A few days had passed since the debacle at the New Year's Eve ball. It took Bella an additional day to fully recover from the breakdown in the library. She was surprised to learn that she wasn't given any drugs and that she came out of it well enough on her own. Though she knew she wasn't completely alone during that time. A lot of her memories were fuzzy but she did remember that her Alice came. She came to the ball after Bella had lost all hope that she wouldn't return her affection after hearing everything of her past. Yet, she showed up, she saw Bella in the middle of a psychotic breakdown and she stayed. Hermione has seen her during one of her lowest points and still laid in bed with her and held her all night. "I don't know what I've ever done to deserve her," Bella admitted to her niece when she came to her room two days after the New Year.
"You've been yourself and my opinion might be a wee bit biased but I think you are pretty amazing," Dora laid in the bed next to her aunt. They were both propped up against the headboard as she went over the events of the ball with her aunt. "She was so embarrassed when we changed your clothes."
Bella thought for a moment and then her eyes grew wide, "I wasn't wearing any underwear, was I?"
"Nope."
"Did she see anything?"
Dora chuckled, "are you being shy? That's not really like you."
"Oh stop," she shoved her niece with her own shoulder, "you know I'm not a prude. I just hope she wasn't uncomfortable."
"She was the perfect gentle lady," Dora smirked. "Seriously, she was stationed at the top of your head. If I recall, she said something along the lines of not wanting to see something that she was entitled to see yet."
Bella cackled, "I guess we are both sort of skirting around the physical side of the relationship. I mean," she shrugged, "well I don't know if I can… well…you know yet," she looked pleadingly at her niece, "don't make me say it."
Dora laughed, "I get it. I'm sure if you mention it to her and the medication then Hermione will be happy to wait until you can both thoroughly enjoy each other."
"Probably but I suppose I need to see if we are still even a thing."
"What do you mean? She came. She showed up after everything. If that wasn't a declaration of love then I don't know what is."
"I guess I'm just not sure I deserve a happy ending."
"Aunt Bella," Dora rested her head on her aunt's shoulder, "nobody deserves it more than you."
"But why?" Bella closed her eyes and rested her head back against the headboard. "I'm broken. She deserves to be with someone who has all of their shit together."
"Nobody has their shit together."
"True but she deserves someone who won't fly off the handle at any given moment."
"You know it's not like that auntie," Dora looked up at her aunt. "The moment she came into the room, you calmed. It was the wildest thing I've ever seen. I'm not saying that you'll never have a breakdown again but I am saying that she helped you in a way I've never seen anyone do before."
"What about her? You are telling me all these things she offers to me but what do I have to offer in return?"
Dora's heart broke a little at the vulnerability in her aunt's voice. "Your love," was the simple answer.
"And you think that's enough?"
"Yes," Dora pulled out her phone to check the time. "It's almost afternoon. I believe I heard mum saying something about letting you leave today."
"I'm free?" Bella perked up. "Can I leave the house? I need to go to the bookstore."
Dora laughed, "I thought you might like that news."
"Should I take her an 'I'm sorry you had to see me having a psychotic breakdown in the middle of the library on the floor then have to change me and take care of me all night' present?"
"And what exactly would that be?" Dora asked amused.
"Umm," Bella thought for a moment and started pacing, "I don't think there is a present like that."
"Then I say just show up and tell her how much you missed her and how much you appreciate everything she's done for you."
Bella nodded, "I can do that." She walked over to her closet and pulled off her nightshirt. She quickly shimmied into a pair of black skinny jeans. After putting on a bra, she pulled a white chunky sweater over her mop of unruly curls which she threw up in a top knot. She finished her look with a pair of thigh high heeled boots and her over coat. When she came out she looked at Dora, "good?" but then caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She took off her overcoat and sat down quickly to throw on a little bit of makeup. "I look like fucking Betelgeuse." It didn't take much to set her face the way she wanted, "there less dead." She put her coat back on and turned back to Dora, "better?"
