a/n: My 11-year-old brother invited me for a slumber party in his room tonight, which he does from time to time. Unfortunately, I stayed up until 12 watching an ABC Primetime special and he fell asleep waiting for me. I felt so bad that I just went ahead and set up camp on the couch in his room, where I now sit, writing this. I love that kid...sigh.

Chapter 5

I guess everyone is a little dramatic sometimes. I mean, for us little people, the perceptions we have are far more exciting than our lives actually are. It makes our lives feel meaningful, exaggeration does. Nobody should blame us for that small indulgence.

For some reason, though, there is none of that satisfaction this time. Maybe I've always been a bit too pragmatic and a little too impatient for that kind of stuff, but at this point I think a little drama might be the only thing to make me feel better about what I did.

If even that.

"Hiro, let's try it again."

Ditching that thought, I look up and nod at Suguru, going back over the chords in question and playing the role of "professional" all too well. You see, unlike Shuichi, I don't let my personal issues hinder my performance. I guess it's something I'm normally proud of, but now, all I can see it as is veritable evidence that I'm an insincere person.

Shuichi is a little tired and his singing is kind of weak today, but it's actually mild enough that, even though everyone notices, they all figure it's just the result of a sleepless night. Hell; as far as I know, that might even be the case. Thanks to his crap-for-brains, so-called best friend, he probably didn't get much sleep, lying awake all night instead and wondering what the hell is wrong with the world and who the hell he can really trust anymore.

Yeah, it's pretty obvious I have problems with what happened last night. Instead of getting frustrated, just admire my ability to act as if nothing happened.

Pathetic, I know...

After a relatively successful session, we ditch the recording studio for our "conference room" and laze down in various places. I choose my normal spot: the right side of the deep-purple loveseat (eventually, we got used to Seguchi's decor choices.) My eyes meet Suguru's curious ones and I smile quickly, looking away just as fast and hiding the bottom half of my face behind my hand, pretending to be lost in thought.

What, so maybe it's a bit obvious that Shuichi and I are not acknowledging each other at all. Hey, that's not my doing…well, not exactly. I figured we'd be avoiding each other by default and just went with it. Apparently, he did, too. I guess we shouldn't really have expected people not to notice.

Slowly, my gaze creeps over to the side and I catch Shuichi in my peripheral vision: Sakano is offering him some tea. Sakano. How nice for you (sigh.) I guess the producer is more welcome company to our singer than I am, now.

My mind wanders off.

"Hiro...did something happen?" I'm pushed out of my hazy state of mind when Suguru plunks down next to me on the couch. I blink dumbly and turn my head just an increment to meet his gaze again. I'm starting to feel like a spoiled brat, not wanting to talk to anyone.

I actually hesitate to answer...but only for a moment.

"Nope," I tell him carefully, and I have to fight myself not to look away. I guess I never noticed what an intense stare Suguru has. "Nothing happened." I wish.

God, would he only stop staring at me like that. The longer he stares, the more evident it becomes to both of us that I'm a straight-up liar.

"Look," Suguru starts, obviously WAY uncomfortable, "If you want to talk..."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Initially, I am surprised at how nasty that was. A snake would have sounded friendlier. "If it's not messing with my music, you shouldn't bother asking."

Hmm. Way to totally admit that something happened. Without realizing it, I shift my jaw around in aggravation. Still, I manage a polite "sorry I'm being an ass, but would you please leave me in peace" look. Suguru chooses to get all mad instead of leaving, but his anger doesn't seem entirely honest.

He looks away but still doesn't take a hint. I sigh noiselessly, and he turns back, staring at me again. His face has coloured, just a bit.

"I guess not," he says, sounding as if he has to bite each word out of his mouth in order to say them. "Sorry, for actually caring about more than just 'your music.'" He adds something else, quietly, but I didn't catch it.

With that, he gets up and leaves the room. I lean back into the couch with another sigh, closing my eyes in repose. After a moment to myself, I slowly open them and notice Shuichi watching me, at a loss. He looks like he wants to say something, but he won't. Probably. Maybe. Actually, it's possible that he might... ...Ah, who am I kidding? He won't.

We just stare at each other for a long time, and I only just realize that we're the only two left in the room. And yet, all I can do...is smile at him. He smiles back.

It's so damn fake that I want to scream.

