-1Note, all chapters of this story are written at 2:30 in the morning and while listening to the A-Team theme on a loop.
Chapter 5: The Mosh Pit
More of the massive, ugly beasts known as Xenos lumbered towards Winston Churchill. The Prime Minister simply laughed a hearty laugh, the kind you'd name a soup after, and unloaded into the advancing creatures. They hit the stream of lead and managed to block it, with their faces. About 6 or 7 just keeled over and went limp and the Brit went off in search of other targets. More popped up from the ground, aiming to rip him apart. All he did was toss down his guns and pull out his cane.
"Come feel the wrath of the British medical program" He yelled.
A few miles away, Bruce Lee was dealing out a platter of steaming hot justice. He vaulted into the air and landed a bicycle kick on one of the aliens. Another tried to grab him with it's claws, but Bruce just grabbed it's long fingers, swung it in the air, and broke it in half over his knee. Throwing the halves down, he ripped off and wielded one of it's razor sharp fingers like a sword and held it at the ready, preparing to tear everything a new one.
Batman was never born with special powers, he never got sucked into a radioactive treadmill, he never got bitten by a gamma ray termite. No, he's just the son of a rich philanthropist who goes around kicking the hell out of anyone who messes with his city. And now, the modern day Odysseus has a new tasking: Killing 20 alien behemoths before they tore him to bits. Quickly, he shot his bat rope underneath a Xeno's legs. It curled around and started to pull closer on the fiend. After about 20 seconds, he had a two ton morning star. With great effort he started flinging the beast around, smacking the rest of the hordes about and sending them flying. After his friends were gone, he let go and probably sent his battered and broken medieval flair into orbit.
The original Badasses were kicking ass so much they forgot to take names. Yoda, the Green Machine, had made his very own pyramid out of mangled Xeno bits. Doom Guy had found a berserker pickup a few minutes ago, there were no survivors. After firing several Stinger rockets into the Xeno horde, Snake decided to just Triple Combo all of them to death.
"Punch-Punch..Kick!" He yelled as be beat down another one of the giant beasts. Ash and recently begun making tree related puns while he lopped countless limbs off.
'Timmmmmmber!" He laughed as he removed the legs of a stunned Xeno, sending the torso, arms, and the rest simply flopping to the ground. Thor was in the air, tossing scores of lighting bolts down on the unsuspecting alien foe. They struck their targets dead on, usually sending them into others of their kind, leading to hours of hilarity. Optimus Prime had just crushed a Xeno's head like a paper cup when he noticed a Fusion warhead bunker left over from the original defenders. He grabbed a few of the powerful explosives and converted to truck form, speeding toward a crowd of monstrosities he saw earlier.
"FOOOOOOOOOM!" A massive eruption equivalent to 3.4 terratons of explosives ripped though the massive crowd of alien scum. Thousands were vaporized instantly, while others were melted into puddles by the heat. Instead of a mushroom cloud, it looked more like a massive dome, moving up and up and up until the top blew open, sending smoky debris all over the planet. Most of the Badasses were fine, but a few Vikings were turned into radioactive land-squids. They started slapping some of those Xeno punks about with their tentacles, further increasing they're badassity.
The battle was going well for the Badasses. The Space Marines and Pirates at made headway in the centre, while the giant ants being ridden by the cowboys were ploughing through the left flank. Gordon sat in his ops chair and relaxed, trying to think why the G-Man allowed all of these guys to be here if it was going to be a cakewalk. Curiosity getting the better of him, the doctor with a Ph.D in kicking ass walked over to the console with the long range scanner display. On it he saw the battle, but he also saw something else. All around the fighting was a black shroud. Maybe it was equipment malfunction he thought. Inside, he knew what it was, he just couldn't bring himself to say it. So, he got on his Christmas tree light signalling device and started flicking the lights on and off, hoping they were still watching.
Snake had just finished reloading his FAMAS when he noticed the light system Optimus had rigged up from Ops was flashing in Morse Code. He read it aloud.
"Large…army…of…Xeno….space…..ships?" He finished as the lights repeated. Snake looked up to see the normally orange sky being blotted out by a black should that had almost enveloped the two suns. He then tapped his Codec and got all the Badasses on speaker.
"Guys, we got a problem!"
The massive black blobs of pain were in fact hordes of Xenos clumped together to form an intergalactic vessel. Still cleaning up the remnants of the forces on the ground, which were down to only a few million, they all looked up and saw the ships break apart, sending what looked like and endless mass of solid black rain. Now, they saw new shapes appearing out of the black horde. Winged Xenos, slightly bigger and with huge wings that could easily envelope a school bus. They flew casually down up the Badasses, but weren't expecting some of them to fly up and meet them. The Mechs, Mechas, Wanzers, Vertical Tanks, Armoured Cores, Powered Suits, and most especially Megas, the giant robot piloted by a fat Jersey guy in a muscle car, all jetted up and met the flying monstrosities with a liberal spread of missiles, lasers, masers, tazers, flails, swords, whips, cannons, flames, rocket fists, maces, shotgun blasts and toothpaste in a hellish rainbow of destruction.
Thor had since joined the 'bots in the sky via using a lighting bolt like a surfboard and coasting up, then landing blow after blow with his massive hammer. Gordon had also activated the Autobase's defences, and started smacking the foes out of the sky with his network of turrets. Snake had grabbed two Stingers and launched deadly barrages on the creatures. Yoda had Force Jumped up and was now using Xeno's as springboards, bouncing up and slicing the rest into mulch. The Doom Guy, Optimus Prime, and Ash had built a ramp out of corpses and used it to send Prime into the air, carrying the other two. Ash leapt off first, holding the chainsaw above his head and then spinning around, creating the proverbial lawn mower of ultimate destiny. The Doom Guy quickly typed in "Noclip" and coasted around with dual double-barrelled shotguns, laying waste to all he found.
Bruce, Winston, and Batman were still cleaning up when they saw the rest of the ground forces start to retreat toward the Hex-Optimum building, which door had started to open. They rushed towards it, hoping to cut off their retreat. What the saw at the foot of the door almost made them stop…Almost.