"You look great. Go. I'm going to take a nap," she snuggled down into Bella's bed.
"Fine." She pretended to roll her eyes, "just make sure to make the bed before you leave," she walked over and kissed her niece on the forehead. "Thanks for everything Dora. I love you."
"Love you too auntie," she yawned. "Tell Hermione I said hey."
Bella left the Manor and made the all too familiar walk back to The English Rose. It seemed like far too much time had passed since she had last visited. The closer she got the more aware she was that she had no idea what she was going to say. "Is that?" She squinted and then widened her eyes, "oh no. It's Henry." She gulped. She saw him notice her and then the two of them left the seating area. "Well that's not so reassuring," she shrugged and pulled her coat tighter around her. The store was open as she could clearly see the open sign but she still felt the need to knock even though it was awkward.
Henry opened the door with a big smile on his face that took Bella by surprise. "Hello, Bella. I'm just on my way out," he smiled at her and stepped past her. "It's lovely to see you again and you don't have to knock during business hours. You can just go right on in. Hermione and Squeaks are inside. I think Hermione stepped upstairs for something but go on in," he patted her on the shoulder and walked down the street. She watched him walk down the road a little taken aback by the casual conversation. Bella took a moment to comprehend that Hermione's grandfather acted as if nothing had changed. There was no way she didn't fill Henry in on the details of everything that had transpired yet he treated her like a regular person. She made a mental note to thank him later for that but also for being her first real friend. Hermione was lucky to have someone that supportive in her life.
"Hello?" She called out as she tentatively entered the shop. The first greeter was Squeaks who came out from another room, charging head first into Bella's leg. She began purring and rubbing up against her. "Well," she bent down and scooped up the kitten who immediately started batting at a strand of dark curls that had fallen from her bun, "I've missed you too, ma'am." She kissed the kitten on her forehead and went to put her down when Squeaks meowed loudly in protest, "okay. Sorry to have assumed we were through here," the dark haired woman laughed. "Let's go have a seat then, shall we?" She went over and sat down by the windows, setting the kitten down in her lap. She immediately started circling until she found the exact spot to curl up on. Bella pet her softly, Squeaks immediately relaxed and fell asleep. "Hermione?" She called out, unable to move. This kitten already had her wrapped around her finger. "I'll be right there," she heard the younger woman call from upstairs. Bella was nervous, her heart was pounding faster than she ever could recall. She wanted Hermione to still like her and there was an inherent need to please the younger woman.
"Oh hello sir," Bella called out to the elder orange cat as Crooks made his way from upstairs and walked over, jumping up onto the chair next to where Bella was sitting. He laid down on Bella's armrest and started purring next to her.
When Hermione came down, she stopped and looked at the cute sight of Bella and her cats. "It would appear as if I've been missed around here," Bella chuckled. She looked up and her heart exploded. Hermione was standing at the bottom of the steps wearing a pair of jeans and a hooded jumper. She looked so cute and casual that a bright smile erupted across the older woman's face.
"Yes," Hermione smiled coming over to sit across from them, "they've missed you terribly."
"And you?" She looked up at Hermione with a playful smirk.
"I've missed you terribly, too."
Bella nodded as she scratched behind Squeaks's ear. "It's settled then, everybody misses me when I'm gone." The smile left her face when the events leading up until today came back to the forefront of her mind.
"Bella?" She noticed the change on her face, "are you okay?"
A small smile, "I wanted to thank you."
"Whatever for?" Hermione looked confused.
"For not running out the library doors when you saw what a complete and utter nightmare my mind is," she averted her eyes. "I mean," she sighed, "I've never had anyone walk in on that before let alone stay and hold me, take care of me and make sure I came through the other side."