I don't know, but why do I feel like I've suddenly become the antagonist in this story? I'm just so frustrated. I'm sorry, Suguru! Shuichi! Sakano (just because, for some odd reason, you're always the one most affected by our problems!)

I mean...my heart was broken. Not by Shuichi, but by me, myself...and let me tell you...that is the most bizarre feeling in the world. I gave myself false hope...tried to build upon a romance that had no base...you know...the whole enchilada.

Really, I need to get my head out of my ass. I need to find a hobby; I need to nip this burgeoning heartache in the bud. I need to get over it.

But, damn it! I can't.

...(lluvia)...

"Something wrong, Hiroshi? Did something happen?"

How I wish people would QUIT asking! Yeah, something happened, and NO, I sure as hell am not going to talk about it.

"Miss Ayaka," I smile so sweetly that I've probably given myself cavities, "It's so thoughtful of you to ask, but really, I'm fine."

She looks absolutely touched, but I know Ayaka; under that schoolgirl act is a horrifyingly perceptive woman. I mean, I wouldn't even be too surprised if she could read my mind.

Are we all stuck like this! ...Hell, I'm not gay. I just have a special kind of best-friend complex. It's hard to understand, I know. I don't bother with the details because people wouldn't get it at all...in fact, after all of it, I'd still probably be called gay! I mean, come on...I'm supposed to be too smart for these sorts of misunderstandings.

Admittedly, though, intelligence never associated directly with the ability to start a romance. It certainly doesn't now, and definitely not in my case.

"Shuichi is okay, isn't he?" She asks, and I'd be more annoyed if she hadn't said it with such an unassuming voice. I swear she does that on purpose.

"Of course," I say. Maybe it's a lie, but I don't really know at this point. "Why do you ask?" I'm practically digging my own grave.

Her brows rise up on her forehead delicately, and she watches me for a moment.

"No reason," she says softly. Oh, God. She definitely knows something.

"So how is Yuki doing?" Another of Hiro's amazing attempts to change the subject. Of course, I couldn't change it from a delicate subject to one that I am actually comfortable with. Heaven forbid. Instead, I chose to bring up the one topic that never ceases to make me suffer (remember that thing about being dramatic? Yeah.)

Really, I might have done well with some non-prescription meds at some point, but I learned to deal with these headaches without them...somehow, the idea of being dependent on such a thing makes me uncomfortable.

Yeah, but, as proven in the past few days, I am way dependent on Shuichi. Even if I wouldn't admit it out loud, look how influential he is on my mood...

He's even gotten to my inner monologues. That hurts, man.

"Yuki?" Ayaka looks mildly surprised, but not shocked or anything. "Yuki, well...uh..." Her gentle features scrunch up cutely as she considers. I smile without realizing it. Despite maybe not being as interested in her as everyone thought, I still think she's beautiful. "He's back in Kyoto for a while. A family emergency, from what I heard."

I nod solemnly, humming under the pretense of actually caring.

"Oh, Hiro." She giggles, amused at my faked seriousness. "Shuichi must be having a rough time without his dear Eiri."

"Yeah, he is." I offer her a weak smile. I mean, what's the point of getting all worked up about it? Yuki is Shuichi's boyfriend, and that's that. Sure, I'll probably try to make Yuki look like the bad guy from time to time, but who's the one who just had to wedge his way between the happy lovers? Me. I guess they really are the perfect couple. Yuki doesn't fawn over Shuichi; in fact, he walks quite near abusive sometimes, but that's what makes their relationship so real.

And here is the friend who always supported them for their happiness and one day just...sabotaged it all.

"Sabotage...what?" Ayaka gazes at me, a bit perplexed.

I, lost in thought, don't answer; I don't even look at her. I could remind myself to stop thinking aloud again, but I know I'll end up forgetting again, regardless.

...Now that I think about it, who ever really likes the "other" character, anyway? I guess there really is a reason that the third person always ends up with nobody by his side.

"I'm sorry, Ayaka." I grin gently, as a docile dreamer would. "I'm out of my head today. Hope I'm not bothering you too much." She smiles back, the purest form of affection in her eyes.

"Not at all."

Well...

Nobody who matters, anyway.

a/n: Yeah, this is an amazingly sloooow story. xD Anyway, thanks for sticking it out with me. I'll try to make something interesting happen next time.