but I doubt many people were hanging on, tooth and nail for another installment.

Chapter 3: The Training

After a discreet trip to Burger Kong, the only one in the group remotely normal, Gordon, had to go and carry all the food to a nearby parking lot. The crew was in the midst of the greatest game of Go Fish ever to grace the Earth. The One Free Man raised the bags of fast food in the air and shook them about like a dinner bell. Optimus Prime ordered Energon and fries, which strangely, he got. Thor asked for the blood of a thousand Anglos and a small hash brown, which even more strangely, he got. Ash ordered several cows worth of burgers, Snake had a craving for a Python n' Cheese meal deal, and Yoda had the Kiddie Meal, complete with a toy of himself. Thus lead to several minutes of hilarity. The G-Man…He doesn't eat.

"So, how should we go about this, training process?" Snake asked in between chomps. There was the general consensus that no-body really needed TRAINING, but some practice working together wouldn't hurt. But who was hardcore enough to train the Badasses of the Galaxy? Someone with military experience, but he would have to be so awesome there would be respect from even the God of Thunder. The group thought about it, and came to a decision. "I think we have found our man!" Thor yelled. "Now, we have a quick stop-over on Phobos to make."

"Bring it on!" The man yelled, loading another two shells into his double-barrelled shotgun before kicking a Cacodemon in the face. The pile of bodies was up to his knees now, and he was almost struggling to keep them back. But then again, this was nothing. Hundreds of Imps ran at him, but he slapped them back with streams of lead and his bare hands. Just after ripping a zombie soldier in half, he heard a massive "THUMP" on the roof. He kept on a' killing until a 20th century big-rig smashed a huge hole in the wall. Then, a small green Gremlin thing leapt around with a green sword, cutting everything into bite-sized pieces. The man almost blew it away until he noticed the fact that it probably just saved his ass from certain doom.
"Whoa, who are you and watcha want?" He asked while reloading his guns. A man in a fine blue suit entered through the massive hole carved by the ancient gas-guzzler.

"Hello Mr….Guy, we have a proposition to offer you."

And so the gang and it's newest drill sergeant, the Doom Guy, were treated to a first class ride to the Mojave desert, where they found an abandoned military complex, perfect for the tasks ahead of them. When they arrive, they all moved into the main base's courtyard and lined up. The guy began to pace as he looked at the troops.

"Alright you maggots, we all know you are good by yourselves, but we are going to have to work out collective asses off to get to a state of readiness for your upcoming battle." The marine continued up and down the line.

"I'm going to divide you all into teams. Optimus, Ash, and Yoda, you'll be team Alpha. Thor, Snake, Gordon, you guys are team Omega. We're going to have ourselves a little skirmish."

Team Omega's base was an old warehouse. Inside was the other teams objective, a original print of The Meaning of Life by Buddha H McGod.

"Lightning to Python, anything out there?" Thor calmly stated into his earpiece. Thor was scouting the rooftops, Freeman was holding position around the book and Snake had the dunes to himself.

"Nope, looks like--Hold on. I got a visual on the big truck guy…He's at your three o'clock." He reported. Thor promptly pulled a lightning bolt from the air and threw it at the truck. It smashed off the grill, blowing out the tires and sending the whole screaming mass into a side roll. It then climactically exploded.

"Well, that was easy" Snake said as he stood up, breathing a sigh of relief. Suddenly, a chainsaw came out of no-where and pressed against his throat.

"Move and you're dead, punk" Ash said, holding the super soldier in a death-hold. Gordon heard the altercation and ran out to help his friend. Suddenly, he saw at the corner of his eye a green flash of light. Freeman spun around and whipped out his crowbar. This started one of the greatest swordfights off all time.

"Python, Poindexter, do you copy" Thor, now yelling, announced. He leapt down and saw another 18-wheeler heading toward him. He grabbed another bolt and chucked it into the path of the truck, only for him to jump in the air, whip out a blaster, and fill Thor's tunic full of holes. This only mildly upset the God of Thunder, as a few seconds later he grabbed Optimus Prime out of the air and threw him into a brick wall.

This went on for several minutes as Gordon and Yoda beat on each other with various melee weapons, Snake and Ash were engaged in a deadly fist fight, made deadly because one of Ash's hands happens to be a chainsaw, and Thor and Optimus were breaking everything in sight on each other.

"Alright alright, that's enough!" The Doom Guy yelled as he jumped down from his 10 story observation perch.

"We all know you are too hardcore to affect each other, so just knock it off!" The squad finally stopped fighting as Ash got one final sucker punch in.

"Alpha squad, good work. Omega, let's see you on assault this time" However, the man of G had arrived unannounced and approached the gathering of collective might.

"I'm glad to see you are working together, however, time grows short, Metropolis station is in dire need of assistance." He said in almost a tired state. A massive blue portal opened up and the squad hopped in, ready for anything.