Hermione stood, walked over and sat on the bench that was built into the window, right next to Bella. "Hey," she said softly, "look at me." Bella shook her head no, "come on," she put her finger under her chin, "look at me." They finally met eyes, "it's all very simple. I love you. I love you so much that it scares me a little but I'm here for you. I'm not going to run away. I'm here." She saw the older woman's eyebrows raise, "I'm here for all of it. I mean I haven't really been in love before but I'm pretty sure it's an unconditional thing. At least it is for me. I'm not going to run when this gets tough and I'm here for you. For us. For this." She reached out and touched Bella's heart.
"And you've thought this through?"
"To exhaustion."
Bella sat back and looked past Hermione and out of the window. The girl loved her, truly loved her. "I guess," she spoke quietly, "I'm scared that I'll inadvertently hurt you one day and the last thing you deserve is another traumatic relationship experience. After Laura…"
Hermione stopped her mid sentence, "you are nothing like Laura. She wanted to hurt me and thrived off of the thrill of it. You want to protect me. You want to make sure I never get hurt again."
"It's the least you deserve."
"And it's what you deserve too," Hermione reached out and grabbed Bella's hand. "Maybe it's time for both of us to experience a healthy and loving relationship."
"It's been a long time since I've had one of those," Bella let a little laugh slip out of her nose. "I feel like we've had this conversation before."
"Something along these lines," Hermione laughed.
"After an episode like that, my memories can get a little fuzzy but I do remember you telling me that you loved me."
"No, not loved. Love."
Bella smiled, "I love you, too." She bit her bottom lip, "please just don't stay because you think you have to or because you feel guilty. I've been around a long time. I can handle it."
"I promise," Hermione slid over to the arm of the chair, "though I can say that I'm ready for whatever comes next."
"Is that so?" Bella raised an eyebrow.
Hermione reached down and picked squeaks up off of Bella's lap and slid down, getting comfortable on the older woman, she wrapped one arm around her neck and touched their foreheads today. "Yes, that's so."
Bella wrapped her arm around the younger woman's waist and rested her other hand on Hermione's thigh. She looked from the girl's eyes to her lips and back again and whispered, "can I kiss you?" Without answering, Hermione cupped Bella's cheek and brought their lips together in a soft kiss. Bella's arm tightened around her waist squeezing on Hermione's hip. Encouraged, Hermione added more pressure. Bella took the hint and opened her mouth, welcoming the new sensation as their tongue slid together in harmony. The hand on Hermione's thigh started traveling up in soft circles eliciting a small gasp from her.
"I'm ready for a new book," was heard as the door to the bookshop flew open. Ginny stopped in her tracks and looked over as her friend scrambled off of her girlfriend's lap. "Whoops. I didn't know I would have to knock during business hours," she smirked. "Should I come back?" She asked when Squeaks jumped down off of the chair and rushed over to the red head. Bending down, she scooped up the kitten and smiled, "you must be the mysterious letter writer I've heard so much about."
"You've already met," Hermione rolled her eyes.
"Once and for like one second while you were pushing me out of the door."
"Yes," Bella stopped up, "I remember you. Ginny. The very good friend since childhood. Right?" She held out her hand and the other woman embraced it.
"That's me. And you if I recall are the short, curly haired sexy book loving vixen." She turned to look at a blushing Hermione, "did I get that right?"
"Ginny," she hissed.
"Sounds like an accurate description to me," Bella shrugged.
Hermione groaned, "no. I mean yes but no," she groaned again. "Ginny, those are things you aren't supposed to say in front of the girlfriend."
"I'm guessing she knows how hot she is and it's my responsibility to embarrass you at any and all appropriate and inappropriate times."
"You sound like my sisters," Bella cackled. "I'm sure if given the opportunity, they would have a laundry list of embarrassing stories to tell about me."
"Oh," Ginny smirked, "well if you want embarrassing stories…"
"No," Hermione gave Ginny a warning look. "Is there something that you need, Ginny?"
"Well I was coming in to look for a new book recommendation," she held up the book she was returning, "but then I walked in and saw the two of you snogging and I got thrown off my game. I mean honestly, who makes out in the middle of their store in the middle of the day when anyone could walk in for goods and services?"
"Well you could've knocked," Hermione crossed her arms over her chest.
"That's ridiculous," Ginny rolled her eyes. "If you wanted to snog you could've gone downstairs or upstairs. Honestly anywhere but right by the front window would've worked."
"So," Bella crossed her arms, "what are you looking for?" She saw how uncomfortable Hermione was getting and knew it was time to end the teasing. She grabbed the old book out of Ginny's hand. "Oh," she looked at the text, "if you liked this book then let me recommend these," Bella walked around the front book displays and picked out a few books and handed them to the red head. "If these aren't for you," Bella walked over into the adjoining room and her sentence was cut off. Ginny looked over at Hermione who just shrugged her shoulders. "Then," Bella re-emerged with a handful of books, "maybe you'll like one of these." Ginny and Hermione shared a look. "What?"
"Why aren't you working here?" Ginny set the pile of books down and started shuffling through them.
"I don't necessarily need a paycheck," Bella blushed.
"Well you have very good taste and seem to be able to read people because everyone one of these books looks amazing. How will I choose now?"
"We could start a Ginny pile," Hermione smiled as she enthusiastically joined her friend shuffling through the books Bella picked out.
"A what?"
"Umm," Hermione tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and blushed, "since I started corresponding with Bella, I had been setting aside books for her that I thought she might like and I call it the Bella pile."
"Yes," Bella joined in, "we could start a Ginny pile. That way you don't have to choose. Just take one or two at a time. The other ones will just be waiting to get read eventually."
Ginny looked between the two women who were sandwiching her at the counter, "you two were seriously meant to be together." She picked two of the books Bella had handed her first, "okay I'll start with these ones and the others can go into my pile."
Ginny started to reach for her bank card when Bella stopped her hand, "no. I picked them out. These ones are on me." She pulled a bank card out of the front of her jeans.
"Do you always make it a habit of paying for strangers' books?"
"No," Bella shrugged, "consider it a very late Christmas present."
"That's a good enough reason for me," she took the cloth bag Hermione had put her books in after she had scanned them into the register and started walking towards the door, "okay I have to head out. Seriously think about what I said. Don't snog by the window. It's bad for business."
After the door closed Bella turned and saw the blush on Hermione's cheeks, "I'm going to go die now."
"Oh come on," Bella smirked, "it wasn't that bad. We were just kissing a little." She walked over to the side of the register Hermione was standing on. She pressed her body up close to the brunette and whispered, "there are far more compromising positions we could've been caught in."
Hermione gulped and closed her eyes. The smell of the older woman's shampoo was invading her nostrils and was sending warm feelings cascading through her body straight to her core. "I suppose that's true." When she opened her eyes she saw her girlfriend still standing in her personal space but holding out her bank card. "How is it that you can make the most mundane gesture sexy as hell?" She took the card out of Bella's hand.
"Hmm," Bella grabbed Hermione's hand before she pulled it away and brought it up to her mouth and kissed it, "do I?" She let go of her hand but didn't step back. "Am I distracting you from your work?"
"I'm thinking about everything except ringing this order up," Hermione blushed.
Bella walked behind the slightly taller woman and pressed her front up against Hermione's back. She brushed the hair away from the back of her neck and placed a kiss just behind her ear and whispered, "what kind of things are you thinking about?" A little gasp escaped Hermione's lips when she felt the kisses move from behind her ear to the back of her neck. Simple little kisses, soft movements of Bella's hands and Hermione was already squirming. Had it really been that long since she had sex last? She honestly couldn't remember the last time she was pleasured by anyone other than herself but she was dying from the attention she was currently receiving. Bella sensed the slight tension and backed up, "I'm sorry if I took that too far. You are just so adorable."
"No," Hermione put the bank card down and spun around to face Bella. She reached out and pulled her back in, holding onto her hips. "It's not that. I was enjoying that. Maybe enjoying it a little too much for the middle of the work day." She saw realization hit the older woman's face. "It wasn't too far and if it ever got to be too much I would tell you."
"Speaking of sex," Bella was a little less shy when it came to talking about those kinds of things. All those years in therapy really took the shock factor out of a lot of challenging conversations. She saw another flare of red across Hermione's cheeks. "It's been a really long time for me."
"Oh?"
"Well I don't know how candid you want to be here, love," she waited to until Hermione nodded for her to go on, "I had girlfriends prior to going to the hospital so there was sex back then. And then in the hospital and after, I would have moments with women where I pleasured them but I haven't been touched by anyone but me since the accident. So it's been a long time. I attribute that mostly to the medication but also to the fact that nobody excited me until I met you." Bella saw a hint of something cross Hermione's face. Jealousy maybe? "I haven't been intimate with anyone for a few years now. The medication made it impossible to even think about sex let alone the desire for it. That was until I met you." Bella looked away, finally feeling the uncomfortableness of the conversation sneaking up on her. "I want to be able to pleasure you the way you deserve and I wanted to want to do it."
"How do you feel about it now?"
"I want to have sex with you," she said matter of factly.
"But?"
"But the change of medicine takes a good month before it changes the chemicals in my brain. So, while I want to, everything isn't quite working the way it should." She turned her head, embarrassed.
"Hey," Hermione caught her eyes. "It's okay. We can take the physical side as slow as we need to. I'm in no rush. Well," Hermione smirked, "id say screw it and shut the shop down if sex was an option right now but I also want to wait until we are both ready and are both able to enjoy the experience." Hermione kissed Bella's cheek, "because I have a feeling making love to you is going to be a life changing experience."
"Playing to my ego?" Bella smirked. "A sure fire way to get what you want." She leaned in and brought their lips together, pressing their bodies flush against each other. She tilted her head and slid her tongue into Hermione's waiting mouth. The brunette melted into the shorter woman moaning at the sensations coursing through her body. She trailed her hands from Bella's hips and around her back, sliding them into her pockets and squeezing slightly, ripping a deep groan from the older woman. Bella pulled back slightly to take a breath and immediately started sucking a trail down Hermione's throat, stopping to nip at her pulse point. She felt the younger woman trembling so she held onto her tighter. "You are addicting," she said in between love bites.
"Bella," Hermione half moaned. "This feels," she felt everything Bella was doing to her and it was exciting her in a way nobody ever had before. "We should," she squeaked when Bella nipped at her ear lobe. "We should stop," she hurried to say before her vagina came up with other ideas.
"Sorry," Bella mumbled, resting her forehead on Hermione's shoulder, calming her breath.
"Stop apologizing. I want this and trust me, I want you," Hermione half laughed out. "I just want us to both be in the same place. So, we will take it slow. See how things go with your medicine and let things happen naturally."
"Must you always be so reasonable?" Bella laughed.
"When it comes to making love to you," Hermione kissed the top of Bella's head, "yes."
Bella took a deep breath in and Hermione was sure she was internally counting before she slowly let it out. She untangled herself from the brunette and took a step back, "so should we ring up Ginny's books?"
Hermione smiled and handed the bank card back to Bella and stepped aside, "here you do it. Maybe I could use some help around here a few days a week."
Bella took the card and went through the steps she recalled from that time Henry had left her alone in the shop. She ran the bank card and the order was processed. "Easy enough." Bella turned, "you'd seriously want me to work here?"
"I couldn't pay you."
"Well," Bella smirked, "I don't need money." Her smile grew, "but I could be convinced if I could have dibs on the donations."
"How about we go through the donations together and you pick out whatever you want."
"I think that sounds reasonable. When do I start?"
"You can just come in whenever you feel like working," Hermione smiled. "Honestly, we are the busiest weekend afternoons and evenings so definitely if you can swing those days that would be great and any other days you are bored or need an escape, come on over."
"You may never get rid of me. You know that right?"
Hermione's face lit up, "that's a risk I'm willing to take."